How to Be Confident in Spite of Your Insecurities (Matthew Hussey)
Matthew Hussey says confidence isn't about fixing your flaws, it's about managing them. He breaks it into two things: accepting yourself because you're responsible for your own life, and accepting what you can't change. Your ingredients matter less than what you cook with them.
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Hello, we're back again, another year. This is the first video of a new year. We always start new years with this sense of hitting reset, don't we? There's a freshness to it. A new year, it's like taking out a new journal and beginning afresh on a blank page. I said to Harry, can we find a shot in the house somewhere where we can go where there's not Christmas decorations around me? And then there's a lot over here on this side as well. You were, you have not got the movement to do. And I thought, you know what? It doesn't matter. Christmas doesn't, the decorations don't suddenly go away, do they? Because it's a new year, they don't just evaporate. We have to then put the Christmas decorations away to begin the next year. Life is a bit like that, isn't it? It operates on a continuum. We all thought COVID 2020 COVID. Well, not really. COVID doesn't care about our calendar year any more than our problems do or our insecurities do. I like the idea that we write down on a piece of paper our New Year's resolutions. You know, I want to do, I'm going to be confident this year. And then all of a sudden, there's that little voice in our head that says, you do realize we still hate ourselves. Don't you? And you go, But why are you still here? It's 2021. Why are you still here? Because it's still there. That's what life does. It's just our problems continue and it's up to us to deal with them. Since life is all just a continuum, at any point we can decide to disrupt the patterns that we live by on that continuum. And now, the beginning of a new year is as good a time as any to do that, because we want.
To start living the life we want today.
We want to be happier, or more confident, or more at peace, or more at ease with ourselves, or more clear about our direction and intentional today, not next year, because we want the benefits today. That's the reason to do it right now, is not because it's the beginning of January, but because We want the benefits of change now. I have a clip that was taken from a video that Stephen, my brother Stephen Hussey and I did together that was all about how to be the most confident version of yourself. And I think that it's a wonderful time for us to release this clip. I know you're gonna love this. Check it out and I'll see you back here at the end of the video.
Hey Matt, I have a question for the podcast. I would be really interested in the insecurities that you have to struggle with because you are one of the most confident people here on social media and a great role model. And that's why I'm always wondering if there was anything you have to struggle with.
Do you, I don't know if I'm one of the most confident people on social media.
It's a big claim. Luckily, she said it.
So I would never, you would never catch me saying that about myself.
I, people do describe you as, you know, to me as like Matt's so confident in himself and you know, they feel like you're, you got it made.
Right. What insecurities? Why, I think I have all the same insecurities as other people. I think it's always the extent to which your insecurities dominate you.
Yeah, 'cause what is that then? If you've got all the insecurities other people have, is it just perception that you're perceived as more confident? 'Cause I think there is a, A level of confidence in you that many other people don't possess. But as your brother, I know there are things, you know, like all of us, there are things you think, oh, I'd like that to be a bit different about myself. Oh, I don't feel great in my body today or this. So what do you think that is? Do you think you just are good at overcoming those or, you know, not letting those define you how you're going to come across?
I think it's a combination of things.
It's you firstly, you do what you can where you can, right? So you work on your body to the extent that you can. Your looks, you work on them to the extent that you can. There are certain things that you do what you can with what you have. It's not being confident isn't about accepting the worst version of yourself. You figure out what power you have over certain things. We can all groom, shape ourselves, look after ourselves in order to look better and feel better. If we're talking about physical, for example.
Which is a major level of area.
Of insecurity for a lot of people. And then past that point, I think confidence can be a combination of self-acceptance and fatalism. self-acceptance in that you grow to love.
You know, you sort of love, you.
Know, we talk about this on the retreat. You love yourself because you're all you have and because you're someone that you're responsible for.
Right.
People don't love their kids because they're the best. They love their kids because they're responsible for their kids and because they want the best for them. So that's the self-acceptance part. The fatalistic part is the part where you go, fuck it. No matter how much I worry about this thing, it isn't gonna get better. Like it's not, it's not me worrying that I don't look as hot as that person isn't gonna make me hotter. So this is what I'm here on this earth once, and this is what I have.
Right.
