If I Were Single and Starting Over, THIS Is What I Would Do

Foreign that we are doing here today for the next hour. I'm so honored that so many of you are here. The last time I checked, there were a few thousand people here right now, and I know that's growing by hundreds and hundreds every second. Thank you so much for being here and showing up to all of you. Shivin, I see you, Celine, Walter, Katie, Caitlin, what's going on? We've got Germany, Uganda, North Carolina. So many different countries represented. Holland, Germany, Hong Kong, Mexico. So good to see you all here. And what I love about this is that my community has always been such a wonderfully positive place. It's always been such a gorgeous group of people. It's people that are intelligent, people who value doing the work. It's people who want to heal. It's people who want more for their life. I have one of my favorite things about my career has always been the types of people that we attract here in this organization. So I want to thank you for being here and being one of those people. Whether you came from our mailing list, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, wherever it is you found out about us, I'm so, so honored that you're spending time with us today. And the truth is most people will be here because there is, there's a result that they dream of getting in their love life that right now isn't happening the way they want it to. And I know there will be so many people in this audience that have been through some hard times. Maybe who here has come out of a divorce? Just let me raise your hand in the chat. Say me, who has been through a divorce and you're trying to get back out there again after a really difficult end to a relationship that you thought you would be in forever. How many of you are leaving, have just left or have been left from a long term relationship? Maybe you weren't married to the person, but you thought it was going to last or you, it was something that you really valued, something that was important to you. You really wanted this relationship to work and that relationship is over now. How many people are there? How many people are single again? Having thought I would never be single again at this point in my life? How many people are in a place right now where you're like, I truly thought I would be in a different place in my love life by this point. And who here has been single for some time? And you so want your love life to happen. You want to find your person, you want to find love. But it's felt like nothing you have tried has worked for you and it started to dampen your spirits. Maybe you've started to lose hope. Maybe you feel like you have that fear of it's never going to happen for me and that's a horrible place to be, isn't it? When we feel like we're broken, like something's wrong with me, why does it happen for everyone else? Why does it happen for my friends? We watch another friend get married or get into a serious long term relationship and increasingly when we feel like we're going to be the only one left at the party and that's such a scary place to be for so many people. And I want to acknowledge you if that's you. If you're scared right now, if you're in a place where maybe you haven't voiced that fear to your friends or your family or people around you because you have some shame around that, or you don't want to come across like this is the only thing that's important to you, but deep down you are scared that it's not going to happen for you. It plays on your mind. How many people? I'm going to try and read some of these comments. They're going so fast. Christina, dating sucks. I hear you. Alexandra, single for almost five years. Daniela, been single for 28 years. Yeah. Oh my God. That's what I feel, says Amna. Stephen, I see you as you too. So there's a lot of people in this room who. How many people? Just because I feel like we don't get honest with ourselves about this enough. How many people in this room deeply want to find love? You may not want to date, but you deeply want to find love. That is something that is important to you. And I think there's a big difference between those two things. I guarantee most people here on the Love Life reset, they're not interested so much in the things that we have to do to find love, but they are wildly, disproportionately interested in finding love itself. That is one of your number one, maybe your number one goal in life. And if that's you and you're being honest about that right now, I want to celebrate you because I feel like we live in a culture that consistently shames people for wanting to find what is perhaps the greatest thing any of us can find in life. Love connection. So you're here right now because you want to find love, but love is hard and we've been let down. What I'm here to do is restore a sense of optimism today and to give you a fresh Approach. I don't go live like this very often. This is. I did a big one of these. When was the big one? January. I did a huge one of these in January, just like this. The comment section was just as crazy. But this is the first one I've done since then and it may well be the last one I do for a while. So I'm glad you're here watching this live right now. Block out the time in your hour and don't go anywhere and stay till the end. Because the last time. Who was here the last time in January when I did the first principles for getting to commitment, who was here for that session? Just raise your hand. Who was here when I did the craziness of giving away a $300 one of my programs to anyone who had got a copy of the Love Life book, my new book that's coming out on the 23rd of April? Who was here for that? So on that event, I did something completely crazy and gave away a $300 program if you weren't there. Let me tell you this. I am glad you are here today because today I'm going to do something crazier than that and I can't wait to tell you about it. So in addition to the hour of killer content that I'm going to give you right now, you're also going to get this incredible thing that I'm. I'm going to tell you about, but I won't tell you just yet. I'm going to be talking a lot to everyone today. If I use, if I talk, if it feels like I'm talking just to women and you're a man in the room, know that this applies to you, too. This is for everyone. It's universal. So no matter what examples I use sometimes, you'll hear that and you'll go, that's not relevant to me. I promise you. The principles behind what I'm doing are relevant to everybody. And one of the key themes to this event is that love may have let us down in the past. Life in many ways may have let us down. A person in our life or many people may have let us down, but we cannot let ourselves down. For people in this room who are going to be on this Earth another 60 years, 50 years, 40 years, however long we have, we can't let ourselves down in that time. And you wouldn't be here if you'd given up altogether. So this is for everyone who's not ready to give up and wants to find that fresh approach. I have five different points that I want to deliver to you today about how to reset your love life. So I want you to write down number one. Number one, create a new story. Write that down. I want you making lots of notes through this session today. Create a new story. How many people here right now have a story that they tell themselves either about why it is that they can't find love or why they're probably never going to find love, why it's always going to be hard for them and they're just going to live the rest of their lives alone? It's never going to happen. You're never going to find the love you want. How many people have a story like, like that? And if you want to be super vulnerable right now, this doesn't have to be like, I don't. I'm not interested in fake vulnerability. I think there's tons of fake vulnerability online. I'm not. I want real vulnerability. I want real stories. Who here wants to type a story that you tell yourself about why it's never going to happen for you, about a limitation that you think makes it impossible for you to find love? Who here has a story? I want you to write it in the comments right now so that everyone can see it and we can start to actually get some vulnerability as a group and see that maybe we're not the only one with our story. There are many, many people with that story. So, Yasmin, I don't want to get hurt. So I see so many people have a story right now that they're holding on to. So what's your story? Jacqueline? The Internet is a horror story. Sparkling Diva says can't find a good match. Jennifer Telling myself I'm better alone. And when we tell ourselves we're better alone, it's because we've been hurt, isn't it? We've been hurt some. We've been hurt enough that we start to say, I'm just not signing up for this anymore. Someone said, I think I'm too fat. There's something wrong with me. I'm overweight. I don't deserve love. I haven't experienced healthy love. And we worry if I haven't experienced healthy love, I don't know what healthy love is and I'm never going to be able to find it. And that goes back to that idea that I am broken. They'll always end. I'm too old. I only fall for bad boys. I don't know where any good matches are. My anxiety. I'm too much for men, too old. So let's take that story for a moment, this idea that I am too old. What does too old mean in this context? Because that's a story. Now the problem with some stories is the evidence. We can find plenty of evidence for the fact that that story is true. That we not only feel too old in