How to Spot the Person Who ACTS “Ready” for a Relationship, but Isn’t…

I know there will be a lot of people listening to this podcast right now where you you are dating a passenger. They may not call themselves a passenger, but they're a passenger. They're not making any kind of a decision. They're just going along with a feeling they're having. They're just unconsciously doing it right now because it feels good. But then there's no decision anywhere and commitment. Make no mistake. Commitment is a decision. you're not a passenger in commitment. Whenever I do a big live event, there are so many of you who say that you missed it. Is there somewhere I can watch the replay? Despite the fact that I usually mention it like a hundred times before it happens, there's always someone who is like, I didn't hear you mention it once and now it's over. Well, the big live event that I did on October the 22nd called casual two committed. It's all about commitment and how to find a committed relationship or get more commitment from someone you're already seeing. It happened. It was big. We had thousands of people and we now have a replay that is available just for a few days. You can watch it at lovelifereplay.com Make sure if you didn't see it the first time around, you go watch it now before it disappears. Lovelifereplay.com people loved it on the day. you're going to love it now. Go check it out. Today's episode is continuing the conversation about how to find a committed relationship. What happens when we meet someone and they're not everything we want? How do we make clearer decisions in our love lives? You're really going to enjoy it. We've got the whole gang together. It's Audrey Hussie here, Steven Hussie. We're excited. We hope you are too. Enjoy this episode of Love Life.

Welcome to the Love Life. I knew you were gonna do it.

You timed that perfectly. How dare you? Welcome to the Love Life podcast with me, Matthew Hussey, Audrey Hussey, and Stephen Hussey. That is a triple threat today.

We're in. Thanks for having me, guys.

I think I look like a bit of a Steve Irwin character today. You look like a sexy crocodile.

Interesting.

And Steven's like that sort of seasoned nature videographer that's come to shoot the whole interaction.

Right, okay.

For the people listening to audio, this is gonna make absolutely no sense.

Well, then they should also check the podcast out on YouTube. 'Cause the video footage will be there. It makes sense if you see our outfits. I'm sort of in, I look, I realized after I dressed, I look sort of ready for safari. Audrey's wearing green, what do you call them? Combat pants?

Yeah, combat trousers.

And Steven's got the classic crew black tee on.

Yeah, video crew.

Yeah. Well, welcome everybody. What are we talking about today?

So, I want to talk about commitment today, and I want to talk about some key issues in commitment. Some of the big ones, it's no secret people come to us, they want to find a relationship. I want to talk about why does commitment feel so difficult in this dating time we're in? What are the kind of things you should look for or some of the things you should be okay with in a relationship? How do you know if you are committing to the right person essentially? Like, should I stick on this choice or should I carry on looking? And just some of the things that make people feel very paralyzed and fearful in this area because it kind of always is, oh, I'm dating, I'm out there, I'm having fun. Here comes the bit. where commitment needs to come in and everything suddenly feels a lot more scary. So I want to get your opinions and then I want to ask you guys a couple of things you've learned since being married about commitment.

Nothing salacious, but has it changed our opinions or.

Yeah, I want you guys to be able to share some of your insights, some things you've learned. Anything's changed about what you used to say and what you now would say. about commitment. So shall we take it from the top?

Let's go.

Let's do it.

So let's start with why people fear commitment or find it hard to commit today in 2024. What, you know, the landscape is, there's dating apps, there's lots of ways to meet people. So why does everyone say it's so damn hard to find commitment?

