In this episode of the Love Life call‑in show, Matthew Hussey (as "Matthew AI") speaks with Rhonda, a woman who has been celibate for over 18 years after escaping an abusive marriage. Rhonda worries about how and when to disclose her long period of celibacy to new partners and fears repeating past trauma. Matthew explores the psychological rules Rhonda has built—such as avoiding closeness to prevent hurt—and helps her see them as self‑protective but limiting. He advises that the fact she was celibate is not a deal‑breaker and need not be front‑loaded in early dating; instead, she should focus on meeting people, treating each encounter as an "audition," and only share deeper personal history when a connection deepens. He challenges her fear of rejection, reframes sex as a natural, fun part of life, and encourages her to discard overly strict rules, to be open to both good and bad experiences, and to move on quickly from unsuitable partners. The conversation ends with a motivational affirmation for Rhonda to step out, enjoy the process, and learn from mistakes.
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Welcome everybody to Love Life. This is Matthew Hussey. We are ready for a brand new episode here today. We have a caller on the line. Rhonda, are you there?
Yes, I'm there. Here.
So good to speak to you. Are you excited to be on the line?
Yes, I am.
Tell me your question.
Yes, my question basically is more like a situation. I've been celibate for the past 18 plus years and I'm just now getting back into dating. But I really don't know when to bring my celibacy up to a guy or how to let them know I am still kind of sexual. At least just, you know, you're not getting any anytime soon. But look at me like I'm a conquest of sorts.
So you haven't had sex for 18 years?
Yep.
What's been the reason for that?
I was in an abusive marriage and after I got out, I just said, okay, I'm going to take a break from relationships because I clearly don't know what the heck I'm doing.
And you took a long break, Rhond.
Time kind of got away from me.
You took a long break?
Yeah.
It wasn't just a break after a while, was it? It was. What was it? Did you get comfortable? Did you start to get afraid because you'd been out of it so long? What was it?
I. In order to stay away from people on my original break at least I started trying to find things wrong with guys. Got a little too easy to do. And also I'm just afraid I find another guy like my ex husband, so.
Right. So you stayed away.
Yep.
And how did it make you feel to stay away from it all?
I was so preoccupied with life and everything, I actually didn't notice, Barn.
Relationships and intimacy. Part of life, I guess.
I mean, for mine.
But you guess or you know?
Yeah, yeah, they are part of life. They are.
Because if they weren't, you wouldn't even be on this call right now, would you?
That is true.
You just. You just stay celibate for the rest of your life.
Yeah, and I don't want to do.
That actually, because they're part of life. These things are really.
They're fun.
They. They really are fun. Rhonda. Sex is great fun.
But I'll take your word for it.
You'll have to. You'll have to mine and many other people's, I should say. It's. It. It really can be fun. But of course it's fun when it's with someone who makes it fun.
Yeah.
And that doesn't have to be the right person. By the way, I think sometimes people get a little too caught up in that. Sex can be fun with. With many people. It could be fun with the right person. It can be. Sometimes it's even fun with the wrong person, who may be wrong for us in other ways. But in that way, you know, there's a lot of fun be had. But we. We do tend to make a lot of rules. And it sounds like you made a rule that said no one can get close enough to me to be able to hurt me like that again. And in saying that, you essentially canceled out everyone who could possibly get close, whether they were good, bad, you'd find any reason not to let them get close. Is that fair enough?
Yeah, I guess it is. I don't know why I didn't think about that.
Well, we all when. When we make rules. That is, when we make. If I say, let's say me, Matthew Hussey, I want to meet a great woman, or maybe I want to meet many great women, but I have a rule that says I will. I do not want to get rejected when I approach a woman. I will not get rejected when I approach a woman.
That's unreasonable.
It is. I'm glad you said that, Rhonda. It is unreasonable because is it likely that at some point if I start approaching women and asking for their numbers, I'll get rejected? Someone will be cold, someone will ignore me, someone will say they have a boyfriend? Is that possible?
Yeah. You can't be attracted to everybody.
Of course. And not everyone can be attracted to me. So in this moment, I'm. I have a role that essentially means I now can't approach anybody, even though I actually, emotionally, I'd like to meet a woman. I've created a rule that makes it impossible for me to approach a woman because it's impossible for me to approach a woman without risking rejection. Let's go back for a second because are you ready to have sex now?
What, this very second? Yeah, actually.
Perfect. Okay. This is good. So you are ready to have sex is not something that you want to avoid anymore, is it?
No, I just end up having all the guys that I've been meeting online. I end up having phone sex with them. That seems to be the way men introduce themselves now. Sending pictures of their anatomy?