some way, but we worry that everyone else sees us as too old. That no one is going to want us by a certain point. And many people who come out of long term relationships or marriages, they're even told by their friends, good luck. Oh my God. You feel invisible at this age and then you go out and it doesn't happen for you for a little while or you don't feel like you get the attention you did 20 years ago or 10 years ago and you do think, oh my God, I am invisible. They're right. And it cements the story. So the problem with belief systems is you get a story and then you find evidence for it and that tells you the story isn't a story, it's truth. I am too old to find love. No one is going to want me at my age. No one is going to want me because I've been married twice. No one's going to want me because I don't look the same way I did when I was 35 or 25 or 19. Now a huge part of this story for so many of us is a kind of cultural indoctrination that we're told over and over and over again what other people want. Be careful. This is what people want and you're not it. But I want you to write this down. Finding love isn't a popularity contest. You don't need to be for everyone. You don't need to be someone that attracts attention from lots and lots of people, unless you're just dating from a place of ego. We're looking for love, right? That's a big. That's a very different thing for I'm looking for popularity, I'm looking for attention. And when we're looking for love, we just have to find someone who is right for us. So we have to be really careful not to get indoctrinated. For you women out there, especially those of you in a different season of your life, you're indoctrinated all the time by the media, by advertisements, by men, by other women, sometimes about men only want younger women. And there is this dreadful rhetoric for so many women that at a certain point you're done. At a certain point you're no longer interesting to men. At a certain point you have no value as a woman. When you hit a certain age, it's a terrible, terrible, insidious message that's given to so many women. And it's not that that message doesn't come from an awful lot of men, because it does. The problem is, if we start to believe that if you as a woman, if you're in your 50s or 60s right now, or 70s or 80s, and you start deciding my value is over as a woman because of the age I'm at, then you're done. Not because your value is over, but because you believe it is. Now, look, I'm not here. This is not. I'll tell you right now, this hour is not going to be about me saying falsely optimistic things about finding love. This is about truth. And I believe in radical honesty. All of us. All of us are going to get to an age where our looks aren't the same anymore. And if you're a woman and you find that you get less attention than you did 20 years ago, you're probably right. You're probably right. But what you have to decide is, what does that mean to me? Because anytime I hear people ranting and raving about the fact that I'm still as attractive to everyone as I was 20 years ago, I still. I get more attention than ever in my mind, I'm going, I think that's a problem because you're still living for that attention. You're still playing that game. The game being I need to worry about being attractive to men until the day I die. So what are we gonna do? You're gonna play the game of I need to be just as attractive to men till I go to the grave? That's just still playing the same game, still trying to please men in that way. Fuck that. I might curse a little more today than I normally do. By the way, I realized this as I was writing this, because I was like, this is. We're dealing with some big stuff today, and we're dealing with some real truth. And I'm sick and tired of people either thinking they have no value or still later in life, dressing up their value as if their value is still their looks, as if that's a positive thing. We're all going to lose our looks. And by the way, ladies, you also. Many of you find men less attractive as they get older. So this isn't just a female thing, right? When a guy hits 55 and he has a gut that he didn't have when he was 25 and he doesn't look the same, and he's wrinkled and he's. There's many, many of you who think that the 25 year old man is hotter, right? So it's not like we're all such different animals in that way. But it's really important to understand that I'm only in trouble if I still base my value on how much attention I'm getting because of my looks. If I don't play that game, it's no longer a story. Instead, what I can do is I can say instead of pretending and keep telling myself that I'm just the same as I Was when I'm 25? Instead, let me say, no, no, no. What game am I playing now that I could never have played when I was 25? All those people who were giving you attention, by the way, at 21 years old, 25, was it the kind of attention that you really wanted? Was it people who really wanted you for you, your wisdom, your worldly experience, the level of connection? Or was it a different kind of attention? See, that's the thing. We look back on a time in our lives where we had more attention and we forget that that attention was so cheap, it was so superficial. I remember a time, some of you have followed me for long enough to know this. I remember a time when I was 25 years old and I had a column in Cosmopolitan magazine and every month there would be a new two page spread of me doing some like, pose for Cosmopolitan with like long hair. And it was, no one was caring about what I was saying. It was literally just, let's put a picture of this guy in the magazine and he's a dating coach. The kind of attention I get today is so much more valuable than the attention that I got then. I'm not sitting there going, I just wish Cosmo would still put a two page spread of me in their magazine. I don't care because it's not, that's not where I get my validation and it's not the kind of connection that I want with people. So at a certain point we have to say that story is irrelevant to me. I don't need to convince anyone that I still have this or that. I need to understand that I bring a different kind of value to the table now, right? Write this down. Play games you can win. Play games you can win. I'm not going to crave trying to be attractive all the time to the opposite sex. We'll come on to being attractive anyway, right? But I'm not going to do this so that I can keep telling myself I'm winning the game of attractiveness on that level. And whatever decade of your life you're in, whether you're in your shout out. Who here is in their twenties? Who here is in their twenties? Right? Put it in the comments right now. If you're in your twenties watching this, leave us a comment. Say twenties, Write twenties in the comments. I just want to know how many people here in their twenties and when I say play games you can win, you know what I mean? You know, I don't mean go into your dating life playing games. I mean if you're going to engage in a game of life where you go, I'm going to decide what my value is. Don't decide, don't let someone else decide your value. Where you're trying to impress them. You decide what's valuable about you. So we've got a bunch of people in their 20s. If you're in your 20s right now, guess what? You've got so much time, you're also dealing with 20 somethings. That's a disaster. 20 somethings are idiots. And I love you 20 somethings. And you have so much to bring to the table. But also when you get 10 years from now, you're going to look back and you're going to, I laugh at myself in my twenties, at all the ways I was an idiot, right? And even if you're not an idiot, you're going out and you're trying to find people and you're meeting a lot of idiots who don't even know they're idiots yet. If you're in your 30s, guess what? Great age, right? Being in my 30s, amazing age being, oh, it's amazing. It's like some of the best years of your life. But also if you're in your 30s and there's a certain level of panic because you really want to find love and maybe you want to have a family and you're looking at your timeline going, I have a biological window for this, then that can induce its own kind of fear, can't it? So 30s comes with its own kind of baggage. If you're in your 40s, 40s, an amazing age, you know who you are, you want to go out, maybe you're going out there for a second time, maybe you're, maybe you're excited about knowing what you want finally. But, oh, the 40s, well, now I got to tell, I got to describe someone that I'm, I've been married already. Oh, I got to talk about the fact that I already have kids and I'm worried about dating as a single mom. So now I got to talk about that 50s. Oh, I'm really starting to feel invisible. Even though I feel wiser than I've ever been, I feel more financially in a good place than I've ever been. Perhaps I feel like I really have my life set. But all of a sudden I feel like I'm invisible to people. Like, the people I'm dating all want a younger person. So now we have a big excuse. In our 50s, it doesn't matter where we are in our life. There are a big, amazing and beautiful stories to lean into about the decade we're in. And there are curses about the decade we're in. We have to ask ourselves, do I keep telling myself a story about how beautiful this decade is and leaning into the beauty of it, or do I keep telling myself a story of the curse of this decade of my life? There's good and bad at every age, but what we can do is lean into the decade we're in. So make a decision right now, look at your decade