In this motivational monologue, Matthew AI addresses the common psychological traps that arise when someone perceives a potential partner as "too hot." He outlines three main problems: (1) the pedestal effect, where the attractive person is over‑valued and the speaker loses charisma; (2) "aesthetic amnesia," the tendency to forget all past attractions and believe this is a once‑in‑a‑lifetime chance; and (3) an overwhelming agenda that forces the speaker to devise grand, unrealistic plans to win the person over. Matthew argues that the solution is to abandon these traps and adopt the "boring thing" – a simple, average action akin to starting on a treadmill rather than attempting a triple backflip. He stresses that looks are a transient, superficial metric and that most people are not actively competing; only a few are proactive. By treating attractive people like anyone else and taking modest, concrete steps, the odds of success improve dramatically. The talk concludes with a call‑to‑action to subscribe to his private newsletter for additional dating resources.
Chapters
Is he too hot for you? In fact, let's address this to men as well. Is she too hot for you? Firstly, let's address the fundamental issue that most of us become a weird, uncharismatic, crazy person around someone we think is hot. We lose everything. We lose our charisma. We lose the ability to emote properly. We lose the ability to be charming or witty. We just become a mess. And the first reason we get so nervous is we put this person on a pedestal. We start overvaluing their looks. We get crazy, crazy nervous around them because we see them as someone who is somehow more important than us just by the merit of being a certain way genetically that they were born with or not born with, depending on which part of the world you live in and what people tend to get done cosmetically. The second problem is that we have what I call aesthetics amnesia. We see someone we think is hot, we immediately forget everyone else we have ever found hot in our lives, and we feel like we'll never find someone this hot again. The world begins to revolve around this person and what happens in this moment. And we forget that probably one hour from now, we'll see some someone hot, or at least one day from now, or at least next week. The third thing that happens to people is they have this enormous amount of intent. They start thinking that they have to do something amazing right now in order to seduce this person, get their number, take them home, sleep with them, have a relationship with them, make them fall in love with them forever and never be with anyone else. We get this enormous amount of agenda that suddenly becomes associated with this moment. And the problem with that agenda is you can never live up to your idea of what you want to happen. We have to take this back a notch. In other words, when you get to and you haven't been to the gym in five years, you don't go to the gym and say, I'm gonna do a triple backflip as the first thing that I do. Instead, you just do the boring thing and you get on the treadmill. And I think we have to do the same thing in our dating lives. When you see someone that you're attracted to, do the boring thing. Just do something. Don't think you have to do something revolutionary. Don't try and think of the most magical line in your mind, and don't have this crazy agenda of everything you want to happen. Just do the boring thing. Now, in answer to this video question, is he or she too hot for. The answer is no, unless you make them that way. People's value is measured in many different ways and looks is just one of them and a very transient one and superficial one I might add at that. We have to start putting people in our league or putting ourselves in their league by not getting over nervous about this situation. Instead, just do the average thing. Do you know how many people get into relationships by just doing the average thing? Guys. Do you know how many other guys get laid every night just because at some point in the night they walk up to a woman and say, hey, ladies, do you know how many other women get into relationships with great men because they weren't overanalyzing in their heads everything they should do in that moment? They just said something. When we say, oh, there are so many other women out there to compete with, or guys so many other guys out there to compete with. The truth is, most of them aren't doing anything. When I go to New York and people say to me, oh, Matt, the women outnumber the guys 2 to 1 here. It's so tough in New York. I always say the same thing. Nine out of ten of those women are doing nothing. They're standing in the corner of a bar hoping a guy will talk to them. They're not your competition. Your competition is the 1 or 2 women out of 10 that are actually proactive. And therefore the odds get much better. The ratios are amazing at that level. Hot people aren't as used to getting approached as you might think because a lot of people don't even talk to them and they give off a vibe, often of not being able to be talked to. But when those people just say something and treat them like anybody else, all of a sudden the value of that person goes up because they realize that they're not being treated special by this person. That person just decided to do the average boring thing. It won't work on everyone. I'm not saying this is an approach that's going to get every person you're attracted to to like you. But guess what? The odds are better in doing the boring thing than in hanging back and being in your mind overanalyzing what you should do until that person walks out of the room and you never said a word to them anyway. You. Your chances are better with doing something than doing nothing. So go to the gym, get on the treadmill, stop trying to do a triple backflip, and do the boring thing. That's it. They're not too hot for you, by the way. Relax. It's fine. Just talk. If you like this video and you're not part of my private newsletter yet. Click this link, go sign up. All it requires is your email address. But I'm going to give you free videos, free articles, free different things that I want to introduce you to each week that could really help your love life is stuff that's not on YouTube. It's only in my private archive. And I want to give all of that to you. So just click the link and I will see you there.
