It's Your Last Chance To See This...

All right, I think we're live. We tried this once already and it didn't come through very well. So hopefully you can all see and hear me now. Let me know once you're in here and we'll get started. Let's see who can see and hear me. Let me know if you can see and hear me. Right now. We're going to be going live on different platforms. Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, tick tock, wherever you want to watch me. We're gonna go live. I'm gonna answer some questions. Donna, how are you? Hey, Crystal, we're back. Guy dory, nene snow again. 4. All right, very good. I just read a comment that said, you might not want to hear this, but love life is big in jail. You might have to give me some context for that one. The book is big in jail. In which case I, I, I'd love to hear that. Hello, Kavita in India. Ruth says, you taught me so much about myself and men. I love that. I'm just pull up the comments everywhere so I can see what everyone's saying. We'll get to some questions. I've got David here, my producer, or he's not here here, he's in his house and he's going to be feeding me some questions. Greg says I didn't finish yesterday's webinar. Can you drop a link to replay? There is no replay from yesterday, but we are doing it once more live. Tomorrow. We will throw up a link for you. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, you can literally just comment the word 2026 and I'll send you a link to your DMs for tomorrow's live session. If you're anywhere else, you can go to MH New Year.com, which is that link right up above me. Tomorrow is the last time we're doing it. So if you missed yesterday's big live event, the Year of Love, we're doing it one more time tomorrow. Big free event I'm doing for anyone who wants to find love this year. Don't miss it. All right, let's see. Someone says here, noanda says, where the hell is my husband? Well, maybe we can find him. Maybe we can find him in 2026. All right, let's see. Anyone got any questions? Anyone got anything they'd like to ask me? Anything they got anything, you know, on your mind that you are struggling with? Love to hear from you. We just had someone say he's 19 or she. I don't know if it was a he or she. I Can't remember, but they were 19 and they just started watching my videos in the last year, which is really amazing. Duxy says, hey, Matthew, thanks for pulling me through the hard times of heartache with your videos. You're so welcome. That makes me very, very happy. Angela says love at 65, or angel lover says love at 65. Wondering if it's a good idea. I don't know that there's a bad age to, to find love. What could be bad about that? If it's the right kind of love. You know, I think often we're worried that when we have found a certain degree of peace and contentment in our life as a single person, there's this fear that I don't want to ruin that by finding someone who could then disrupt my peace. And that's very natural because people are challenging. It's especially when we find someone we like, you know, someone we, we're not that interested in. It's actually a lot easier for them to not disrupt the peace and the equilibrium that we found in our life. But when we find someone we really like, that can be really scary. And all of a sudden we're worrying about where it's going or that we haven't had a text back from them. It's like there's this person that has an impact on our emotions. And so I, I, I, I really understand when people get to a point in their life where they say, I've spent, I've worked really hard to find this, this balance, this equilibrium in my life. I don't want to mess that up. But I also think we have to be careful with that logic because we can apply that to everything in life. You know, we could apply that to vocation. You know, a work could apply that to creativity. I'm not writing a book right now. I remember when I was writing my book Love Life a couple of years back. It was incredibly stressful at times, but I was making something, and there was something deeply rewarding about making something. I don't want to necessarily be writing a book every year, but I do want every year to have meaning. And so most of the things that bring us meaning also bring us volatility. You know, if it's a relationship, it can bring us emotional volatility. Even if the relationship doesn't bring volatility, it can bring emotional volatility inside of us. Having children is a deeply meaningful thing, but it, you know, I've just, you know, my son is now seven weeks old, and me and Audrey are having the best time being parents. But I. I now have this brand new vulnerable vulnerability, this thing that's terrifies me of something happening to him. And, you know, he's got a cold right now, and I'm worried, you know, like, I'm thinking about him all the time because he's in pain. And now I'm in pain because he's uncomfortable. And so, you know, I think anything meaningful in life threatens our careful equilibrium that we've created for ourselves. But that's the balance, isn't it, between living and folk and only doing things that bring us calm. We sometimes there is a tension between those two things. I would argue for me, at least in my life, that love is not something I would want to abandon altogether. Finding love is not something I would want to abandon