Matthew Hussey answers a question about dating in your 40s. The core advice doesn't change with age: meet people through daytime activities and hobbies, not just bars. The real shift is mindset. Women over 40 shouldn't ditch playfulness or flirtation; instead, frame past experiences like divorce or kids as part of your story, not baggage.
Matthew Hussie here with Love Life. I decided that I would answer a question that I received on Facebook recently. I put out the call and I said, anyone who has a question for my radio show, feel free to ask. This one is from Dina Murray. She says, dating tips for women over 40. I love your advice, but sometimes I feel like it's geared more towards a younger audience. What happens when you date at my age and you're already established in your life and your kids are grown up? what are the dating rules? I read this question a couple of times over, and it actually has 20 likes as I'm reading it right now. I'm sure it will gain more. And she has put underneath all of these likes. Seems like a lot of women agree with me. So I felt like this deserved some special attention, but I don't think that the answer to this is as simple as Deena might like. I'm interested in the answer to this question. What part of my advice do you feel doesn't apply to women over 40? Now, I asked that question because I'm not entirely sure how to answer it. If you said to me, for example, well, Matt, you know, when you talk about going out to bars or clubs or things like that, that doesn't appeal to me at my age. the first thing I'll say is I never advocate bars or clubs being a great place to meet a guy. And I always say that the advice and the tips that I give are things that could just as easily be used in the daytime or a sport or a hobby or a club of some kind, whether it's a book club, whether it's any kind of group that you have a shared interest with. These things can work anywhere. There's no, there's very few lies. or techniques that I give that are designed only to work in a nighttime environment. Now, if the argument is, well, I have kids and I have less time, that's fine. That then is a timing issue, of course, not a difference in the way that you flirt or interact with men or the techniques you use. What we're really talking about is I need more time management techniques to create time in my schedule so that I can go out and meet men at the same time as providing the right kind of loving care towards my children. In this particular question, Dina talks about her kids being grown, in which case this isn't a timing issue. I can only assume it's an issue of talking about the fact that perhaps this person has either been divorced and how do I bring that up? Or that this person has kids and how do I bring that up? Neither of which are a very big deal past a certain age to an enormous number of people who also have had those experiences and therefore it isn't a big deal to them either. Then we're not talking about, again, we're not talking about different techniques or dating differently or flirting differently. We're simply talking about the ability to talk about our past in a positive and an empowering way. When you talk about being divorced, do you talk about it as a great big train wreck in your life that has still scarred you and still has you feeling resentful and bitter towards the opposite sex? Or do you talk about your divorce there's a great learning curve and something that has taught you so much and has given you an interesting experience and has taught you so much about what you're looking for now. When you talk about kids, how do you talk about it? Those are just questions of how we talk about issues in our past. And let's not pretend that you have to be above the age of 40 to have issues from your past and things that you carry with you now in life. There are plenty of people at the age of 25 that have the same issue of how do I talk about this thing that has happened to me? Or how do I talk about my family who are a colorful bunch or to say it lightly, or how do I talk about negative experiences that have happened to me or things that have scarred me or whatever? Those are not age-related things necessarily. So I find myself back at square one asking, what is the difference? Is the difference, is it assumed that Because you're over 40, you can't say the same lines that you shouldn't be as playful or as flirtatious, that people who are older shouldn't be seen doing those sorts of things. They should have a slightly more sober or serious attitude towards things. What exactly is the difference? And I ask that sincerely, because it might just be that I'm a naive dumb guy here. and I don't know what I'm talking about. So I ask you, if you are over the age of 40 and you genuinely believe that there is a difference in the way that you need to approach dating than someone who is in their, I won't say early 20s because I think early 20s is a slightly different ball game with people at university and going through that whole saga of their lives. But people in their mid, late 20s and 30s, I would love to know what you believe is the difference. Go to facebook.com /coach Matthew Hussey. I will put a post on there to that effect asking that question. What in my advice do you feel cannot be done or should not be done over the age of 40? And based on the responses I get, I will develop either practical techniques that deal with it or I will assume that there aren't issues because it's very quiet on the thread. I look forward to seeing your answers. I will see you soon. Go over there now. It's going to be on the post when this show goes live. So feel free to go over there right now and comment facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey.