God, I think there's a lot of answers to that. I There's a lot of perceived choice. So that immediately, you know, I talked about it in a recent video as that idea of the big menu problem, that it feels like there are so many people out there that we could be choosing from. So that creates a level of anxiety about making the right choice. And if we're not experiencing a lot of choice ourselves, we still feel like we're encountering other people who have a lot of choice. And that might be the reason why they're not committing or why it's really hard for us to stand out. So even if you're not experiencing the big menu problem yourself, you're encountering people who are on some level experiencing the big menu problem, especially people who have a lot of choice. And of course, by the way, lots of people feel like they have a lot of choice, even if they don't, or they're still being presented with every kind of human being on a dating app, even if they're not having success with them, it's still creating a standard for a lot of people. that they feel that they're entitled to. And that can make your life more difficult if you're trying to get one of those people who has a standard and that standard is higher than you can possibly live up to. There's also the problem of our own internal lack of trust in our own decisions. I think we're terrified of making the wrong choice. We're terrified of choosing the wrong person that we're going to be spending the rest of our lives with. what a hard choice to make. You know, most of us are not great decision makers in general. So then when you apply that to one of the hardest decisions in some ways we'll ever make, or one of the, maybe not even the hardest, maybe one of the biggest decisions.

It feels like one of those ones I need to get right. My career, relationship, where I live or something.

Why is that? Why are relationships why do they feel higher stakes in every other area of our lives? Because, you know, you come out of college, university, if you're British, and you don't agonize over the decision of, you know, what internship you're going to do, what job you're going to go into. You kind of go, oh, well, I'm interested in PR or I'm interested in law or I'm just in whatever. So I'm just going to get the entry level job for this thing I'm interested in. And then 10 years later, you're probably.

Still in that position. Although some people agonize over those things.

Do they?

Yeah.

Interesting. Maybe. And I'm sure, but I think we're more, we're better decision makers when it comes to pretty much every single area of our lives. But for some reason, when it comes to relationships, it's just like, it feels so much more high stakes than everything else. Why is that?

Well, I mean, there are people out there who say, who says, who have I heard recently say like this? who you choose as your partner is the most important decision you'll ever make.

I think lots of people did Scott.

Galloway say something like that recently?

He did from a financial standpoint.

He said it's the most important financial decision you'll ever make is who you choose as your life partner. Which is interesting, right? Because I think I understand Scott's content well enough to know that he's not just talking about like, The crude side of that of the right person will treat you well in a divorce and the wrong person will ruin you. He's also talking about, I think actually even more so, Scott is referring to how much the right person, the support of that person, the love of that person, having that champion, having that great partner along the way, can actually motivate you, make you more successful, it can give you a stable base from which to strike in your life.

I thought he meant because the, you know, and I, I don't do this. I definitely do this. You know, they won't order as many Amazon packages and just spend a lot of money on things that Instagram advertises to them.

Yeah. Audrey is like the, whenever you think of, like, who's the target market on Instagram, it's basically Audrey for everything. Because every day there's some new thing that arrives at the house, some weird.

Little, but my new alarm clock looks great rates, and I'm very excited to try it tonight.

New alarm clock, little things you put on your head at night when we go to sleep.

Oh, God.

Earmuffs.

We have this joke. Sorry. And off on a very quick tangent, we have this joke because, you know, like the whole. When you first started dating her, she looked like this.

And those memes.

And now she looks like that, right? Like, I go to sleep with, like, my heatless curlers on, and I have my LED lights sometimes, and I have my, like. all sorts of strange things. And I sometimes I turn to Matt and I'm like, this has really got to stop, hasn't it?

Because you've gone full 80s mum sort of look.

Yeah. I used to be a stick-up.

It's like when she's got her mask on as well. It's like if I was dating a female Hannibal Lecter from the 80s.

Wow.

I know. It's so mean. But I was joking about the fact that I used to, like, literally wake up. early to put on lip gloss and get back into bed and pretend that I woken up like that. And now I'm just.

Those were the days.

Falling asleep with my eyes open.

Those were the days.

I know, but, you know, I didn't.

Know people actually did that, but.