altogether. It might be something I want to take a break from at times or have done in the past, but to me, it's too meaningful for me to give up on that part of my life. So that's, you know, for what, for what it's worth for you at 65, I'm not suggesting that you spend the rest of your days not being happy if you don't find love, but you may not want to close yourself off to love because it could be a very beautiful thing. And who's. You don't know that you know when the next great love of your life is going to walk into your life. Thank you for all of the congratulations, everyone. I, for anyone who wants to see the event I'm doing tomorrow is for, you know, if you're like, I don't want to give up on love, and I do want to remain open to it. In fact, I would love 2026 to be the year that I find love. One of the big missions I'm on with people this year is how to create a sense of inevitability. You know, if we really wanted to make it inevitable that we found love this year, what would be all the things we would do? And that's what I'm going to be talking about tomorrow. Doing a big free live event is called the Year of Love. I did it yesterday. I'm doing it once more tomorrow, and then that's it. I'm taking a break for a while. I'm just going to be working with my Love Life members. But if you want to come to a big free event with me tomorrow, tomorrow's the day. And you can comment 2026 if you're on Instagram or Facebook or you can go to this link up here. I forget the Link. I think it's mhnewyear.com. there it is. Mhear.com and in fact, David, we can just leave that up on the screen for people so that they know where to find it. Okay, very good. Let's see what else we have in the private chat. Saget Bakes says, hi, Matthew. My mom has said she doesn't find my new partner easy to get on with. I'm 42. She's never thought I picked the right men. Should I take notice? That's a tough question. That's a tough question. I. You know, to me, context really matters for a question like this. Is your mum someone who you find reliable in this area? Is she someone generally who has a really good sense of people character? Is she someone who values really strong character traits? Or is she someone who's generally easily seduced by charisma? Because there are some mums, some parents who are really easily seduced by a new partner's charisma. So now when you bring a new partner home, they're like, you know, they'll take someone who's charming and say, they're amazing. Oh, my God, you found a good one with this one. Because they're easily charmed. And that, that doesn't make them bad people. It just means that they're too susceptible to people's charisma and they're not deeply connected enough to the character traits that appear over time. Um, or is your mum someone who has a. Actually a pretty good sense of people? Um. You know, does she just hate everyone that you bring home because ultimately she always finds fault with anyone? Or has she got a point about the people you've brought home in the past? Um, you know, I, I always think it helps to have a couple of people in our life who are a very good judge of character who get to be a sounding board in situations when we're too close to it to always, you know, be a great judge or were too caught up in something to be a great judge? Does what she's saying. Have you explored why she finds him hard to get on with? And does it resonate with you? Does it, does it trigger any kind of alarm bells you already have about this person? That's an important question as well. But it's important to have other opinions in your life other than your mum, especially if she's got a pattern of not liking anybody that you've ever brought home. Maybe everyone you've brought home has been not great, and maybe your mum has a pattern of finding fault with everybody and if so, I think it's very, very important you have close friends or people that you, you know, that you love in your life whose opinions, or even people just whose opinions you respect to be a counterbalance to what your mum is saying. All right, let's see. Atara says you on Instagram, you've taught me so much over the years, giving me a feeling of self worth. Thank you. Thank you, Atara. That, that means a lot to me. Let's just check what's going on in the comments on Tick Tock. Emily says, do you think some love languages aren't compatible? Well, it comes down to how much you know. You don't have to have the same love languages necessarily, or the same priority of love languages because we can have multiple. It really comes down to, can someone give you enough of the love language that is important to you for you to be happy on, you know, if physical touch is a love language or is it, what do they call it? Is it physical touch or do they call it something else? But if I think it's touch, if touch is a love language that's incredibly important to you, if that's your number one, and it's not number one for somebody else, that it's not number one for somebody else isn't. Isn't the biggest issue, the biggest issue is if they can't give you enough touch, enough physical affection for you to be happy. And so that's the thing that I would be paying more attention to is we can sometimes get lost in these models of, you know, I'm the, you know, acts of service is really important to them and words of affirmation are really