Matthew Hussey answers a viewer's question about how to tell someone you're not ready for a relationship. He offers practical advice on communicating boundaries clearly and honestly, with light humor throughout the conversation.
Alright, so you haven't seen this question yet, but we're doing longer form questions.
Couple of longer questions. Where was this sent into our email. This is from Bree, which is a pseudonym. Always protecting the old anonymity of our people. My question is referring to someone who is interested in me and I'm interested in him. But I am not ready for a relationship yet. I want to give myself a fair chance when I'm not going through so much crazy stuff stuff in life. I wonder what crazy stuff she's going through that stops her from having a relationship. I always think people spend too much time worrying whether it's a good time for a relationship, if it's the right relationship. You probably won't care that it's a crazy time is my view. But let's keep going. If he asks me out before January, which I'm pretty sure he's about to, I won't know how to tell him. I need time without it being weird and, or hurtful or causing him to feel like I don't like him. I need some advice about how to go about doing this so I don't accidentally push this guy away. Well, it's definitely gonna push him away saying not yet, not right now. If Matt or anyone can offer advice. What'd she mean? Or anyone who's the. Or anyone. Not you. She's obviously can't get a word out of you year round what she thinks you're suddenly gonna be like. Give lots of advice to her. If Matt or anyone just makes me feel less special, can offer advice or if there is a similar story I can look into, that would be great. Thank you. I think you might be taking things a little too seriously, Bre. I'm a big advocate for times in our life where we do go through periods of sort of saying I'm going to be on my own for a little bit and see what that's like and learn about myself and grow. But you can't really have it both ways during that time. You can't say, I want my solitude and I want to be on my own and I need, you know, a couple of months to do that. But I am saying yes to you for a date. No, it's a. If. If you're saying in two months I'll see you, that's a no for now. You have to do one of a couple of things. Either say I'm not dating right now. And that may sound strange, but the truth is I just have a lot going on in my life and I. I'm not in a place where I want to, you know, go out on dates. Because I'm thinking if I go out on a date with you, I like you and I might get more connected to you, and that's going to make me want to see you again. And I know I'm not ready for what that might lead to if we do see each other more. So I don't want to take the risk that I might really like you on a date. Let's hold off and we'll reevaluate in a couple of months. You either have to do that and just be honest and not date him or take the whole thing a little less seriously. Because, look, you said my question is referring to someone who is interested in me and I'm interested in him. Right? Well, what does that mean at this stage if you haven't even been on a date? It means you both have maybe a mild crush or even less than that. So you could take it a little less seriously and say, this isn't a relationship right now. This is just a fun night with somebody that I don't know very well and I'm getting to know a little better, and I'm just gonna see where that takes me.
Is something lost in translation? Because she's saying, go out with me, and I think you're taking that as a very much, like, on a date. I think she's saying that that is like, he wants to make it official and I'm being like, a real relationship.
Wait, let's read. Let's read that bit again. If he asks me out before January, which I'm pretty sure he's about to, that's like a blast from the past. Talking about if he asks me out. That's what I used to say in school. Like, will you go out with me? They'd be like, yeah, all right. Then you just hold hands for, like, five months. Now let's do the version of the answer where he's actually asking you for a relationship. So he's saying to you, do you want to be in a relationship with me? And you're like, ah, let me put the brakes on for a couple of months while I resolve some things in my life that's okay. If that's the case, then say that to him. I like you, and if I was in a relationship with you, I'd want to be able to go full out and have fun and be carefree in it and just for us to have a great time. And I don't feel like I'm in a place to fully do that right now. I know if I said yes to this right now without resolving some stuff that's going on in my life, then I know I'd still be holding back and I wouldn't be able to just be me. And. And I know I'm really fun when I'm just me. So I want to get, you know, figure out some stuff for me. And then at the end of that, if you're still around, then I think us going out would be a really fun thing. Talk to the man and do that thing about saying I'm really like, I'm a really good time when I'm unburdened by some of the stuff that I've got to deal with right now. Like, I'm a great person to be with and I want to be that great person. Because then you're setting him up for some excitement when it does happen. We did two questions in one. Hopefully one of those addresses what's really going on in this question. Let us know if you liked this little style. We did something a bit new. We printed out a question. I've liked this. It's been verbose. Let us know in the comments.
I don't mean to be verbosed, but.
You did a good job. I don't know if you heard that or not, but Jameson did a f ing punk. You didn't hear it. He said, I don't want to verboast. Every day I have to hear about hundred puns from him because it's his favorite form of humor. You don't know what I go through.
