How To Make Him Commit (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Elizabeth, what's your question?

Well, I was just calling because I've been seeing this guy for about four months now. It's been going great. We see each other once, two times a week. And I've met his friends, he's met mine. But we got to a point where I was wondering, where is this going? And I thought it was a fair amount of time. And so I brought up the conversation and he seemed hesitant and said he wasn't ready to commit to a relationship yet.

It's like you're getting fed each week, right? So if you'll get. If you're getting fed each week, you ain't hungry. So it's giving you just enough of a meal each week to not need to go and eat somewhere else. Excuse the. Excuse the crudeness. That sounds very sexual. But you're getting enough each week to make it so that you don't really need to go and find someone else. And it doesn't satisfy you. I'm not saying it satisfies you. It doesn't make you happy, but it gives you enough comfort that you don't need to go elsewhere to. You're not hungry enough to go elsewhere to meet someone else. And that, to me is the genuine danger of this, is that you could get to Saturday me and, you know, see another guy that you want to meet. Think about it. And often the thing that gets us past that fear of what if. What if it goes wrong? What if I look like an idiot? Should I try? The thing that gets us over it is the hunger that we really do want something more in our lives. We really do want a relationship. We really want to progress this thing. But of course, when we have someone who's satisfying that hunger, even if on a scale of 0 to 10, what do you think he's satisfying that hunger on right now?

Honestly, Maybe a three or a four.

A three or a four. Now here's the danger. A three or a four won't make you happy, but it will stop you going after an eight. Yeah, right. So now you're in this position of compliance. He knows that he's giving you just enough. And make no mistake, guys are aware of this. He knows that he's giving you just enough to make you compliant so that each week you keep coming back. So that he knows that when he calls you up and says, hey, I'm free tomorrow, can we do something, he knows there's a very high chance you're going to be free because he's giving you just enough of himself to keep you Compliant. Everyone has a standard, by the way, of where that compliance begins and ends. So for you, if he started seeing you for 20 minutes a week, you would probably say, all right, you know what? Screw this. This is not. This is not enough for me. I'm out as it is right now. He's giving you just enough that is keeping you compliant. And what I would say to you is you have to raise your standard for what makes you compliant in that way. So it should be the case that him seeing you once or twice a week isn't enough to make you compliant on the level that you would give him that exclusivity. I'm not saying you should, because your original question is, do I cut him out of my life, or do I keep going and hope that it will change? Well, the truth can lie somewhere in between, but only if. Only if you really believe you can do that. So my question to you, and I want you to really be honest about this.

Okay.

Do you think that you can see this man right now in the way that you're doing and. And start this process of putting yourself out there and putting your. Your. Yourself on the line to meet other people?

Yes. But I do think that I would have to take away, you know, the sexual aspect of our relationship and pull that back in order to, like, open up to other people.

I think, you know, really, I think that's very, very smart.

And, you know, it's like you said, like, he's only giving me so much, so he doesn't even deserve that, so I should pull that back. And it's not like a threat. It's just, you know, raising my standards and saying, I'm not gonna accept this.

Correct. It's not a bargain. It's just right now it's not fair for me to be doing this to me. I know that I like you. I know that I enjoy spending time with you, but I also know that I'm not. And this, by the way, will really raise your value in his eyes. I know I'm not the type of person that would be being intimate with more than one person at once. And so if I'm gonna actually open myself up to meeting people, I can't be having that with you.

Yeah.

So that is gonna raise your value massively. And he's also gonna know that. Okay, it's not that you're that type that says, I can never see you again because this isn't going anywhere. So you don't have to get all dramatic about it. You're just. You're Just honest about it. This is what I. This is what I need to do for me. I love seeing you, so of course I'll see you. You're. You're a great friend or you're a great person in my life, and of course I want to see you, but, you know, I need to take things more slowly in that area because that's not fair to me when I'm out there meeting other people. And by the way, it's also not fair to the person that does come along that. Yeah, could be right for me. That's not fair to that person for me to be doing that with you. Imagine, by the way, how classy you look and what that says about your loyalty as a woman and how much he's going to see you as relationship potential when you say that anyway.

Yeah.

So one way or another, you win. Whether you get him, you win or you win because you've actually put a little bit of distance between you and him on the right level. And I really love your suggestion. I think it's incredibly intelligent, and you've put the right amount of distance between you that allows you to actually go and meet someone else if it's not him.

Yeah, I think you're 100% right. That's exactly what I needed to hear.

Wonderful. I think this is great. We actually really got somewhere perfect for you.

I know. I think we did, too.