Is Bro Self Help Making Men More Emotionally Unavailable?

There's a lot of like male literature or male focused literature these days on like the power of stoicism. And I think in some ways one of the unfortunate side effects for men is it makes them even harder on themselves for having emotions. And a lot of men need to be more emotional or they need to share their emotions more. That would be a healthy thing. So I'm back with David today, the producer.

Hello.

You're normally behind the camera. You're back in front of the camera today.

I'm producing in front of the camera today.

And you are the, you're the, the, the voice of the audience who want to ask me things. You know, get frustrated when we move on from a topic before they've had a chance to say what they wanted to say about it or to challenge me on something or whatever it may be, even just get clarification. So you're going to be the person putting me in the hot seat today. The last time we did this, people loved it.

Yep.

So we're in it for round two. We still don't have a name for this, you know, some version of Grill. Matt.

Toast Matt.

Toast Matt. If you have a better suggestion for what we should call this series, More from Matt. Whatever, let us know. Podcastthewhussey.com but let's get started.

I'm curious, do you know off the top of your head what your most viewed video on YouTube is?

I know that who should pay on a date was.

That's a big one.

I think that was the most viral video we ever did. I mean, I know that got released like that. We released that a couple of times and both times it got on, I think it was on Facebook alone at like 30 million views. And that was just on one platform. And we released it again, so. And then everyone else released it on the Internet too.

Yeah.

And just took it.

That one, that one definitely is a phenomenon. If you go to popular on our YouTube channel, you'll find three man melting phrases that, that, that make a man fall for you. And I saw a funny comment on there the other day. It's, it's kind of old. It's like 2 years old. But I just. In the video you like talk about, like comment on their style, comment on, tell them that they make you feel safe. There's a bunch of really funny comments in there about that one in particular. But I like the top comment about.

About saying, about saying so you feel safe.

I don't know if you've looked at those. They're. They're funny.

I Haven't one of them. I still agree with it.

It's a great, it's a great, it's a great piece of advice. But somebody like, was like, cute, cute cashier worker at McDonald's, here's your fries. You make me feel safe.

That's good.

Yeah, it's good. I mean, I like it. I think that there could be, there could be something out of that moment at McDonald's. But on that video I liked and I'm wondering if this revises any of your advice on here. Number one, buy him a guitar. Number two, buy him Superman costume. Number three, tell him to do pushups in your honor. I feel like those are three steps that would make any man fall for you.

Buy him a guitar.

Yeah, Superman costume.

If someone bought me a guitar, I'd be like, oh, there's one more thing I've got to do. Yeah, buy him a Superman costume. That's quite good. If you said you should go, you should go as Superman for Halloween.

I think it's just an everyday thing. Yeah, just here, like put this on. I think this really suits.

This is how I see you.

This is how I see you. And then, yeah, tell them to do push ups in your honor. I mean, I'm on the, I'm, I'm on the floor, you know, doing as many as I can.

It's the. In my honor.

In my. Yeah, yeah. We, I think that there's something that.

Russell, we should make a new video with those three.

I, I wanted to field some other comments from our last video that we did together. Alicia McIntyre said kind of in response to our talking about chasing. I'm curious what you think about this.

Because you and I were talking. You were, you made the point that chasing can sometimes be a good thing.

Yes.

And we had that distinction between pride versus proactivity. Too much pride is a bad thing. Too much proactivity and you're the one doing all of the work.

Exactly. A large portion of Matthew's audience are people who have a habit of chasing people who aren't interested. So telling them to not chase is usually good advice because it helps them break their unhelpful patterns. Now they don't like hearing that. They are convinced that they will end up alone if they stop. But really they will have a better chance if they would slow down and have more standards.

