I’m Taking This Video Down in 4 Days… (Day 5)

Welcome to day 5 of 5 Days to Mend. How are you all? It's so good to be back with you. I've been so excited about today. I've been reading your comments right now and they're so beautiful. I know, seeing people saying they don't want this to end, uh, Love and Coaching or Loveland Coaching, I don't want this to end today. I know, I feel the same way. I'm so happy to be with you all. I know a whole bunch of you are going to come with me into Healing Immersion Month. I know not everyone can, so whether you are someone coming with me into Healing Immersion Month or whether you're someone for whom today is the last day with me, let's live it up today. Let's make the most of this. What a special thing that we get together, be together in this moment doing this work. I'm so grateful. I'm so, so grateful. That we get to be here doing this. Um, your comments, by the way, have been amazing inside the community. For anyone who's joining us, if this is your day one because you haven't been there for the other days, every day we do a session here on YouTube, then we go and do a coaching session inside my Love Life app, and, uh, we continue the discussion there. There's a whole community that's been thriving in there. There's been beautiful comments. If you're not in there yet, go to mendweek.com and you can make sure you join so that you don't miss it. Those coaching sessions have been amazing. I don't want you to miss one if you've been missing them so far. Um, let me read a couple of comments from the community before we, before we go any further. We've got Andrea, uh, in the community who said, I want to thank Matthew and his team for giving us this week. Well, thank you for being here this week. We spent 3 months of excruciating pain for me, and I have just maybe a week ago slowly started moving forward, and this has helped so much. This community has helped me a lot too, not to feel alone and not think that I'm defective because I've had such a hard time with this breakup. I signed up for the month class, Healing Immersion Month, uh, this coming— that's coming up as well. Well, Andrea, I'm so glad you signed up. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad that you're feeling slowly better. Um, this comment made my day. This is from Oz. Oz says, dear Matthew, I've been following you for over 11 years. Like so many people, I first came to you looking for answers about relationships, hoping to understand love, heartbreak, and how to move forward. What I didn't expect was to discover that you had once stood exactly where so many of us are standing today. These past 5 days have been like unlike anything I have ever experienced. You didn't just teach us, you let us see your humanity. You were vulnerable enough to share your own heartbreak, your own pain, and the journey that brought you through it. That took courage, and I don't think you realize how much that meant to so many of us. Heartbreak doesn't measure time. Whether someone lost a 5-month relationship or a 20-year marriage, pain is still pain. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel broken. I felt human. Thank you for creating a space where thousands of strangers could feel like a family. Thank you for reminding us that healing isn't about pretending we're okay. It's about learning to come home to ourselves. My God. These 5 days have become part of my healing, a part of my healing journey, and I will carry what I've learned with me long after this program ends. Most of all, thank you for being real. Thank you for your honesty, your generosity, your compassion, and for showing us that even someone we have looked up to for years has known heartbreak too, and that there is life, hope, and love on the other side. I will never forget these 5 days. Oz, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for writing that. Tati says, I just joined the month-long program Healing Immersion Month and I'm really excited. Who else has joined? Who else has joined? Leave me a comment and let me know if you're joining us for Healing Immersion Month. Um, I've been craving some form of program and this truly couldn't have come at a better time. It's been almost 5 months since my breakup and I was just picking up speed, if you will, and this last week and weekend I took a you just stepped backwards. But my beautiful friend reminded me, even my steps backwards are not where I started. Regardless, I am ready to make space for new energy. I want to put my energy into healing and moving forward like it's my job. That's what I've been talking about all week— moving forward like it's your job. It's— wow, I see so many of you joining us for the next month. It's incredible. Shout outs coming. Um, I know, uh, I want to put my energy and healing into moving forward like it's my job because I know my business will benefit, my friendships will benefit, my health will benefit, and my husband that God has waiting for me, uh, will then have the space to join me. And lastly, Kimberly says, I cannot believe I'm actually in— I'm here with— I'm in here with you all, with Matthew. Matthew, I wish I could tell you I found you about 8 years ago after my first breakup after leaving my abusive marriage. This is beautiful, guys. We've had questions coming in. I'm going to be answering lots of these over the next, um, month. Um, there's a question here from Natasha that I thought would kind of kick us off today. Natasha says, how do I know when to hold on and when to let go? Today's theme is letting go. I think you're gonna love it today. Natasha says, how do I know if holding all that— or holding on or letting go is the right thing to do? We live in a society where we throw everything away the moment it takes effort. New swipe, new love. Same for friendships. We all want a village, but no one wants to put in the effort in the name of boundaries. If you know what I mean. Relationships take effort to build trust, love, and make it work for both. I feel like sometimes I'm stuck between trying too hard and giving too much away for too long and accepting that it just doesn't work. How do I navigate that? Well, there— the starting point of knowing when to keep going and when to let go is knowing that you actually have a willing partner, knowing that you actually have someone who wants to show up and do the work with you, someone that shares your vision for the future. None of us are going to find a perfect relationship. We're all going to have things to deal with within our relationship. There'll be tensions, there'll be conflict, there'll be things we don't agree on, there'll be different viewpoints, different ways of handling things, different habits to negotiate. There's all these differences, but what we need ultimately is someone who we can sit down and have what, you know, me and Audrey call a family meeting and be like, what, what do we need to do to make our relationship as good as it can be? What do we want the next year to look like? What do we want the next 5 years to look like? What do we want the next 10 years to look like? And ultimately, if you can't have a conversation with someone about that, you don't have a relationship. One thing that I was always really clear about is that I want someone who wants me. I had someone one day tell me, and this was after months of— you know, there's some breakups that genuinely just shock us. There are other breakups we saw coming. And there's a lot— I would argue most breakups actually fall in the middle, where it feels like a shock, and it is a shock, but our intuition felt like something was off in the relationship. Something inside of us was telling us that this person isn't showing up the same way we are. And maybe we knew that consciously, maybe unconsciously we sensed it, but we didn't think about it. We just— it came out in our anxiety. It came out in our feeling of like being needy, or needing lots of reassurance, or needing someone to, to tell us more often that they love us, or that they want to be with us, or that they're, they're really there in the same way we are. We have some sense that someone isn't there the way we are. And I was in a situation like this. It made me very, very anxious, and it made me the worst version of myself. It made me a needy version. It made me an insecure version of myself. It made me a version of myself I didn't like. Made me a version of myself that, that became, uh, selfish. Actually, it's funny because we don't associate it with selfishness, because when we're in the relationship, we're anything but selfish. We're trying to give as much as possible to this person. We're trying