Last Chance TOMORROW...

All right, I think we're live. Leave me a comment, everyone, when you are here so that I know you're here and I. Am I going to be able to see Instagram? I just realized I don't think I can see Instagram. Or maybe I can here. Let's see. Yeah, leave me a comment once you're in here, guys, so I can see you and hear you. I can't. You'll. Can you pull up Instagram on your phone so that I can see it there? Beautiful. Leave me a comment if you're watching this from YouTube right now, we're going live across all of the platforms. I'm going to be answering questions today. If you've got a question you would like me to answer about your confidence, your love life, something that's on your mind right now, something you're struggling with, let me know. Let's have a good little session today. I haven't been live in a minute. What's up, cerebral relic? Hi, Sumita, Patty, how you doing? Hi, McFukin. Just turn this down. All right, very good. Who have we got? We got everyone on Instagram as well. Let's see. I'm. All these cameras and everything behind me are for an event that I am doing tomorrow. It's actually an event I did yesterday called the Love Life Reset, and we're doing it one more time tomorrow, and it's happening at 11am Pacific Time. So if you missed it yesterday, this is my last big free event of the year. I'm doing it again tomorrow. If you want control back in your love life, if you want to feel more confident in yourself, if you feel like something's challenged your confidence recently, come join us. It's going to be an amazing event. I'm going to do questions today, so I want to get to some questions. But if you want to join me tomorrow, this is my last big event like this of the year of 2025. Comment the word reset in the comments right now. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, Facebook. If you're on YouTube or TikTok, go here to lovelifereset.com I'll pop the link up right there. Lovelifereset.com you can sign up there. It's completely free. We'll go for about 90 minutes, maybe a bit over, but it's going to be an amazing session. I got beautiful comments on yesterday's session. We're going to do it all over again tomorrow, but only one more time, so make sure that you join us. Let's get to Some questions and see what everyone wants to. Wants to talk about. So you're going to be putting the. Let's see what. Oh, you know what, you can actually still put questions in the chat. David, if you're seeing this and you want to put questions in the chat, I can see the questions you're putting in the chat from here as well, I think. But Audrey, if you've seen any questions you think I should answer, let me know. I've got Audrey to. To my left over here and we're looking for your questions. Dark Days of M says how do. This is on Instagram. How do you get back into dating after being independent for years? Look, when we get independent, that's a wonderful thing. I firstly just want to say what an amazing thing that you have done to find a level of independence. A lot of people don't find that. A lot of people, the reason they jump from one relationship to another constantly in their lives is because they are terrified of being on their own. So you already won by finding comfort and finding a level of peace in being able to be by yourself. But what's also true is that you probably got to a stage. The reason you're asking this question is because it maybe feels to you like if you stayed this way and didn't put yourself out there again in a way, you would be playing small and there's more to life. There's more to life than simply finding a comfort by being in our own company. That's like, I think that's essential to having a healthy relationship. But once we've found that comfort, then we know that the next level is can I engage with the world and put myself in situations where things may happen, where new people, new energy can come into my life and not forget the power that I have created by being by myself, not forget the strength I've found or the ability that I have, but challenge myself by putting myself in situations where I do discover that I like people. I do discover that there's, you know, people I would like to spend more time with. I want to be closer to that a relationship could be really fulfilling. So the. The biggest thing I think for you is to make sure that your independence doesn't now become a new comfort zone where it's simply an excuse not to engage with the world. Does that make sense that for many people that I coach and I've coached many, many people, thousands of people like this over the last 20 years of my life who did find comfort in being by themselves, for many of them, their what began as a strength that they developed to be on their own, becomes a new kind of comfort zone. And it becomes an excuse to not put ourselves in situations where we may get hurt, where we may have to make ourselves uncomfortable again. But that discomfort, as long as we're doing it from a place of strength, that's where we start to grow again. So it sounds like the next level for you is to take the. The comfort you found, which is a positive thing, and not let that comfort become your enemy by stopping you from actually engaging with life again. And, you know, you stop it from making you play small. Who here relates to that? I'm curious. Who here feels like at one point I needed to be on my own to find my comfort with that, but now I'm in danger of that becoming a new kind of comfort zone, which is an excuse not to engage with the world and not to put myself in situations where things could happen. Who here feels like that? Just taking a look at the. The comments here. Kivo in Wonderland says yes, Marie. Cause I relate hunts and herbs. Good to see you. You said me good. I'm glad we were able to answer this question. For a few people. Simona, Chrissy, Christy on YouTube again, go to lovelifereset.com that link at the top there to join me for my final big free event of the year is online. We're gonna have thousands of people there. And the whole idea behind this event is to show you how to put yourself back in control in your love life. And don't think that this is just for single people. If you're in a