Slowing down is important. I think the, the I'm, as someone who relates very much to anxiety as a go to emotion. When I'm off balance, I know that anxiety speeds me up. It doesn't slow me down. So when I'm anxious, I feel like I have to fix something right now. Like if I've, if I maybe I've like, I'm worried I said the wrong thing, or I'm worried that, you know, you know, someone feels something bad about something I've done, I will then race to fix it. And it's often in the trying to fix something too quickly that I'll then do something I regret even more. And that perfectly kind of maps onto early dating, where if we are anxious about whether someone likes us, we're more willing, we're more likely to speed up than slow down. And it's in speeding up that we like, do everything in fast forward. We send too many texts, we make too many calls, we measure too often whether someone likes us. And that's when we're liable to either make mistakes, say things we regret, or give away our power because someone kind of feels like we're being highly reactive to them. So I do agree with, with that, that the, the kind of person who's like, thinks I just need to, I need to chase because otherwise I'm going to end up alone is exactly the kind of person that needs to slow down.

Yeah, agreed. I I also somebody else commented on that that video fem9 wisdom Here's a topic. Stoicism is healing self love, but hindering intimacy.

Stoicism is healing.

Yeah, Stoicism is healing self love, but hindering intimacy. The reason why I buy it is we almost talked about this on a podcast a couple weeks ago. What I want to know what your read is on that that first interesting.

Stoicism is healing self love. See, I always associate. I don't think that stoicism in itself is a bad thing, but I think it it often it ends up especially with men. There's a lot of like male literature or male focused literature these days on like the power of stoicism. And I think in some ways one of the unfortunate side effects for men is it makes them even harder on themselves for having emotions. And a lot of men need to be more emotional or they need to share their emotions more. That would be a healthy thing. And stoicism, I think is usually more associated with. I'm not saying that it should be, but it's more associated with like suppressing feelings and emotions than it is with sharing them. So I it's funny in that context, I often think of stoicism as something that's not healing for people. It's like the type of people that get really obsessed with stoicism are probably people that could use a little more vulnerability and expression and being more vulnerable and being more expressive about their emotions would actually be a greater act of self love and healing than continuing just to shut what they're feeling down in the name of bravery or courage or being a strong masculine person. So I'm, I'm interested. What do you think this person meant by like stoicism is self love.

Yeah.

Did she say self love or self healing?

Is healing. Healing self love?

Yeah. So do you make sense of that?

My read, my read on it was that it heals self love in that stoicism is the art of taking external stimuli and diminishing the gravity of them to actually scale with the human experience. Like your, you know, these things that are in our life that are these huge moments, like they should be dealt with with calm and with, with kind of like almost disconnection from them. Because in, in, in the reality of where we are as, as living beings, it's so impermanent and we all die and like it kind of is like diminishing those, those And I think that that is healing in. It's a, it's kind of the, the, the most healthy goal of it would be that it like heals your nervous system a little bit. I think that it's taken and, and bastardized a little bit and then. But I think it does hinder intimacy for exactly what you just said, which was you now become more disconnected with your emotional feelings, you become less likely to display your natural instincts and therefore you can kind of become closed off to people.

Well, I think what intimacy is born out of like our ability to truly relate to each other and you relate. For me, what builds intimacy even with my male friends is to be able to sit there and have an honest conversation about how we're feeling and about what's on our mind. And those aren't conversations where it feels productive to just like have that filter of either. You know, it's like there's one filter which is stoicism, which is like, you know, your ability to just maintain an equilibrium with what's going on. And then the second filter that a lot of self development minded people add on top of stoicism is positivity. So now like optimism. So now what you get is like two filters. One where you've already kind of like leveled out whatever waves you might be experiencing internally and then the second one where you're bringing out the sunshine and talking about how it's going to be great, like how are you doing with that thing? I know you were having a hard time. Oh, yeah. You know, like, it's all good and it's going to be, you know what? It's going to be great. When we do that too much in conversation, we're no longer. There's, you know, we're no longer truly interfacing at a deep level. Everything's going through these filters. So I, the friendships I really enjoy are the ones where I can sit with a bud and we can just talk openly and share feelings. And I find that ironically to be the most healing thing. Like those are the conversations where I come away feeling better because I feel less alone. When someone shares with me the ways that they're struggling and stumbling and figuring things out. I go away not feeling like an alien for the way I feel inside. To go back to that idea of stoicism is healing self love. I actually think one of the most healing things you can do is acknowledge that you're having a hard time and that it's normal that you're feeling that this is difficult. Whether it's normal because the actual circumstances of what you're going through aren't easy or whether it's normal that you feel this way because this, whatever's going on right now has triggered something from the past that was very real. And you, you're having compassion for the you that feels these things. So I, yeah, I, I'm all for stoicism. I think stoicism is an important thing to practice in life. But, but, but I, I think that I could probably have done in my life with a little less stoicism and a little more self compassion.