Oh, yeah. I will get a picture for you at some point, Stephen. But the, the reality is that it is one of the biggest decisions we will ever make and. It does have far-reaching consequences for our life. I think people feel the weight of that. And a lot of us don't trust ourselves in these areas. We haven't necessarily successfully made ourselves happy before. We tried dating someone, it didn't work out, or we weren't happy, or we were constantly unsure of ourselves. you know, we got it really wrong. A lot of people don't trust their decision making in this area because they don't see themselves as having made great choices in the past. So, you know, I think all of these things have something to do with it. And then if you factor in as well, the just the Baseline addiction to novelty that so many of us have now, where we cannot sit still, we can't. sit and focus on anything. It extends to everything in our lives. A lot of people find it really hard to sit and read a book these days. Like, really hard, painfully hard. And I'm not talking about people who don't read. I'm talking about people who historically do read, who are finding in their lives right now it's really, really difficult to sit down and read a book. Yeah, we've been trained to not have that kind of attention span.

Yeah, I saw an app that lets you, not even an app, an object that lets you lock your phone up and time it for two hours. And it locks it in a box. That was shown to me on Instagram.

Wow.

And it locks it in a box for two hours. So you can read.

I would have definitely bought that.

But that, I think we have to start realizing that that's happening a lot for us in love too, is the thing that makes it hard for us to sit down and read a book is the same thing that makes it hard for us to sit still with one person and truly get to know them on a deeper level and invest time and energy past the novelty phase.

I think there's also a sense where you hear all these stats about how much more people spend time alone these days, and there's these graphs that show more men are virgins for longer, and more and more people have indoor hobbies, streaming, video games, etc. Do you even do the thing where it's suddenly quite scary, the idea like we're used to not sharing a lot, like we get our own time, our space, I get to go hide away. And then the idea of like, I have to let someone into all of that. It's quite scary if you have not been used to sharing your life. Whereas I think maybe back in the day it was just an assumed more natural bigger families spending time together, people around in a way people live are used to being more isolated now.

Well, yeah, we're very individualistic. We set our lives up exactly how we want them. And the idea of, like, someone coming in and I'm having to reshape my routines and my habits, and they don't go to bed at the same time as me, and we have different eating habits and. you know, like we like to spend our weekends slightly differently. They want to go out and do things. I want to sit and read or like it's, there's all those differences that I think create tension. And when we're not used to having to manage those tensions, because that's what, like any, if you think about families, right, we've, most people have, had some kind of family experience where they, you had to work out the tensions around the table. You had to figure out what it was like to all be in the same house. But the more we got away from that, the more we created our kind of ideal version of how we want to live every day. And there's almost this like return, like a relationship in some sense. Hopefully it's a return to a more healthy version than some of us had as families growing up. But there's hope. There's. There's some kind of a return to compromise. Right. A return to sacrifice, a return to getting used to what it's actually like to manage your space, your emotions, your.

Habits around someone else. I'm going to just show the real them, right? You can show whatever you want of yourself online. On a dating app, you can show what you want. and then you've got to actually relate to a specific person and show them all your private world. You know, that's like, I think some people aren't used to having to show the uglier parts of themselves.

I wonder whether so many of us struggle to connect in relationships because we are not, we are only showing a certain percentage of ourselves. So let's say maybe 80, 70, sometimes even maybe 90, if we know we can we can get there, but that piece of us that we hold back is actually the barrier to truly feeling connected with somebody. You know, we're not necessarily being really authentic these days all the time. And I wonder whether that lack of authenticity just stops us from really letting our guards down and allowing ourselves to truly connect with another person.

You know, sometimes when you see on dating apps people being too ironic and or on social media, too much irony. I always think those people are going to find it hard in a way to properly connect with someone because everything is, there's a sense of, like, super self-awareness about everything.

Yeah.

To the extent, like, you're always, like, deciding what you can actually show, what you can't, how honest can I be? What's cringe to be? It's cringe to be like that. And I always, I often, when I see those on Tik Tok or anything, I think that person's gonna have a struggle because there's just so many layers before you would actually see who they really are.