relationship and you feel like you're anxious, you're overthinking all the time. You live in fear of abandonment, of not being enough, of. Of, you know, jealousy or obsessiveness or worried constantly you're not going to hold on to somebody. This event is for you. If you're single and you're like, God, it's just not working out for me. I'm starting to panic. I feel like I'm going to end up alone. I feel like there's something wrong with me. All of my friends are in relationships or getting into relationships. I'm not. I'm so far behind. And that's making you anxious in your dating life. Or it's meaning that you're showing up to date without your power, without your confidence, um, come join me. Or maybe you're in a situationship and you're like, I feel out of control of this situation. I like or even love this person. But I I feel like I'm beholden to it because I can't get it to progress, but I also don't have the strength to leave it. I'm just trapped and I'm wasting time. Come and join me. It's happening tomorrow. It's the final event like this of the year. This is it. Apart from my retreat, which I'm doing next month in Miami. And I know hundreds and hundreds of you currently are joining me virtually for that event. But. But that's a weekend event next month. This is my only big free tent pole event of the year that's left. If you missed this one tomorrow, you're going to have to wait till sometime in 2026 before I do something like this again. So. Comment the word reset on Instagram. Reena, I see you said what time is the event and where's the link? You can just comment the word reset right now and I'll send you a link to your DMs. It's at 11am Pacific Time tomorrow, 2pm Eastern Time, 7pm UK Time. If you're not on Instagram or Facebook, go here, lovelife reset.com go to that link and you can sign up there. Okay. If you type the word reset in on YouTube or TikTok, that won't work. Just go to lovelife reset.com. all right, let's see what else we have got. Hang on, I've got David sending a message. All right, let's see. David, I've got Audrey's phone right now because I'm reading comments on Instagram from her phone. So you might need to. Oh, can you look at his messages on here? Great. Okay. All right, so from Instagram, we have Laura and Lola saying, generally, I am getting so frustrated with dating. I feel like men just do not want to commit or communicate. What has changed over the years? Well, I don't know if you know, I think two things, maybe more than two. But let's start with two. Firstly, communication. Communication among people in general, I think has gotten worse over the years. Our communication skills have eroded. You know, we are sitting behind a phone, interacting with the world most of the time. And the ability for people to walk over to someone and have a conversation in real life is greatly diminished by our addiction to our phones. And, you know, even I think if you look at it these days, the idea of calling someone out of the blue without saying, hey, are you around for a call? It almost feels like we have to apologize for having called them out of the blue. Almost feels like we have to pick up and go, hey, sorry. I know I didn't send you a text to ask if you were available for a call. And now you might think I'm that weirdo who just, you know, God forbid, picks up the phone and calls you. You know that that's an association that we have with calling. So a lot of us have. Even just the idea of calling someone we know feels like a bigger deal these days than texting them. We feel like we're disturbing them or interrupting their day. So then apply that to dating. And people are way less likely to give you a call and just start an actual conversation, by the way. That's why it's so important that we learn how to lead in our love lives. Mitch Albom said, if you don't like the culture, create your own. He said, don't buy it. If you don't like the culture, don't buy it. Create your own. Well, we have a dating culture right now that a lot of people don't like. Do you like the dating culture? Most people don't. If you don't like something, create your own. That's what leadership is in this life. I don't like what I'm seeing, so I'm going to create my own culture. Right. That's what great brands do. Right. But a lot of great brands position themselves as being against something that they see. We are not this. We are this right now. I don't believe that we are a brand. I don't like that idea as human beings. But what I do believe is that we have to represent something. We have to stand for something. And if we want to be the person that has better communication with people, we have to stand for better communication. And it's not enough in life to simply stand for something by being righteous about it. And I hate how people don't communicate these days. We stand for something by representing it, by modeling it. So you want to show up to dating? Yeah, of course. There's going to be tons of people who are terrible at communication and dating right now. We have a world that is creating poor communicators, not just in men, but in everybody. But what we can do is stand for something different. You know, someone recently said to me, someone I. I had in my own life who has gotten a girlfriend in the last year, said one of the things that he really liked was that at the very beginning, she picked up the phone and called him, and he said, I was so not used to that with people. And she said, hey, like, I think she may have texted him and said, hey, are you around? I can give you a call and catch up. And he was like, oh, cool. So they ended up speaking on the phone, and they ended up having a real connection, and they had only just started speaking on a dating app maybe a week before that. So in his mind, he may not have been about to do that himself, but she decided, I'm gonna. I'm not gonna chase, but I am gonna lead. Does that make sense? There's a difference between chasing and leading. And leading doesn't mean you're making all the moves. Leading means I lead with the culture that is important to me. And let's just address the other part of what you said, Laura and Lola, where you said, I just feel men do not want to commit. Yeah, there's a