and say, I am going to lean into this decade and I'm going to make it incredible. And by the way, that doesn't just apply to age. It applies to situations. You might be in a situation, whether you're a single parent, whether you have an illness, whether you are someone who, for whatever reason comes with stuff, you have a crazy family, your stuff that makes it not easy for you. Okay, that's also interesting because we tell ourselves that's all a bad thing. But sometimes those are the best things. Sometimes those lead us to a kind of love we never could have found if we didn't have that situation. I write about this in my book, the new book. I write about how for years I suffered with immense chronic physical pain. And I won't get into it in a big way here today, but it broke me down and it threatened to ruin my life. It robbed me of my joy for many years. And at one point I thought my life was over. But in addition to thinking my life was over, I also thought, no one is ever going to find me attractive again because of this chronic condition. Because it's made me weak, it's made me afraid, it's made me constantly in pain, it's made me joyless, it's made me depressing to be around. I had all of these thoughts in my mind about what this meant. And I thought, no one going to love this version of me. But the truth is that chronic pain led me to one of the most empathetic human beings I have ever met in my life. When I met Audrey, she had this unbelievable capacity for understanding and empathy with my chronic pain. And she'll tell you it was a huge feature of the early part of our relationship. And I was broken and I was in. We would, you know, imagine being on date seven with someone and you're in tears because of your pain, and you're just in a terrible mental place and you're like, no, I can't possibly be lovable like this and someone's showing up for you. I couldn't have known Audrey's empathy if I hadn't been in that place. And I believe that I attracted a far more empathetic partner than I ever would have if I had nothing wrong with me in that moment, because I wouldn't have known someone's empathy because I wouldn't have needed it in the same way. So we have to be very careful about the things we're telling ourselves or our limitations, because those can actually lead us to a kind of love that's far more beautiful than we would have ever found otherwise. Also, don't give other people too much credit for knowing what they want. It's so easy to say, oh, everyone wants this, everyone wants that. Men all want a younger woman. Women all want a guy who has power or status or money or whatever stories we've been told. But the truth is, most people don't know what they want until we show them. So you might have someone who even thinks that they want a certain thing, and then they meet us and we have a certain way about us and a certain energy and a certain confidence that makes someone go, I'm willing to give up my preconceived notions of the kind of love I wanted because it's you. So we have to be very careful about taking the things that society or someone else says and then taking them on as truths and then projecting those truths back. Because if I go on a date with you and I'm like, I can. I telegraph through my body language and the way I am that I'm almost afraid that you're not going to want me because of how old I am, because I have kids, because I've been married before, because I'm. I'm. You know, I have something going on in my life, then I'm going to. Basically, I'm telling you what to think about me. I'm telling you that this thing is a problem that you need to think about. And if I tell you it's a problem you need to think about you're actually going to take it as a problem you need to think about, make sense. And someone who genuinely just wants something else that's not you, that comes in a different shape, a different size, a different age, a different situation isn't your person. Love isn't a popularity contest. Let everyone decide they want something that's not you. The only thing that matters is the one person who wants what you have to offer. And I'm going to say I have no time to be able to do this on this session because we have one hour and I have five points to get through. But I want to tell you this. There are. For everyone who has the book, I want you to write this down. There are two parts that are going to be really relevant to you if what I just said spoke to you. The first is a story with a woman named Angela, and she is in a chapter called have Hard Conversations. That story alone will change your life. The second thing I want you to read as soon as you get the book is towards the end of the book, and that is a chapter called the Question of Having a Child. Because many of you right now are scared or even in panic mode because you wanted a family. And it's not. You're not. Your life isn't unfolding in the way that you thought it would. So you're now scared because maybe you, you know, you want kids more than anything, and you haven't met your person yet. How many people are in that position right now? How many people want kids? And you have not met your person. And it's scaring you if you're honest, because now you're starting to. You're starting to freak that maybe it's not going to happen for me in time. If that's you, you need a plan. And I outline what that plan looks like in the chapter called the Question of having a Child. So that chapter is going to be highly relevant to everyone who's got the book. Okay, number two. So number one, create a new story. How many people already have listened to this? And you're like, you know what? Yeah, my story is bullshit. I've been telling myself this story that's been holding me back, making me feel insecure, trying to win affection from people I shouldn't even be trying to win affection from. How many people are listening to this going, I need to change my story, because my story alone is making me come into dating. Like a person wincing that they're gonna get hurt. So, yeah, I see you, Michaela. Yeah, Karen. Tails. I love It. Okay, so the second point I want to make, get clear on what kind of love is worth having. Write that down. Get clear about what kind of love is worth having. And I want to tell you, by the way, no matter what age you're at, I have coached someone in that age bracket. I had a client a few years ago who was 83, and she sent me an email and said, I've been following your programs. I love what you do. I got proactive, and I've now met the love of my life. She said, I'm 83. She said, you're not going to believe this, but the two of us are building a boat together. She said, the two of us are building a boat together, and when we're done, we're going to sail away in it. She said so. And the last thing she said in her email was, tell everyone out there at whatever age they are that it's never too late to meet your person. It's never too late to find the love of your life. So it doesn't matter where you are. I promise you. There's no story you could tell me at this stage of my life that could shock me. I've done this for 17 years. I have heard every kind of story imaginable, some of the most horrific things, things that would be hard to even speak in a session like this. But those people go on to find love. We have to be very careful of being a prisoner to our story. So number two, get clear on what is worth having. Get clear on what is worth having. One of the things that happens when we start to feel scared in our love lives is we develop a scarcity mindset. And a scarcity mindset says, no one's ever going to come along. I'm never going to find someone. It's never going to happen for me. I'm going to stay alone. And then we get panicked. So from a scarcity mindset, do we make good or bad decisions about who to give our time and energy to? You tell me in the comments. When you've been in a place of fear, have you made good decisions about who to give your time to, who to give your energy to? We all know the moment you've got. When you've got me panicked, I start panic, buying. I panic, buy a relationship, I panic, buy attention. So now you get someone who's hot and cold, inconsistent, doesn't prioritize you, doesn't even say they want to be with you, says they're not ready for a relationship. They just want to play the Field. And then they text us, and we text them back instantly because we're afraid no one else will come along. The scarcity mindset makes us take someone. You know, the number of times I've heard from people go, but he's such an eligible bachelor. And when I ask them what makes him an eligible bachelor, it's all bullshit. It amounts to, he's good looking, he's still single, and he has a bit of charisma about him. Maybe he's doing well in life. Oh, what an eligible bachelor. As if that counts for anything. What I hear far more rarely is how does this. What, what does this person actually make you feel? What are their values? Does their life sync up with yours? Are they kind? Are they loyal? Do they make you feel safe? Do you feel like you can truly be yourself around this person? Ask yourself with someone who made you nervous because you were like, oh my God, they're so eligible and impressive. I really want to impress them on a date. Ask yourself, did you really feel comfortable being 100% yourself around that person? Did you feel like you could say anything to that person? Did you feel like you could reveal the ugly parts of you, the fragile parts of you, the insecure parts of you, and that that person would just accept them? Or did you hide many of those parts of