The hard part is that you may want to show more or, you know, it may be you may love the idea that you would be loved for who you are, but at what point do you really start? We all have a kind of a version of ourselves that we feel like has the potential to scare someone away. And that's the part we keep locked up for as long as possible until it comes out, usually because someone did something that hurt our feelings or made us jealous or made us afraid. And then that part maybe just leaks out in that moment. It's not like we even chose to share it. We just kind of. Something got the better of us, and then we feel terrified that we let it out, because now it's like, oh, my God, you now. saw this part of me. You saw the less composed part of me. You saw a whole different side of my personality. And then it's really scary. So are you, Audrey, saying that that stuff, we should more proactively bring it forward? And how do you know when it's too soon? Because you're like, well, someone doesn't want to see all of my crazy like this early on in the process.

Yeah, it's the balance. I think you shouldn't. No one should receive the advice that, you know, those parts of us should be like, date two. Because also people don't need to know. I always think information is power and the way you're projecting yourself on a date, you don't want someone who doesn't have good intentions to have that much information about your weaknesses, actually, because you don't know how they're going to use it against you. So I think that you have to be guarded to an extent. I just think that it's worth keeping in our minds as the relationships progress, are we really being our authentic selves? Are we really being vulnerable, not fake vulnerable? Are we actually showing parts of ourselves that are not as shiny or not that amazing or not that interesting, but are also very real to us? And are we kind of owning those unashamedly because that's also very attractive? And I think also are we creating enough of a a sort of safe enough environment for the other person to do so also. Because we all have our stuff. We all have our habits, our ways of being that we think are just not nice and not attractive and whatever. And if you can meet someone where you can accept their habits and you can accept their flaws and you can accept the things that aren't so special about them, I think that also is a very, very powerful thing. But I think we have to lead by example. It's all about leadership, right? in this kind of scenario. It's what kind of person do I want the other person to be in this relationship? And I'm gonna do it first in order to instigate them doing it back with me.

Yes, what kind of, what atmosphere do you wanna create? What culture do you wanna create around you? I always think it's the same when, like as a speaker, you step on stage or when you're part of a panel, on stage. Like, we were on a panel together recently, and it's very easy in that environment to get up and just be like, what's the most impressive thing I could do or say? How do, you know, the, the bravado and, and there's also a way to set the tone from the beginning of complete humility and making the audience or the people that, whether it's thousand people or 30 people, almost bringing them in on a level of just, we're all people, aren't we? It's interesting because no one wants to hear you necessarily as a speaker get up and just bleed on the stage. You know, they, if you're there, you're there because people came to see you in some capacity. So, They don't want you to get up there and say that your life is a mess and you don't know what to do. And it's just, you know, what do I do next? They want you to kind of almost be in control and to have a kind of confidence. But if you can combine that feeling of being in control of yourself, with the ability to share about yourself. It almost. I almost see it as like, I don't know if this is the right way of saying it, but it's like, I'm up, but I've got this. You know that kind of feeling? Like, I've got. Oh, like, this stuff I'm. There's stuff that's, you know, I'm working on, but I've got this.

Mm-.

That duality, I think, is really, really powerful. Because then even if you hear someone that you relate to, that you think, oh, they're like me, but I'm also in good hands. This may not be that relevant, but it kind of is. Bruce Springsteen said, I never forget this. He said, as a performer, He said, the audience wants to simultaneously be surprised and be made to feel at home. And that's the kind of call he was talking about when you go out and you do concerts. They want to feel at home. They want to hear you do the songs that make them feel like, you know, this is Bruce, but they also want to be surprised. They also want to feel something exciting or unexpected.

That's literally like that in dating.

And that's what I mean. It's like the vulnerability, the ability to bring your humanity forward is what makes someone feel at home. Your particular way of owning your flaws, of being in control of, you know, your whatever your kind of superpowers are, that's where you have the potential to surprise and delight somebody.

Which one of you was vulnerable first?

Me. You.

So Matt was playing like a cool guy role for longer then?

Ooh, different question.

You were vulnerable in liking me.

But.

Not, I wouldn't say, were you more vulnerable in showing yourself? I don't know. yeah, I don't know.

I actually.

You were definitely vulnerable in showing interest.

