Matthew Hussey argues compliments benefit both giver and receiver: they pull you out of self-focus, reduce insecurity, and create reciprocal warmth. Three rules make them work: be direct, be specific about what you notice, and drop any hidden agenda. Give three sincere compliments today.
Hello, it's Matthew Hussey here. I have a little bit of a bone to pick with the human race today and that's that as a society, we don't give more compliments. There's a lot of talk about getting compliments and what, you know, I just wish people would compliment this and compliment that and I don't know, I just don't feel great about myself. I feel a little insecure about certain parts of me and I don't know, I just feel like people are thinking of this when they look at me. And instead of all of that self reflection all the time, one of the best things we can do is pay other people compliments. And I don't mean that in just a let's make the world a better place kind of a way. Even though, let's be honest, it would. I also mean it in the sense of doing yourself some good. When you walk around and you're able to get out of your head, which is, by the way, what it requires to compliment someone else, you have to get out of your own head all of a sudden you'll feel better. It's a bit like when you, you do charity for someone else. You know, people say, well, what's the best way to get out of a depression? Or what's the best way to get over a breakup? When you're in a really depressed state, one of the best things you can do is actually find a way to go give. How can I go and focus on someone else and what they need? Because when I'm focused on what someone else needs, I'm not focused on what I need in that moment. And it takes that pain and that pressure away from myself. Paying compliments isn't, I'm gonna go and do charity work in Africa. It's just little gestures that you can pepper your day. Here's one of the other big benefits. When you pay someone a compliment today, you're also going to help yourself by how likeable you become. See, one of the worst things for likability is when someone's sitting there trying to just suck energy out of the room by getting compliments from everyone else. There's actually nothing less attractive than that. Whereas the person who goes out with that giving attitude of, you know what? My job right now in this room is to make other people feel good that then becomes this reflected glow that comes back at you. Let me give you an example. I'll prove it to you. If I said to you, if we were at a party together and I pointed some guy out or some girl out. And I said, by the way, I just want to let you know that person just came over to me and told me that they thought you were extremely attractive. Isn't it true that whether or not you were attracted to that person, that person would now glow to you for the rest of the night? That's because when someone pays us a compliment, it's not just that we feel special to them. It's that now they feel special to us. You see how crazy that is. That's why it's so. Even if you want to be completely selfish in your motives, it still makes sense to go out and give people compliments. So here's my challenge to you. I want you to go out today and pay three compliments to three separate individuals. I'm going to give you a couple of quick tips for that. The first one, be direct. What that means is don't just go up to someone and say, oh, I like that sweater. Go up to someone and say, I love that sweater on you. That looks great on you. Okay? That way you're making it personal. You're making it direct to them. Second, be specific. Don't just be generic and say, you're really good looking. Go up to someone and say, I love your eyes. You have a really unique color in your eyes. You know that? Or say something about someone's smile. Your smile lights up the room. You should smile more. I love it. And thirdly, remove any sense of agenda in your compliments. See, one of the greatest advantages of giving regular compliments is when you actually see someone that you really like, it's going to feel natural to you. One of the worst. This is one of the worst things guys do. They wait until the moment they see a woman they really want to talk to, and then they try giving her a compliment. And of course, it comes off as sleazy and weird and agenda like, because she goes, oh, he clearly has just come up to me because I'm beautiful, because he thinks I'm beautiful, and for no other reason. If you're in the habit of just going about your day giving compliments, when you finally see someone that you really do want to speak to, that's just going to be natural because your instinct is to walk past someone and say, I love that dress on you. Your eyes look great. You look sprightly today. You're in a good mood. You seem it. You're going to seem like that person who just gives them to everyone, and that person who you like isn't going to feel like the most unique, special person in the world that you went and just did that to them. So three compliments do it today. Enjoy yourself. Let us know the reactions. Come to howtogetheguide.com and let me know what stories you've created in your day as a result of this. Take care, my friends.