you? Because God forbid this person learn the real you or learn all of you, they might run away. So we kept trying to impress them because that's what we do in the scarcity mindset. We try to impress people instead of trying to find our person. Our person is someone we're compatible with, is someone who sees us, someone who accepts us, someone who feels like home, someone we can be completely ourselves with, and importantly, someone who says yes. So what we have to do is create a column in our life that says on one side, interesting, not interesting. And if someone is kind on a date and we have a fun time with them and we feel an attraction, interesting, if then for a week, they don't text us after the date, they move over to not interesting, they don't. Here's what doesn't happen, by the way. This is what happens for so many people. Oh, my God. They were kind, fun, they were attractive, there was attraction between us. They were charismatic. They don't text me back for a week, even more interesting. This is where they have to go into this column. Because we have predetermined that anyone who doesn't show up consistently in our lives, anyone who doesn't actually want the same things as us, anyone who doesn't make us feel safe immediately is not interesting to us. Does that make sense? We have to start getting very clear about what is interesting and what's not interesting. And that I told you in this session, when I talked about what we would cover, I said one of the things I would cover is how to overcome rejection or not fear it as much. Well, one of the ways we overcome rejection is by deciding that a lot more behavior is completely uninteresting to us. So we actually narrow the pool of people that we can feel rejected by. Because if you don't text me for weeks on end, you can't reject me. I don't want you anymore. It's not interesting to me. Right? It's not. Oh, I feel so rejected by this person I had such a great date with. No, you disqualified yourself when you were inconsistent. You're no longer interesting to me. That's one of the key ways we get. One of the ways we get over rejection is we get really confident about knowing what matters to us. We can get so preoccupied with this idea of self worth. And self worth is really important. But you know what gives you instant confidence? Just knowing what kind of behavior is interesting to you. And when something isn't interesting, you move on. You're like, just, it's just water off a duck's back. It bounces off you. It's not interesting. Not how do I get that person to call me again? How do I get them to like me? Oh my God, I really feel like this is my person. If only they could decide that I was their person. That's insane. Anyone who doesn't think I'm their person isn't my person. How many people resonate with this right now? Tell me in the comments. Confidence is knowing what matters to you. And by the way, for so many of you who are afraid to get back out there, many of you are afraid to get back out there because you do not trust yourself. You're scared that if someone comes along and they're a little bit impressive and a little bit eligible, then all of a sudden your heart's going to get caught up in it and you're going to give too much time and energy and attention and you're going to end up getting hurt. Someone's going to steamroll you. But what we have to do is free up energy by saying no to nonsense. Free up energy by saying no to nonsense. Because so many of us are burnt out in our love life. Not because finding love is hard, which it is, but because we have given so Much energy to the wrong people. And the scarcity mindset is a false economy because what it does is it says, hold on to the person that's right in front of me. And then we give this person a year of our time and energy. And in that, maybe in that year we would have met someone else, but we couldn't because love had no space. Love needs space. I want everyone to write that down. Love needs space. In order to create space, we have to be prepared to do the brave thing and hold. Our love lives will change if we get better at holding. This is an interesting attention to me. I'm going to hold. And by holding, I keep space open for the person who's right for me. Even if one of those people comes along a year, I will. When that person comes along, I'll be in a state of readiness because I didn't have my attention taken up by someone who wasn't right for me. Love needs space. So what do we do, my friends? We go slow to go fast. We go slow to go fast. And for those of you who are like, I can't afford to go slow, Matt. I want to have a family and I'm running out of time. That's why I said, read that chapter in the book, the question of having a child. Because I promise you, it's going to change the way you think about that forever. So, quick recap. We have to create a new story and we have to get clear about what's worth having. We have to get clear about what's worth having. And one of the big keys to rejection is what? Just to be confident about what's not interesting to you. You don't even need self worth for that. All you need to know is what you can't tolerate ever again. What's not interesting to you now, by the way, another key to overcoming rejection is to develop the deepest level of self worth. And I'm going to take five minutes at the end to give you a philosophy and a perspective on that that will change the way you think about it for good. All right? So like I said, stay. Not just because there's going to be something crazy I'm going to do, which I am, but also because at the end, I'm going to give you a key to self worth. That is you. I promise you, you won't have heard it said like this anywhere else, and it will change the way you think about your relationship with yourself. All right, number three. Number three, I want you to write this down. Control what you can. So write a new Story so that you're excited about your love life again. Write a new story. Decide what's important to you. In other words, it's not someone with just oodles of charisma and good looks. It's someone who's actually going to be an amazing teammate to me, someone who makes me feel safe, someone I can be myself with. I'm going to change what I've decided is most important in my mind. Number three, control what you can control. Now, we can't control everything, but we can control some things. We can control some things. You know what happens every time I go to the gym? I think, I have to do this every morning for the rest of my life, every time I go. And it's not because I look in the mirror and I like the results, because I feel like that on days where I've not been doing it, and I don't like the look that I have in the mirror. But every time I go to the gym, at a certain point in the training session, it's never minute five, but somewhere around minute 45 or 55, I get this feeling when my psychology starts to feel more powerful all of a sudden. And I think to myself, oh, my God, this is a different me. How many people have had that experience? I'm not talking about the aesthetics of going to the gym or whatever you do for exercise. Doesn't matter what you do. How many people have had that moment where you look in the mirror, or rather, you just feel something and your psychology changes and you think, I'm a different me right now, I'm a more powerful me. I can take care of other things in this state that I couldn't an hour before I was training. How many people feel that difference in state, that difference in psychology? One of the things that we can control is how proud we make ourselves and how much we do with what we have. So waking up at a certain time, training, connecting to what we're grateful for in our lives, eating certain foods, getting the fuck off of Instagram. What are the things that put you in a more powerful state? Do you know how many times Instagram has made my life better by the time I get off of it? Maybe three. How many times do you think I visited Instagram? It makes people unhappy. It is a dopamine roller coaster. And we wonder why we don't feel good, because we're seeing bullshit relationships between other people that don't even exist, even the good ones. I'm not just talking about the completely fake relationships. People we've never Been more in love. And then the next day they break up or announce their divorce. I'm talking about the happy ones. Me and Audrey don't post our fights on Instagram, so even those are skewed. It's bullshit, but it makes us feel like crap. So what can we control? I can control my mind. I can control my training. I can control the things I eat. I can control whether I'm a dopamine addict or where I find calm in my life. I can, to a certain extent, control my looks. I may not be the best looking person in the room, or I may not be the person who's. Who's got all the money in the world to spend lots of money on clothes, but can I do better? Probably. Can I take care of myself? More? Probably. Do you know how many people in my life I've met who tell me they desperately want to find love? And this is me being so real with you guys right now. I cannot help but think you do not look like a person who is looking for love. Because the things that you could have done, you didn't do. You have not looked after yourself. You have not. There's nothing conscious about the clothes that you have put on today or the way that you've taken care of yourself. If someone says they really want to find love, but they look like they've given up on themselves, there's a disconnect. You see that? How many of us, if we're honest, can see that