I noticed this comment and I think this was from our long distance podcast that we did recently from JP Hive 2468. I was building a connection with someone but then got scared and ruined it. Maybe it was the right thing to do. I'll just have to accept what it is and move on. Hopefully she's not hurt. For some reason, I kind of am. Good luck and much blessings to other men out there in the world. I think I, I see this kind of expression happen a lot of the time from at least like female presenting people in the comments where it's just like these moments of like, I feel this, I feel this. I have been experiencing pain. This is my situation. It's almost not like there doesn't need to be a response. It's this kind of thing that you were talking about where it's like you are fielding your. And there's nothing that there's something very. That can be very healing about that. And I like noticing that this was a gentleman who decided to do this, at least display some emotion in the comments. And I think that that's kind of cool.

I think it's really beautiful and, you know, it. It's funny, since we started to talk a little bit more about some of the issues between men and women that we see going on right now, we've kind of invited more men to the table, consciously or unconsciously. And with that you get the best and the worst. You know, you get some division in the comments, which I don't love because it's not. We didn't. I never wanted to build a community that was like debating with each other in these ways. And I wanted to just build a community that were all here because they were excited about growing and didn't see it as an us versus them between genders. So it sometimes pains me to kind of almost feel like we've invited in people who, you know, are not necessarily. Don't necessarily have the best intentions with the way they're having the conversation, but equally I feel really overjoyed when I see especially men in the comments who had. Who are just, you know, being open and vulnerable and connecting with other people. And it really opens up a very beautiful dialogue between men and women. And I think that it's. I think that that side of it can be quite healing for the women in our community because a lot of them, one of the things I've noticed about a lot of women is they, they've almost. They don't realize how sensitive men are or can be. And sometimes, by the way, I think that is why women treat men poorly when they do, you know, when they're a bit dismissive or a bit, you know, they reject people a bit too coldly or I. For a lot of women, I think there is a tendency to completely underestimate how much men feel because men are. They do look more kind of like on the surface at least it doesn't feel like it affects them. And it's like, ah, he's fine, he's a guy. But you know, so many guys, myself included, are deeply sensitive and they do get affected by things whether they show it or not. And I think it's the comment section. When men are vulnerable, it's a wonderful place for women to see like, oh my God, I didn't know men, I didn't know things affected men like that like they do me. Guys, I want to tell you about something that is both timely and time sensitive. I know that so many of you are having struggles in your dating life right now. A lot of you are going through heartbreak. A lot of you are struggling to heal from something. You're trying to make sense of what someone has done. You're trying to figure out what to text someone or what to how to have a certain conversation. Matthew AI can help you with all of that. And right now we have a Black Friday deal on Matthew AI where you can try it for two whole weeks weeks for free on me unlimited. So you can ask it anything you want during that time. All you have to do is go to askmh.com you can cancel at any time before the trial is over. It's up to you. I bet you won't because it's going to change things for you. We saw this Trust pilot review online recently about Matthew AI. Someone said I have resisted Matthew AI because I push back at AI. I took a leap of faith and it is the best decision I have made. All of the unnecessary energy wasted on anxiety has been removed. It has created a space to bring in Good to have the support of a friend because that's how real and informal it feels is so comforting to let your perspective be challenged. The words I write won't do it justice. You have to try Matthew AI to see how powerful it's going to be. And this is the best time to try because you get two whole weeks for free on me as part of our Black Friday offering. Go to askmh.com and get that offer now while it lasts and let me know how you use it.