Yeah, well, I was very, like, open about the fact that I was. I wanted a relationship. I liked you, and it wasn't. I wasn't embarrassed to admit that, but I don't know. I think we were both pretty, like, cool girl, cool guy in the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I definitely was. I was like, yeah, you know, I don't. I'm just very cool.

And then, yeah, there's curlers and Hannibal Lecter face masks. So let's talk about choosing the right person. I think, I know from doing coaching on this for years, we hear from so many people who, there's that elephant in the room always, is like, do I have the right standards? Should I raise them higher or should I be more compromising and forgiving? and there's kind of this battle always, right, between like people's standards are too high, people are too low and they're accepting bad treatment. So what if someone is with someone and they're like, some people tell us they're like 80% is right, maybe like 90%, but there might be a 10% that really like hurts them or cause a problem or they just think, this is really on my mind and I'm not sure if this is, I should commit. fully to this person. Like, I'm not sure.

I think there's a distinction that's really important to make because we. There are certain things that we should have high standards about universally. So we should have high standards for kindness. We should have high standards for acceptance. How much, you know, how much someone accepts.

Us.

We should have high standards for being respected. You know, our bodies, our time, our emotions, our hearts. These are things around which we should have high standards. We should have high standards for integrity, right? Is someone who they say they are. Do they do what they say they're gonna do? Or do they constantly break their word? do they constantly show bad character? Like, these are areas where everyone should have high standards. Then there are areas where it's not so Universal because we're talking now about personal tastes. Like, to me, kindness shouldn't really be about personal taste. Kindness is just something we should all value if we want a good life. Because if you want to happy relationship, you're going to need someone who's kind. If you ever, God forbid, are no longer in that relationship and you have to break up, you're going to want someone... You're going to want that person to have been someone who was kind, right? Lack of kindness goes badly. Then there's the way they look. That's subjective and that's tastes. there's, you know, how tall they are or what level their sex drive is.

Or someone might be more ambitious than the other, and someone might be more, you know, type A.

How much they choose to work, like sociability. Yeah. How much they like to get out of the house. These are areas where there's not necessarily a right and wrong. There's just. what's right for you. And I make that distinction because there's a lot of people who, when they're talking about something that, you know, should I just, you know, they're most of what I want, but not all of what I want. When the thing that they're not is kind or a person of integrity or a person who cares. or a person who accepts you, if they're not those things, you're not missing 10%. You're missing 100% of what you need to be happy. There's other things where if you're missing that thing, you're missing 10%.

Okay, but what if it's to do with core values? Like, you know, political views or even like, I'm really interested in having intellectual conversations about these subjects. And you are, you know, if you've ever had people who say to you, like, oh, wow, I never thought that before. You think really deeply, and then you didn't really ask them a very deep question, and you just think, oh, we'll never be close because I will never feel at home with you. Like, those, I think, are core values and things and things that you really, really value in a person. What about those? Because they don't really fall in either category, in my opinion.

I think that we, this is where knowing our self becomes really, really important. Not everyone cares immensely about having an intellectual connection, right? Some people will be in a relationship and they'll be like, I have my friends for that. I have people that I, you know, My mentors, I have all sorts of other people in my life where I get that itch scratched. I don't need my partner to be that. I need them to care. I need them to be someone who doesn't like hate entertaining those interests of mine on occasion and is willing to, but they don't need to have read the same books as me and they don't need to have all the same opinions as me, and they don't even need to care about, you know, we don't need to look at something together and they can have really intelligent commentary on that painting that we just saw. Even if I do, they need to just be someone who can humor me a little bit in my interests of those on those things. Now, if you have very deep political views about something, and you're with someone whose views are so diametrically opposed to yours that you can't even respect them. Like, it goes to the heart of you being able to respect that person. You can't respect those views, and you can't respect, fully respect the person who has them. Then that's a problem. I mean, there are people who are together who have very, you know, you get people who are together who have completely different political views. or religious views or religious views. But what they have, this is where things get really interesting, because what they have underneath those views is the same core values. And, you know, you, you're, you believe in this religion. I believe in this one. But the heart of it, we're both incredibly loving people, then that can work or a Democrat and I'm a Republican and we actually have the same heart, but we think there are very different ways of fixing the same problem. Then our strategies are different, but underneath it, maybe we want the same thing. But then you get versions of that where it's like, we don't, at our core, on a values level, we do not speak the same language. And that's when the difference is in the more superficial identity level, the strategy. It's not just a problem on that level of how do we fix the problem? It's a problem of we don't even agree on what the problem is. We don't even agree on our values around the problem.