to hold on to— but in our lives, in our wider circles, in our family, in our friend groups, we, we become quite self-absorbed. We, we are constantly thinking about our own anxiety in the relationship, and our field of vision narrows to just this one singular goal, which is make this relationship work, hold on to this person, don't fail in this relationship. And it makes us forget about the other love in our lives. It makes us forget about the people that we that are there for us. It makes us forget about the people who really love us, the people who are consistent in our lives. I remember, um, the day that my intuition was backed up and validated because someone said to me, I'm not— I'm just not sure about this, I'm not sure about us. And I very quickly— because, and this was partly a protective mechanism for myself, but partly I have always had a standard for myself that says no matter how much I want someone, if they don't want me, I, I don't want to be here. If they don't want me, I don't want to be here. And it's a very important standard to have And so when I realized this person wasn't sure, I made a decision in my mind. I said, I can't, I can't live each day wondering if this is a day where you want me or a day where you don't want me. I don't want that to be my life, is wondering which day it is. So I ended it. I said, if you don't, if you don't know, then I know. If you don't know, then I know. Now, I'm not saying that's the right thing for every single person, you know. You may need— based on the fact that, you know, especially for me, it wasn't a long marriage. But if you're in a long marriage, you may need to do a little more than that. You may need more closure than that, and that's okay. That's actually understandable and even advisable in certain situations. But for me, at that point, I was like, I— if you don't know, if you're not sure about me, then than right now, I know. But still, still, when I walked away, I had this moment where in the weeks and a couple of months after that, I was in severe, severe heartbreak. I felt rejected. I felt unchosen. I didn't feel good enough. And I had all of those thoughts. If I'd have been this, they'd have been sure about me. If I'd have been more this, if I'd have been more that. In my head, my ego comforted myself with the idea that this person's gonna regret this. You know, those, those egoic games we play with ourselves. This person is going to regret this. This person is going to realize how great I am one day. This person is going to realize what they've lost. Oh, just wait. Like I told I told myself all of these things, and one day I got a text from this person, and I had that little feeling, that little jolt inside that said, oh, this is it, this is the 'I've made such a giant mistake' message. Instead, the message said, I know this is really hard, but I also know it's the right thing. And it broke my heart all over again, because that moment that I wanted, that moment that my confidence definitely, definitely, uh, wanted, that moment that my ego wanted— even, by the way, if it was a moment where I could say, 'Too late,' you know, we want that moment. 'You want me back? Too late.' I didn't get that moment. I wanted that moment. I didn't get it. Instead, it was, "I made the right decision." Broke my heart all over again, because now I felt like, "Wow, not only did they decide to leave, they decided leaving was the right thing." There is a pain, a deep pain, to loving someone who doesn't love you back. I think it is part of the bittersweetness of life. It's in, in a way, it's an unavoidable reality of life for so many of us that we will at some point go through this, and maybe not just once. It's It's a terrible thing to love someone and to have them not love you back. It's awful. But as I said earlier in the week, what did Eckhart say? Eckhart Tolle said, acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world. Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world. And right before we started Mend Week, someone said to me, well, what if I don't want to get over it? What if I don't want to move on? I get it. We can strangely enjoy this pain. We can almost cherish our pain like it's this exquisite representation of how much we feel, of how much we have felt, of the romance that has existed in our life, that does in some part of our mind still exist. There's something to hold on to there, even if it's not being reciprocated by somebody else. There's almost a part of ourselves we access in doing that. There's something I can get— I get to cherish. You know what it feels like to me? It's like You know when you have a movie that you watch because you know it's going to make you cry, and you, you, you go back to that movie once or twice a year just because you know that that movie makes you feel, it gives you access to something, and it's so, it's so painful to watch that film. It does something to you, but, but you can't stop watching it. We have those movies we play in love. There's someone that may have become a movie that you keep watching and rewatching and rewatching, but the problem is when it stops being a movie and we start making it our hope, we start making it our plan, is to just wait for this movie to complete itself, to, to write a sequel. When we get too focused on watching that movie, when we stop— at least when it's a movie, at least when you've got your favorite movie that makes you cry, you know it's a movie. But when it's the love story of your life, we can stop realizing it's a movie and we start treating it like it's this thing that is our life. But it's something that's happening in our mind. And the problem with that is that it stops being so innocent. It's no longer as innocent as the movie we turn to when we want to sit on the sofa and cry. Suddenly it becomes this internal story that becomes so loud that it actually turns down the volume on our real life, and we can end up missing our life that way. And I get it, I get it. For many of us here, you're tired, you're exhausted. I get it. Some people, it's like, I can't, I can't. Someone said to me earlier this week— was it Will? I think it was Will— said, I can't, I can't keep doing this. Like, I'm— this hurts too much. I can't keep doing— I can't do this again. He's tired. Will was tired. I could feel it coming off of him. He was exhausted. Okay, so we're exhausted. There's a great Jamie Cullum song, and there's a lyric in it that says, uh, today I do not feel like being strong. Today I do not feel like being strong. If you get a chance to listen to it, it's a song I listen to in a tough time in my life. It's called The Age of Anxiety, which describes aptly what so many of us feel during heartbreak. The Age of Anxiety, Jamie Cullum said, to do today— I do not feel like being strong. I get it. For many of us, we don't want to be strong. Okay, fine. So what do you need? What is this chapter of your life calling for? Maybe it's not calling for you to become, you know, this, this militant person about what you have to do. Maybe it's not calling you to go out and immediately find someone. Maybe it's calling for some kindness. Maybe it's calling for some slowness. Maybe it's calling for some peace. Maybe it's calling for you to be a little more fucking forgiving to yourself. Converse with that part of yourself. If you're tired, that's an invitation. Tiredness is an invitation. To ask yourself, what do you need? What do you need? I've been putting you through the wringer. I put you through the wringer in this relationship. Maybe that's why you're so fucking tired, is because I kept you somewhere you weren't supposed to be. I kept you trying in a situation where it wasn't working. I kept you not feeling good enough and killing yourself trying to be good enough for somebody. You're tired. I hear you. For the first time in a while, I hear you. What do you need? I'm here, I've got you. And maybe you tell yourself, no, it wasn't that person wasn't great, I made a mistake, it was me, I made the mistake, I screwed up. You know, part of confidence is just realizing that you're figuring it the fuck out. You're figuring life out. I don't care whether you're 40, 50, 60, or 80. Part of real— part of becoming more confident is realize you are figuring it the fuck out. Life is hard. And you're someone who's got the guts to say, "I screwed up." You're someone who's got the guts to say, "Maybe I could have done better." You're someone who's got the guts to come to 5 Days to Mend and still be here on day 5. Do you know how many people never do better? Do you know how many people never even want to do better? Do you know how