In this candid, stream‑of‑consciousness monologue, Matthew AI recounts his recent trip to Chicago for a major live event, weaving together personal health struggles, logistical mishaps, team dynamics, and broader philosophical musings. After falling ill and being prescribed steroids, Matthew describes the disorienting side‑effects that left him nervous and irritable upon arrival. He humorously details a surprise stretch‑limo, a mismatched hotel room, and the awkwardness of being filmed alone, highlighting how small logistical details can affect mood and performance. Matthew then shifts focus to his core team—Michael, Sam, and others—explaining how close‑quarters travel for retreats creates a tight‑knit “unit” that fuels motivation. He reflects on the paradox of nervousness, arguing that feeling nervous signals engagement and warns against numbing oneself to emotions. The talk moves into audience interaction, probing excuses people use to avoid dating, and uses role‑play snippets to illustrate social dynamics. A discussion about choosing a museum in Chicago serves as a metaphor for the “perfection‑paralysis” trap, emphasizing that the value lies in shared experience rather than flawless planning. Throughout, Matthew intersperses philosophical observations, likening life to a video game with infinite branching paths and quoting C.S. Lewis on moments containing all moments. He celebrates the community of women who attend his retreat programs, noting their dedication and the lasting friendships formed. The monologue concludes with a call to embrace the “infinite possibilities” of each moment, encouraging listeners to stay present, cherish social connections, and avoid over‑optimizing experiences.
Chapters
I was really sick this week and on Thursday I got so nervous that I was going to be in trouble at this event that I went to a doctor and then they gave me a bunch of drugs which if anything goes really wrong today I will blame it on the drugs. Like we thought this would be about London because it's our biggest event ever but it doesn't end with London does it? To be in New York is a dream on top of that because this is one of the greatest cities in the world. To be here is a privilege. we went to Manchester, we went to Dublin, we've been all over with this, and it works for women everywhere. Burning within my heart and mind. Welcome to Chicago. How you doing, man? So I got off the plane in Chicago and I'm coming down the escalator and I'm already in a really weird state because I'd had a really bad throat and the doctor just before I got on the plane to New York gave me a bunch of drugs including steroids which I've never really taken steroids. before for anything. And I took these to reduce the inflammation and it like made me feel really, really weird. Then I get there and I'm already sort of in a bad mood and I see you and this camera staring at me and I suddenly remembered that I told you to film me and film this journey. It was one of those moments where I hated the decision. People think that I was making fun of you before and getting annoyed with you before. What they don't realize is now it's real. Now I am genuinely starting to hate you. I know it's really cold, but I'm not too bad. I mean, I'm pretty cold. My assistant ordered a car, which is supposed to be just a normal car to take us from the airport to the hotel. And this stretch limo shows up. Like, you know, like the really sort of tacky type where you just get in and there's neon lights everywhere. It looks like someone's just had sex in it. What the fuck? Who sent this? Going to, you know, the Sofitel? I hope yes. Yeah? Yeah. So that hotel. Okay. And then again, I thought, oh, this would be a fun moment with my mate Jameson, where we sit in the back and have a laugh. And I sat in the back while you sat at the other end of the stretch limo filming me so that you could get your wide shot. So I essentially I sat in a limo on my own. Thank you, sir. You're welcome. I learned my lesson last year because we spent a lot of time in hotel rooms, didn't we? where we were really on top of each other. Not like that. But you know, we were in close quarters and I thought this tour, we need bigger rooms. So I got us a big room, didn't I? You not fuck around. Oh shit, son. Look, Jameson, you can go to the bathroom while I have a shower. Ah. Working from a place where you have pride in where you work changes your inspiration. You know what I mean? I didn't know. Oh, I didn't do that. No, it's like when you go in somewhere and it feels good, it just changes your mindset. I mean we've done it the other way, you know we have. When we started out these tours we did it pretty cramped but it just makes a difference to your motivation. So the night before the event we were with Michael, Sam, both of whom work within the organization. Michael is someone who not only comes on my retreat programs as one of our mentors, but he also speaks to people over the phone to see if they're the right type of candidate for our retreat programs, the five-day program we do. And Sam is our resident bundle of joy on the team. She's one of our core team members and travels around and manages our live events. You spend so much time together in these close quarters that you get really close, especially when you're traveling with them. You become kind of a unit. You become this really closely bonded team. And for me, to be able to have a bit of time with him to switch off and just have a good time is everything. Everyone else was drinking and I was... What was I drinking? What's it called? Oh, Dools. Yeah, alcohol free beer because of my medicine. And I felt very calm. I was chilled out. You even noticed, didn't you? You said I looked calmer than you ever normally see me before an event. No, I know, but the thing is, Sam, once you get 300 bodies in the room, they soak up the sound. But has the sound guy tested it with the music for feedback. You need to test speaking into the microphone with the music up loud. Okay, great. Well, Siobhan, I'm gonna start just swatting up on some of my notes and grab breakfast and then I will come over to you. Do you know what? Honey and lemon, that's what I need because my throat is a little, it's not been good this week. Which notes of yours need the most review. What have you prepared for the least? What a question before the day starts. And I can't remember. I think it was once we got in the car, wasn't it? All of a sudden, I immediately got nervous. It's amazing how quickly that can come just out of nowhere. It's a strange, strange feeling. Like, right here. Here's the good news. I still get nervous. I still get nervous. I stand outside that door and I get nervous about doing this. I think it's a really lovely thing because too often in life we don't get nervous anymore. Things get boring, things get old, we get numb to things. Or we numb ourselves to things because we're so afraid of being nervous. God forbid I worry. Some of us, they've actually worked out there's a threshold