That's such a good distinction.

We can spend our whole lives circling this idea of who's right for us. Can it work with this person? Should I commit to this person? Should I stay with this person or should I leave? It's very easy to run out the clock on our entire lives asking these questions. And in many ways, that's the biggest danger for us. I think the biggest danger is not that we make a wrong decision. The biggest danger is that we run out the clock on our entire lives. either stuck somewhere, always debating it, or standing on the sidelines always debating whether to get involved. And that indecision actually unites a lot of people when it comes to their love lives. It would seem as though the person who's standing there constantly questioning whether anyone is good enough has nothing in common with the person who's years into a relationship. who is unhappy. But actually there is something that combines that there's a thread between those two people and it's indecision. One slipped into a relationship a long time ago and is still questioning whether they should be there. And the other person never got into one and is questioning, you know, which relationship to choose. What I think, and I say this humbly because I know it's actually really, really hard, But what I think that we do have to get better at is making decisions, even if the decisions we make are to get us to a decision. So, if you've been on a date with someone and you're like questioning, ah, should I go on another date with them or should I this, should I that, go, just go on another date with them. go on another date and get involved in a different activity with them. Do something different than you did last time and see if anything shifts for you or if you remain just as ambiguous. And fine, if you remain just as ambiguous, don't see them again. But do that instead of constantly deliberating from the sidelines. Yeah. If you're, if you've been seeing someone and you're like, oh, I just don't know. Should I? you know, should I give it a go or should I not? Well, I don't know. Maybe give yourself a month and be like, I'm actually gonna just see this. I'm gonna stop seeing everyone else, and I'm gonna see only this person for a month, and I'm gonna see if anything shifts for me. I'm gonna see if anything changes. I'm gonna share more of myself with them than I have been, because maybe I haven't even really given this person a chance to know me. so I don't even know if this person does really connect with me or accept me on any deeper level because I haven't really shown them much. What happens if I do? What happens if I get more curious about them? Or it might even be, you know, having a conversation with a friend or someone that you wouldn't normally ask for advice about a person you're seeing. Hey, I'm struggling with this. What, you know, how did you make a decision? How, what? How did you decide to be with the person you're with? And maybe they say something that shifts you. But at least at that point you've spoken about it. Or if you're in a long-term relationship with someone and you've been seeing them for a couple of years and you find yourself torturing yourself every day with, is this the right person or not? Maybe you say to yourself, I'm going to give this six months where I give myself permission to just lean in to this relationship without questioning it. And that doesn't mean being passive, by the way. It might mean we're gonna go to therapy because there's, like, things that are constant sources of friction for us. So what would I do if I was earnestly trying to make this relationship work? If I was sincere in my effort to make it work, we would go and do therapy. I would spend quality time with them. I would really try to work on the things that affect them, or I, and I would much more clearly communicate the things that I need them to do that would help me. You know, what, what are all the things you would do if you were actually trying to make it work? And you say, I'm going to give myself six months of not questioning this relationship. And at the end of six months, I'll take the real temperature of this. That's a real decision. By the way, the decision if you just stay in a place of ambivalence, of questioning things, that's another decision. That you're making a decision, even if you don't call it that. You're making a decision to sit back and not go one way or the other. So that's still a decision, and it's a decision that has consequences. It's not that there's consequences to leaving and there's consequences to staying and going all in. No, there's consequences to just kicking it down the road, too.