lot of that. You know, there's a huge amount of novelty. We are addicted to novelty. We are on mass dopamine addicts, and when we're dopamine addicts, we get addicted to the part of dating that is dopamine fueled. Right? The dating process. Think about it. Think about all the different moments in dating from speaking to someone on an app that's dopamine fueled. Right. If you're speaking to someone on a dating app, it's swiping is dopamine. I get a hit every. It's like I'm playing the slot machine. Every time someone matches with me, I get a hit. Every time someone messages me back, I get a hit. It's why we. Why do we check our phones throughout the day? Why do we check our messages? Even though we haven't got a notification, it's in case I might get a message. And if on. Every fifth time I check my phone, I have a message that reinforces that dopamine cycle. Right. I forget what they call it. It was variable reward or something like that, where it works often enough that I get that hit. Well, hooking up is dopamine fueled, right? The. The. I get the chase and the excitement, the intimacy, the oxytocin that comes from hooking up, and I get that chemical high. But relationships are much. Once you get into a relationship, those chemicals come down and it starts to The. The novelty is less. So we're relying on something else. We're relying on lower amounts of dopamine, slower release. And that's the part that people aren't used to, is where meaning and fulfillment lies, but it's not where the greatest dopamine highs lie. And because we are a culture that is addicted to dopamine, it is extremely Hard for a lot of people to settle into the slower burn, chemical release of a relationship. Then add into that the buff, the, you know, the buffet of options and the fact that many of us find it really hard to focus these days. If you think about this, do you find it hard to focus on a piece of work? Most of us do. Most of us these days are worse at focusing than we were 10 years ago. If that's true for you, you have to apply that logic to relationships too. People similarly find it hard to focus on a person, on a meaningful conversation, on a relationship that is gradually building. Right. Because we're looking. Our brain has been taught to look for novelty. So. And by the way, that novelty, you're dating someone and their phone is still lighting up with matches or it's still lighting up with attention from texts and other things, or even just the pull of social media. People are struggling to stay with one thing. But that's why we have to. There's a. There's a recipe, there's a formula for creating deep and lasting attraction in today's modern dating culture. Anyone who is struggling with today's modern dating culture, there is a formula, there is a way out of it. And most people don't know it consciously. Most people certainly don't know how to practice it. And that's why they keep. They're just staying in a cycle of what I call the whirlpool of modern dating, where you just keep going around and round in circles in situationships and hookups and people who ghost, people who fade, you know, texts or dating app messages that never actually materialize into a date. That's why we get sucked into that is because we don't know a way out. Tomorrow I'm going to be showing you a way out. By the way, it's one of the reasons that I wanted to have something tomorrow is because one of the reasons I wanted to do this big event before the year ended because I wanted people to have a way out of that whirlpool. But I also wanted people to have a way out of the whirlpool of our emotions. You know, constantly feeling stressed, insecure, overthinking over, obsessing. Who here over obsesses? Who here invests too much when you like someone who here that your emotions get the better of you, whether it's in a relationship or in the early phases of dating. Who here is feeling out of control emotionally? Be honest. Who. Who here knows like my own mind is like my worst enemy because it makes me so stressed when I date. I is one of those. A lot of people is the reason they don't date anymore is because they're like, I can't. I cannot trust my own emotions. I just get so wrapped up and I get miserable, and then I can't trust myself and what I'll do next. And I make mistakes and I get my heart broken, and I just, like, it's just all too much. And then you go, I just don't want to be a part of this. I just can't do it. That's where most of us are and a lot of us, and me included. Tomorrow, I'm going to tell you a story of a time where I got lost in a relationship. Even when we're in a relationship, we can't enjoy it because we're so constantly in our head. I remember a time when I was waking up in a relationship anxious. Every day I would wake up with anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Every day I would spend my whole day overthinking and ruminating about what was happening, and it made me miserable. Miserable. I get. I get, like, chills thinking about being in that relationship and being back there. I'm like, I never want to go back to that place again. So if you relate to that, tomorrow we're going to talk about all of it. I'm going to give you a formula. I'm going to give you a model that you're going to keep with you for the rest of your life. And we're going to actually answer these challenges of how do I get control of myself emotionally again, Even when I'm looking for love or even when I'm in a relationship and I'm constantly feeling insecure in this relationship, how do I get back control of my mind and my emotions? Tomorrow we're going to do it at the Love Life reset. Go to lovelifereset.com to sign up for this for free. It's going to be a terrific event. Last time is happening of the year, so I don't want you to miss this. And the people who did it with me yesterday had an amazing time. I got beautiful comments on this event. If you missed it yesterday. This is. I never normally do two events in a row like this. This is like a. I think it's the first time in my whole life that I've done two webinars on the same subject over 72 hours to give people a chance if they missed the first one. But I'm not doing it again. This is. My voice is already beat up