there's a disconnect between what we say we want and the way that we're treating ourselves or the way that we're putting ourselves together right now? This isn't about trying to be attractive for someone, although it is acknowledging that people are human beings just like us. They want to find someone they're attracted to. It's about making ourselves proud. Because you know what? The moment. If I haven't trained for three months, the day I go to the gym, I step in front of the mirror in the bathroom and I think I'm doing better. There's no way my body has changed. There's no way there's anything different about my body from the day before. Not from one session in three months. But something about the act of doing it makes me proud, and making me proud makes me confident. It's the same with if I put on a suit or if I wear something that I like, there's something about it that has me showing up differently. So, my friends, I say this with love. Are you ready for the love of your life to walk into the room today, if suddenly the love of your life had to come over and get a tour of your apartment or your house, would you shit your pants? Would you be like, I can't. This is a disgrace. I can't have them see this. I can't have them see my bedroom like this. I can't have them see my closet. I couldn't have them open those drawers. It's a joke. If that's the case, then we're not really being serious about being ready to meet someone. We say we want to meet someone, but we're not doing the things that would make us ready. That would be like the most clipped thing for TikTok, I imagine, is that particular line right there. And we can also control our energy. How much energy am I giving? We can control our energy. What kind of energy am I bringing to the table? Do I bring energy to people or do I suck energy out of the room? And look, I know this stuff is hard because this stuff is deep. This isn't stuff that we didn't just wake up one day and decide not to try. We got there by a series of degrees, by losing faith in ourselves, by letting go, by deciding not to care for ourselves, not to love ourselves. We got here by increments. Who here is enjoying this? By the way, I'm sorry, I feel like there's a whole other level of honesty about this session. But tell me in the comments, who here is enjoying this and feeling like, you know what, this is the wake up call that I need. Because I do want to find love and I need to start taking myself seriously. Let me know in the comments right now. So I have something. I'm going to get to the other two, but before I do, I have something that I want to gift everyone here. This is the crazy part. So who here, Let me just ask a quick question. Who here already has a copy, pre ordered, a physical copy, pre ordered of my new book, Love Life? For those of you that don't know, I am releasing a brand new book. It comes out on April 23rd and it's called Love Life, how to raise your standards. Find your person and live happily no matter what. Who here has already got a copy of the book? Just leave me a comment right now and let me know. So for everyone who has a copy of the book, I am doing another huge giveaway today for no extra investment. You don't need to do anything. You don't need to purchase anything. For the price of the book, I'm giving away something crazy. If you don't have the book, you can get it right now and get access to everything I am about to tell you about. And one of these things expires to today. So now is the moment. And by the way, if you're enjoying this, but you have to go or there's somewhere you have to be, I saw a comment saying someone had to go on a get on a flight. Do not get on your flight until you've done this. Do this one thing, then hop on your flight because this is going to be important. I am giving away a pro, an entire toolkit, an entire package of things, prizes for all of you called the Love Life Toolkit. And I want you to write these things down. The first thing I'm doing is giving away two full courses from my Love Life Club membership. One of them is called how to Meet and Attract People. And this is a multi module video program with cheat sheets and PDFs where if you are watching this now and you're excited about getting back out there, this is going to show you how to do that in a granular way. What can you do with your time? How can you spend it? Even if you have only a little bit of time and you're working with many of you work hard, many of you have kids, many of you have other things going on. How do you work with the cracks of time? You have to find love. This is going to show you how to do that. It's going to show you how to build activities into what you do. It's going to show you how to use dating apps differently if you want to do that. If you don't want to meet people through dating apps, it's going to show you how to do it without dating apps the way I had to the old fashioned way. It's going to show you how to engage with people when you meet them, even if you're an introvert or you're shy. So it's an entire program for people who want to learn how to meet people. The second program is for anyone who has clashed with people in the past with attachment styles. If you feel like your attachment style has been clashing with other people's in dating this entire video program. Again, I think there's over 10 modules in this program shows you how to navigate differences in attachment styles when you're out there dating people. So these are two very valuable programs. They're worth hundreds of dollars on their own. I'm gifting these two programs to everyone who gets a copy of the book and that's not it. I have two more things. I'm giving away tickets to an event that I am doing on May 4 called Find your person. This is a virtual event I'm going to be doing with people all over the world and I'm going to be spending significantly longer than I have time for today. It's going to be a multi hour event and I'm if you're wondering how to do all of this, I'm literally going to walk you through a plan for 2024 for you to find your person. And I took my inspiration for this event was giving myself one challenge. If I was single and I wanted to find love in 2024, whatever my no matter what, my age, my situation, my circumstances, how would I design a year to find my person to make it almost inevitable that I found my person? And that's the way I've designed this event. So the event is called find your person. It's on May 4th and the only way to come to that event is to grab a copy of the book. Again, this is insane because the book itself is going to be something you'll want. You'll want to get a copy for your friends and people you know as well. But this is a celebration for me of the years that I've spent doing this and I'm never doing. So this is a crazy thing that we're doing. This truly is a one off. The thing that is expiring today I haven't even mentioned yet. There is a secret session that I did with a tiny group of people called the standards of attraction. How to re how to set or reset the bar with someone. So even if you've got someone that you're like, I never set the bar with them. I need to change my standards with them. It shows you how to do that so that you never settle for less than getting your needs met. So if you want to have standards conversations which this book is going to give you a lot of them, but you don't know how to have them and you want to figure out how to navigate those, this program is going to show you how to do that. And I'm never giving this away again. This is something I'm just doing for the people that are here right now with me and do it today. So this is expiring today. This fourth bonus. Again, all you need to do is order a copy of the book and you can do that@loveliferoadmap.com I'm going to get the team to link it up in the chat loveliferoadmap.com all four of those things. The two full courses. One on meeting men, one on navigating attachment styles and meeting people in general. If you're a man, you can use this as well. Don't worry. A virtual ticket to an event I'm doing on May 4, which is going to be huge, is only going to happen once. And you can't buy your way onto. You can only come through the book. And lastly, the Standards of Attraction secret session that I'm only making publicly available once. I have a mission. I know. How many people out there know of someone who is someone you love, who keeps accepting the wrong behavior, who keeps ending up with bad types, who keeps selling themselves short in their love life, is struggling with the pain or the loneliness of not having found someone, is scared that they're never going to find someone. I know because I've been doing this for 17 years. The effect that that has on people's lives, the bad decisions it leads to. The ongoing chronic emotional pain. Never mind physical pain, the emotional pain of being lonely for years and years and years. And the suffering that comes from the abusive, toxic, or even narcissistic relationships that people get into when their standards aren't high enough because they're not connected to their worth. My mission with this book is to change that for as many people as possible. And the truth is, the only way I can get it out there is if you help me. So this is a celebration for me to give all of these things, but it's also my way of saying to you not just thank you for getting a copy of the book, but thank you for spreading the word, because I can't do all of this on my own. You know people in your life, friends, family, brothers, sisters, colleagues. You know, people who need this, who