On our a podcast we did recently. The 50% of women will be single by 2025 or 2035. I was curious what you think about this comment, so not surprised women are choosing to stay single these days. Priorities have changed for both men and women and honestly, the Internet hasn't helped real connections. Many women now focus on financial independence, don't feel the need to rely on a partner, and some are even moving abroad. In India especially, more young women are saying no to marriage, while men are finding it harder to find a wife, something that was much easier to do a generation ago. The cultural landscape is evolving and with it the definition of what it means to live a fulfilled life. For many women today, being single is not a compromise, it's a a conscious choice. I thought that was very fair. I'm like good estimation of how things are evolving. Do you have any any thoughts on that?

I I think that as people find themselves with options in Life and, and an option could just be the societal norm that I'm not expected to just find a husband. Certainly I'm, you know, we've not overcome every societal norm. You know, single people, the older they get, still feel a level of ostracization. Is that a word? But they, they, you know, feel like this. They're almost. There's this subtle implication that there's something wrong with them or that what, you know, you're, you're, you're not with someone. Why aren't you with someone? What's going on? So I'm not saying there's no societal norm of people feeling kind of outcast in some way for being single or like, they're questioned for it. But there's not the societal pressure that there was for many people. In some countries. There are, in some cultures, there are, there is. But more and more, you know, even in, you know, you take a culture like Japan, where there's a traditional culture, but many women are finding themselves in a place of going. I'm not, I don't feel traditional in that way. And I'm not, I'm a woman with a great job who's 33. I don't want to, like, if what you're asking me to do is marry a guy who still thinks it's my job to be at home and to take care of the kids and to be obedient wife, and then it, like, you can keep your, you can keep it to yourself. I, I don't want any part of it. And more and more people feel that way. And I, I, I think that there's certain cultures that haven't caught up. There are also certain kinds of men, you know, even in cultures that have caught up, where the kind of, like, you know, openly, publicly the culture is, no, no, we're all equals here. But there's still many, many individual men in those cultures who still expect a woman to be a certain way in a relationship. And still, whether they say it or not, there's still a kind of, like, implication that these things are your job. They're not my job as a man. And I expect you to still take care of me, and I expect you to be the one who does, you know, who manages the house or takes care of dinner or this or that. And in a world where women are doing, like, I'm working as hard as you do, like, we're both out there doing this and bringing in money, and like, I, you know, a lot of women are like, I want a genuine teammate. It's not that they want a guy to suddenly be all of those things is they want a teammate. And in the absence of a genuine if, the art. If, if my, If. It feels like at least my options are maintain my independence and the life I've built for myself and the routines and the habits and the, you know, friendships and hobbies. And if I, if it's. Maintain all of that or get into a relationship where I'm suddenly expected to pull more of the weight than you are in the relationship, when ostensibly we're living the same life and we're contributing in the same ways, then, yeah, I don't. I don't want it. It's not. Sorry, it's not appealing. And I, I understand that. And I think that's. That's right. That's right. Women's standards have gone up in ways that women's standards should