I remember someone once saying to me, that leadership was all about making a decision. And then if that decision is the wrong decision, you make a new decision to correct your last decision. But you always move forward.

Yeah.

And that kind of speaks to what you're saying. I think it's. It's really powerful as a. As a framework.

I love this.

Tony. Tony Soprano, who said more is lost in indecision than in wrong decision.

That's very true.

Not saying he would be a role model, but there's a truth to that statement. And by the way, if your response to the idea for the next six months of going to therapy and leaning into the relationship and giving it all you've got in order to find out, which by, in the context of a multi-year relationship, isn't that big of a sacrifice. If you, you know, it's a big sacrifice if you think I'm going to start a brand new one. But if you've already been in it for many years and now you're trying to figure out whether to stay or go, giving it six months of going all in, not the end of the world. At least you'd have some clarity in six months instead of running down the clock on another three years. If you're hearing this right now, doubting someone, and my saying, doing all of, like lean in and do all of those things, it makes you roll your eyes and go, I just can't. Well, then you already have a decision. like, you already know.

You have the ick.

You can't. Like, if you don't want to put in that effort and do it, you already left. You're just not. You just haven't told the person. Yeah. And you haven't really been honest with yourself. But either way, make a conscious decision. For me, I can remember a point where I made a real decision. to go all in on our relationship. And that was the moment that things started to really change for me in ways that I hadn't experienced in my own love life before, because I fell into situations and I was almost like a passenger. I. I feel like I was a passenger in my love life. for so much, for so many different situations and relationships. And that was to the detriment of me. It was to the detriment of anyone that I came across. You know, it hurt other people because you, when you're a passenger, you're passive. You're not actually making a decision to do anything. And there's, I know there will be a lot of people listening to this podcast right now where you. You are dating a passenger. They may not call themselves a passenger, but they're a passenger. They're not making any kind of a decision. They're just going along with a feeling they're having. They're just unconsciously doing it right now because it feels good. But then there's no decision anywhere. And commitment. Make no mistake. Commitment is a decision. You're not a passenger in commitment. you're not a passenger in just in building a big business. At some point you decide, I'm going to build a business. You're not a passenger in a great relationship. At some point you say, I'm going to proactively build a great relationship. I'm going to commit. And a lot of people, I think, are very confused right now because you think you're dating someone who's making decisions and you're actually dating a passenger. and then you get frustrated and confused and infuriated when you find that the time comes to actually like commit or make a decision or say, it's you and me, we're a partner, we're a team, you're my girlfriend, you're my boyfriend, you're my husband, you're my wife, whatever level we're talking about, it's infuriating to find out you don't actually have someone who is making decisions. you have someone who is just a passenger for a feeling. And I can relate to being that for a lot of my life until I made a decision to actually go, you know what? I'm gonna give this mile. This idea is personal to me because I know that I spent a lot of my life not making decisions in this area, and you can spend your whole life as a passenger, always just going from one relationship to the next. casually dating, never really making a conscious decision to go all in with somebody. And this is one of the things we talked about yesterday when we did the big event was what can you do to get someone out of passenger mode and into decision mode? They're where they're actually making a decision to commit, a decision to go all in for anyone who missed it. By the way, the link is love life replay.com. we are airing a replay for a short amount of time for anyone who missed it. Go check it out while it's still available. It's not going to be available forever. It is love lifereplay.com, go check that out. If you've enjoyed this episode, you're really going to enjoy that because this is a real structured training that I did on this subject live for many thousands of people all at the same time. So go check that out. And we'll do more on this as well because this is, you know, I know people want to hear about this stuff.

For sure.

All right, fantastic. Thank you, Audrey. Thank you, Stephen.

Thank you.

Thank you. I love the passenger stuff.

You've got Hannibal Lecter as your little passenger.

She's not a passenger. She's very.

Right, that's the point. Right, neither of you are passengers.

Right, that's the point you were making. Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. It has been a pleasure of ours. We've really enjoyed making this episode. I hope you enjoyed listening to it and well, we'll see you next time. Be well, love life, and see you soon.