important to me. But it, what really matters is when, when the rubber meets the road in reality, your relationship, day to day, are you able to get enough of the thing that's important to you? I've been in relationships where I just couldn't get enough of the thing that was important to me. And, you know, when I look at, when I looked into the future and I said, how is this going to affect me a year from now, two years from now, three years from now, is this going to get better? And I said, well, it's not really going to get better because this is who they are and I'm trying to get them to be someone they're not by getting them to change in this area. And the change I need is not a 5% shift from where they are now. It's not 10%, it's 50%. Well, most people in their lives don't change by 50%. Most people, you're lucky if they change by 5 or 10%. So think, you know, thinking if I'm not happy today, I might be happy in three years. If they change by 50%, that's a really, really bad bet to make. So key question, are they giving me enough of the thing that I need whatever my love language is if we want to use that model for me to be happy. All right, very good. Oh, let's see. David, I've been telling people to comment 20, 26, but are we saying it's love? Because that's okay. We're doing love. All right, if you want to join us for tomorrow's session, comment the word love on Instagram or Facebook. Just comment the word love now and I will send you a link to your DMs to join us for the Year of Love event tomorrow. If you are anywhere else, if you're on Tick on tick tock or YouTube, you can go here, MH new year.com and you can join us for the, for the event tomorrow, which I can't wait for. It's going to be the last time I do it. It's designed to be a January event to set you up for the year to find love. But I just, and I said I'm going to do two dates in case someone can't make one of those dates. Tomorrow's the last date. So if you want to join me and if love is important to you this year, if it's high up on the intentions list for this year, high up on the goals list for this year, then this should be a must for you. I'm going to do it one more time tomorrow, the Year of Love event. And for anyone asking, it's a free event, so you can come join us for that. Anna, I see you've commented this a couple of times. You said, what do you think of Twin Flames? Well, I, to be honest with you, I don't know much about twin flames other than I saw a documentary about a whole cult around twin flames that felt really icky to me. So I don't know anything about. I, I don't know if Twin Flames was a concept that was come up with by that group of people or whether it was a concept before that group of people ever, you know, whether they, you know, took the concept and ran with it as a thing. I don't know. I. All I know is I think that, I think if I'm right, I think the idea of Twin Flames, I guess, is there's Some idea that there's a. Two people who are supposed to be together and there's a. Like some kind of fated connection there. And if that's the case, no, I don't. I don't believe that there's a, you know, someone out there who's your twin flame, who you're destined or fated to be with or that you're supposed to find. I think that's. I think there are so many people that could be. We could be happy with. You know, it's not. I. I don't think they're on every street corner, but I do think they're. There's more than one person in life that we could be happy with. And I think that we're really, really lucky if we find one of those people that we could be happy with. But I also think that we're in control of that luck to some extent. To quite a large extent, we're in control of that luck. There's a lot we can do to. To kind of create a sense of inevitability around meeting that person or one of those people we could be happy with. I also believe, by the way, that I do. I don't believe in the idea of the One, but I do believe someone becomes the One. Like, for me now, if you ask me, is Audrey the one? I'm like, yeah, or my wife, Audrey is the one we. I couldn't. Now. Now I'm like, there's no one else on earth like this. This is my person. But it's not like we started as the one for each other. On day one, we became the one for each other because we built a love story together and we invested in each other and we got over hard times together. And, you know, we. We. We resolved our challenges. And, you know, now. Now she's the one. Like, now it couldn't have been anyone else, right? But I think the reassuring part about life is that there are p. That, you know, there are multiple people in this world that we could have an amazing life with. Ultimately, the one. The one for us is the person that we choose. And that's what makes choosing so important. That's what makes choosing so special, is that we get to choose who the one is going to be. And of course, they have to choose us too. There's a danger when we change. We choose the One, and that person doesn't choose us. Then to me, they're not the One. The One can only be the person that chooses us. Right? We have to. It has to be some. We have to Find the one among people who choose us. All right, let's see, what else have we got going on? All right, Hina says what time is the event tomorrow? It's at 11:00am Pacific Time. So that's. What. What is that one? No, what is that? 2. 