from Yesterday. Going to do it again tomorrow. I'm going to be giving you 120%, but it is my last one of the year, so do not miss this. Go to love life reset.com common if you want to send the event link to a friend, just copy and paste lovelife reset.com and send it to them. Or if you're on Instagram or Facebook, just comment the word reset and you'll get a direct link to your DMs where you can sign up. It'll take you 10 seconds and it's free. All right, let's see what else have we got on TikTok. User 901 says three months dating, he suddenly pulled back. Do you think he went back to his ex? He left her four months ago. I'd say there's a pretty good chance. I'd say there's a good chance that he, he's got back in his head about that person. Look, anytime we start dating someone a month after, because if you date them three months ago or for three months and four months ago they broke up with someone, then, yeah, he broke up with someone else or they broke up with him a month before you met, so he jumped straight into something else, which makes him dangerous to you because you can't predict what someone is going to do in relation to their ex. Like, there's a real intensity to the kinds of relationships that get created right after we end a relationship with someone else. We jump in when. Remember, when someone comes out of a relationship, they are wired for a relationship. They're wired for the daily comfort, they're wired for that daily oxytocin. They're wired for affection. They're wired to play house with somebody. They are wired. They are engineered for the features and the benefits of a relationship. Now they come out of a relationship, their wiring doesn't change overnight. It's one of the reasons why we suffer so much. When we come out of a relationship, we're not just missing the person. We're missing all of the things that our body has become wired to want and expect. I expect that in this moment, someone would be there to have a conversation with me. I expect that I would wake up and my phone would have a text from somebody. I expect that I would feel intimate with someone, that I would have that oxytocin, that I would have that dopamine. Even though it's different than dating. It's like that, that dopamine. And by the way, when you break up with someone, the dopamine of a New person after you, when you're scared and you're missing your ex hits harder. So yeah, someone coming out of a relationship is wired for all of those things. Now they go out there into the world still wired for those things and what happens is they date, but they very quickly start behaving in the same way they did in their relationship. And so the person they're dating feels like, well, you know, they must really like me because the way that they're showing up and the way that they're, you know, the way that they're kind of like playing house with me and they invited me over and we're like having all of these intimate moments. This must mean a lot. But the truth is we don't know whether that's going to be consistent or whether right now they're just going with their wiring. So we have to be very careful. And what it sounds like is you've, you had that intensity from someone and then all of a sudden it disappeared. And it may have disappeared because the ex came back into the picture. It may have disappeared because he got freaked out because he was like, oh my God, what have I done? I've gotten like really close to this brand new person after three months and I've, you know, I, I've, I've over promised here and I've gone too fast and so he's freaked out. So there's all sorts of reasons. But all you need to know is that in the future, and we're going to talk about this tomorrow, I'm going to talk about how not to over invest. But in the future I'm going to be very careful about not over investing when I meet someone so that I take it at a pace that works for me. And I'm going to make sure that I don't make too many judgments about what something is too quickly. Especially if someone has just come out of a relationship. But I'm sorry that's happened to you. It's a very painful thing. And when we like someone, we like someone. So it can be really hard to resist the urge to jump in two footed at the time that they are trying to do the same. But we have to be very careful about who we're dealing with. All right, very good Comment the word reset on Instagram and Facebook so that you can join me for tomorrow's event. Go here lovelifereset.com to sign up if you haven't already. Big event tomorrow, guys. We had thousands of people show up yesterday. Tomorrow we have thousands of people signed up for the first final event for the last time this is happening. Do not miss this. I would go as far as to say this is one of the most important webinars. It might be the most important webinar I've ever done because it's unlike certain other webinars that are much more focused on just kind of like pure dating advice. This webinar, this event is based on the deeper things, the deeper reasons why we struggle in our love lives, how our emotions hijack us, how our nervous system takes us over and makes us miserable when we're dating. I always say that the. The biggest reasons we struggle in love is because of what happens to them when they date. I'll say that again. One of the biggest reasons we struggle in love is because of what happens to us when we date. You know, I date and then I get really stressed and overthink everything. I date and then I move too fast. I over invest in people I date and then I start questioning my own value. I doubt myself or I'm in a relationship and I do too much for people all the time. And I ended up. I end up getting taken advantage of or I don't listen to my needs. I can't. I find it so hard to speak my needs to somebody because I'm worried I'm going to scare them off. One of our biggest challenges is what happens to us when we date, when we have relationships. Tomorrow is not going to be a kind of surface level advice session. I'm going to give you some really practical stuff. You're going to be very happy with what you walk away with in terms of practical advice for your love life. But more than that, you're going to get to the bottom of what happens