many people never even admit that they could do better? That's not us. You're here. That's not you. What we have here is a collection of awesome human beings trying to do better than they did yesterday. So you made a mistake, or you did something you shouldn't have, or you fucked up in the relationship and it hurt the relationship. All right, let's be better. Let's do better. But let's be better by realising we're humans, and an awesome part of me, the human, is that I'm someone who actually wants to do better. I'm someone who can admit they're gonna do better. That they didn't do as good as they could have done. Your mistakes don't define you. That's not you. And by the way, that person you were with doesn't define you either. When we tell ourselves, "Well, but Matt, here's the problem in my case. This mistake It lost me the person who made my life. It cost me the person who was the greatest person I'd ever met. It cost me the person who was the greatest person on earth. I'll never find someone like that again. I'm never gonna be that happy again. I'll never be able to recover from this mistake, 'cause even if I do better, I'll never get them back. This person is not your value. This person is not where your worth comes from. Your happiness does not depend on this person. Your survival in life does not defend— depend on this person. You will survive without this person because you are capable, you are strong, you are a source of new opportunities in your life, right? I— your partner, your ex, if they were amazing, they were awesome, great, they were one of the best people ever, great. They were golden egg. You're the goose, Lee, laying the golden eggs. You're the goose, right? Stop treating the golden egg like that's the be-all end-all. You're the goose. You can lay more golden eggs. This is your opportunity to stop taking value from somebody else. If you ever feel like you can't live without them, I can't be without them, tell yourself, I— no matter how awesome they are, I am putting way too much of my worth in them and who they are. Don't let anybody ever make you feel small. Don't let any relationship ever make your life feel small without it. I know what it is to feel small in a relationship. I know what it is to feel like you're not enough, not good enough, like your life doesn't matter. I remember a relationship where I revealed an insecurity I had. I was jealous one night. I got insecure, and instead of acting out and being a dick about it, I was like, I'm just going to share the fact that I'm jealous. And that something, something affected me, something made me feel insecure. And this person, who by the way was the wrong person for me, said, "Wow, that's really— I just find that really unattractive." Didn't say, "Thanks for sharing that. That must have been hard to share. Wow, that must have been really difficult for you to say out loud." "I know that that must be really vulnerable for you. I wanna let you know, first, you have nothing to be jealous about. You have nothing to be insecure about. I fucking love you. You're so attractive. You're so sexy. You're so this. You're so that." Instead, I got looked in the eye and told it was really unattractive that I had just said that. It made me feel so small. It made me feel so small, and in that moment, I was— I said to myself, "Fuck Brené Brown and her vulnerability shit." I love Brené Brown, by the way, and I think her work is life-changing, but at the time I was like, you know, you get told to be vulnerable and this is where it got me. But that wasn't because I was wrong, and it wasn't because I was ugly. It wasn't because what I feel on the inside is unacceptable. It's because I was with the wrong person. But I felt so small in that moment. And I almost took the wrong lesson from it. I want to read you something from my book. Whenever we date someone who's exciting to us or valuable to us, or we think we can't afford to lose someone we've put on a pedestal, it's tempting to devalue our own life as if it had somehow been made insignificant by an overshadowing presence. But even the most seemingly normal life can be of profound importance. Who's to say that the life of a care worker who spends their time tending to a handful of dementia patients is any smaller than one who manages 100 employees in a tech company? Stay connected to what is rich in your world, to the difference you make to your immediate circle, with your family and friends, in the work you do, in the hobbies you love, in the practices you keep. If you do, if you do, nobody who comes along can intimidate you. No one can make you feel you have to work overtime to get their attention, as if they have something you don't. And when people see that you are deeply connected to your value, to the value you create, or to the love you have in your own world, You already have what everybody longs for and wants to be close to: love, meaning, and fulfillment. Even the largest life can't guarantee those things. Never let anybody minimize your life, or your value, or your perception. Sometimes it's not them doing it outwardly, it's our perception of this person that's making us minimize our value. There's a line, it's gonna seem like it's not relevant, but I just love this line. It's from, uh, the movie. If you haven't seen it, please go watch it, it's so good. Uh, I think it was in the '50s, it's called A Man for All Seasons. And Sir Thomas More is talking to this guy Richard Rich, who's insecure and egoic and ambitious and just is like trying to climb because he thinks it's going to make him somebody. And he thinks he won't be anybody unless he achieves his grand ambitions. And Sir Thomas More wants him to know that there are profound ways, more profound ways, to achieve a sense of significance. And More says to this guy, Richard Rich, he says, 'Why not be a teacher? You'd be a fine teacher, perhaps a great one.' And Rich says, 'If I was, who would know it?' And Sir Thomas More says, You, your pupils, your friends, God. Not a bad public, that. I love that line. I love that line because it says to us that we decide the meaning in our life. We decide the meaning. We decide how magical our life is. It's not decided by whether someone we think is important, or hot, or sexy, or attractive, or eligible thinks of us. We decide the magic in our life. I wrote a couple of notes to myself when I was going through heartbreak. I'm gonna read these to you. They're very personal, but you just, you know, don't share them with anyone. I said, remember this: I was at least 50% of the magic in that relationship. It didn't just come from out of the stars. So many of the beautiful moments we created were moments I engineered, trips I booked, things I did for this person, things I said, "I created the magic," which means I can create it again in my life, because that love and that magic comes from me. Here's another note I wrote to myself. Many of my problems— this is a very interesting insight I had, by the way. All of these lived and continue to live, which is why I have a record of them in my truth file, right? I said earlier in the week, create a truth file. I said— I wrote this note to myself. I said, many of my problems stem from ownership. Do I really miss this person as much as I think I do? What's really painful, I think, is not just me being away from them, someone— which is something I'm getting used to anyway, right? I'm getting used to being away from this person, so I'm, I'm getting better at that every day. I'm afraid of her being with somebody else. Why? If I truly love this person, as I say I do, I want her to be happy now without me. That's what real love is. Why— what is this slight obsession I have right now with her being with somebody else? Perhaps it's because some part of my ego wants to own her, or derives validation from the idea that I'm the only one who should be able to make this person happy, should be able to please this person. But that's not where my value comes from. My value comes from an intrinsic value I have. It comes from being a man I am proud of. I want to read you one more thing. If you didn't love Billy enough already from the stories I've been telling about Billy, I want to tell you about Billy's hat, because Billy is a person who knows how to create magic. There are magic seekers in life, and there are magic authors. We— if we want to get over our heartbreak, if we want to let go, we have to stop being magic seekers who are looking for the magic in that relationship, who are looking for that person to come back so that we can have our magic back, and be authors of magic in this next chapter of our life. Listen