In this 2014 video, Matthew Hussey opens with a brief travel anecdote about his recent Get The Guy tour stops in Toronto and Winnipeg, using the cold experience as a metaphor for the discomfort of awkward silences. He identifies self‑censorship as the core problem that prevents people from starting or sustaining conversations, likening it to writer’s block caused by overly high standards. Hussey advises listeners to deliberately lower their conversational standards, treating each spoken sentence like a draft meant for the trash can, thereby freeing themselves to speak without fear of judgment. He introduces the concept of "self‑publishing" in conversation—putting thoughts out there, even if they seem silly or wrong, to receive feedback and improve over time. When lacking knowledge on a topic, he stresses the importance of genuine curiosity and asking earnest questions, providing an example about the Mona Lisa to illustrate how curiosity can make any person interesting. The talk concludes with an announcement that his brother, co‑author of the New York Times bestseller "Get The Guy," will begin contributing articles to the site, and he encourages the audience to welcome him.
Chapters
Hello everyone, my 2014 Nians. New Year's is over. I've started the Get the Guy tour, which has been amazing. I went to Toronto for the first one, Winnipeg for the second one, where I love you guys, but it was so freaking cold. It felt like my face was burning off. The thing about traveling is you end up meeting a lot of new people. And in meeting new people, you always want to find interesting things to say to carry on the conversations. I often come across people who struggle with this idea. Whenever I think about people who have trouble keeping a conversation going or getting one going in the first place, I think about how they censor themselves too much. How they don't allow themselves to say the thing that's on their mind. I like to make the comparison with writers, because in writing there's the common problem of the writer's block. When the writer gets writer's block, why is that? It's because their standard for what they're writing is too high. In other words, if your standard for what you need to write is so high that it can never be good enough for you, you end up not writing anything and then you convince yourself that you don't know what to say, that you don't have anything that's interesting or intriguing, that you haven't got any thoughts and of course you have, you're just censoring the thoughts that you have. How do you get to be a better writer? You write more. I think it was Stephen King that said, Write for the waste paper basket. In other words, if you write for the trash can, you have no worries because you just write knowing that you might throw it away afterwards. I think people have to approach conversation the same way. If they can go into conversation saying, you know what, right now if my problem is awkward silences, if my problem is I don't know how to keep a conversation going, or I won't even go and talk to that person over there because I'm afraid that when I get there I'll have nothing to say, I have to lower my standards for what comes out of my mouth. I have to be prepared to say things that other people might think are ridiculous or silly or boring or embarrassing. Because what happens is when I talk more and I have more conversations, I learn what's good about my stories. my ideas, I get a certain testing ground for all of the things that I say. Christopher Hitchens said self-publish even in conversation. And I love that idea of self-publishing in conversation because it's like with every sentence you put out there, you're publishing another thought, you're putting another idea out there, a belief, and it contributes to the world in some way. And even if it's wrong, you'll get the feedback and that allows for a dialogue. Most people spend their lives self-editing what they're saying, not self-publishing, and they don't end up saying anything because they edit before they've even created anything. Now I know by the way that there will be many conversational situations where you feel like you don't have something to contribute because you don't know what you're talking about in that area. And of course the cure for that is to ask questions, to be curious. People who are intensely curious about life never struggle with conversation. You may know nothing about art but if you want to ask a question about art that can make you interesting. It doesn't have to be an original question, it just has to be a question asked in an earnest way. You could say to the art curator who knows everything everything there is to know about art. Why is it that the Mona Lisa has such a disproportionate amount of fame compared to the other pieces of work that are in the same museum, some of which are 10 times the size and look like they've required so much more effort and ingenuity, and yet that's the one that gets so much attention. That's seen as priceless. Even though it's not an original question, if asked in an earnest way, it shows that you're interested. and anyone who is around you who does know about art will be interested in answering that question for you because they'll feel your curiosity. That's it for today. Lower your standard of conversation in the beginning. I know that sounds crazy, but in the beginning, lower your standard for what you say. Self-publish liberally so that you can talk a lot and then edit later as you go through your days and weeks and years, you can start saying more interesting things. And in the absence of knowing a subject, ask about the subject. Before we go, I want to make a quick announcement. My dear, handsome, intelligent brother who happens to be an extraordinary writer has agreed to start writing some articles for this site and I am over the moon about it. I've been begging him for years to do this for me and he's been off with lots of other exciting endeavors. This is the guy who co-wrote the Get the Guy book with me. If you turn the page on the inside, you'll see it says Matthew and Stephen Hussey. An incredible writer who is in a massive way responsible for that book being a New York Times bestseller. So I feel very privileged that he's gonna contribute some articles to the site. I know you're gonna fall in love with him, which is great. Just don't forget about me in doing so. Give him a nice warm welcome. If we can make him feel loved, I'm sure he'll stick around a bit longer. Leave a comment under his article. I'll let you know when it's released on Wednesday. And other than that, have a wonderful day. My friends, I will speak to you soon. You know, we were talking about this, Jameson, weren't we? Having that input and that contribution and how much better it feels. I mean, you started to get it, right? You started to understand. It's the camera.
