Matthew Hussey and two others discuss how to get closure after a breakup. The goal isn't winning your ex back but finding peace so you can sleep at night. They offer a calm script that shows you care, admit your flaws, and let them decide, balancing vulnerability with keeping your power.
One of the things that really freaks people out in a breakup is one of the reasons they're looking for closure is, is there anything I can still do? Like, I could fix this. I could. I need them back. So there's. There's that element to it. And I think what people need is to be able to sleep at night. And there are productive conversations you can have with someone that will allow you to sleep at night. For example, you saying to the person that's just broken up with you very calmly and in a neutral way, I care about you deeply, and I love you deeply. And I believe that I'm willing to give to this relationship on a level that is irreplaceable. And I know that there are things that you must wish were different about this relationship or you wouldn't be ending it. I'm prepared to do everything in my power to. To work on things that I need to work on. If there is anything that is genuinely falls into my lap that I need to work on, I am willing to do that work because this relationship matters to me. If you want to make this work and you care about me and love me on the level that I do you, I trust that you'll give us a shot based on that. But if you genuinely don't want to fight for this or don't even want to allow me to fight for this, then it. Then you must be right. This must be the wrong relationship. So I can't make you say yes to trying this again, but I can tell you what I'm willing to do and what I would love to do to make this work. And other than that, I'm going to have to. I'll be moving on unless you tell me otherwise.
I think that's totally fair, and it sounds confident. People, like, let's be real here. People break up, they get back together, they get married, they're together forever. It happens. You know, it's not. I don't totally believe once it's called a breakup because it's broken. You know, like, I. I mean, I own the book, whatever, but, like, I just think sometimes people don't have the tools to express their needs and things like that. And a lot of times it is totally over forever. But when you still have a lot of love for somebody and there's work that could be done, I think that conversation is really important.
And what keeps people up at night is the idea that, well, what if it's the question, could I have done it if I could have done something?
Well, so ask the person yeah.
You tell me what it is, because I'm willing to fight for this. And you. I. I would love to know, but if you don't want to fight for us, I can't do it. That. Then I can't help us.
But to me, that's a very confident way of saying that. I think people are very afraid to say that. Everybody is. You know, I. I said to somebody once, I'll change everything about myself to be with you for one more minute. And that was somebody I was engaged to. But I, um. I think just in general, the way that you phrased it is very confident, and there's no shame in saying, hey, I want to work on this, and I. Work on me. If you really don't think that that's the case, then, you know, I'm. I'm fine to walk away, too.
Yeah.
And that sounds like you still hold the power, even though you're being super vulnerable.
Well.
And then just to tie it back in, I think you walk into that conversation knowing that the person could say, there's nothing you can do.
You have to.
And, yeah, then. Then. But it's like, then you get to sleep at night.
You know that. But that's the purpose. The purpose isn't getting them back. The purpose is to sleep.
Is to sleep at night.
Yeah.