to this. My cousin Billy is one of the best people I know at this. Let me tell you about his hat, which is what he would do if he met you. He once bought a Kwik-E-Mart hat named after the famous store in The Simpsons. Billy wore this hat all the time. When it came to that hat, he was not shy about his feelings. He would say, "Everywhere I go, Matt, I just know that there's no better hat. It's such a great hat." Any friend of Billy's knows this. The man is an author of magic. I went to his bachelor weekend recently in Madrid. All 20 of the friends that he had invited stayed in a 3-star hotel in the middle of the city. It had a tiny roof deck with an ice-cold pool that most of the lads weren't brave enough to get in. And it had some deck chairs that we arranged in a circle on the concrete tiles so that we could all hang out and talk. There are people who stay in the Four Seasons in Madrid and complain that it's not as nice as the Mandarin Oriental 6 minutes away. Those are the magic seekers. Billy. Is a magic author. He walked around that roof deck while all of us sat around talking, and he just kept saying, "How lucky are we? This little roof deck is perfect. Chairs out in the sun, views over the city, a pool for when we get too hot. It worked out so well," he said. I love him. This has always been, and probably will almost always be, the quality in Billy that I admire the most. Like everyone else who meets him, it makes me want to be around him. Billy didn't just learn to be happy enough, or rather, Billy didn't just learn to be happy with enough. Being around him makes enough feel like more. It's common to hear people say that Billy is the luckiest guy they know because great things always seem to land in his lap. Now I have no doubt that the energy he brings to his life has a way of making more great things come his way. But I still think they missed it. Because Billy's real magic trick, the one he performs on both the exciting days and the everyday ones, is that everything feels great when we see it through his eyes. That is Billy's magic hat. Don't let anyone convince you, even yourself, that someone else is the only source of magic in your world. And while we're at it, Part of confidence is retraining our focus to give more energy to the people in our lives who recognize our magic, who see our value, who acknowledge that value, and to realize that that actually makes them more valuable to us. Our insecurity makes the people who don't value us the most interesting. It makes them the most valuable people. If I could just win this person over, then I'd be enough. That's our ego talking. That's insecurity talking. There is a retraining that has to happen that says the people who get it The people who get me, who see me, who recognize my magic as a special thing they don't want to give up, those are the most valuable people. When I was younger and I was doing what I do today, my insecurity would drive a lot. It made me want the biggest crowd possible when I was giving a talk. Let me tell you what feels really great to me now in my life. The people in my audience who get it. The people in my audience who value me. If you are here on Day 5, which you are, it's because I really resonate with you. Well, that's who I want. Okay, it's wonderful however many people showed up on Day 1 of 5 Days to Mend. That's wonderful. It's a wonderful thing those people showed up. But what I value is the people who are with me on day 5, because you get it. You see my magic. You, you resonate with my magic. You're the audience I want. You're the audience I value. This is why so many people quit when they— you know, I don't know if there's any content creators out there watching this, but so many of the people who quit on YouTube or on other platforms when they're trying to make content or put the word out about something in their life The reason they quit is because insecurity makes them feel like their audience isn't big enough. It's not impressive enough, so it doesn't matter. But the audience that matters in life and in love is the one who gets you, and the one who gets you is only gonna be able to see how special you are if you are the you-est you. You have to be the you-est you. Not trying to be what you think somebody else wants. Not trying to be a version that you think the world is gonna find more impressive. You have to be the you-est you. I have to do it every time I sit in this chair. Every time I'm about to give a talk. When I sit down to 5 Days to Men, and we've got 10,000 people registered, of course there's that little voice in my head that says, "You better do a good job." 'You better be what people want you to be.' 'You better be this.' 'You better be that.' That's a distraction. Because in day 5, I don't want everybody. I want the people who get me. I want the people who resonate with me. And I can only really find those people by being the meest me. By showing up and laughing about the fact that I haven't showered that morning because I've been working all night on the content, and consequently I even forgot to put on proper trousers. So I go— I went to the flip chart and I'm wearing my pajamas and laughing about that and not care— giving a shit. Being with you, being with you, being with you as a human being with soul. A word that's not used enough in our love lives. We talk about attraction, we talk about what's impressive, we talk about what's going to get someone hooked, right? All these bullshit videos on YouTube about what gets that person addicted. Let me tell you what makes relationships. Let me tell you what makes someone never want to lose you. It's soul. You have to have soul, and soul is what is so severely lacking in this world. We know it. We watch YouTube and, and we see all these videos and we're like, uh, it was nice, it was fun, it was entertaining, but we didn't feel soul in that video. When you go into your life with soul, people pay attention differently. And by the way, most people will be wrong for you and you'll be wrong for most people. But fuck, someone will see you and they'll get— they'll see you with your soul and the way you are, and they'll be like, whoa, that's my person. That's my person. When I look back to the relationship that hurt me the most, it was the one where I felt the least permission to be the meest me. It was the one where I was trying to impress too much. It was the one where I forgot myself. I'm in a relationship now with my incredible wife, who is my soulmate, and it's— I'm grateful every day I get to spend my life with this woman. And in this relationship, I get to be the meest me. I get to be the meest me. And you know what? It's a fucking relief. It's relaxing. It's not tiring. I'm not trying to be something. I get to be the me-est me. It's the fucking best. And she does too. And the danger of these relationships we lose, my friends, is that we, we get stuck on this idea that we've decided who we should be with. I should be with this person. This is who I should be with. Who? What do you? Like, do you really think you know for sure who you should be with? Do you really think you can predict everything about your future, about who's coming for you, or what the right thing is? There's a book I have in this house, it's Consolations by David Whyte. He uses this phrase which I never forgot. He talks about ambition, and he talks about ambition as being frozen desire. Now let me explain this, because in our love life, ambition still shows up. We don't call it ambition in our love life, but it's ambition. Ambition is, how do I get this person back? We have an ambition to get this person back. Ambition is, how do I get this person? Or, you know, how, how can I, uh, how can I, uh, get this particular person attracted to me? Because I have decided the goal is this person, as if we know for sure that this person is the right person. And what David Whyte says is— British poet David Whyte, he says ambition is frozen desire. It's frozen desire. It's this idea, this arrogance we have that we know exactly what's going to make us the most happy. We know exactly who's going to make us most happy, and it's this person we've lost. It's this person who doesn't want us. It's this person that we have fallen for because we walk around on the same bit of carpet at work with them 5 days a week, right? I know this. You don't understand, man. I can't let go of this person. They're the one who's gonna make me happy forever. Really? You know this? Because I can tell you, I've been coaching people for 20 years of my life. 19 years of my life, going on 20, and the number of people I coach who are utterly shocked and surprised