to you when you date. When you have relationships, that makes your life harder, that makes relationships harder. That makes you a less attractive version of yourself. That makes you unable to enjoy the wonderful things that happen in your love life or that makes you settle for the wrong thing because you're just coming from a place of fear all the time. It's going to be a very powerful session. As I said, I think it's the most important webinar in many ways I've ever done. But I've poured my heart and soul into this. You'll see tomorrow. You'll see how much work I have put into this for you. But I can only do it twice. We have so many things on the agenda. I have a massive retreat coming up next month. I can only do this twice. And I did it twice because so many of you say to me when I miss an event, I'm so sad because I really want to be there. And then I find out I've missed it. So this time around, I'm doing it live twice. Okay, but tomorrow is the last one. Please make sure that you don't miss it. CDDK says, I need this. I get serious. This is for you. You know, it's for all of us. I've been there. I've been there and I made my life hell. I'll never forget a moment when I was in a very painful relationship and I was telling myself I was really happy. Have you ever done that? You're so miserable and you're suffering so much. But you're like. Someone says, well, why don't you do something about it? And you're like, I can't lose this relationship. It makes me happy and I'll be so unhappy if I lose it. And you're like, you listen me to yourself. And if you really heard your voice when you talk about it, you're like, I'm so unhappy. This makes me miserable. But you think that this relationship is the source of your happiness. And I'll never forget. A friend of mine came over to my house, she's also a well known author and she did an interview with me for the Love Life podcast and she left. And I didn't know it at the time, but this was in the middle of this relationship and she left and she told a mutual friend of ours. I only found this out later. She told a mutual friend of ours, matthew is not happy. Matthew is not in a good place. I'm worried about him. And the crazy thing she didn't tell me at the time because she didn't want to be disrespectful and, you know, speak where it didn't feel, you know, it wasn't invited. But she could see, even though I was telling her that I was happy, she could see that I was deeply unhappy and that I was struggling inside. In this relationship, we aren't nearly as good at covering up these things as we think we are. And if you're unhappy, I promise you, it's getting in the way of so many other things in your life. If you're unhappy in dating or if you're struggling in a relationship with your confidence, with self doubt, with insecurity, with overthinking, it has a way of monopolizing all of our attention. It has a way of taking up all of our emotional bandwidth. It doesn't. It suck energy out of your work. Don't you find that you like your work isn't good, your career struggles? You, you can't be a good friend to your friends. You can't be a great family member to your family because your brain is constantly overtaken by these thoughts. I'm not good enough. I'm never going to find anyone. I'm going to lose this person. I have found. They're not. I'm not going to be able to hold their attention. It's a horrible feeling, you know. So tomorrow is big. Tomorrow is, is, you know it. This should be the most important 90 minutes you spend, not just this year. It might be, it might be the most important 90 minutes you give to yourself and your emotional well being and your love life at the same time in the next five years of your life. So I'm really looking forward to this. Let me get to another question again. If you just joined and you don't know what I'm talking about, this is a big event I'm doing tomorrow called the Love Life Reset. You can join for free here@lovelifereset.com I'm going to be talking about all of the things I just spoke about. And if you're on Instagram or Facebook, comment the word reset and I can get a link directly to your DMs where you can sign up in seconds completely free. By the way, this event. All right, Helen? Helena. Helena on Instagram says what time please? It's tomorrow at 11am Pacific time, 2pm Eastern time and 7pm London time, UK time. But give yourself, I'm gonna tell you, give yourself a good like 90 minutes to 2 hours to be there. This is not like I'm not going to get in and get out and like give you, you know, half an hour of content or whatever. Like I'm. This is going to be a full on session, but it's powerful. So make time for it. And it, yes, it is going to be live. Natalie. All right, very good. Let's see, we'll do maybe another one from Karima who says how do we answer someone that's trying to show. Show us. I was reading it and then he took the laptop in the middle of it. How do we answer someone that's trying to show us with his attitude that we don't matter? This is a good moment for me to point out that you already know the answer to this question. So we, you know, you. The way you answer someone showing you that you don't matter is with your actions. This is true. Not just in our love life, this is true of friendships, is true of anyone in our lives. It could be true of family. That if you consistently show me that I don't matter, or that you don't have my best interests at heart, that you don't care about my well being, or that you actively. It sounds like this person's actively showing you that you don't matter. You have to answer that with your actions, right? You can, you can try and do it with your words all you want, but the truth is, if you've explained to someone, here's how what you're doing makes me feel, and they don't do anything about it, then you have to answer it with action. The question is, why aren't you answering it with action? The question is, why are you, Karima, asking me this question instead of answering it with your action? By taking your limited energy in this life and pointing it away from this person, that's the deep work that you need to do. Why is it I'm not. Why is it I'm not reading that question and saying I need to point my