This is a YouTube video titled "Is His Divorce An Excuse?" from June 27, 2014, featuring a conversational call-in segment of the show "Love Life" hosted by Matthew AI (Matthew Hussey). The content is an English dialogue between Matthew AI and a caller named Christy, discussing relationship advice specifically about navigating a complicated romantic situation involving a man still finalizing his divorce. The conversation focuses on communication, exclusivity, and emotional boundaries in dating.
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Hello everyone, welcome to Love Life. This is Matthew Hussey. We have another caller today. Christy, are you there?
Hi Matt, it's Christy. Thanks for taking my call.
You're so welcome. What's your question?
Well first of all, I wanted to say that your book Get the Guy is just an awesome book and I think every woman should read it. I'm plugging that not for your sake but for everybody listening if they've not read it yet. I read it last year and it really Really helped me a lot and I recommend it to all of my friends whether they're single or in a committed relationship. I think it was just really a great read about how to communicate better with men. So thank you for putting that out there.
That's so lovely of you. Thank you so much. What a wonderful way to start my day today. I love that. Thank you.
Well, with that positive reinforcement, I had listened to one of your podcast on Love Life through I Heart Radio and the caller called in and she was in a not a committed relationship but kind of in a she allowed herself over four months to get into a situation with a man where they weren't committed but they were seeing each other a couple times every week and she was asking you after four months into this how she should approach getting to that conversation about making it a committed relationship. So I was in the same situation, and this was a little over a month ago, and your advice to her was to have the conversation with him and say, I know that we both don't want to be alone in life. We both do eventually want to have a relationship. Now, I don't know if we would have a great relationship. We haven't tried that yet, but I do know that I really like you and I like spending time with you. So I went through the whole thing, and I had that conversation with him, and this has now been a little over a month ago, and I left.
It with... How did it go at the time?
It went well. He said, because I ended it with, we don't have to talk about it right now, but I just kind of wanted you to know what was on my mind. And he said, well, I appreciate that. And he's like, you're right. I don't want to be alone. And he said, but right now with his situation, he's still waiting for his divorce to be final, even though he's been separated almost two years. A month later, we're still spending time together. He's still waiting for his divorce to be completely finalized.
How long have you been seeing him for?
Now over five months.
Right. So it's a convenient excuse for him, but not for you.
Yes. He's still moving forward in other aspects of his life and he's spending time with me and we've been intimate together.
He moved forward enough for intimacy, didn't he?
Exactly.
Yeah.
And I allowed that to happen and I know looking back maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I did. And so now I'm in this position and now to know what to do.
I think that's fine. I certainly wouldn't want to send a message out there that, you know, we should all avoid intimacy until we absolutely have some form of commitment from somebody, because that's not a productive message in every case. I think for you right now, it's not that you've done anything massively wrong, but this situation for him, it's a convenient excuse for him right now is, well, I'm still trying to get my divorce finalized and therefore I can't move on. But of course, as you say very rightly, in many ways he has already moved on. So what he's really saying is, well, I can't move on in ways that I'm kind of, it's not convenient for me to move on in, you know, because I'm not sure if I want that right now. But I do want to have sex. So, you know, I am ready to move on in that way.
Right.
You know, it's, it's, it's very a la carte, isn't it? It's a very a la carte approach to divorce. I I I the way I look at this is you've got to go back to him now. And look, you gave the speech that I gave you to give him, or I gave that other lady to give to her guy and you used, is fine. It's great. All it does is plant a few seeds. Now, a month later, he hasn't moved forward from that place. That's fine. That conversation won't have harmed you. If anything, all it did was raise his respect for you because he realized that there is a time limit on how long you will go down this road for. But what I would be doing at this point is saying, look, I'm not with anyone else right now. Right? That's true. Yeah.
I would never do that anyway. Right.
And I would say that to him. It's not my nature to be sleeping with other people and being with other people while I'm with you. As far as I'm concerned, I'm exclusive to you. this right now, you know, we're getting closer and closer, which means that I'm setting myself up for a dangerous situation if I'm getting close to someone and investing in someone that isn't about to give that back to me. So, well, that's very good. It doesn't need to be, you know, you can say this to him. It doesn't need to be a situation where we say, oh, well, what's the big next step that we're taking? But if you're not even seeing this right now as exclusive, I'm too old to be playing this game.
Right?
This is, I'm not 15. You know, I can't keep going down the road of like, oh, let's just play around and see where we are. That's just not my style. I'm not that person. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not sleeping with anyone else. I'm exclusive to you. And from your side, it's important to me to know that, you know, you're at least thinking in the same way. By the way, if you're not, that's fine. But I need to know that because I gotta be out there. I gotta be doing my thing. I'm, I'm, I'm too old and wise to put myself number two in this situation. I have to make myself a priority and I'm certainly not going to set myself up to be in a situation where I'm going to waste time or, or, you know, get hurt. That's not. Yeah, I'm, I'm past that. So I'm not going to put, I'm not going to be putting you first. You have to, you have to let me know whether you see this the same way. If you don't, that's fine. But I do need to know that. And let him let him talk. Okay. But this is about you putting you number one now and showing him that you're doing that because men always respect it when they see that you don't put them first. And it's different when you're in a relationship, when you're in this this long term committed relationship with someone, we all know that there are times when we put our partner first. That's that's the case. But he hasn't earned that yet. Right. He's not at that place with you.
Right.
So I would say to him, look, right now I have to put me first because you haven't given me any reason not to. Right. I, when I'm in a relationship, I go full out. You know, I look after the person that I'm with and that's, that's how I am. But in this situation, I can't set myself up for unnecessary pain. I'm too, yeah, I'm too wise for that. Right. I'm not, yeah, I'm not 15 and dating right now.
Yeah.
And see what he says.
That's great. Well, yeah, no, that's, those are very good words that will really help me a lot because I think it's such a delicate situation because I think if you do say the wrong thing, you know, and you don't say it in the right way, it just, you're not going to get the result you want. So I do think that you have to be careful about the words that you choose. And I think that those are just some awesome things to say that will be true to myself and also hopefully either get me to the point that I want or let me back away now before I risk more hurt than I know I will have.
Absolutely. And look, always remember, there's no shortage of men out there who won't give you what you want.
Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
All right, thank you. You look happy yourself, Christy. You're so welcome. Thank you for reading and recommending my book. I really appreciate it. And if you are out there listening right now and you want to call into Love Life, the number is 844-2062. Double 8. And by the way, if right now you're not on my Facebook, go to coachmatthewhussy.com I have all of my articles, videos, we put new episodes of Love Life up there so that you can keep getting the regular updates when they arrive. Apart from that, I'll speak to you soon. Take care.
