In this call‑in episode of the Love Life show, host Matthew AI talks with caller Sarah, who wonders whether introverted or shy women can attract men without changing their nature. Matthew affirms that introversion can be a beautiful, desirable quality, but warns against using the label as an excuse to stay hidden. He explains the difference between shyness (insecurity) and introversion (energy renewal from solitude) and stresses that relationships thrive on a balance of “light and shade.” He outlines what many men look for: a reliable, connected partner who also brings excitement, hobbies, and passion. Matthew advises Sarah to step out of her comfort zone briefly—adopting extroverted behaviors long enough to meet potential partners—while still honoring her introverted nature. He cautions against labeling oneself too narrowly, encourages flexibility, and suggests practical ways for introverted women to engage socially (e.g., trying new activities, being open to occasional outings). The conversation ends with a reminder that men seek a blend of quiet and lively traits, and that authentic connection comes from becoming the full version of oneself rather than hiding behind fears.
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Matthew Hussie here with Love Life. We have another caller on the line today. That caller is Sarah. Sarah, are you there?
Yes, I'm here.
Hi, it's good to speak to you. How are you?
Good. How are you?
I'm great. I'm great. I'm all the better for you having called in. Awesome. What question did you have today? I would love to know.
So I listened to your show and then your YouTube and I read your book and all of that. You're always talking about ways to put yourself out there, be more outgoing, overcome more introverted qualities in order to attract men. But my question is, are there any men out there that are attracted to maybe more introverted women? Is there a way to work with being introverted or is being just naturally more private, reserved, introverted, just undesirable in general?
Well, I think being introverted can actually be an extraordinarily beautiful quality. You wouldn't want, you know, I think we all want light and shade in life, don't we? Sometimes we want someone who's introverted, who is a little, you know, has their quieter moments and can sit with us and do something that doesn't involve being out there and being around people all the time. But other times we want that person who will pull us pull us out of our shell. A little bit. So I think the reality is, I mean, when you think of the type of man you want, Sarah, what is it you want? Describe to me the man that you want.
What I look for personally is just that best friend connection. Like, you're just connected with that person. They bring out the best in you.
Mm-. Anything else?
Like, what I look for. Someone who's reliable, someone who's always there.
What else?
I guess that's it. That's what I look for. It's usually just a connection.
So he's just connected to you? Does he have to have any level of excitement or spontaneity? Or does he need to be adventurous at all? What else does he have to have? Yeah, so... Because right now he sounds like a really boring friend.
He should want to try new things and have hobbies and be excited about what he does, be passionate about what he does in life.
So, here's the thing. You want many different things in the guy that you're looking for. The guy you're looking for also wants many different things in you. And he wants you to be more than one thing. Right, and I believe you're much more than just someone who's reserved and introverted and shy. By the way, shy and introverted, two very different things. Yeah. Shy implies some level of insecurity. Being introvert, it is someone who feels more replenished being in their own company than being around other people. They're people who look inward with their thoughts instead of having to share them and connect with them all the time. But that doesn't have to define you. I would have called myself an introvert for much of my life. I'm someone who is very comfortable in my own space. I didn't really love to go to places where there were tons of crowds and it was loud. An introvert always sees everything, every loud environment feels obnoxious to an introvert. But the truth is, there are times in your life where you've enjoyed those types of environments. It may not have been all of your life, but you can think of some instances instances where you've enjoyed more extroverted moments.
Yeah, definitely.
So you can't just define yourself as an introvert because then you're in danger of just giving into all of your fears and insecurities and things that hold you back from the world. Now, does that mean that there are guys who don't like quieter women? Of course not. We match up with people who like us because we're either like them or in some ways different to them. You might have a guy who says, I really like Sarah because You know, I'm kind of loud and she's a little more quiet, but we just somehow connect on that. You know, she eases me and I bring out that loud part of her and it just works. Or you might find have a guy who's also quiet and you both connect because you both enjoy doing the exact same introverted things. You're not going to know that until you get out there and meet these guys. Here's the danger for you. if you label yourself an introvert and say, I have to find a guy who's into introverts, how are you going to meet those guys in the first place?
I'm not sure.
Are you going to meet them at home being an introvert?
No.
No. In order to meet these guys in the first place, you're actually going to have to go out there and be an extrovert for a moment. Isn't that crazy?
True.
Isn't it annoying?
Yeah.
I know, I know, Sarah, because I was the introvert who said, oh, I just, you know, I just, you know, I'm not like those loud, obnoxious guys. I just, I wish women would like me, but guess what? They never met me. So how could they like me? You might have to be extroverted for a couple of seconds in order to even meet someone who might be attracted to who you are internally.
Okay.
So here's my, here's my advice to you, because you started off by saying, you know, you have these skills to teach people how to be more extroverted. But, you know, are there any guys that are just attracted to the introvert? That's that, to me, sounds like you being lazy.
I don't know.
Maybe it sounds like you saying you've got all these techniques for me to better myself and to go out there and, you know, be a little bit better socially and meet people and whatever, but is there any way I can avoid doing any of that work and just have a guy like me anyway?
Well, maybe, yes and no. I mean, what if, like, I do put myself out there, I do use your techniques and I do have people pursuing me and then once they get to know me and then they kind of get confused because I'm so to myself that I don't know, maybe that's just an unattractive quality.
Well, I put it this way. I'm, I'm, I like, I, as I said, I like quieter environments a lot of the time. I like, I love a holiday where you just go away and read and don't even go out. I'm, I'm all about that. But if I was that 100 of the time, I wouldn't expect anyone to want to be with me for the rest of my life either.
Yeah, that's true. Right?
I, I, because I, quite honestly, if someone else was that to me, I'd be bored out of my mind, too.
Yeah, I mean too.
Relationships are about light and shade. And you can be the introvert that you are and at the same time have those moments of light and shade where you say, you know what, I can, you know, tonight I do feel like going out or tonight, you know, today I do feel like doing something a little more extroverted or today I feel more playful or louder than I normally am. You have to allow yourself that flexibility. to be different parts of yourself. Otherwise you label yourself in too narrow away. I tell you what ends up happening. You use the label of introvert as an excuse not to do anything you're scared of.
Yeah.
And that's not okay. It's okay to go with your nature, but it's not okay to start avoiding things you're scared of because of that nature.
Yeah, I understand completely.
So I. There. Of course, there are guys who are out there praying for a woman who's not like, look. Let's be honest, there are guys out there that look at that woman who's always loud and crazy and go, oh my God, she drives me nuts. I couldn't be with that woman.
Right?
So of course men are looking for that sweet spot, that person in between that can do both. That's the person that's really exciting. Not the person who labels themselves as one or, I'm always loud, I always speak my mind. No, you're annoying. That person's annoying. But the person, well, I just, I'm always very quiet and I just find people who are very loud to be so obnoxious and in your face. Well, you're boring because you can never be anything different. There's no change in volume for you. So we're looking for someone who can do both. That's the person that's really exciting. And of course you'll find someone who loves you for who you are. Of course you will. But you have to become who you are in order for that to happen. You can't sit there and give in to all of your insecurities and expect someone to love you for who you are when it's hidden behind all of those fears.
Right, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Beautiful. Sarah, thank you so much for calling in. What a pleasure. Thank you to Sarah. Thank you all for listening. If you want to call in and ask your question, call in to 844-204-MATT that's 844-204-6288 you8 can leave a voicemail and we will call you back for the show. Thank you, guys. Speak to you soon.