2:00pm New York time, Eastern time. And I think it must be 7pm UK time. So, yeah, happening at 11am Pacific time tomorrow. That is the year of love. Eventually. Big free event happening tomorrow. Anyone who wants to Find Love in 2026, what else is going on? I'm gonna. David, I'm just gonna go to the private chat and find a question. Let's see. As an emo, Sink says, as an emotional, as a highly sensitive woman, how do I choose emotionally mature partners without becoming guarded or losing hope? Finding an emotionally mature partner is finding is. I think it's. It's always a calibration. Like you, it's always important to be looking at every situation going, okay, I'm not going to apply my past to this. In the past, I might have been terribly hurt and I might have been in a situation with someone for way too long. I might have waited way too long to leave that person. I might have abandoned myself way too many times in that relationship. But I. I'm going to not. I'm not going to do that today. So I don't need to worry that someone is going to like, suck me into a situation that then I don't leave. And there's almost like a level of self trust that we have to build and building this home within ourselves that says, I am the safe home that I get to come home to. And I'm never gonna allow this human, this person that I'm here to protect, I'm never going to allow them to be in a situation like that again. So it's a self trust that we build where we say, you're saying this to yourself. You can trust me. I'm never going to allow that to happen again. So don't worry. I know that you're afraid when we go and date that we're gonna, you know, get into something deeply painful again and I'm gonna abandon you. That's never gonna happen again. But you have to trust me that sometimes we're gonna take little risks. And those little risks are they might create a little bit of pain in the short term. You know, sometimes we might give a little more and it not be reciprocated. We might, you know, try to show vulnerability to someone and they may not return it or they may use to use it against us. But it's never going to be for very long because if the moment I sense that someone's really not on board, they're disrespectful, they take us for granted, I'm gonna get us out of there. And the nice thing about that, the, the beautiful thing about that kind of self trust is that you will come across people in this life who you can't trust, but you'll also come across people that you can trust who do things that sometimes, you know, make kind of activate us, trigger us. And it doesn't mean that they're bad people and it doesn't mean that they wouldn't be a great partner. It just means that something that's happened has triggered us. And the danger for all of us who have been through a lot, who have been traumatized by a previous relationship or our upbringing, for those of us who are highly sensitive, the danger is that the, our reactivity gets turned up too high. And so now someone does something that doesn't represent long term danger, it's just something that, you know, hurt us in the moment or affected us in the moment. And instead of addressing that in a calm, non reactive way, instead of sometimes giving the benefit of the doubt when it's appropriate, not too many times, but you know, in the moment when you feel like you don't have enough information, our reactivity makes us run away or do battle and then we blow everything up. So the finding emotionally mature people is about bringing emotional maturity to a new relationship and seeing who meets you there and not allowing ourselves to be so reactive that we're actually the ones who don't bring emotional maturity to the relationship. And we're expecting someone to sort of cushion us so much that, that we feel. No, you know, we never feel in any way anxious or scared or anything. And, and because we're looking for that, we never find anybody because no one's ever going to make us feel so cushioned that there's not a hint of concern or we can't get our feelings hurt. So it's about bringing emotional maturity and non reactiveness to the table while trusting ourselves that if when we do that someone starts showing the wrong signs consistently, we can get ourselves out of there. Does that make sense? Let me know if that was helpful for you. And again, for anyone who wants to join us for my event tomorrow, the link is there mhnewyear.com or if you're on Instagram or Facebook, you can comment the word love. Just write the word love in the chat right now and we will send you a link so that you can join us tomorrow. It's a big free event I'm doing. It's happening at 11am Pacific Time, 2pm Eastern Time, 7pm UK time. And it's for anyone who maybe you're sick of dating, maybe you're overdating, but you're not over love. And you don't want to give up on love. You, you, you is something you deeply want in your life. And you don't want to feel like this year slips away without making the most of it and without giving yourself the best opportunity to find love. I'm going to be talking about this tomorrow, and I want to make it fun again, guys. I want to. I want this to be something that sparks joy for us. I don't want to that. For too many people, the path to finding love is so negative. It's so fraught with pain and baggage and disappointment and