energy in a different direction? What am I afraid I'm going to lose that? And what belief do I have around losing it? There might be a belief there that says if I lose this person, I won't be okay. There might be a belief there that says I can't survive on my own. There might be a belief underneath that that says maybe I'm not worth more than someone showing me they don't matter. So even though I'm unhappy, maybe I'm not worth more than this. And any of those beliefs will keep you where you are today. They'll keep you questioning it instead of doing something about it. So the, the. The question for you here is not, you know, it's not what can I say to him? I can help you with that. But it's not what can I say to him, it's why is it that I am so afraid of answering someone telling me that I don't matter to them with removing myself from the situation? Why is that so hard for me? And if you don't answer that question, I promise you, even if you, Even if you part ways with this person or this person parts ways with you, you'll just find another one like this. You'll. You'll end up the rest of your life dating or even marrying a string of people like this person. This is not, this will not change unless you are asking the deeper questions of yourself. And tomorrow we're going to do that. All right, what else do we have from Enya. Oh, from Rocco Dermatis says, can you talk about how to deal with guys that say they don't want commitment, but then after being. After playing with you, they got into a serious relationship? Okay, so how do you deal with people who say they don't want commitment, play around with you, but then they get into a serious relationship? We. We spend so much time agonizing over these things, and the reality is we don't need to worry about the people who aren't right for us or, or who genuinely, even on our best day, decide that we aren't right for them. Because there are people when. If we're constantly acting out of insecurity, if we're constantly trying to please someone or being an inauthentic version of ourselves or behaving poorly, then someone might leave us because of what they see when we're not being our best. But if even on our best day, someone decides that we're not for them, that's not something it's our job to worry about. Because there's literally nothing else you could have done. This person has decided, concluded you're not for them. The question you have to ask is, was I my best in that situation? Did they see an authentic version of me that I'm proud of? And if they did, I'm not. By the way, when I say best, I don't mean perfect. No one's perfect. And you're not going to have endless perfect day after perfect day in your behavior and your attitude and all of that. That's unrealistic. But did they see an authentic version of you who was genuinely bringing their best? And if the answer is yes, and you're proud of the way that you showed up, and that person told you, I don't want a relationship, I'm not ready for a relationship, and then they found somebody else and they had a relationship with them, you can only conclude one of two things. Either they genuinely found someone who was right for them and it wasn't you. And if that's the case, I take a very kind of, in some ways, simple view on that, which is that really wasn't your person. If someone saw you being authentically you in a way that you were proud of and then still says, I want this person you're. Then if you thought that they were your person, you're mistaken. You're wrong. They're not your person. Your person is the person who chooses you. But it might be, and let's consider this for a moment, it might be that they didn't find their person, the person who's truly right for them, and that it wasn't you, it was that other person. It might not be that. It might be that they're in a relationship now because they got triggered. I'm going to repeat that. It may not be that they're in a relationship now because they found their person. It may be that they're in a relationship now because they got triggered. Someone came along and triggered an insecurity in them. So maybe they were telling themselves, I don't want a relationship. And then someone came along and they had. They were very superficially impressive. And maybe, you know, let me make this really, really kind of cartoonishly simple, but, you know, he always told himself that he, like, he had a deep feeling of like, I'm not good enough for the prom queen or the cheerleader in high school. And now someone who looks like the cheerleader in high school starts dating him and treating him badly and treating him like he's not worth it. And all of a sudden, or maybe she's just, like, not. You know, she acts like she doesn't really need him, and all of a sudden he gets triggered. A deep insecurity gets triggered that says, oh, my God, I. If I can get this person, I'll be enough. He doesn't know that he's being triggered that way, but let's say he is on a deeper level. So now he starts chasing this person, and he finally ends up in a relationship with them, but he's in a relationship now that began from a place of being triggered. And sometimes we, you know, we're so mad at someone about the situation they're now in. You said you didn't want a relationship, and now you're in a relationship. Sometimes we don't realize how miserable they are or how miserable they're about to be because they got into a relationship, because they're insecure, because they don't feel good enough, and because they're triggered and that's what got them. And now they're in a situation where they're the one who's on the back foot the whole time. Now they're in a situation where they're the one who doesn't feel good enough. Now they're in a situation where they can get mistreated, where they can get their heart really, really, really broken. So a lot of the time, we get really. We get really mad at people who are about to be even more hurt than we just were by then. Isn't that fascinating. I think that's utterly fascinating. So don't confuse if someone. It's almost like it could be simple. Life can be quite simple if we look at it through certain lenses. And these lenses are really important to learn. Either he found someone who truly