No, that's just another comfort zone. Because guys online find it easy to be anonymous and be sexual far too quickly without actually taking someone out or meeting them in person. That's just like a video game. Forget that. That's not like real life. That's just people playing a video game. I'm talking about real life. Now, there are real men out there for you to meet where you can be getting into these interesting relationships. Now, I'm not going to patronize you and say, let's go and find the one, because you might find someone else. You might find someone right now who's just fun for a week or two weeks or a month, whatever. In terms of when to say that you've been celibate for 18 years, I don't think it's that relevant. If you want my honest opinion, Rhonda, I don't think it's that important. You don't need to. Why, why on earth would you need to say that prior to having sex with someone?
Oh, well, to kind of warn them, I guess.
Rhonda. Warn them of what, exactly? I don't think there's anything that you need to warn them about. What they're going to find is this same beautiful, sexual woman that you've always been inside. That's not. That's not gone anywhere. Now, when people say, oh, my God, I've lost that part of me. No, you haven't. You just got into a different habit for a while, and now you're ready. You're ready to be who you've always been at heart anyway. You've always been a sexual woman. You just decided to put that aside for a little while. Okay? Now you're not going to do that, and you're going to go back to the playing field and meet people and see what happens. But you don't need to warn guys about that. There's nothing to warn them of. It's. It's no to me. When you have sex with a guy, oh, guess what? Next week, when a guy says, when was the last time you had sex? It won't be a big moment where you go, well, I haven't had sex in 18 years. No, it was. It was last week. Right? So, yeah, it's not a big deal. This is not a big thing for you to be thinking about. Stop you focusing on how to discuss my celibacy is, is. Is the wrong thing for you to be focusing on. I want you to focus on meeting great people. And then, look, if you want to get into a relationship with someone and tell them more about your. Your history and how, you know, you went for a long period of time without being with anyone sexually, you have the opportunity to do that. When you get closer to someone, you can tell them that about you. Because it's an interesting part of your past, but it's not something that needs to come up with someone you're going to have sex with. Trust me, you'll get over that little hurdle real quick.
Yeah, I guess we will, won't we?
Can. So, Rhonda, can. Can. Right now, you have to repeat after me, but only if you mean it. Okay?
Okay.
All right. I, Rhonda.
I, Rhonda.
After 18 years of celibacy, after 18 years of celibacy, I'm going to finally stop. I'm going to finally stop being such a boring coward.
Wow, you pull no punches, don't you? Being such a boring coward.
And I'm ready to go out there and meet men and be the sexy woman I've always been.
I am ready to go out there and meet men and tie them up and be the adventurous, sexual person. And I've always been.
I like your additions. The auditions were hot. So, Rhonda, go out there and have fun and. And, you know, there will be guys along the way that are ridiculous, that are stupid. There'll be guys that. That try and do too much too quickly. There'll be guys that are disrespectful. There'll be guys that are abusive. That. That's. That's life with. Life is full of the wrong type of person, but it's also full of amazing people. So I much like a business. When people come into your life that aren't the right type of candidate, fire them quickly and move on to people that are great. But don't disqualify people because you're scared. Only disqualify them if you fundamentally know that they're not living up to your standard. Okay. And for the ones that do live up to your standard or you're curious about, give them a chance, have some fun, and if at the end of the day, they turn out to be the wrong person or they turn out to be someone who isn't brutal bringing good energy into your life, you can lose them just as quickly and move on to the next one. And you haven't lost anything. You haven't lost a part of yourself. It's all part of the experience, and it makes you a richer, more interesting person. So don't shy away from it. Okay?
Okay. Then you're right, as usual.
No, Rhonda, in this case, you're right because you are that sexy woman, and I'm excited for you. I think this is going to be the start of a new chapter, and I think you should relish it. And enjoy it and not just look for the successes, but enjoy making the mistakes as well because you're going to make a lot of those and that's okay.
Okay, then.
All right, Rhonda, have a wonderful, wonderful day. Go have fun. I can't wait to hear from you soon. Make sure you give us a call sometime and let us know how you're getting on. Okay?
Alrighty, then.
I love your energy, Rhonda. Thank you so much for being such a smiley influence in my day. I love it.
Thank you. You're very welcome.
And thank you all for listening. It's been such a pleasure to have you listening on Love Life. Thank you to Rhonda. What an amazing woman. Such an amaz energy and so much courage to come on and talk about something so honestly. I love it. I commend it. I appreciate it. And I want more like Rhonda. So if you have a question, call in 844-204-6288. That's 844204, Matt with two T's. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Bye, guys.
