Matthew Hussey discusses the "One Day Wager," the bet that a partner will eventually change their mind about marriage or children. He argues that staying in a relationship where neither person moves toward the other's needs wastes your limited time, and that seeking alignment matters more than waiting for transformation.
Yeah. Yep. And he doesn't. He isn't really, like, not touchy feely.
Yes. In my eye, that's like very important to me.
So then why are you with that person?
Are we together or are we not together?
Now you leave.
Okay. Didn't hear that. Sorry.
He's not in jail and he needs to break out in order to be with you. One of you can move. Both of you are deciding not to. There is something we call in my organization the One Day Wager. That's making the wager that one day someone's going to change, someone's going to be different. They're all of a sudden going to wake up and give you what you want. They say they don't want kids, but they're going to. They say they don't want marriage, but they'll change. And I make a wager on that. It is the most dangerous wager you can make.
He has said he wants to be with me, but he's.
You just said he said he didn't want to be with me.
I know. They're bloody complicated me.
I don't know at all. You're telling yourself it's perfect. It's pretty far perfect. And he's not moving for you either. So you've got two people who apparently are perfect for each other. Neither one of them is willing to move for the other one. How perfect can it be? We minimize these things because we want to make the thing work. We minimize them like they're nothing. This thing you're convincing yourself of, that there's this happy thing that you're holding onto. It's not a happy thing you're holding onto.
Why is he still hanging around?
Because you're still hanging around. And too many people get left in a relationship where they're still convincing themselves that he's the one. And what did I say before? If someone doesn't want you, they can't be the worst. You're asking for closure and closure is overrated. You don't want to be with me. That's closure. The rest is me torturing myself or still trying to find a strategy to get back in. You are better off going out and finding that person who's ready for what you want than you are staying in something with someone who I promise you, I promise you, does not value your time nearly as much as you do. If you've had an honest conversation and it's not improving and this person is just making you wrong for feeling that way, then you got go and find someone who it fits more easily your love life. The whole equation is time. We have a limited amount of time. What do we do with it? Who do we give it to? Who's going to get my precious, precious time? They could improve, they could get better, whatever. But why am I going to stake my time on that? Why am I here? What am I doing? There is someone out there who wants that thing. You could be alive for another 40 or 50 years. Every week you waste with someone who's not sure about you, with someone who's telling you, I don't love you as much as you love me. Every week you waste is a week you're not having with the right person. There is someone out there that you don't even know about right now, who's much better for you, who deserves you, who you deserve. You're depriving this person and yourself of time in that relationship. Later, when you meet the right person, you're going to wish you had more time with them. You're going to Wish you had 10 more, 20 more, 30 more, 40 more years with that person. You're going to wish you had three lifetimes with the right person. But you're wasting precious time in this one lifetime you have with someone who's not sure.