by who ends up making them the happiest person they've ever been, who end up laughing at the idea of who they thought they had to have. Ambition is frozen desire. I want you to tell yourself the next time that you find yourself telling yourself a story like, 'Oh no, this person is the right person for me. I'll never get over them. I'll never be able to move forward. This is— I lost my person.' I want you to say, 'Wow, you're really sure about that? You're really sure about that? Where is it written that this person is your person?' I even want you to label it. Say, 'There's Matthew. You're being really arrogant right now.' that you think you know. You think you know everything. You think you have a crystal ball about what's going to make you happy in the future. You don't know this. Consider the idea, consider the very real possibility that what's going to make you happy on a level you've never been before is something you don't even see coming. So while we have this, this story of our broken heart, and I'm not minimizing that. Everyone came into this week with a sad story. Everyone. I'm not minimizing that. You have a story. You have a story of grief. You have a story of loss. And in some cases, that loss is profound. In some cases here, you raised children with that person. You spent 30 years with that person. You dedicated half of your adult life to the relationship you had with that person. I'm not saying there's not very real loss. I'm not saying that that's not, uh, there's not a tragedy there. I'm not saying there's not a deep sadness there. I'm saying it's not the only story. It's a sad story, but it's not the only story. Let's not oversimplify our lives, okay? One life ended. One life ended. One story ended. But ambition is frozen desire. What I think that that was supposed to be my life forever. I thought happiness could never come from another direction. I'm arrogant enough to think I'll never be happy again. What's my crystal ball that I access to that the rest of the world doesn't. Please tell me. If you say to me, I'll never be happy again, I'll never find someone that great again, please give me access to this crystal ball you apparently have, cuz I never discovered it. I never found it. So I don't know where you got yours, but tell me where I can get one. Let's not oversimplify the story of our lives. Live many lives. You don't just get one life, you get many. Okay, you had a life. You had a life you really liked with someone. You had a life you really loved with someone. You had someone you were really into. That life ended. Great. You know how many lives you get? Live many lives. This is what— this is why I can get frustrated when I hear someone, and I, I, I'm got so much love in my heart for people when they share with me how they can't let someone go, or they just keep thinking about this person, but I want to shake them and be like Do you know how many more lives you get? Do you realize how— you, you just died, great, I hear you, you died, it's hard, it's sad, you're grieving right now. Do you know how many more lives you get? You're gonna waste them talking about this person, making them the head— they've been the headline for the last 3 years, or the last 5 years, or the last 30 years. You're gonna waste all of the other lives you get making them the headline of the rest of your life. This is a video game. You got— okay, you got killed, your, your character just reanimated back in the game. You get another life. You get many more lives. Sooner or later, we have to accept this person meant something to me. They meant something to my life, to where I was when I met them in my life. But this person isn't the only great love of my life. On reflection, I'm not even quite sure they were the great love of my life. Friends, there are no rewards for staying stuck on somebody. Today we're talking about letting go. Let me tell you, there are no rewards for staying stuck on somebody. There is no medal that you are going to get at the end of your life for being the one who held on the longest. There's no treasure at the end of that. And I don't know what happens when we die. I'm pretty sure there's no treasure for it afterwards either. And it is a failure of imagination to think that something better might not be coming. What if the love of your life was out there right now doing something? What are they up to? Think about it. What's the love of my life up to right now? What's the next love of my life up to right now? Oliver Bergman talked about— I forget who it was, but a teacher that he learned from, and he said that rather than worrying about when the plane of our life is going to crash, notice that it's already crashed. It's already crashed. And in this case, it crashed because we had a breakup, we got devastated, we had our heart broken. But there's something liberating about saying, I'm not trying to stop the plane crashing, it already crashed. My job now is to play in the ruins. I get to play in the ruins. What am I going to do with that? Let's create something beautiful. Let's create something beautiful. I want to read you something. You may want to close your eyes for this. I'll count down from 5, and if you're in a place where you can do so, close your eyes and just be for a moment. I'm a big believer in happy enough. Not happy, happy enough. Happy enough says everything in my life doesn't need to be perfect today for me to be happy enough to make the most of my life, to still enjoy my life, to enjoy it in all of its mess, to play in the ruins. And happy enough isn't just an important philosophy when we haven't found the love we're looking for. It's an essential working model for those of us who have found what we're looking for. Even if we're in a season of our lives where we have the things we wanted, you have the love, you found your person, that person came back to you who deep down you're hoping might come back, there's no guarantee that that person won't be taken from us. In fact, it is practically a certainty that at some point some of them will. And when that happens, we will have to learn to love our life all over again. A certainty of life is that we will die while we are alive, and not once but many times. Heartbreak is the death of a future we had counted on having with someone. Divorce is the death of a mutual promise. Disappointment is the death of a cherished idea. Infertility is the death of the precise way that we had planned to create a family. Failure and rejection are the death of ego. You and I have experienced some of these deaths already. There are more to come. If you've read J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan, the book that inspired the movies and the plays you know it makes for heart-wrenching adult reading. Several times while I was reading, I found myself welling up. But there is one particular line that has always stuck with me. A battle with Captain Hook has left a wounded Peter strewn over a rock in a lagoon with a rising tide. Barrie writes about Peter contemplating his imminent death. Peter was not quite like other boys, but he was afraid at last. A tremor ran through him like a shudder passing over the sea. But on the sea one shudder follows another till there are hundreds of them, and Peter felt just the one. Next moment, he was standing erect on the rock with that smile on his face and a drum beating within him. It was saying, "To die will be an awfully big adventure." What death have you recently experienced or are experiencing right now? The death of a relationship. The death of a cherished ideal about how your life would be by this point. The death of an old identity you'd held on to until now. The death of your ego. How might these deaths hold the key to your next great adventure? To die will be an awfully big adventure. Sometimes our losses open us up to something even better, something we never could have seen in our previous life. We lose a relationship we couldn't bear to be without and the loss makes way for someone even better. Other time— other times pain rewards us with the person we become. Pain is the great transmuter. The old version of us dies a bigger one comes back. In The Lord of the Rings, Gandalf is pulled into the depths of Moria and we are sure he's dead. We were right, but not in the way we thought. Gandalf the Grey is gone, but Gandalf the White came back. At the heart of confidence is this realisation that we do in fact survive such fractures. We are broken vessels that still work. At the heart of confidence is the realization that we do in fact survive such fractures. We are broken vessels that still work. There are stories, new