is right for him. And men. I know there's a lot of men here. By the way. Guys, you're welcome tomorrow too. We had a ton of guys in the session yesterday that I did. Guys like jump off the sidelines and come be with us tomorrow as well. This is just as much for you. There are plenty of guys who have been in exactly the same situation. They were dating a woman. She said she didn't want a relationship and then she ended up in a relationship with somebody, somebody else five minutes later. And it's like, what? Like, how did that happen? Was she lying? Was she what? Again, see it simply, either they met someone who was truly right for them and it wasn't me. And if that's the case, I can't act like they're my right person. I was wrong. They're not my person. Maybe I got confused, but they're not my person. Or they got triggered and someone's about to hurt them pretty badly and that's why they're in a relationship right now. In which case, don't wish them luck. Don't be mad at them. It's your pity. They deserve more than your anger because they're the one now who's about to get hurt. NYC Girly 2012 says what is reset for? So comment the word reset. If you're on Instagram right now, then check your DMs. Same if you're on Facebook watching this. Because tomorrow I am doing a live session called the Love Life Reset where I am going to be showing you. I mean, we're talking about deeper work right now. If you're enjoying this, you're going to love tomorrow. This is me shooting from the hip. But tomorrow. I've spent weeks and weeks preparing for an event that is going to blow you away. Because it is all about the ways that we hold ourselves back in our love life. How we feel out of control of our emotions, how our lack of confidence and our self doubt sabotaging us sabotages us and how we can change that. And it could be sabotaging you as a single person looking for love, but it can also be sabotaging you as a person who's in a relationship who's really struggling to be your best in that relationship or struggling to enjoy that relationship or Struggling to stand up for yourself in that relationship because of your self doubt, because of your lack of confidence, because of your overthinking. How many who in this room is an overthinker? Put your hand up, say me if you're watching this right now. And you know I am an overthinker. I overthink everything, especially in my love life. And it gets me into so much trouble. You know, I get jealous or I get possessive or I get insecure or I'm constantly in need of validation, I'm constantly in need of reassurance and then that makes me look unattractive and you know, I end up putting doubt in the other person's mind or they get frustrated with me or they tell me I'm too sensitive all the time. They tell me that I'm high maintenance and you know, I end up losing people because of it, you know, or I end up getting myself really hurt in dating because I'm susceptible to people who love bomb me or people who show a lot of interest and then disappear, right? I give too much, I over invest, you know, I have a great date with someone and suddenly I'm obsessed and I can't stop thinking about them and where it could go. And now I can't be myself anymore because I show up to the second date or the third date all nervous and really like unimpressive version of myself because I've got in my head over this person. If this is you and you get out of control emotionally, which I relate to. The reason I've done so much work in this area is not just for other people, is because I was always my first client. You know, for those of you that are new to me, I've been doing this for nearly two decades now. 20 in fact this year. I think it's been 20 years that I've been coaching people and it has been my life's work. But it's also been the most personal project of my life because I, I've needed this first. You know, I was a shy kid, I was an introverted person. I still am introverted. I'm less shy now because I have the tools. But I also struggled so much in my life with my emotions. And by the way, there are times today where I have, I'm challenged by my emotions. But what I'm grateful for is I've spent a lifetime, my entire adult life studying how do I get control of myself emotionally, how do I get control of my confidence, how do I calm self doubt, how do I not live in fear? Of rejection. How can I find peace within myself so that I can find peace within my relationships? I've done an enormous amount of work on this and I've helped thousands and thousands of people do this at this point. So this is my life, this is what I do, this is my craft. And I'm saying that because I get to share these things with you that I've learned and they change people's lives. If you're single, they mean that you're far more likely to get into a relationship in the next few months because you know these things and you know how to bring your best to the table. You know how to bring your most confident self and you know how to enjoy the process more. Someone can't hijack you and your emotions in the same way. If you're in a relationship, it will change your life because you'll actually be able to enjoy that relationship. You'll actually be able to feel like you have your own personal sense of control and power. You won't feel like you're constantly on the back foot. You won't feel like you're constantly living in fear of that person leaving, although you'll never be able to hold them. And so now you feel anxious all the time because you're like, one day it's going to end. They're going to leave me. You know, this is life changing stuff. This is not what I'm going to do with you. Tomorrow on the Love Life reset is not just, you know, tips for dating, right? And you know me, if you watch my videos, you know, I'm never about tips. I'm about, you know, genuinely developing a competence both in our abilities and a deep level of confidence within ourselves. But tomorrow we're going to do both. Tomorrow is not just about how I can get better results in my love life. Tomorrow is about how I can take control of the deeper forces that shape my love life, that shape my experience of my love life, that constantly make me feel not good enough, that constantly make me