have gone up, but, by the way, couldn't have gone up at a time when the, the, you know, they didn't have the same opportunities. So I, I really think men have to step up and learn. I'm not saying. I'm not even making an argument here about, like, I, I believe, to an extent, I think there's. There's a lot of this that gets overdone and just God talked about to such a boring degree. But I do believe in polarity. I do believe in, you know, masculine, feminine, and the idea that there's moments where, as a masculine guy, it's really. I love Audrey being feminine, and I love moments where she celebrates my masculinity. And I, I, I'm. I'm not denying that. But we don't live in. Like, me and Audrey do not live our lives obsessed with masculine and feminine polarity. It is not like a subject that we are steeped in all the time. I'm not pre, you know, I know guys who are preoccupied with their masculinity. It's like. It feels like it's top of mind for them all the time. And I don't think about it, really. Like, I, I have certain things I do in my life that are more masculine. I have other things I do in my life that are more feminine. I have both. You know, parts of me I feel are very prominent. I don't. But it, it's not an obsession to me. I just. I want a teammate in Audrey. I don't want a princess. I want a teammate. She wants a teammate in me. She doesn't want a 50s man who says, I'm not going to do this, and I won't have any part of that and whatever, that's all your job. But we also enjoy that polarity as well. To me, that's healthy. And it. I think that there's a lot of women who are coming up against men who aren't. Just like a lot of women still want that polarity and they enjoy that polarity, but they don't want that, that energy that can be very attractive between genders to actually define everything about the responsibilities of the relationship. And I, I haven't, I don't think I've actually stated this in this way before, but I think that what we have to start getting better at is distinguishing and separating out polarity and energy from using that polarity as a justification for the responsibilities that we have within the relationship and what each person does and how each person treats the other one. I actually think it's possible to separate them in the same way. By the way that we separate who we are in the bedroom and what we like to do in the bedroom from what we actually believe and do in our everyday life. You know, someone might enjoy being dominated in the bedroom in ways that if it was true in real life, they'd be quite scary. But in the bedroom, it's fun because it's a role play. It's a. There's an energy going on that, there's an energy exchange that's sexy and fun and playful and. And so we're all consenting to that experience, but we're not, you know, that same couple where one dominates the other in the bedroom, don't wish to be. That person, doesn't wish to be dominated in every aspect of their life. It's a place they go. And I think we have to get start thinking of polarity in that same way in our relationships that there's a kind of role play here that's really fun and, and I like to play this role and you like to play that role, and that's what makes us attracted to each other. But then when it comes time to like, you know, who's maintaining the house, it's like, no, we're maintaining the house. Like, we're doing that together. Unless, like, we're, you know, unless we have an agreement and it's like, hey, you're out working all day. I'm doing that. Like, that's the deal. And let's, you know, those are the roles. Fine. And I haven't got a problem with that either. I mean, it's not about. We all have to do the same amount of every job. You're a team, so figure out who best at what or who has time for what. But I. I do understand that so many women these days feel like there's just a lot of catching up that men have to do to where they are and what their expectations are. And. And I do. I feel for them.