stories, whose beginning you can find where your feet are right now. Focusing on the old story is blinding you to those stories. Doesn't mean we can't grieve. We should grieve. Grieving takes time. It's not something that happens overnight. But be careful not to miss the new stories. You have to make me a promise that once you leave here today, and we've got a coaching session coming up, so you don't go anywhere yet, but you have to hold these truths close. You have to treat your mental health like it is your job, and for that, I want you to write this down. For that, we need 100 great conversations, a powerful community, an amazing group of people around us. We have to fight for the inches, knowing that every small move we make gets us stronger, makes us better, moves us forward. Because those tiny victories— that Jamie Cullum song I told you about, there's a line in it, 'Tiny victories in the age of anxiety.' It is all about those tiny victories, friends. Treat your mental health like it's your job starting today. Who is coming with me, by the way, to do this work with me? I'd love to know. Um, who's coming with me to do Healing Immersion Month to do this work? Let me know, I would love to know. Um, leave me a comment. Charlie, you're coming. Andrea, Kimberly, there's so many people. Um, Natalia. So look, so many of you, I'm so excited. Um, I want to say something before you go today and before you come and join me in the coaching, so don't go anywhere just yet. If you are already joining me, um, give me the grace of 5 minutes just to share what we're doing with people who have not been here so far this week, people who are new. If you've— if you don't know what I'm talking about with Healing Immersion Month, just put "don't know" in the comments so that I know. I just want to see what portion of people don't know what I'm talking about when I'm referring to Healing Immersion Month. So if you haven't heard about it, please put "don't know" in the comments. Um, so Kathleen, Alex, uh, Suzuki. Okay, if everyone who does know can just give me the benefit of 5 minutes. I know that you wouldn't want someone missing out on this who needs it. And we've had— this has been an interesting week because some people are watching the recordings, many people are watching the live, some people have only just come in on day 5 and haven't seen the rest of the days. So bear with me for 5 minutes, and then I have something I want to say to all of you. Um, we are— I didn't want 5 Days to Mend to end today. And for those of you who are like I need this. Like this— how many people are feeling already— you feel a state change from being here? You feel like, I was feeling a 10 out of 10 on the pain scale today, and now I feel like I'm at a 6 or a 5 or a 4 or a 3. I'm feeling in a different place as a result of this. Um, you have to stay connected to this. And I know how heartbreak works. I've been helping people with this for nearly 2 decades, I know that you can have an epiphany. You can feel connected to what I'm saying right now, but it only takes 24 hours for you to go back into your life, get triggered by something you see or notice, or something you see on social media, or your ex texting you, you name it, and you can get thrown off. And all of a sudden you become disconnected from this feeling you have right now, from this peace you have right now. I've had people telling me they're sleeping better, They eat, their appetite has come back. They're feeling hope again. They're feeling excited about their life again. They're feeling connected to the magic in their life again. So I don't want you to lose this, and I wanted to create something for people who wanted to continue this journey with me so that you don't wake up next week and go, "Where's Matthew? I've got so used to having him in my life this week. I want to continue with this. I don't want this to end today." I created something called Healing Immersion Month.. And the idea with Healing Immersion Month is, if I was trying to give someone— based on 2 decades of experience— if I was trying to give someone everything they need to get to the other side of their heartbreak, what would I do? What program would I create? And I said, well, firstly, I know heartbreak requires massive amounts of repetition. We need someone who's with us constantly working through it. That I— by the way, I'm a huge believer in therapy. The challenge with therapy, or coaching, by the way, is that at the end of that session, you're still heartbroken, and that person's no longer with you for the next 23 hours of the day, or for the rest of the week, because very few people can afford therapy 7 days a week. Many people can't afford therapy once a week. Most good therapists charge $200 to $300. I know when I was heartbroken, I was doing therapy. It cost me more than $200 to $300 for 1 hour of this person's time. And I needed a lot more than 1 hour. I wasn't in a position to be able to have as many hours as I actually needed to feel better in that time. It helped, don't get me wrong, it made a huge difference to me, but I, I wanted it every single day. So I said, okay, how can I try and solve that challenge for people? Because heartbreak is 24 hours a day. I said, I'm going to throw as much ongoing conversation— 100 Great Conversations Can Get You to the Other Side of Your Heartbreak. I wanna have as many of those conversations with people in the space of a month to give them immersion. So every week I am joining people for a coaching session. My brother Stephen Hussey, who co-wrote my book with me, is taking people for a coaching session. And my wife Audrey Hussey, who's an amazing love life coach, who many of you have already seen her videos or watched her work in the love life coaching group we have, she's taking a session every week So all 3 of us, we're bringing in the cavalry. We're gonna be with you every single week. You're never gonna be more than a couple of days away from your next healing conversation. I'm also making sure that we give people, as part of this program, Matthew AI for the entire month, so that anytime you're not on a coaching session, you don't need to go, "Oh, I'm having a really low moment. It's 11 o'clock. I'm laying in bed on my own, and I don't know what to do. My mind is racing. I've gone straight back to ruminating. I'm beating myself up for for ruminating. I feel awful, or I'm torturing myself over a mistake I made in the relationship that led to it ending, and I don't know how to deal with that. It's 2 AM on a Wednesday. I want you to have support in all of those moments. That's what Matthew AI represents. Matthew AI is my proxy anytime you don't have me in a live session, which is also a lot during this time. So you get Matthew AI for the whole month, and anyone who's been using that— shout out if you've been using Matthew AI already this week and it's helped. I've been reading many comments to that effect. Um, the more you talk to Matthew AI, the better it's gonna get, because it learns you, your history, your ex, everything you've been through. So you're gonna get Matthew AI for the entire month. You're also gonna get a process called the Rashomon Process, which is a process we do with people to help them reframe their entire heartbreak. So you get to— right now, pain comes from seeing it through a very particular lens. Today we've helped to create a different lens. Your lens controls your life, not whether you're back with this person. Develop a powerful lens. You could be happy without this person. The Rashomon Process is about training your lens. We have a very specific process. I didn't have time to do it this week. It's a process we take you through, and 2 weeks into that month, that 30 days we're spending together on the Healing Immersion program, 2 weeks in, we're going to do the Rashomon Process. You also get 2 courses as part of this depending on where you are in your heartbreak. So I've created 2. The first one is called Surviving Heartbreak, and that's for anyone who's gone through a recent heartbreak and it's very fresh. The other one is for anyone who's gone through a heartbreak in the last few months, years, or even decades that they haven't been able to get over. You've not been able to move on from this person. That is called How to Move On. So one is for acute heartbreak, fresh heartbreak, one is for chronic heartbreak. You get to pick your path, or you can do both if you're curious and you want to just get as much learning as possible. By the way, those programs could be hundreds of dollars each on their own. I've just added them into Healing Immersion Month so that you have not