frustration and insecurity that it becomes miserable. And then when it becomes that miserable, we just want to quit. We just want to say, screw it, I'm done. I don't want. I'm not going to find love. And then we deprive ourselves of the life we could have and the opportunities that are available to us if we're more open. So I want to do more than help you find love this year. I want to make it fun again. I want to help you have a year in 2026 that sparks joy for you, that makes it joyful. Because the more fun you're having, the more joyful you are in the process, the more you're going to shine and the more likely it is to happen. So comment the word love on Instagram and Facebook and I will send you a link to your DMs to join and sign up. If you're anywhere else, just go to MH new year.com and you can sign up there, too. All right, what else? Manisha says I like joy. Don't we all, Manisha? All right, let's see. Someone on YouTube, Rakaia says, or Rakai says, what do you do when a guy is inconsistent and when you tell him you don't like that, but he apologizes and says he won't do that anymore, and then he keeps the same inconsistency, distant patterns. Look, there comes a point where you have to, you know, watch what someone does, not what they tell you. You know, it's it. He may be sorry, but sorry, sorry isn't enough in you. You. You can't. Someone has to be able to change. They have to actually be able to follow through on the ways they say they want to change. There's plenty of people in this world who are sorry, but they either don't want to change or they don't have what it takes to change, or they don't take change seriously enough. Change is very hard. So he, he either wants to change and can't, or he's saying sorry because he wants to keep getting a result with you. Now he wants to keep hanging out with you, talking to you, being intimate. I don't know how far you've gotten with this person, but he, he still wants the things that he'll get if he loses you. And he's potentially hoping that sorry will keep you around. And for too many people, unfortunately, their standards for themselves are low enough that sorry is effective in keeping them around, raising our standards. And David, I want to do something with this because it's a very important concept. Let's find a way to use this. Our standards have to be a little higher than that. Our standard has to be that change is what keeps me around. It's not sorry that keeps me around, it's change that keeps me around. How many of you be honest in the comments right now, wherever you're watching this, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram. How many of you have had a relationship in the past where sorry, your standards have been in a place. Maybe you were insecure, maybe you really didn't want to lose someone, maybe you were scared, you maybe didn't want to be alone. But your standards were low enough that sorry was enough to keep you around. How many people have experienced that maybe for months or years, sorry was enough to keep you around, but your standards weren't high enough that you, that you demanded change as a prerequisite for staying around. Let me know in the comments. So Manisha, you Muhammad, Hannah Beery, Osw. Yeah. Light blue says I've been there. Carrie, you've been there. So lots of people have been there. Part of if we want to have better results in 2026, it has to be that my prerequisite for sticking around is that I, I experience the kind of relationship I want to experience. Not that someone says sorry. Sorry doesn't. Sorry is a very confusing word because sorry implies contrition, empathy. It implies someone has seen us, but we, we make the leap that sorry must mean something's going to change. And it nowhere is it written that sorry means something is going to. Shiv. Priya says what if it's Been years after the breakup and you still love them even after therapy. I have so much to say on this. I, I hope one day, and I'm saying this because I don't have the kind of time I have. I would like to go into this right now. I hope one day you join me inside of my love life coaching program, because I have an entire. I have one program in there that's for acute heartbreak, which is how to get over fresh heartbreak. I have another separate program which is what you're talking about for chronic heartbreak for when you can't seem to move on from someone even after years or, you know, in some cases months, in some cases years, in some cases decades. But the thing that I will say to you is we, at some point we have to change the story because the story is what keeps us locked into something with someone. I've worked with some people who, you know, I remember being on TV once and there was a woman in her 70s. I was on TV in Britain on one of the big morning shows and there was a woman who called in and she's, she was in her 70s, and she said, I've been in love with this man and thinking about this man for the last. It was like something like 30 years of, of her life. And I asked her like, about the relationship and when were you together? And, you know, I think she said it was in her 30s or early 40s that she was with this person and they dated and she's never been able to get over him. And, you know, there's. My heart broke for her because there was something so tragic about the idea of this person in her 70s