So let me go and make the most of that and stop worrying that I can't, that I'm not as whatever as this person because I'm not. I'm just not. Like it's, there's certain things I'm never gonna be. And I think that when you get comfortable with that and when you get fatalistic about it, then you just go, well then I'll do the best I can with that.
Right.
And that guy is not better than me because he was born better looking. Or taller. Or whatever. Like it doesn't... That's like that's the lottery he won.
Yeah.
Right?
We won certain lottery tickets too. But it doesn't make someone better than me that they had different resources. That they were gifted different things at the outset. That doesn't make anyone better than me.
Yeah.
Just means that's what they got. so this is what I've got. What my my whole game in life is what can I do with that? And what can I do with that? This is what I got.
Yeah.
What can I do with it? Like that to me is what makes your life a work of art.
It's like, how can I play the game with these cards? Like, what kind of game could I play with these? Yes.
Like, I this is yeah. What art could I make out of the I've been given a it's like, you know, like in what are the shows like MasterChef or whatever, where they just get given like a handful of random of ingredients.
Right, right, yeah, yeah.
Like a bit of carrot, here's some cinnamon, here's some creme fraiche, here's a.
Bit of salmon, and they're just like, go for it.
They don't sit there for the next.
Hour that they have crying over the ingredients.
They ain't got, I bloody wish I.
Had some creme fraiche right now. No, they go, I've got an hour. I've got one hour to make the most of these ingredients. And how good of a chef I am has zero to do with these ingredients. It has everything to do with how I use the, I'm not gonna be graded on how good of a draw.
I did in the beginning on my ingredients.
That's not what MasterChef is about. Is it even MasterChef the show that I'm talking about? It's one of them. It's one of the shows where they.
Get given, It's one of the thousand cooking shows.
I'm not gonna get graded on, like, I drew the ingredients.
They don't all draw ingredients.
And then the show ends there and they go, well, Jonathan won because he drew a bit of steak and some.
Garlic butter and some asparagus and Jonathan got the ribeye.
No one's gonna top that.
Call it Jonathan's Drawn the Ribeye.
That's not the show. That wouldn't be a show.
Right. Right.
It's not roulette. It's the show is they all get given ingredients. Let's now see how great of a chef They are. That's life.
Wow.
We all got ingredients. We're not gonna be great like anyone worth talking to isn't gonna grade you on your ingredients. They're gonna grade you on what did you do with those ingredients? That's how that's now you're a chef. Be a chef. Don't be someone who's trying to draw a good hand. And even for me, even if no one thinks you, even if no one ever realizes what you did with those ingredients, you do. And that's worth noting, too. Go back and look at what you did with your, like, look at. If you want confidence, look at what you already did with a bunch of your ingredients. Like, what did you already do? What? Where have you already been a chef?
Yeah.
In your life and that you're not giving yourself enough credit for. Because if you look at that, you'll see you.
You.
We forget those really quickly, right? We forget really quickly the amazing recipes we have. put together.
Yep.
Because we just move on from that and go, yeah, but I haven't achieved this.
Yeah, because you're always looking at the meal that you haven't cooked. But look at the ones you already cooked. That's amazing. If I want to get ridiculously confident right now, all I need to do is look at the meals I already cooked. And then I'm gonna go, my God. And I cooked those meals with who I was five years ago. Or 10 years ago, I was a much worse chef then than I am today. And look what I already cooked. So imagine what meal I can cook today with what I have.
Whatever ingredients you find yourself starting with.
This year, don't judge the ingredients.
The ingredients aren't your art. The way you use them is. And by the way, if you want to use your ingredients to full effect to see what's possible for you, and I really believe that Our minds today cannot even conceive of what's possible, what our ingredients could become a year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now. When I look back on my life, no matter how big I dreamed, I know there were things that I've been able to do and create and make happen that were beyond anything I could have conceived of then. If you want to find out what is possible for you, in March I have my second ever virtual live retreat. We did it once back in October of 2020, it was a huge success and there were people from all over the world who attended my live retreat for the first time because they'd never been able to get to the in-person retreat I do in Florida every year. So if you're one of them and you wanna try my live retreat for the first time ever, come join us in March. I will leave a link right here and I hope to see you there. Thank you so much guys, welcome to another year. I'm excited to be on the journey with you once again And as always, I will see you next week.