overthink, that constantly make me feel like the other shoe is about to drop. You know, many people I know who are watching this have some kind of trauma in their life. They've been through things. You've not had it easy, and it makes it hard to go out there and feel at peace. When you're doing these things, especially when it's something as personal as our love lives, it feels so close to home and we can get so hurt. But I promise you, on the other side of you, learning these things is a version of you, you that you're going to be so excited to meet, and a version of you that can. That is capable of having experiences and getting results that will blow your mind. And it won't involve you being someone else. It'll involve you accessing a version of you that just hasn't been unlocked yet. I can't wait. I'm so excited. The event is called the Love Life reset. Go to lovelifereset.com to join this. Um, before it's too late. It's only happening once more. This is it. For those of you just joining, this is my last big free event of the year. The only other event I'm doing this year is my retreat, which I'm doing next month. I know tons of you are joining me in Miami for my retreat. I know a ton of you are joining me virtually because this is the first time. For this retreat, we've had a virtual ticket available for the, for the big live stage event where people are going to be watching from all over the world. But that's my only other event this year. That's it. This, this event tomorrow and the retreat. Um, so either way, make sure that you are there tomorrow so that you do not miss this. And I want to encourage everybody. Again, just in terms of anyone asking the quick logistics, it's happening at 11am Pacific time, that's 2pm Eastern time, 7pm UK time. You can sign up for free@lovelifereset.com if you're on Instagram or Facebook. Comment the word reset in the comments right now and I'll send a direct link to your DMs so that you can join there. But this, this should be required watching for anyone who wants to be the most confident version of themselves and wants to put themselves back in control. I don't care if you're single or in a relationship. This is for you. I don't care if you're a man or woman, I don't care. This is for you. This is a gender neutral, universal. No matter what stage of life you're in, no matter what stage of love you're in, event it is for everybody. And I don't think there's anybody who can afford not to know what we're doing tomorrow. It's that important. So don't miss it. One more time this year, this is happening and then we're done for the year. As far as these live events go. And obviously apart from my retreat, which I'm so excited to see, see so many of you at and tomorrow by the way when we get there, eliminate the distractions. Find a quiet room in your house or your apartment or in your car. Wherever you are, find a quiet space where you can be. And don't multitask. During this event. Give yourself. It's going to go for 90 minutes to. It might even go longer. But allocate the time tomorrow. I promise you it will be worth it. I promise you if you dedicate the time and the investment, you'll get the change. But show up to really play full out and give 100%. Okay? That's the way we get the most out of this. Let's not be remember our love lives. One of the reasons we struggle is because of what I said at the very beginning of this. We are dopamine addicts. We struggle to focus, and other people struggle to commit because they're addicted to novelty. They're constantly distracted. Their head is being turned every five seconds by something else. Well, part of having a different result is being the culture, being what you want to see in other people. And if we want other people to be able to genuinely lean into relationships, genuinely be able to focus and be with us, we have to show that we can genuinely focus on that. We can sit with something and not be addicted to novelty in our lives. Tomorrow actually gets to be a beautiful representation of that for ourselves. You can show up and say, you know what? I'm going to be what I want more of in the world. I want someone in my life who can sit still for five minutes without constantly needing to check their phone or check another, see if they've got a match or run on another date or hook up with another person or date five people at the same time, because they can't actually appreciate just one thing, one person in front of them, and go deep. Tomorrow is actually a wonderful opportunity to show yourself that you can do that by doing it yourself. Be the energy you want. Focus with me. Spend your time with me. Don't multitask. Let's give it our all together and be present with each other, which is something that is truly lacking in the world right now. Let's be the energy we want from other people. Because, by the way, if we do more of it ourselves in life, we'll actually believe it exists. We're sending a message to ourselves that this kind of energy exists, and I'm going to find it in other people. For some people, I know that there's going to be men and women in Miami. It's the first retreat we're doing next month where men and women are coming together. It's going to be fun to see on both sides if we have a room of more people like that, because the kind of people that follow my work and the kind of people that engage with my work, I like to think are people who have that kind of thing in mind, that kind of culture in mind. So it's going to be really interesting to see who's in that room when we're all together in in Miami. And, of course, if you're going to be joining virtually, you'll be part of the wider community as well. All right, guys, I will see you for the Love Life reset tomorrow. Again, lovelifereset.com is the link. And if you're on Instagram or Facebook, comment the word reset right now and I'll send you a link to sign up in your DMs. Thank you, as always, for joining me. I love seeing you guys. It's such a pleasure. Laverne Wasana, C.S. lopez says, is this real? I think so. Is any of this real? I mean, who knows? But I am live right now. Beautiful. I'll see you all soon. Okay. Thank you so much. And, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.