don't follow me, who I can't reach, and I need your help to reach them. So don't just. If you grab a copy for you and you grab a copy for a friend, even better. It has to be a physical copy of the book. So I want to make sure that everyone doesn't get the audiobook. The audiobook doesn't count. The physical copy of the book is the one that counts. So grab a physical copy. If for any reason you're in an Internet, you're in another country that doesn't have a physical copy of the book, you can get the ebook, but if you're in America or any country that has a physical version, you have to get the physical version. But the ebook if you're international will also count. Again, that link is loveliferoadmap.com I am giving away four things. If you just showed up, I'm giving away two full courses. I think we even have a banner for this which is super fancy because we've never had one of those before. On our events, I'm giving away two free courses that would normally be worth hundreds of dollars. One on meeting people, one on attachment styles and how to navigate them in dirt in early dating. A virtual ticket to my event on May 4, which is an unmissable event if finding love is something that you're serious about this year. And lastly, the Standards of Attraction secret session for anyone who struggles to communicate their standards to have difficult conversations or confrontations. This is going to help you do that. So go to loveliferoadmap.com and by the way, if you've already pre ordered, you already get all of this. So we're going to send this to you. All you have to do is put the take your order code from your receipt and put it in on the page loveliferoadmap.com for anyone who orders new, you can go to that page. Oh, in fact, don't worry if you've already pre ordered, don't go to that page. We'll just email you. You so don't even worry. You don't have to do anything. We'll just email you. But if you are pre ordering the book new, then go to that page. And when you get your receipt, whether it's from Barnes and Noble, Amazon, anywhere else, just take the order number and put it in on that page. I'm so excited about this. I feel like this is. I told you before you showed up this was going to be worth coming to. Not just for the content, but for what I was going to do on the event. I promise you'll never get everything from us so easily again. So take the opportunity now while you're here. This is a celebration. This is a big moment for us. The last book I wrote was 10 years ago. It was a New York Times bestseller, which was amazing. But I haven't written a book for 10 years. That's why if I wrote a book every year, we wouldn't be doing something this crazy. But because it's been 10 years, this is a big, big moment and we want to get this out there far and wide because we know it's going to help people. So please, I need you to help me help people. Anyone. You grab a copy of this for helps Me reach more people. So thank you. Even your copy of this book helps me reach more people because it just raises the. The excitement out there around this book. And by the way, for those of you that you know, why would you know this? Publishers know to print more books and to put more out there by the attention that a book is getting. So the more attention you give this book, the more they see those orders ticking up on Amazon or bookstores, the more they will get excited and the more they will put this book far and wide and print more of them. So I need your help to signal to them that, hey, this is a moment. This is a big moment in time. This is a big book. This is going to help a lot of people. I appreciate all the support that you give me in that. All right, so let's keep going. We have two more, by the way. I just want to see who ordered right now. Let me know in the comments. Leave me a comment. Who has ordered? I want to just read out some names and give some love to the people that are here right now. Who has ordered a copy of Love Life and if for any reason it's not loading, hit refresh. It probably, probably crashing because of the number of people, the number of people going there. So just hit refresh. Garrett, I see you got it. Caroline. Amazing. Avita Avital. Thank you for telling More people. Someone asked for the cost. I think it's like 30 bucks or something like that. And I always think that that's the best value you'll ever get because someone has put hundreds of hours into something that costs tens of dollars, not hundreds of dollars. Ashley, I see you ordered. I see some of you ordered all the way back in January. So thank you for that. Amazing. Chenoa. Thank you so much. Tommy, I appreciate you. Starry. Thank you guys. This means so, so, so much. I. It would be fun. Like, we'll. We'll be able to see because it will rise up the ranks on Amazon. It will be super fun to see how far we can get the book up there. Audrey, what is it on? Can we see? Maybe it'd be great to see the charts on Amazon or Stephen, maybe you can tell us where we are right now and we can see how far up the charts we can right now. It has to be a physical copy of the book. Lj, thank you for already ordering. I so appreciate you. Map. Thank you. Oh, this is incredible, guys. Thank you so, so much. Lisa, thank you, thank you, thank you. Cindy, I really appreciate it. Carly, thank you for ordering last time and for showing up again this time again. And if you've ordered it before and there's someone in your life that you could send another copy to, please do. It would mean the world to me. All right, we are going to give a very quick three minute intermission just to give everyone a chance to get on board. And once you've got your order number, remember, go straight to loveliferoadmap.com and put your receipt number in the page and you'll get your instant access to those programs and you will email you with a ticket to the event on May 4th. So we're going to give everyone three minutes to do that because you may have ordered, but I want you to go and download the programs immediately. So go there now. Again, I think this is like, what was it, team? Like $500. We worked out that this was all this all amounted to. Grab the package now. We'll be back in three minutes for our final two points, Points four and five. And lastly, like I said, I'm going to help you with core confidence, self worth right at the end of this session. So I'm still seeing all of these messages coming in. Heather, Laurie, Lisa, amazing. Maura, we'll take three minutes and we'll be right back. Alright, guys, we're back. Let's wrap this up with the final two points. Thank you to everyone writing in the comments right now. And by the way, for those of you who are asking, does Kindle or ebook count? It's just the physical version that counts. But if you are in a territory where it's only an ebook or a Kindle available, then you can get that version. That's okay. That will count in those territories. Everywhere else. It's a physical version that counts. Hayley, I see you. Thank you so, so much, Ricardo. I'm glad you got it too. Thank you. All right, let's do this. So number four, I want you to write down, expand your world and design your year for finding your person. Now, expand your world and design your year for finding your person. Remember, we're all here because we want to reset in our love lives. And what's been happening so far hasn't been working for us. One of the things that happens for so many people is the older we get, the more our life contracts, we find it harder to make friends. We start living in our routines, we stop getting out there. How many people you exist between waking up, going to work, going home, tired, maybe seeing a friend during the week, but it's the same friend you always see the weekends. You're just playing catch up on sleep or maybe doing one thing socially. But it's the same kinds of people you're hanging around. How many people here feel like, if you're honest, you're living an expansive life where you're building new communities? Because that's a key word I want us all to understand for our next year and when we're together on May 4th, I'll go into this in much more detail. But community building is everything when we're going for it. Let me give you three different ways to build community starting today. Number one, do new activities that you don't normally do at least once a month. Do something new that you don't normally do. Pick something you want to try. Pick something you've been wanting to do for a long time. Just do something new that shakes you out of your normal routine and introduces you to new people. Right? So new activities. The second thing is take an activity you already do and do a more sociable version of that activity. So for example, let's say you like running at the gym. Could you join a running club? You'd still be running, but now you've got 20, 30, 50 new people that become a community for you. You're still doing the running, but now you're in community. Could you take something that is already something you enjoy, something you already do, and do a more social, community building version of that thing? Okay, so we have, number one key to building community, do new activities. Number two, do the same activity you already do. So you've already allocated the time for it, but do a more sociable version of it. And number three, something you already do that is a sociable activity, whether it's a class at the gym or your local church or something, a yoga class, whatever it is, go and do that thing with a different class, a different church, a different group of people. I always, whenever