Yeah, I think that that is. I think that's really interesting, the idea that we. We almost like to role play in the 1950s, like, Don Draper thing for a second. Like, in a relationship in certain moments, like, it can be fun. But the reality, I think, of people interacting with each other is that there's an. Like, when you decide that you're equals, there's an intense amount of communication that then needs to happen on an ongoing basis so that you continue to be updated on the other person's needs. And. Yeah, so we can exist in these two things. Like, it would be nice if it was just as simple as the, you know, like, if we can indulge in what that would look like for a moment. But for most of the, like, modern relationships, I think the reality is we need to be a little bit more dynamic. Right?

Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with saying to your partner, I. I really enjoy when you, like, listen, I don't think there's anything wrong as a man with saying, I really enjoy when I, like, I come home and you make me feel taken care of. You know, when you make me dinner, it, like, I love it. It's so. There's something about it that, you know, I don't need you to do it every night. It's not the saying you love. It isn't the same as saying. It's an expectation. You can acknowledge something you really enjoy. And I don't think there's any shame in that either. I'm not saying, hey, men, you can't tell your partner that you enjoy something that is much more classic or traditional in the kind of.

I think actually you're encouraging that that communication happen because then you understand. Like, you're understanding the areas where that can exist and it can be fun.

Yeah. And she. She gets to know, like, oh, that's something that really does mean a lot to you, as opposed to, like, he's building up some kind of resentment that that never happens. She's like, no, when I can do that? Or when, like, that's something that does actually mean a lot to him, and vice versa. Like, if you find that, you know, okay, you're in a relationship of equals with a guy, but that, you know, your guy never Plans, a date. You know, it's. It's like every time it comes to, what should we do tonight? You both look at each other and you go, yeah, what shall we do tonight? If you're like, hey, there's a, like, some of these moments, I don't need you to do it every time we're thinking about what to do for a weekend. But once a month, if you go into, like, you know, alpha male mode and you're like, hey, put on a nice outfit. I'm taking you somewhere that's hot to me, and that, that you're. You're then giving someone a roadmap into something that's attractive to you, while also acknowledging that I don't need you to live in this mode all the time as a man. And I get that it would be fucking exhausting for you to. If we lived in a mode where Audrey expected me to be like, Mr. Like, leader every second of the day of, like, you know, always a plan, never, you know, here's what we're doing next, and whatever, I would be exhausted by that. But I also understand that that's really hot for her sometimes when I play that role. I think what's interesting is since me and Audrey, since we met each other, I've known no different than when we first met. She was working hard in TV and she was doing her own thing, and, you know, that was time consuming for her. And then she ended up working with us and we ended up partnering in this, you know, organization, and she became this powerful, like, powerhouse creative director in the company and co hosted the podcast and did all these things, and then she got even busier. And the only Audrey I've ever known is the one that is working as hard as I am and is grinding and making things happen. And. But what's funny is since Audrey got pregnant, like, over the last nine months, she started that way. She. She kept going and going and going. And then another, like, last two or three months, it. She really started to slow down. And we joke about it because she's like, she's, like, joking that she's now a lady of leisure because she's not working and she's not doing anything. And I joke that, you know, it's kind of nice. There's something kind of nice about, like, I'm working and she's doing her thing, and then at the end of the day, we meet up and I talk about my day, which she doesn't know all about because she hasn't been working in it with me all day. And there's something we're both enjoying almost the role play of like a more traditional model that's happening. But if Audrey wanted to go back to work six weeks after giving birth, then great, like it's not. I'm not like, and now I want you to live here. Like now there's no going back. Now that you've shown me what this life is like, I'm like, it's kind of fun. There is something kind of fun about it. And from her side she's like, this is kind of fun. You're work, you're the man working. And I'm taking time off. But, but I don't. I honestly that polarity between us in energies would still exist even if two months from now she goes back to working as many hours as I am. It doesn't change the polarity of the relationship.

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I think also this was in the long term relationship episode we did recently which is from OJ Hitman 147. My ex and I ended things six months ago because we just weren't what the other person needed. I'm still wrestling with it. The part that really scares me when people grow and change. How do couples grow together instead of drifting apart? I almost think that what we were just Talking about kind of loops into that. I think that's a really powerful thing that you could loop into your relationship is that level of acknowledgment and communication of what you find attractive, whether it fits into gender norms or is completely counter to them. That can be something that I think especially men could work on playing in that world a little bit more.

I, I think there's something really what. One of the most exquisite things about a great relationship is the ability to really, truly share the things that matter to you. The things that you would like more of, the things that you know, just the things that are important to you. And not to share them as some kind of like mandate or an obligation, I should say, but to just share them because you know you've got a partner who at the end of the day is really committed to your happiness. Like you, you are with someone who really, really, really wants you to be happy and takes the things you say seriously. And that doesn't mean that they, you know, like everything you say comes to pass exactly how you're wanting it to or 100% of the time. But I, like, I don't, I don't want to be too self referential here, but I, I can say that the thing that really works about mine and Audrey's relationship is not that it's perfect all the time, because it absolutely isn't. It's that we, what we both know about each other is we really, really care about making the other one happy. And we really care about like knowing like, what are your goals? What do you really want? What do you really enjoy? Okay, now it becomes almost a puzzle of how do I, how do I be a partner in making that happen for you? What. However big or small it is. And, and what makes me want to do that even more is that I know that she's doing the same thing for me. I know that if I said to something like very seriously, you know, I just really wanna, I, I feel like I'm not getting enough time to go paintballing. Like, paintballing is my new passion.