just me coaching you and answering questions over the month, but you have structure to your progress. Every week for that month, I'm going to give you a weekly mission so that you know what to do practically to move forward. My brother Stephen Hussey is going to give you a daily reflection to help uplift you every single day. You get the entire Mend Week community continued for a month, so we're keeping it going over the next month. You won't lose access to the community. Anyone who's not joining us in Healing Immersion Month will lose access to Matthew AI on Monday. You'll lose access to the community. Um, there's so many people in there, we have to create a community that we can service effectively a team. Um, we already, by the way, have an issue, which is we have 500 spaces on this program and there's a lot more people than that who want to do this. We are officially down to the last 100 spots on this program. I think we're probably even less than that. By the— it was 100 spots when I went live today. I think it's less than that now. Um, but we only have 100 spots. We were going to keep this enrollment open until Monday Uh, we're gonna have to close it down days ahead of time. Uh, by tomorrow, at the rate we've been going, there's no way by tomorrow there are going to be any spots left on this. So we were gonna— we were giving people till Monday. Um, we now won't be able to do that. If you know that right now you're in pain, you're stuck in rumination, you've been struggling to move on, you know that Mend Week has helped you— this is important— if Mend Week hasn't helped you at all then I might not be the right coach for you, and that's okay. Like, this is not— this is about fit, right? Um, no hard feelings if you're like, I loved Mend Week but it's not for me. That's okay. But I'm a big believer in if something has helped you, if something is working, double down. Because rarely in life do we find things that really work for us. Rarely do we find mentors and coaches who really speak our language whose frequency we really resonate with. If I'm that person for you, you know it already. I don't have to convince anyone to come with me into Healing Immersion Month. You either know if I've been helpful this week or not by this point. We're on day 5. So if this is helpful to you, I implore you to double down and come and join us in Healing Immersion Month. And I encourage you to go and grab your spot now at healingmonth.com. Because, uh, those 100 spots are going to go like that today. I'm pretty convinced of it based on the trajectory of the last 2 days. 2 days ago we had 500 spots, we're now down to 100. So not everyone is going to be able to make it onto this. As a team, that's been a point of sadness for us this week. Um, we don't— we— yes, it is what it is. We have 100 spots left. The best I can do is to say to you, if you know you need it and you're in a place where you really want it, grab it before someone who is just— has a casual interest in this program grabs it, because I want those spots to go to people who genuinely are in that place where they need them. Um, I think that's everything I wanted to say about that. Um, when you— by the way, once you get your place, if you get your place, um, you'll have an opportunity to do something really cool I'm giving everybody who gets onto this program a $300 credit to put towards my retreat in Miami if you want to come and join me in October. And if you're the kind of person who's enjoying this, you're the kind of person who will love what I'm doing on my immersive retreat in October. So you'll have an opportunity once you get your spot to book an appointment with Billy. We've actually had to free up one or two other members of our team because Billy's— Billy's become really popular and busy. He has so few appointments now, uh, he's booked up. So you can try and snag an appointment, but we also have them with my brother Stephen Hussey, which is just as great, uh, with Charlotte, who is amazing. So we have amazing people on our team you can speak to. We've had to free a couple more of them up to speak to people about this, to use their credit, because so many people want to use it. Uh, we already— a whole bunch of you have already signed up to the retreat as a result of this week, and the numbers are going down on tickets there. We have— we had, I think it was 90 at the beginning of the week. We're now coming up on, uh, 65 or 66 or somewhere in that region. Um, so, uh, you'll get an opportunity to book that call after you check out for Healing Immersion Month. So go and grab that now, healingmonth.com. Let me know once you're in if you've got it. If you just signed up to Healing Immersion Month today, I want to know who my new people are. I know so many of you already signed up, over 400 of you already signed up, um, but if you just joined as a result of today, let me know who my people are who just joined. Um, Pip, you did amazing. Um, hey, you did too. Loveland Coaching. Okay, so look, here's what I want to do. Keep letting me know. Let's just take a very short 3-minute opportunity, um, for everyone who needs that moment to just focus and go through that page to do that. We're then going to come back and we're going to finish out today before we go to the coaching inside the love life area. Um, go do that now, we'll take 3 minutes and then we'll be right back here, so don't go anywhere. And if you already are a member, don't go anywhere because I have more to say. Thank you for bearing with me. I know some of you have heard me say this 2 or 3 times now. I appreciate it. I'm trying to juggle here because I'm trying to serve everybody, and I know there are new people who just hadn't heard that at all yet, so It's tricky. Thank you for being patient with me if you're already on Healing Immersion Month and you're hearing me say that for the third or fourth time. I'll see you in 3 minutes. All right, welcome back everybody. Um, I am, uh, so excited reading all of these comments, reading all of these names, uh, of people who are joining. Let me know again if you just joined in the last 5-10 minutes, uh, the Healing Immersion, um, month. Let me know, uh, just put in or I joined in the comments so I know. Your Duality too, you're in. Amazing. Muhammad says, you've just given me a different perspective on this heartbreak. I just joined Healing Month. I'm so happy. I, I— the thing I'm really— can I tell you guys what's special for me about this program? We're in day 5 now, so if you're joining, I know you're joining because this has already meant something to you, because this has already helped you. You're not just joining out of some blind hope. Because I'm someone who promised you something. You're joining because you're actually listening to yourself and going, this actually has shifted me in the last few days. This session alone today has, has resulted in a shift, and you're respecting that. You're listening to yourself. It's not— I don't want you to listen to me, I want you to listen to you. And the fact that I take it as a huge compliment that so many of you have joined, and that we were going to give ourselves till Monday for these 500 spots, and it looks like they're not even going to last till the end of today. I take it as a huge compliment because I know what it means is so many of you have actually benefited from this week. Um, so thank you, and let's keep this going. I always say Tuesday— this— the first coaching session of Healing Immersion Month is next Tuesday. I'm officially calling it day 9 of Mend Week. It's maybe not Mend Week anymore at the end of 7 days, but I'm unofficially saying Tuesday is day 9. So for everyone waking up next week, you don't have to be like, well, I'm waking up, you know, I'm sad, men week's over. It's not over. We wake up together and do day 9 together on Tuesday. Um, oh, I should say, Audrey just reminded me of a really important detail. For those of you who are— who have truly loved— and Oz, I know you said this week has been unforgettable. For those of you who want to take this week with you as this, like, emotional souvenir that you never need to let go of and you can always come back to, for anyone who joins us in Healing Immersion Month, we're just throwing that in. So I, I don't even think I mentioned this— Healing Immersion Month is 3 payments of $99, or it's for the full payment, $247, which is a 17% discount. I defy you, I defy, I challenge you to find anywhere in the world where you get that much of someone's time for that kind of value. Um, a therapist alone, a good therapist, will charge you $250 for one session. Um, this is $247, $250 for