someone tells me, like, Matt, yeah, my, my class, there's no one there, I'm like, is yours the only gym class in your city? Is it the, oh, did you happen upon the only gym? Or are there other gyms where there are other classes and in those classes there are other people? Could you take something that you have gotten really comfortable with, where you already know everyone and say, I'm just going to do this somewhere else? If you do that, you're giving yourself. Imagine if you did a different fitness class every day of the week in a different place. Imagine that some activity that you do you just did in a different group. You'd instantly have a new community and community is the answer, because dating apps, that's fine. You can have it in your portfolio of activities, but it's still like going out like. Like an assassin trying to like, like meet a person. Going to a coffee shop is the same thing. It's like if I meet someone, it's like I'm trying to find someone in that location and have a conversation with them and try and make something happen there and then, because I may never see them again. But when you become part of new communities, you're introduced to new people all the time. Someone from that running club suddenly says to you, hey, we're doing something next weekend, or it's my brother's birthday. Do you want to come? And then you go and you meet a whole new group of people there as well. It that's how our life starts to become expansive again. And we won't have a problem meeting people if we make our life expansive. So again, I'm going to get into more detail on how to do this on May 4th. But there's one more thing I want to give you on this expansion in your life. When you are in those places, we have to be a little more proactive than we normally are. How many of you are shy? Maybe introverted? Small talk is not your favorite. The idea of walking up to someone and approaching a stranger is horrifying. How many people find that to be a scary thing to do? By the way, I include myself in that group because I haven't been great at that in my life either. Here's what I realized. So many of us aren't proactive in social situations because we are afraid of rejection. So we're making it all about us. But other people aren't coming over to us because they're afraid of rejection. So if we want more opportunity, instead of going, how do I not get rejected? We can flip the script and say, how do I make other people realize they're not going to get rejected? In other words, how do I go through my life making other people brave? If you do that, you will change your love life. How do I go through my life in such a way that it makes other people brave? There is a warmth to me. I commit to saying something, even if it's not the wittiest thing in the world or I just say something. We're all so preoccupied with saying something clever and witty and charismatic and nobody really cares because no one's going to remember the first thing you said, right? We just have to say something. Audrey was the one who said something to Me in the first place. We were stood next to each other watching a boxing match, and Audrey looked at me and asked me about the boxing. She definitely wasn't interested in boxing, I'll tell you that, because that interest has not been backed up even once since that day. But she looked at me and she asked about the fight. There was nothing like. It wasn't like. I went, oh, my God, that is the wittiest thing I've heard all year. I just went, oh, I have an excuse to talk to this person now. She made me brave. And we ended up talking for the next eight hours, right? All because she did something that made me a little brave in that moment. Could you go through your life making other people more brave? And by the way, for everyone who has a copy of the book, which I really hope is everyone inside, the how to Meet People program that you're getting, that you can download now is an entire section on things you can say to make other people brave. So if you're wondering, what could some of those things be, what could I do? Practically inside that is not only video modules, there's a cheat sheet PDF that you can go to right now, and you'll have, like, things at your fingertips that you can do to make other people brave. That's in the how to Meet People program that you're getting now. You don't have to do all of this five days a week, but what could you do of all of the things I'm talking about? Could you do 10% of it every week for the next year? Just 10% more. 10% more activities, 10% doing more sociable versions of things you do already. 10% trying out a new class of something you already do, but just doing it with a new group of people. 10% more proactivity when you're out, 10% more. Making other people brave, could you do 10% more? And how would that add up over the space of a year? When we're together on May 4th, we'll plan this out together. But could you do 10% more starting today, if you do, by the time we meet up again on May 4, I guarantee you you'll have some stories to tell me. And I look forward to hearing them. All right, point number five. Point number five. If we want to reset our love lives, if we want to make sure that the past does not equal the future in this area of our lives, that no matter what age we are, no matter where we are, I see there's people in their 70s in this room, 80s in this room. No matter where you are right now, the past does not have to equal the future. But if we don't want it to, we have to get honest with ourselves. My friends, for all of us, there is something holding us back. Love is hard. And this book, this book right here, I've taken five years to write to help every single person watching this do love better. But in order to truly have a different love life, and it's one of the things I talk about is the deeper work of this book, we have to get honest with ourselves about what internal pattern is holding us back. And that takes bravery. And you wouldn't be here if you're not brave. So what is it that is holding you back in your love life? Let me give you an example. And this is how this stuff goes back far in our lives. Me and Audrey, when we were first dating, something happened that made me jealous and I got scared. And when I got scared, I became avoided. How many people can relate to that? You worry you're going to get hurt, someone's done something that's activated you, triggered you, and immediately the walls go up. This happened with me and I picked a fight. I did all the wrong things, probably acted a bit controlling, I probably acted judgmental and frankly, like a bit of an asshole. It wasn't a proud moment for me, but I had become activated. This was deep stuff. And once I'd been activated, I. After making a mess of things with her and creating an argument, I just shut down completely. And then she couldn't get through to me. How many people can relate to that? You speak up, you say something you regret, and then because you're now worried you're exposed and you're vulnerable, you completely shut down. So I completely shut down. This isn't a new pattern in my life. I can remember going back to being a child. A day where my brother Stephen and Harry and a couple of my friends, one of my best friends at that time named Alex, they were all having like a great time playing football in the garden. And I was with them. I was. I was one of those people having a great time. Now, I don't remember what happened, but my mum, some. She came out and I think she yelled at me for something and she embarrassed me in front of people. And I then stormed off to my room and I shut the door. I stayed in that room for hours. Everyone else kept having a great time. And in my mind I was like, I'm. It was like almost a form of, I'm gonna punish you all for the fact that I feel embarrassed. And one by one, my friends, my brothers, came up and knocked on the door and begged me to come out and have fun with them. And I was so ashamed and so embarrassed and so didn't know how to deal with my feelings that I just told them all to go away because it was too painful to admit that something had really hurt me. So I just decided to vent and be angry and screw you, leave me alone. My mum came up and said, matt, come on, everyone's having a nice time. And it just made me even more angry. I don't need your sympathy. And I just told my mom to go away. An hour later, I get the word that my brothers and my friends are all going to their house now, to my friend's house, and they're all going to have this wonderful time and watch movies and hang out. And they were like, matt, come, we're all going to go to Alex's house now. And I just shut everyone out. And I said, go without me. My mum begged me, matt, come on, don't miss out, please, you're going to have such a nice time. Go without me. So everyone went. I will never forget the next day, my brothers came home and they were raving about what an amazing sleepover it was. And I feel like it scarred me. I feel like the fact that I didn't go stayed with me because I did that to myself. They were all having a fun time. No one was my enemy, no one was against me, and I did it to myself. How many people can relate to that? Like we hurt ourselves in those ways. I deprived myself of an amazing time and I almost did the same thing with Audrey. If we don't. And the lucky thing for me was at that point in my life, I was able. I was already on, like, a healing journey to try to try and figure out was what are some of my patterns? And that was one of my patterns. And I had shut people out in the past because of