How To Get The "Player" Type To Commit To A Relationship (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Since you're watching this video, I assume you have already seen the video above it with this man Paul Janka on the Dr. Phil Show. Now I put this video here because it completely illustrates what I wanted to talk about today, which is what makes a player? Why does a guy become a player? What drives him to do it? And can he ever change? Now it's crucial to understand that in any part of our love lives, something that we must know is what drives guys at their core, because a guy who wants of course, a relationship is driven in a certain way and a guy who wants to be a player is driven in a certain way. And by the way, it doesn't mean that they're meeting different needs. Both guys can be trying to meet the same needs and I'll give you an example. The player type can be trying to meet needs for variety, validation, excitement, variety because there's all these different women and he gets to try all different things. Excitement because he gets to get the excitement of well it's always new and it's always fresh and it's unpredictable and who knows what's going to tomorrow. Who knows who I'm going to bump into today? And validation, because he keeps getting all these yeses from different people and he keeps affirming how attractive he is as a man. But take the guy who gets into a relationship. He's not necessarily any different. He could just get his variety from being in a relationship. I'm in a relationship right now. It's new, it's fresh, it's different, it's exciting. Who knows what's going to happen today, tomorrow? Yes, there's some stability and predictability, but there's also the unpredictability of, How are we gonna grow together? Where's this journey gonna take us? What are we gonna do next week? Where are we gonna go on holiday? There's variety and excitement there too. And validation too, because well, what could be more validating than someone you're deeply connected to telling you they love you, telling you that they want you, telling you they wanna be with you long term. So those two guys can both be meeting the same needs, but they've found different ways to do it. And the moment where a player decides he wants a relationship is not the moment where all his needs change. Sometimes his needs shift in terms of their priority level. In other words, maybe his need for variety goes down and his need for stability goes up. His need for real connection goes up. But it's dangerous to think too much like that. And here's why. When he gets into a relationship, isn't it true that his need for variety can come back up over time? Sometimes if it becomes predictable, the need for variety gets stronger. So it's not that the old needs leave him. It's that sometimes they have a reshuffle in importance. But as a woman, still the biggest priority should be meeting all of his needs. Because that way, even if he had the player type in him, now that he's in a relationship, he's gonna be excited about what that brings because it's still meeting every one of his needs and everyone's challenge. And by the way, I'm speaking to you women here today, but I would say the same to guys as well. The biggest challenge for anyone in a relationship is to show someone that they can still meet all of their needs in a relationship, but at an even higher level than they could than when they were single. And let me come back to this guy for a moment. This guy Paul Jankner. I want you to picture this guy. Harvard educated, tall, dark and handsome, the world at his feet, amazing guy to be around, charming, and you may not think it from the video, maybe you've got some opinions because of the context, but let me tell you something, the guy has a magnetism around him. Now, this guy, he goes out and he plays around with all different women and he has this system and this way of doing it and this drives him for a long time because it meets so many of his needs. But let me tell you something you don't know. There was a moment where this shifted for this guy. This guy is now in a long-term committed relationship with someone he's crazy about. So what happened there? What changed? How does the guy go from being that much of this player type to being the relationship type? Well, the truth is he was never just one or the other. He just met his needs now in a relationship. And I interviewed him for over an hour on this. I sat him down, I tracked him down and I said, Listen, Paul, I want to talk to you about this and I don't want you to be PC about it. I want you to give us the brutal truth about why you do these things and what shifted so that women can understand how to do this with other men or how to avoid certain men. and I talked to him and I said, you know, what was happening in the early days when you kept going through all these different women? He said they all made the same mistakes. Now, I'm sure that there were things he wanted to change about himself or things that did change about himself, but he said so many women were making the exact same mistake that led me to always think of them as people that I just wanted to play around with and not someone I wanted a relationship with. He said, the woman that came along and changed that for me was the woman who came and added genuine value to my life. And you may want to write that down, underline it, because that is one of the most crucial components in getting a guy into a relationship is, am I adding value to his life? And by the way, in more ways than just sex, am I adding value? So the big point, the big message I want to get across in this video is the key to men, if you want to know how to get the most out of them, how to lead them down the path you want them to go down, is to understand what drives them at a fundamental level. Because when you understand that, you'll know how to meet their needs, but you'll know how to meet their needs in the way that you want instead of the ways they're currently meeting them right now. Now, I said to you that on the 7th, i.e. this Thursday, there was gonna be a big announcement and there is. I'm very excited about it because let me tell you something, there are two types of people on this site. Two types of people ever follow me. The dabbler, the person that dips their toe in the water, watches the odd video, but never takes it any further. And the people who are here because they're serious about change, they've decided that, you know what, I want massive momentum in my love life. I want to do something extraordinary. I want all these results that you talk about, and now they want to make a decision to do it. Now the dabbler isn't always a dabbler by choice. For many of the people on my site, they're dabblers because I haven't been able to give them something that they can do from all over the world. So they can't come to London to spend the equivalent of $800-$900 on a seminar with flights and hotel and everything. It's just not been possible for them. So they've wanted to be more than the dabbler but they haven't been able to. Well let me tell you, I have something coming out on the 7th that is going to allow you, wherever you are in the world, to join me on an experience that's going to change everything. Here's why. I'm releasing my first ever comprehensive online program for people who want to just get this area of their life handled. They want to make a decision, make it happen, they want to do it now. They don't want to wait. They don't want to wait for another event or something to come along. They want to do it right now. So if you're one of those people, you need to tune in on Thursday. If you're the dabbler and you want to stay the dabbler, that's absolutely fine. You are absolutely welcome to join me at any point in the future and keep coming back to the site. But my fear is that Thursday won't be for you because that's for those people who want to make a decision and take it to the next level. Leave a comment under the video. Let me know what you think. Let me know what you think of this little insight into the male mind that I'm going to be giving you more of come Thursday. And by the way, I haven't responded to the last few comments on the last couple of blogs because it's been impossible. I've been traveling, I've been meetings, it's been crazy. I'm going to really do my best to get back to some of those thought-provoking comments that you put under this video and ones that really further the conversation. So I'm going to be doing that and I'm going to see you on Thursday. And before I forget, I think we've even linked up like a minute of the interview under this video so that you can see what it's all about and what I did that day with Paul when I interviewed him for over an hour. And for those people that join me on Thursday and make that decision and commit, you're going to get that hour-long interview and all of the insights that came with it. And by the way, when you watch this, There are going to be points, quite honestly, where it's going to shock you, where you're going to feel almost angry, almost frustrated. You're going to wonder why I'm being so nice. But here's the reason. There are insights here. There are brutal truths here that you will not find anywhere else, and I promise you that. So I'll see you Thursday. I'm excited. I hope you're excited. Have a great couple of days. I'll speak to you then. Take care. Hello everyone, welcome today. Today's a good day because I have a cup of tea with me on the blog and there's a reason I have a cup of tea with me on the blog. It's because my mum's here today. She's never going to come on camera, she's too shy, but she is next door. You can feel her warmth. Mum next door. Ma! Don't be noisy in there, all right? Well, can you... Don't be getting noisy. Ma! Ma! you're already being noisy. Okay, Mark, we're rolling now, so can you please be quiet? That's a good cup of tea. Ma, that's a lovely little cup of tea. That's a lovely cup, Ma. If I don't say so myself, that's one of the best cups of tea you've ever made.