In this call‑in segment, Matthew AI speaks with Veronica, who is struggling after a breakup that left her ex‑boyfriend still providing occasional affection and communication despite stating he does not want a relationship. Veronica feels confused and wants guidance on whether to end contact or try to work things out. Matthew AI emphasizes that actions should serve a desired future, labeling the situation as hard rather than complicated. He advises Veronica to recognize the short‑term pleasure motive behind her continued interaction, to set clear boundaries, and to retrieve her ex’s belongings without drama. He introduces an "investment principle"—matching the level of effort you give to the level of investment the other person shows—and suggests treating the ex like any low‑investment contact: respond slowly, keep interactions light, and maintain a playful, confident demeanor. The conversation concludes with a scripted approach for meeting to exchange items, encouraging Veronica to assert her space while remaining warm, and to let the ex experience the consequences of her reduced attention.
Chapters
We have Veronica on the line today. Veronica, are you there?
Yes, Matt. Having a good morning? For you?
I'm having a wonderful morning. I'm glad to hear it's going well for you, too. What was your question, Veronica?
Well, I'm kind of in a little bit of a pickle. My previous boyfriend just broke up with me, but a lot of the elements of the relationship are still intact besides us not having a title and having exclusive time. I just need to know if I need to just So, to break it off fully or to kind of work towards it and maybe go a different route that I'm not currently doing.
So, you broke up with him when?
No, he broke up with me.
Oh, when was this?
This was about a little bit over a month ago, and I was really good the first two weeks. Um, we didn't see each other. We were still kind of contacting each other every single day through text message, through phone calls, something. And then this past weekend, we had a wedding that we had to go to. Um, we're both ready RCPs. We had to go. and he told me initially, like, don't read into this. I'm not open to, to date you anymore. But the whole weekend was nothing like that. It was very, like, we were back to being in a relationship and so forth. And since then, we've been having the same kind of communication. But I don't know. I mean, there's still no commitment involved.
But he said, don't read into this.
Initially, yes. He was like, he's like, don't read into this. I will go to the wedding with you, but please do not read into this more than what it is.
And then proceeded to behave like a boyfriend. Yes. Is it what you want? This right now, this kind of casual thing that you have with him, where there's casual intimacy or where there's casual kind of warmth and affection, but it's not resulting in any commitment. Is it what you want?
100% no.
Is it getting you what you want?
No.
So my philosophy in life is if you do something you don't want to do right now, it at least has to be getting you somewhere you want to go. Because it's not enough in life to say, well, I never have to do anything I don't want to do because we all know there are certain times in life we have to do things we don't want to do. But the question is, is this getting me somewhere I want to go? Now, if the answer to the second part is no, then we're really crazy, aren't we, for doing it?
This is true, yes.
So the only reason you're doing it right now is because of some short-term pleasure. Is the truth. It is.
And I mean, It's just it's so complicated. It feels complicated more than I feel like it should be.
I would say it's not complicated. It's just hard. I don't think this is a complicated issue if you really boil it down. But I do agree that it's tough. Look, here's the thing. This situation you're in sucks. It sucks so bad. Having someone who decided that they don't want to be with you for whatever reason, sucks. And the fact that you still want to be with him is a really difficult thing to deal with. The fact that he won't let you just move on easily is also really difficult to deal with. If only the people that were breaking up with us could draw a clear line in the sand and let us move on with the healing that we need to do. Only most of the time people don't, because they're far too worried about their short-term pleasure.
Yeah, and then I added one more thing in that case. I mean, I agree. I even told him, I go, please, if that's the case, let's just move on. He was like, well, it's not like everything shut off for me. I still care about you. I still love you. I can't get past these certain issues. So I just feel like I can't do this right now.
But think about this for a moment, Veronica. He can get past them enough to have a weekend of fun with you.
Mm-.
He can get past those issues in that moment when it's, there's a short term gain for him.
Exactly.