that. And it stopped me from being truly vulnerable. It stopped me from ever allowing myself to be seen. How many people. It may not be the same as my pattern, but how many people, by a show of hands, have a pattern that have that you know is getting in the way of you finding the deep love that you want to find. Maybe it's getting in the way of you being vulnerable, of you showing up with warmth. Maybe it's getting in the way of you taking risks. Maybe it's getting in the way of you letting love in. But who here has a pattern that you are Even mildly aware of that you can look at and go, there's something going on with me that I need to get honest about if I want to find love. Now look, I want to share this with you real quick before you go, because I said before you left I would give you a key to the deepest level of self worth. And if you come and join me for a bigger program, you'll hear me talk all about this. But the final, the penultimate chapter of the book goes into what I'm going to say in detail and it's called Core Confidence. So please, no matter what, the most important chapter of this entire book you're likely to read is called Core Confidence. It's the chapter before last. So write that down and make sure as soon as it arrives, you're ready for that chapter. Because I promise you, for anyone struggling with their self worth is going to be a big one. But here's the secret. Self worth, and let's say self love, because that's a term that's thrown around so much these days, does not come from thinking we're better than anybody. It does not come from having qualities that we think make us lovable. Anytime I say to someone, why should you love yourself? Do you know what people are like? Well, because I'm kind and I'm a good person. I do a lot for family and I work really hard and I deserve love. Love. To me, none of those are reasons we deserve love. Because if you say you deserve love for those reasons, then what about the days where you're a shitty person? What about the days where you're selfish, where you don't work hard, where you're lazy? Do you not deserve love on those days, my friends, you can't give yourself love only when you get a gold star. You can't feel worthy only on your good days. You have to see yourself as worthy of love on your worst days. How do you do that? You realize that of 8 billion people on this earth, you are the only person that is responsible for the human that is you. Imagine that at birth you were given a tiny human and you didn't know it at that time, that your job for the rest of your life, your one job was to take care of that human. Ask yourself this question, my friends. Are you doing a good job right now of taking care of that human? Because that's all you have to do, okay? If you have kids, you have a couple more humans to take care of too. But your primary first job was to take care of the human that is, you are you doing a good job? If that human really wants to find love, are you doing all of the right things to help them find love right now? If that human is in pain, are you soothing them right now? Are you giving them compassion? If that human is has someone who's got bad intentions in their midst, is lying to them, betraying them, being horrible to them, being inconsistent with them, being abusive, are you getting that person out of this human's life and protecting this person, protecting this human, standing up for this human, are you encouraging this human right now? You are your human. You need no other reason to love yourself than knowing that you're your human. So imagine someone saying to you, why do you love yourself? And you say, what are you talking about? Because I'm my human and I've got to take care of that human. I have an entire formula for this that is in that chapter of the book that will change your confidence and that your self worth and your how you give yourself self love forever. Because you'll realize through this process that self love isn't a feeling, it's an approach. It's an approach to taking care of your human. I have so much more to say on this. My God, there's so much to talk about. I talk about it in the book. So grab a copy of the book. Take that with you for life. The link again is loveliferoadmap.com do not leave this without grabbing a copy, please. My friends, if you stayed here this long, then this is what you need. If you didn't need it, you would have left after 10 minutes. And I, you know, I can think of any number of things in a week that I spend $30 on that doesn't help my life. This thing will help your life. So please make that investment in yourself. And lastly, the Standards of Attraction bonus. That secret module that I did with a very tiny group of people on how to communicate standards, which is something everyone needs in early dating, is only available for anyone who grabs a copy today. So don't wait till next week or three days from now. That's only available to everyone who is here today. So grab a copy. And remember, if you're watching the replay of this right now, you still get the other three bonuses. So you will get the other three, the Meeting People class program, the attachment styles program, and the ticket to May 4th. You just won't get that fourth bonus which is the Standards of Attraction private session. I did leave me a comment. Who ordered? Elaine, I see you bought for your nephew. I love that. Linda. Thank you so much. I appreciate you being here and watching. Who else has ordered? Leave me a comment. I just want to know. I want to know who you know. I want to show some love to the people that have come out to support me today and. And have supported themselves in the process, because this is going to change your life. Bev, you got yours. Amazing. What did you. What did you think of today? By the way? What did you think of today? I'm so curious. Tell me. I want to know. What did you. What did you enjoy about today? Favorite moments. Helen, I saw you ordered. That's so exciting. Sharon, Kat. Kendria. Incredible. Oh, my God. This is so great, guys. Thank you so much. And look, before you go, for everyone out there who is struggling right now, I want you to know, I see you. I know how hard it is out there. I don't for one second. I told you I'd be honest in this session. I don't think for one second that finding love is easy. It's the one area of our life where it feels like we can't control it the way we can everything else. And those setbacks, they really, really hurt. And I know some of you are still recovering from the setbacks of your life. Many of you are still grieving. Many of you have trauma from the past. Many of you are very scared to get back out there. But I promise you that the past in your love life does not have to equal the future. And life is short. You deserve to find love. Life is short. You deserve to find love. Life is also, by the way, too short to give it to people who don't deserve us. So it's too short to give up, but it's also too short to give in to people who don't give us what we want. Keep moving forward, my friends, no matter what you've been through, I've seen people go through the most horrific things and still go on to find love. You're going to learn about them in this book. But I've seen some of the most beautiful turnarounds in life at every single age. If you're watching this in your 30s and you're worried that you're going to run out of time to have a family, I promise you there's hope. If you're watching this in your 70s and life hasn't gone your way, maybe you spent 30 years of your life with a narcissist in a marriage and you're finding yourself back out there again after all that time, maybe you feel like you wasted your life. I Promise you you didn't. Because if you're hearing my voice right now, you're still here. The game's not over. You know how people always say, if only I knew then what I know now? Well, if you're able to say that, guess what? You're here now, and you know it now. And you can act on it now. Life is still happening, and it can be stunningly beautiful. So let's do this together. I'm sending you so much love. And life isn't always simple, and life is messy, and it doesn't always go our way. But if we keep working on our relationship with ourselves and keep working on our relationship with life, I believe that we can get over anything. I believe we can work through anything. And there'll be better days ahead. Okay? I'm thinking of you. I'm so happy you spent time with me today. Last call for everyone who wants a copy of the book. That bonus is disappearing today. So don't miss your moment. Don't miss this opportunity. Tomorrow. It won't be there. That fourth bonus will have disappeared. So go and grab a copy now before you leave this. If you wait, you'll forget. We all do. So grab a copy now while you're here. And lastly, for everyone who is joining us for the VIP Zoom Room. Where do people go? Team, for the VIP Zoom Room, there's a Zoom link. Where is the Zoom link that maybe it should be okay? It should be in your email. So for everyone who's got a VIP ticket, I will see you in the Zoom Room right now. My brother Stephen is going to be welcoming you into the Zoom Room, so you can go over there right now. And I just want to say thank you. Whether you bought a book or not, thank you for joining me. Your time is your most precious, precious asset, and you chose to spend it with me. So I'm honored and I look forward to the next time for so many of you. May 4th. I'll see you then. All right, guys, enjoy the book, enjoy the bonuses, and thank you for supporting me. I love you. I'll see you soon. Sa.