Tasha asks if a shy guy who greets her but won't ask her out is interested. Matthew Hussey says lack of initiative doesn't mean he's not interested. He suggests seeding shared plans like movies, then using a playful invitation: 'we should go' followed by a light challenge like 'popcorn or ice cream?'
Tasha, what's your question?
Alright, so there's this guy I like and it's kind of a difficult case I guess because he's pretty shy to most people but we've known each other through mutual friends and have hung out a few times in group settings and we've had a couple of playful interactions but lately I only see him at our young adult group at church and he says hi to me and gives me a hug and maybe we'll small talk for a minute but nothing really So I'm past that because the second that there's a silence, I freak away. So it doesn't really get awkward. But so my question is, if he hasn't showed any more initiative to like ask me out or for my phone number or anything, does that mean that he's not romantically interested?
It doesn't. It doesn't. Now I would be, I think anyone would accuse me of being too overly optimistic if I said, no, he's definitely interested. Sometimes men are waiting for a little bit more of a sign from you. So you might start talking about movies that you both like. And if he says, I really want to go and see that film, you go, oh my God, I've been waiting to see that for weeks. I'm dying to go see that. We should go.
Yeah.
But you can be certain about that. Don't do the whole, so do you maybe we should go together? You don't want to create the awkwardness. Instead, just say, oh, we should go. I actually have a nice little, a nice little line for this, if you want to know it. I mean, you can not tell you if you want.
Oh, no, I love lines, so.
Okay, so here's what you say. You say, you say, we should go. And then you say, wait a minute, popcorn or ice cream? Which sort of guy are you? And if he says, I don't really like popcorn, you say, oh, all right, you're uninvited. We can't, we can't do this. This is never going to work. If he says popcorn, you go, okay, you can come. I'm in love with this little structure of language because you're the one who said we should go in the first place, but it's almost like you were temporarily uninviting him until you knew if you lined up on the food you like at the movies. So it's this little bit of challenge that you introduce in a playful way, and it stops you from just being that person who he thinks is too too forward. Instead, it just makes you seem playful and high value. Make sense?
So much, Matthew. Thank you so much.
Oh, gosh, Tasha, you're so lovely. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you calling in. I hope to speak to you again soon.