Is that some, is that a quality, by the way, you want in a person?
No, I'm saying not because you want.
This man, or at least you think you want this man right now, by the way, I would question even that because I, I know one of my criterias for a relationship is you have to want to be in it with me. Right. So if, if I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has decided they don't want to be there. That's criteria number one for me. So I perhaps would question how much you should really want to be with this guy. But let's get over that for a moment and say you still do. Do you want to be with a guy who has the selfish tendency to confuse you over a weekend by still giving you all of that warmth and affection and getting close to you in that way? Because I would argue that when he was doing that, he did not have your interests at heart at all. all. He wasn't trying to make you feel better. He wasn't trying to make life easier for you. Because if he was, he would have drawn a line there and not done the selfish thing of just trying to enjoy some short-term closeness for the sake of a weekend. Because it's all very well me saying, I don't want this to go anywhere, but I'm kind of trying to have it both ways. If I'm also with you trying to make sure that we have intimacy while I'm with you, does that make sense?
Yes.
So he's clearly right now he's being selfish. I'm only asking that you do the same.
I agree, I agree. It's just like even items being with at my house, I don't even know how to have that conversation in a nice, cordial way being like, well, you know, if we need to not have any more contact together, then we need to also Remove all the items from my house and everything. And we have a lot of mutual friends. It's just it's very difficult because we're.
Constantly stealing each other's lives. Here's what I would say. Okay. When you speak to him, don't make.
A giant deal of things.
Okay. Don't meet him and say, this is me giving you all of your stuff back and we're never gonna speak again. And like, I'm dead to you now.
See, like, tell me like how I need to start that conversation off. Like, I don't even know, like, how would even to formulate that.
So don't make a big deal of it. Instead, what I want you to do is just say to him, look, I have a bunch of your stuff still at my house. You know, why don't we meet up so I can give that to you? When you do meet up, be in a fun state of mind. Still be warm. Give him a hug. Tell him that, you know, you appreciate that he needed to do what he needed to do. But also, you know, you need to give yourself a little space as well. you know, you need to go and build your life and, and go and have some fun and, you know, maybe you'll talk from time to time, but, you know, you need to go and do your thing. And I'm sure he'll understand that. Or you say, you know, I'm sure you'll understand that. Let him feel a little bit off balance by your casualness. Let him feel a little off balance because he won't quite know what that means. And I was always told attraction is about keeping someone slightly off balance. Let him feel the unpredictability of you a little bit. And also, when he tries to get back in touch with you, don't have this like, you know, feeling of I must never ever talk to him. But treat him unimportant.
Like anybody else.
True, yeah. Like anybody else who texts you out of the blue, demanding that you respond to them when they never put any effort in the rest of the time. How would you treat someone like that in your life? Well, you may text them back, but you may take a few hours. You know, you may get back to them, you may let them know how you're doing, but you might not give them all the details. Why would you? They're not that important to you right now. You know, you treat them like you treat anyone else who doesn't invest in you. This is a man who has chosen to stop investing in you. Now, I know you think you care about him, and that means you should invest back. But base what you do on his level of investment right now. And when he shows you very little but expects attention in return, give him the amount of attention you would give someone who gives you very poor investment in your life. And let him see the effects of that. But do it with a smile, do it with a wink, do it with a playfulness, do it with a sense of you enjoying your life. And let him see that there isn't any coldness, there's no resentment, there's no bitterness. Let him see an incredible woman dealing with this who he's getting less and less of all the time.
Perfect. I tell just investment for investment.
All right. Veronica, it's been so good to have you and thank you for being brave enough to just be honest about it. I really appreciate it.
I am grateful for you. Thank you so much.
All right, take care.
Bye-bye.
Big thanks to Veronica for calling in. Big thank you to you for listening. If you have a question, I want you to call in to Love Life. The number is 844-204-62-88 that's 844-204-Matt I will speak to you soon, my friends. Take care.