We aren't as a company, as an organization or not.

But if I was like, this is a deep, like, lack for me that, this, that I'm not doing this. And it's, it matters to me. And I, I feel like I need to do this on a regular basis in order to be happy. She wouldn't be like, but paintballing is so stupid.

Yeah, well, no one would do, right?

Of course. She's not crazy. Yeah, she would say, okay, like, if that's really important to you, let. Let's figure out what that means. Let's figure out how to get you that time. And that knowing that she would be like, that is what means that when she comes to me and says something's really important or I. I feel like I'm not getting enough of this. I. I'm not resentful. Like, I might have a little bit of, like, frustration. Like, ah, you know, I didn't know I was not doing a good job in that area, but it might. There might be a lot, but there's not. At the end of the day, any possible resentment I could have is dissolved by the fact that I know if I were. If the tables were turned and I was saying this to her, she would be like, what can I do to make this happen? And so that's a kind of indirect answer to what this. This commenter is saying. But when they're saying, like, you know, I think the question was, like, how do you make sure you grow together instead of apart?

Yeah.

I think it's recognizing that if you teach each other that you're absolutely on the same team when it comes to your happiness, that there is no distinction between the two of you. It's like, we are. I am here to make your dreams come true, and you're here to make my dreams come true. And we both trust that we're both as serious about that as the other one is. It's almost like you breathe a giant sigh of relief because you go, well, if I've got the best teammate I'll ever have and they're committed to making my dreams come true, then we're good. Like, we've got each other. And then, you know, of course, that in terms of, like, oh, what if our dreams are incompatible? And whatever, then, okay, you can. That, you know, those become conversations. But again, they become conversations, not resentments. Because as two people who are desperately, desperately care about making each other happy, it's all on the table as a conversation, as opposed to just, you know, building up resentment inside. And there's a lot of people, by the way, who need to take some responsibility for the growing apart because they, you know, drift and they don't tell. They stop telling their partner what they really want or the ways that they're frustrated or the ways that their needs aren't getting met. And then the conversations they should be having with their partner, they start having with their friends. And then over time, they just build up more and more resentment, and their partner has no idea. Just how far they're drifting until it's too late.

One more question for you. This one's from my brain, which is you are launching a, what you call a relationship app in sync. And it's a very interesting concept.

A matchmaking app.

A matchmaking app. That's what it is. Yeah, a matchmaking app. It has a lot of kind of. It's driven by AI, where you, you know, you talk to a, you know, coach, essentially gets to know you, and then you, you know, it develops its matches based off of how well it knows you. As someone who I have, you know, in our conversations, just out in the living room, who has a level, as most people do, of kind of like not distrust in artificial intelligence, but a little apprehension in artificial intelligence. You know, what. How do you. How do you interact with that feeling as like an individual person, but then also having it be this kind of linchpin to something that could be really cool in the way that dating apps could serve us better.

I'm. I take it really, really seriously because I want to be on the right side of things when it comes to AI. You know, Matthew AI has been one of our most popular things we've ever created. There's an argument to say it's the. The most popular thing we've ever created. Yeah, it's had a million or more conversations with people at this point. Thousands and thousands and thousands of people use it every month. So, like, my first foray into the world of AI in a serious way, outside of just playing with Chat GPT myself, was the release of Matthew AI, which is trained on nearly 20 years of content. So, you know, the. What makes that as good as it is is that it's been trained on so much really good stuff. But it has been like, almost universally positive. You know, people. Some people will say negative. You can't avoid. You know, you can't have a hundred percent of people saying positive things, but it's like 99.5%, if not more of people are like, this is amazing. And this has really helped me. So in that sense, I'm happy because I know that you. You don't always have, you know, at 2:00am when you're going through heartbreak, you don't always have someone to talk to, and certainly not for as many hours as you need, because heartbreak requires many, many, many, many, many hours of conversation. So that was like a very positive experience of AI for me, was to see what it was doing for people there.

