Is He The One? 5 Questions to Know for Sure (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Do you like surprises? Well, at the end of this video, I have a surprise for you. A little treat, if you will. But before we do that, let's talk about the five questions you can ask yourself to figure out if a guy is the one for you. Look, firstly, I don't believe in the one. I think there are thousands or tens of thousands of people that we could be really, really happy with. When we look at people who say they found the one, what we're really looking at is somebody who found a person with a great set of qualities that they were looking for, who also happened to be at a stage in their life where they were ready to commit to a serious relationship. That's it. So what we're doing in this video is not trying to find the one person in the world that's right for us. What we're doing is asking a set of questions that will allow us to determine if the person we're thinking about has the potential to be the one we should choose. Question number one. You know what, Jameson? This is too important. How do we show this visually? Do you want to jump him? I hope that wasn't too crude. I guess what I'm trying to say is, do you want to F him? The reason this is question number one is because it's pretty fundamental. Look, what separates a relationship from a friendship is. Is sex. And I know people talk all the time about how sex isn't everything, but of course, there's that wonderful line that when sex is good, it's 20% of the relationship. When it's bad, it's 80% of the relationship. We have to be very careful who we pick, because who we pick, we have to have chemistry with. And in my experience, and perhaps in yours, too, chemistry doesn't magically appear halfway through the relationship. Sex gets better. That's true. We learn about each other, we get to know each other's bodies and what we like. But chemistry often doesn't get better. That's not to say it never does, but it's much easier to pick someone in the first place who, you know, you have chemistry with that you can build on. Question number two. Can he scuba dive? Now, this is really a nuanced way of asking if he can inhabit environments that are important to you for a period of time. Being underwater is not a natural environment for human beings, but by strapping on the scuba gear, we can last underwater for a little while. I think of relationships the same way. Someone might not feel massively comfortable at your family party where they have to Talk to all of your relatives and all of the different characters in your family. Or if you're sitting at home doing something you love, like watching documentaries, it might not be something they normally do. What determines the strength of a relationship is whether he's willing to learn how to scuba dive, to put on the gear and operate in an environment that may not be the easiest thing in the world for him, but he does it because that environment is important to you. Question number three. Does he give you brain or. Now, I know this sounds like a dirty word, but it really isn't. A little while back, me and Jameson did a video on brain or brain or the act of penetrating deep subjects of intellectual curiosity with a partner, resulting in mental stimulation and often physical emotional attraction. See, the truth is, intelligence is sexy. Now, this isn't measured in the number of intellectual conversations you have with someone. In fact, it doesn't have to be about intellectual conversation at all. It's about whether you're around someone who causes your neurons to fire. Because by being around them, you grow. You learn new perspectives, new outlooks. They share their world with you. You learn about different things that you hadn't considered before. Maybe they're a great role model in certain ways, but in short, you feel like this person is someone who's bringing out the best in you and causing you to grow. Question 4. Is he worth it at his worst? Now, there is a quote that is attributed to Marilyn Monroe that has become massively popular as an online relationship quote. It goes like, I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Now, it turns out Marilyn Monroe may have never said that, but that's not what I care about. What I'm interested in is how popular this quote has become and how misguided it is. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. An extraordinarily narcissistic quote that excuses all types of horrible behavior. When someone is at their worst, and we know that the strength of a relationship is isn't how someone behaves when it's all rosy, when they're happy, when they're having a great day. The strength of a relationship is how do two people operate when the chips are down, when things are bad? I remember growing up with my mum and dad in times where we had gone bankrupt when it was the worst it had ever been, the relationship between my mum and dad in those times when they were the best team possible, when they stuck together, when they decided that no external circumstance was going to ruin them at their core, that's what made them. That's what meant that they're still together today. It's what we do at our worst that dictates how great our relationship can be, not how we are at our best. So if you're with a guy who is unbearable, destructive, venomous and just loads on pain to you when he's at his worst, that is not the guy that is going to be a teammate for life. And finally, it's time for question number five. Does the relationship only work if you time travel? In other words, do you have to go forward in time to a moment where he has the qualities you actually want instead of the ones he has now? Or do you have to go forward in time to a moment when he actually wants the commitment you're asking for? Doc, take me to a time when he's not selfish and he likes my family and he wants kids. What the hell is going on here? The one for you is a combination of two things. He is both right and ready, right in terms of the qualities he possesses and ready in terms of his willingness to give what you want in a relationship. I would go as far as to argue, if a guy isn't ready, he can't be right. Now, I get that you may love someone intensely. We've all felt that at some stage, and I would never judge you for that. Nietzsche said, there is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. So no matter what your friends or family or anyone else says, you know that there's a reason you love someone and you know that you're not crazy for feeling it. But just because there's a legitimate reason for loving someone, it doesn't make that person the right person. As M. Scott Peck said in the Road Less Traveled, love is a decision. We decide to love someone. And if the guy in front of you isn't deciding to love you, you have to question whether he really is the one for you. Before you go, I said I had a little surprise for you. Well, whether or not this video has made you realize the person in front of you is the one, I know that if you follow our advice, sooner or later you will meet the One. And when you do, you will want to make sure that you hold on to that person and that you begin a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately, for a lot of people. That doesn't happen because there are a few simple things that they do wrong unconsciously in the beginning that cause someone run away instead of pulling them closer. So I made a free little guide for you, just a quick read. It will take you a few minutes, but it will make you aware of what these mistakes are so that you never have to make them again. Check it out. It's at this link and I will see you in next week's video.