still, still talking about someone that, that was there in her 40s. Because at some point the story has to evolve. The story has to move on because we're, we're. It's our real life. We're throwing after this situation in this person. And you, you know, we have to develop a big enough why for moving on. You, you have to have a big enough why for moving on. And the. One of the whys is the. This is my life. I'm not getting this again. I'm not getting these years back. You know, I don't know what your belief is. My belief is we, we don't get to do a rerun of all of this. So I, Am I really going to take these good years and throw them after this person? I think that we, we often think about falling out of love as something that just happens organically and it takes time, and time is a factor don't get me wrong. But. But it's only one factor. It's not the whole game. Because if over time, we keep repeating a story over and over again about a person, we're not going to move on, even with time, because you're cementing the story. And at a certain point, moving on becomes a decision. It's not something we hope for and wait for. It becomes a decision, moving on, because this is my life. I'm not giving up my life for a story that never was. And by the way, fine, if you want to continue loving that person, continue loving that person. But don't tell yourself a story like you're supposed to be with that person. You know, you can still love them if you want. But whatever love means in that context, what love doesn't, you know, the, the. You can love someone but go, we're not, you know, you don't. Years on, you don't even know who they are anymore, by the way. So what you love is who they were back then, but you don't know who they. Ten years on, five years on, you don't know who they are anymore. So you're loving a ghost, you're loving a memory. At a certain point you have to tell yourself that and say, let me, you know, there's people around me that I can actually love as a verb. You know, love isn't just a noun, it's a verb. And we start having to. We should start focusing more on love, the verb. Because when you do that, you go, I can't. I'm not like, I'm not loving this person. They're not even there to love and they don't love me back. So this is just me in a world, in a story of my own. Let me go out there. We're not, you know, what a waste of life to sit there, you know, thinking of just love as a concept that we have with someone instead of wasting the love we actually have to give someone as a verb today. What a waste of our life. What a waste of your energy. What a waste of the love you have to give. Don't. And by the way, it's really easy for someone to get better over time because they no longer have to live up to anything. Now they're just a. A trophy. There are, there are ornament in a cabinet that we polish and perfect in our mind. It's a sculpture that we keep perfecting in our mind over time. They get better and better with age because we've got more and more time to perfect them. And imagine how great they are. They don't have to live up to it and they haven't had to for a very long time. Who's joining me tomorrow? Leave a. Leave a comment if you're going to join me for the session tomorrow, let me know. Say me in the comments if you're going to be joining me tomorrow. Noah says, I thought he was AI at first. Oh, my God. The world we're living in today where, where we're not sure about this, guys. Tomorrow I. The. The. The real me. Me. Skin and bone is good and flesh is going to be there for the Year of Love event. Go here to sign up. David, let's throw that link on the. On the screen, MH New Year.com is the link. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, comment the word love and we'll get you signed up. It's free. I'm going to be going live for about two hours, so come and join me. Clear space in your diary. We're going to make this your year of love. If finding love is something you want this year and you don't want to just hope and you don't want to bury your head in the sand and lose another year to being passive about it, but you also don't want to spend your whole year banging your head against the wall of a dating app and driving yourself nuts and becoming miserable. If you want to design a year that attracts love, I'm going to show you how to do that tomorrow. I can't wait. It's going to be great. Thank you so much for joining me. I. I can't wait to see you all. Thank you for everyone who joined me yesterday. I had a lovely, lovely time with you all. Thank you for all of the beautiful comments and I can't wait to see everyone who's joining me for the first time for this event tomorrow. Let's set us up for an amazing 2026. And again, this isn't happening again, guys. I'm. I can't, you know, I'm trying to, like, create more balance in my life these days. And so I pick and choose my moments where I can really come and join you for something like this. And tomorrow's the last one for a while, so if you want to join me in something that's going to set up your year, come join me. Comment the word love on Instagram or Facebook or go to mhnew year.com if you're anywhere else and I'll see you for tomorrow's event. Much love. Have an amazing day, everyone. Thanks for spending a little time with me, and I'll see you tomorrow for the Year of Love Free event. Bye, guys.