an entire month of not just my time but my team's time and everything that comes with it. So you can split it up in payments if you want to, into 3 payments of $99, or you can pay in one go. It's a one-time thing, by the way. If you pay in one go, it's not a membership. It's not— there's not some billing in the future or whatever. This is— I wanted this to be a one-and-done thing for people who are going through heartbreak. And don't sleep on it because I'm not— I can't do this again, guys. I, I love you guys. I care so much about helping this cohort of people, and I want to see it through. I mean, I'm in with you now. Like, we're, we're doing this. I'm in. But I can't do this with a new cohort 2 months from now because life is too busy. There's too much going on. I have an 8-year— an 8-month-old upstairs who was projectile vomiting this week in the middle of me trying to prepare my notes for the next day. I can't do this again this year, or probably even next year. So, um, please take me up on this while— if you're— I've been joking this week— if you're lucky enough to be heartbroken at the same time as I'm doing this program, grab it with both hands. Um, okay, uh, very good. Um, I want to just leave you with a thought. And, uh, this thought is going to be particularly— it's relevant to everybody, but for those people who choose to join me also for the retreat in October, it's highly relevant because it's really relevant to the kind of work that is going to move us forward in our life. It's really if something is producing— grief is grief, right? If we're just going through grief— I'd say just going through grief is one of the hardest things we can go through— but if we're going through grief pure and simple, that we lost someone, that alone is hard enough. Um, you know, there's the grief of losing a marriage that we've been in for a very long time, and saying goodbye to that story, that history, the person we've been with for 20 years, um, in a relationship that's not a marriage, that's been a 2-year relationship. We grieve the loss of that person, and it feels hard losing that person. We grieve the loss of a future. So there's the natural grief that we feel anytime we experience a loss. And that's healthy. People who don't experience that, they're, they're disconnected from their own emotions, and that's not a good thing. So if you're experiencing grief, that's healthy. Sometimes our grief is elevated into something else, into an extreme of emotion, an extreme of fear. An extreme of insecurity, an extreme of, uh, almost, uh, a, um, a questioning of ourselves, an extreme of I'll never be okay again. Um, and it's often what produces the kinds of behaviors that make us do things we regret. You know, whether it's the person who I know earlier this week said They held their hands up, credit to them, and said, day one, I, I sent an email that I shouldn't have sent. I let my emotions get the better of me to my ex. These extremes of emotions can make us beg for someone back who we shouldn't even want back. These extremes of emotions can make us ignore our own boundaries in an effort to get someone back or win someone over. Um, they can make us feel hopeless. They can destroy our confidence. When grief mutates into something like this, beyond grief, it's an opportunity to go deeper and learn about ourselves. If you have at any point this week thought to yourself or put in a comment to me, which I know some of you have. There was something about this particular heartbreak. There was something about this one, whether it was how intense it was, how passionate the relationship was, how mixed the signals were, how there was something about— or your perception of this person and how important they were to you. If you're saying to yourself, there was something about this particular heartbreak that fucked me up more than any of my other breakups, it's really, really important that we take the time, the invitation to learn about ourselves in that. What was it about this particular breakup that uniquely activated us or triggered us? What was it about this one? It's an interesting question. Maybe this person seemed to represent something that I always thought I needed. Maybe they looked like a person we never thought we could get. You know, maybe physically they were more attractive than anyone we'd been with in the past, and that triggered us. That, that, or that activated us is a better word for that. You know, it, it put us on edge, and it, it created all these feelings of unworthiness. Maybe they go— those go back a long way. Maybe this person looked like the kind of person we couldn't get when we were at school or in our 20s, and all of a sudden that person paid attention to us and the teenager in us freaked out and didn't feel good enough. Maybe this person was unavailable in ways that triggered our desire to earn love. We talked about that a little bit with Will earlier in the week. I may not have put it quite like that, but we talked about this concept of going for unavailable people and how unavailable people can really trigger us. They can trigger our desire, they can trigger an instinct to fight for love in the wrong places. It's important to look at what part of us has been needled here, what wound has been touched, how old is that wound. What did my ego feel the need to prove in this situation? What did my brain get distracted by? What did I get hijacked by? What deeper character flaws did it make me ignore? Where did I stop focusing on the person's true values? What false conclusion has my brain drawn from the fact that this person didn't want us Where have I generalized about my attractiveness in general based on this person's rejection of me? Where have I made this person's opinion too important, too universal? Where have I given this person too much credit for making perfect choices in their own life? What am I— this is an important question— what am I overvaluing in somebody else and undervaluing in myself? And the exercise we do around this, which as I said, for those of you joining me in Miami in October for my retreat, we'll do this together. I'll walk you through it. But it has to be a logical and conscious exercise because the process that's happening internally that has activated us, triggered us, got us fixated on this person is deeply unconscious. So the work to uncover that, the work to restore our mental health, the work to imprint better beliefs, better wiring, has to be a deeply conscious process. Whether or not this year you do that work with me. I implore you to do that work, because beyond heartbreak— and this is beyond the scope of 5 Days to Mend, because 5 Days to Mend was about helping people begin the path to feel better— but I don't want you to just feel better. I want us to be making really high-quality decisions in our life going forward that lead to really happy futures, right? There's a difference between those two things. Feeling better is not the same as taking a deeper look at the wiring that got us into some of these situations in the first place. So I really want to encourage you to do that work, that as you go forward, as you begin to feel better, as you begin to process this This Heartbreak, which we'll do together in Healing Immersion Month, to look at the underlying wiring that's governing all of your decisions, because that wiring is what's going to determine our future and how we make decisions next time around so that we don't repeat the past. Um, okay. Let's go over to our coaching session in the Love Life app. For those of you who don't know at this point, we do a free coaching session right after each of these days this week inside the Love Life app. If you can't join me for Healing Immersion Month, at least come and join me for this last coaching session. Um, make the most of it. Let's make the most of it and let's finish the right way today. For everyone who has joined, I have no idea— my team will, will tell me where we are on, on, uh, whatever number of spaces are left at the end of this. I have no idea how many spaces are left, but, um, for everyone who's joining me, I'll see you of course again on Tuesday, and you will of course keep access to the community and Matthew AI amidst the programs that I'm also going to give you and all of the other things. So I'll see you in just a moment in the Love Life app. Uh, there should be some code that you can scan to come straight through there, so scan that QR code, it'll take you through to the live session we're going to do, and let's answer a couple of questions and hear from a couple of people as well. Um, I'll see you in there right now. Thanks, guys.