Matthew Hussey advises Veronica on her ex who sends mixed signals. He recommends keeping contact low-key, staying warm and playful, matching his level of investment, and letting him see you're living well rather than playing games or ultimatums.
What was your question, Veronica?
Well, I'm kind of in a little bit of a pickle. My previous boyfriend just broke up with me. I was really good the first two weeks. We didn't see each other. We were still kind of contacting each other every single day through text messages, through phone calls, something. And then this past weekend, we had a wedding that we had to go to. We were both for the RCPs, we had to go. And he told me initially, like, don't read into this. I'm not open to date you anymore, but the whole weekend was nothing like that. It was very like we were back to being in a relationship and so forth. And since then we've been having the same kind of communication, but I don't know. I mean, there's still no commitment involved.
But he said, don't read into this.
Initially, yes.
And then proceeded to behave like a boyfriend.
Yes.
Do you want to be with a guy who has the selfish tendency to confuse you over a weekend by still giving you all of that warmth and affection and getting close to you in that way. Because I would argue that when he was doing that, he did not have your interests at heart at all.
I agree, I agree, I agree. It's just like, like even items being left at my house, like I don't even...
Here's what I would say.
Okay.
When you speak to him, Don't make a giant deal of things.
Okay.
Don't meet him and say, this is me giving you all of your stuff back and we're never gonna speak again and I'm dead to you now.
Tell me how I need to start that conversation off. I don't even know how I would even formulate that.
So don't make a big deal of it. Instead, what I want you to do is just say to him, Look, I have a bunch of your stuff still at my house. Why don't we meet up so I can give that to you when you do meet up, be in a fun state of mind. still be warm, give him a hug, tell him that you appreciate he needed to do what he needed to do. But also, you know, you need to give yourself a little space as well. You know, you need to go and build your life and go and have some fun and, you know, maybe you'll talk from time to time, but, you know, you need to go and do your thing. Let him feel a little bit off balance. And also, when he tries to get back in touch with you, don't have this, like, you know, feeling of I must never, ever talk to him, but treat him like anybody else.
Yeah.
You know, you treat them like you treat anyone else who doesn't invest in you. This is a man who has chosen to stop investing in you. Now, I know you think you care about him, and that means you should invest back. But base what you do on his level of investment right now. And when he shows you very little but expects attention in return, give him the amount of attention you would give someone who gives you very poor investment in your life and let him see the effects of that. But Do it with a smile, do it with a wink, do it with a playfulness, do it with a sense of you enjoying your life and let him see that there isn't any coldness, there's no resentment, there's no bitterness. Let him see an incredible woman dealing with this who he's getting less and less of all the time.
Perfect, I feel just invested for investment.
All right, Veronica, it's been so good to have you and thank you for being brave enough to just be honest about it. I really appreciate it.
I am grateful for you.
Thank you so much.
All right, take care.