I also think that people, you know, behind the scenes, they don't See how I, I saw how involved you were in its creation. Like, I remember every day coming in and seeing like this, this thing grow and how kind of it's still like this almost growing conversation with, with this, this Matthew AI, with this product itself. It's really interesting to see how actually like nitty gritty you're into its operation and its creation.

Thank you. I, I take that seriously and I, I don't want to get it wrong. And you know, I, I know it has the power to help a lot of people, but I take the responsibility of it very seriously. And the way that, that translated into sync, which is this thing. I've, I've never dared step into the dating app space because I just, I didn't feel I had anything to add. I didn't feel the world needed another dating app when I got the chance because I came together with two engineers and were one engineer and one person who had been in the tech space before. When I got the chance to do this, it felt like, you know what, this might be genuinely additive. I don't, I don't like AI where it decreases human connection or replaces or replaces it. You know, I, I, I want to be involved in AI where it supports human connection and creates more of it. And if you look at what's happening in dating, there's dating apps that are burning people out at a level today that I've never seen before. I've never seen so much negative sentiment around dating apps, and there's always been negative sentiment, but it is like a crescendo right now to how sick and tired people are of dating apps. But the alternative for people is just to get outside. By the way, I'm a huge proponent of that. I've been talking about it. You can look back on my career, it's all I've ever really spoken about is not get on more dating apps, but get outside more. But we're also busy. We're tired. We're working long days. Many of us, most of us, we have families, responsibilities, might have kids. We're trying to fit in our friends pay the bills that are sitting on the windowsill at home. And we need to open that letter. And like, there's so many things, things that make up a life that at the end of doing all of them, we're just tired. And the idea of, and now on top of that, I am going to drag myself to, you know, a bar slash restaurant or some jazz festival near my house or some this, some that, whatever it may be, with just the chance that maybe the love of my life is going to be there tonight, but probably not. And then I'll go home with a little bit less energy again, ready having to do the whole thing again tomorrow with my work and everything else. Of course, the for most people it's easier to, to stay in and watch their favorite show on Netflix or wherever else. And I'm not saying that that like we're not going to get it perfect in the beginning. It's going to take time and energy. But I back us to create a place, a space where a people who are not being intentional about finding love don't even get through the process. Because you, if you're not that, if you're not serious, you can be on Tinder and just swipe and connect and hook up and hang out. Whatever you're not going to go through talking to Sync and letting it get to know you. And if you're not serious, the process itself is, is not going to be something you're going to want to go through. And then on top of that, when it matches you with people, there's a reason why with Sync, we're not optimizing for first dates, we're optimizing for second dates. And the reason is if we were optimizing for first dates, if we saw that as a metric for success, then we'd give people a lot more matches because we know like, well, you'll be attracted to this many people, but that doesn't mean that with that many people you're going to end up on a second date. So the idea is to give you less matches because we're optimizing for second dates and, and people that you're actually going to go further with. So I, I, I'm very conscious, I'm actually very glad you asked me this because I'm very conscious every sec, every step of the way on this, that I want to be on the right side of history with AI. It scares me and it scares me appropriately. I don't want to get it wrong. If I get it wrong, it will be, it won't be for lack of trying to get it right. But I do believe that we're going to create a space and we are creating a space that is not available to people right now who are genuinely serious about finding a relationship. Guys, before you go, don't forget to take me up on the Black Friday offer for Matthew AI. Two whole weeks unlimited. Ask it anything you want, as much as you want for two whole weeks. And you can cancel at any time before the trial ends. AskMH.com is the link for that. Go there now and get it before it disappears. I'll see you next time.