Matthew Hussey argues dating apps strip away human connection by turning romance into an anonymous game. He suggests treating online interactions with real-world authenticity: be direct about wanting voice calls or meetings, state your standards early, and attract partners who share those values instead of settling for passive texting.
Start with these comments and that'll get us going with the themes of the video.
Here's what we decided to do is.
Take a few comments from the recent video and I encourage you all, if you haven't seen that video, go back and watch it because it's really cool. It's a fun, short movie on what a date will be like in the future or could be like.
And it's kind of a fun meditation.
On some of the concepts that I think are really big right now.
Nikki says, I need a friend.
As supporting as this computer. Yeah, there's a lovely computer in... There's AI in the movie who essentially is coaching the guy through his life. It's really fun.
I have one of those.
It's called Jamison. Karen says, this is reality now. More and more people are scared to put themselves out there and hide behind technology. I agree. Real life is waiting for us outside. No more virtual fantasies.
I agree with this.
That I think real life is waiting for us outside. But I wanna be very careful of divorcing real life from the online life, because I think it's that kind of psychology that makes us treat online dating like it's a video game and real life like it's this big scary thing. The problem is that the process of online dating and apps dehumanize people. So we now have a situation where.
We say and do things that we.
Wouldn'T normally do because of our anonymity, because of the distance we have between someone, because of the ease of closing the app and walking away from a situation and never having to face the consequences of what we do and what we say. I really believe, and maybe Jay, maybe.
We can talk about this in a.
Video coming up, the key is to treat the app or to treat online.
Dating the same way as you would.
Treat in real life.
The reason I wanted to linger on this idea of in real life versus online dating is because I think that somewhere along the way, a lot of us have missed the point. I agree with the frustrations of online dating. There's a woman here who left a comment, Karen, who said, if I can't have face to face contact with someone or have phone conversations, then I would rather not date. I'm tired of guys just texting and thinking that that's a relationship. And I'm sure it's not just guys. If you can't take the time to call someone or make time to spend with someone, then there's no point. I don't want to date my phone. Now, I agree with Karen. I think that this is a big issue today, and a lot of us blame it on technology. A lot of us, our first excuse we go to in our dating lives is the cultural norm that everyone has become this way. And to some extent, it's true. But what we have to be brave enough to do is to dictate the kind of relationship we want through the things we do and the things we say. We have to stop being complicit in the norm. If a guy is texting you and you're having a great conversation by text but you realize one week later that you still haven't spoken on the phone, that's the time to point out that it's weird. Hey, I think it's strange that we've been talking for a week and we haven't even heard each other's voices yet. We should talk on the phone. It'd be great to hear your voice. And by the way, you don't even have to wait until a week in when you still haven't said anything on the phone or he still hasn't called to say something like this. Pre-framing is when you don't wait for a problem in a relationship, you actually state the kind of person you are and the kind of things you like and dislike ahead of time. So for example, when someone in the early stages of messaging you on Tinder says, so have you been on Tinder long? You could say, yeah, I dabble on Tinder, but the truth is I'm more of a meet in person kind of a girl. I like to actually see someone's face and Tinder is is too full of people who never do that. In that moment, that candor, that sense of I'm authentic and this is my truth, this is what I like doing, leaves clues as to the kind of person you want. He's now much more predisposed to asking you out or realizing that he's gonna bore you and lose your attention if he doesn't, and therefore you're gonna start attracting more of what you want. When we're complicit in the way that everybody else is, of course we attract what we don't want because we're lying to everyone about what we actually like or don't like. We're lying about our standards. We're trying to be cool and casual and I'm just a cool girl. Yeah, whatever. Just, you know, let's just, you know, let's just keep chatting. When it's not true inside, you're thinking, this is fucking weird. That's what's so poignant about the movie A Date in 2025. When Daniel's character reaches this pain threshold of loneliness where he finally just says what he actually feels to this woman where he says, You ever feel like you're just two cells and cells need to connect? And he's really just pointing out there's this sense of loneliness and we should be connecting. This isn't enough. She recognizes that truth in herself as well. And it's that that gets her to say yes to a date with him. It's that sense of, ah, someone gets it. Now, by the way, you can try something like that online and it can turn off nine out of 10 people. They can look at you with blank expression online and say, I don't get what you're talking about. That's great. The people who don't get it, you want to eliminate those as fast as possible. But when you do speak truth, when you say something brave and vulnerable and authentic, you also give yourself the opportunity to attract the best people. Because the best people, when you say something that's honest and true and vulnerable, they will also recognize that part of themselves. And they will celebrate you. for being the one person in a sea of people who's brave enough to say it. Culture does not have to have as big of an implication on your relationships as you're letting it. What has more of an impact? Culture or you, the person that's standing right in front of someone? You determine what your relationship will become far more than society does. but you have to be brave enough to lead with your frame. Thank you so much for watching these comments that you have been leaving. And I've noticed, by the way, you guys have been commenting more and you've been just dialed into the conversation here. And I really want to be led by the things that are important to you and what you're saying. And in the last video date in 2025, you guys really did that. You created such a vibrant and interesting conversation, and I really, really want you to keep doing that with me this year. So thank you. and I will see you in next Sunday's video.