for worry, past which you don't even worry anymore, you just short-circuit. So now you numb yourself to everything. You ever had that before? You just numb yourself to everything. We do that in love as well, of course. We just numb ourselves. We may see someone we're attracted to, and we numb ourselves. We make up excuses. Who here uses the excuse that they're too busy to meet someone? Put your hand up. Who here uses that excuse and wants to talk about it with me now? Put your hand up. Jamie. Tell us about your time excuse. I'd love to hear about it. I'm a single mom. You're a single mom? I'm a school full-time. I work. So slow down for me. I want to get this down. You work. What's your job? Can you tell us? I'm a server. You're a server? Okay, so I'm a server. What else? That's a lot. Okay, so that's everything? Well, now you say it like that, like, I didn't mean to make you feel inadequate. I just, do you remember what time I told you roughly this event might finish today? Set your wall. My email said seven. It said like six-seven it says Matt has a tendency to go way over, don't book any plans for the next three days old. Here's. I'm a little curious because you made time for me, but you won't make time for the guy you're going to spend the rest of your life with. No. Is he less important than me? No. Good answer. This guy's more important, but you found a day for me. Yes. That might be because there's something more uncomfortable to you about really trying in this area than coming and spending a day with me. Because you could have said, I'm gonna book off till 6 o'clock today and go out there and talk to men all day. And I think that would be terrifying. Chicago's got character. I love the buildings, I love the architecture. It's romantic Chicago. I don't know if they have that reputation. I always get a good reception in Chicago. I know that. I always find them really lovely when I show up. One of the really beautiful things about Chicago, and actually all of the events so far this year, has been the retreat women. Every event I show up and I see a new group of faces of people that have been on the retreat program and have come back just out of the goodness of their hearts to help. They were just so on it. It was incredible. I was like, can you do this? And they just owned it in their whole way that was incredible. So you guys absolutely rocked today. Thank you so much. You all worked so hard. Yes, we really appreciate it. And many of them came from out of town. They weren't even local to Chicago. They actually flew in to come and be part of the event. It was incredible to see them. It's kind of nostalgic. to see this group of people that have become friends. You know, they're more than people that just came to a program to learn. They've become friends. For me, the part I look forward to the most at the end of a live event is the part where I sit somewhere brainless, because anyone on my team will tell you, like, I finish a live event and go and sit and my brain shuts down. But I love just being there and observing all of the team together, laughing and having a good time. I love seeing them together. It's what we always talk about, isn't it? It's your social connections and the people you're connected to really do determine to such a large extent the quality of your life. I think that's the name of the person who was sort of, it named after. What's the difference between the Field Museum and the Museum of Martial Field? The Field Museum has to do with the big, the Field Museum is what? More natural history. When we woke up Sunday, I was sort of in a, I was sort of jealous that the night before I didn't get to do anything because I was sick. Hi, Heather. Hi. I wanted to do something. I didn't even have the energy to do much. I still wasn't well, but I wanted to do something. So we started debating what to do and we arrived on the idea of museums. They're both good though. You haven't been to the Earth one. The T-Rex one. Yeah, this is the problem. This is why I can't trust you on anything. We had this whole ordeal where Michael was trying to choose a museum and the thing you have to know about Michael is he's impossible to read. No, no, no. That wasn't the one. He's. He's not even been to the one he said is really good. He said it's got a sign outside that said it was the best Museum in the world. Oh, yeah. And that's why it's never good. Ever. Who would say that if they weren't? Who would say that? They're not the best. They wouldn't. That's how you treat adverts on the TV. It's. It's important. Oh, they say it's the best toothpaste. I just. I get that one. I'm just trusting. if they put it out there. My point is that one of them you've not even been to and sold it to us as the best thing since sliced bread. The other one you went to 10 or 15 years ago and say it had a sprinting thing, so it's really good. You've got lots of cool stuff. And the other one you say is good because it has the biggest T-Rex in the world, but you've not been there either. Don't let Perfection be the enemy of the good. Who says that? Are you gonna sit around all day and just mope? Are we gonna get stuff done? Let's just get in the cab, what's the worst that can happen? All of the three are gonna be cool. We could have fallen into that trap, by the way, when we were deciding what museum to go to, 'cause we spent so long trying to figure out which is the right museum to go to, which is the one that's gonna give us the best day today, instead of thinking, well, that kinda misses the point. the point is we just all want to be together. I kinda like this guy. Oh, you, thank you for finally saying that. I, you don't know how much this annoys me, him having the camera in my face all the time. I reckon Sam's show might be yours. Like, Sam's gonna get her own spin-off. It sounds like you I better call Saul from Breaking Bad. So it's gonna be like House of Paina. That's what it'll be called. I feel like we spend so much time trying to create the perfect moments with friends that we end up never really doing anything. That day that you have with them where you go to some random museum and don't really look at much and, you know, have a bit of a chat and it's better than the perfect day. That never happened. Okay, so role play. My name's Matilda. I'm a baker. How was your day at the fair? You should probably ask me my name. Hi, good sir. What is your name? Ah, pleased to meet you, madam. My name is Arthur Windett. The name's Arthur. I'm Kitty, I'm Kitty von Bergen. Fuck that! If you just think of life like it's a computer game, But it's the best computer game in the world. It's all been set up for you to enjoy all of these different experiences. Like the texture of the carpet is so detailed. And when you go outside, there are a thousand different doors in a one-mile radius that you could go through that all lead to something different. And there's all these amazing people, people with all different backstories, all of these amazing people, and they're just there, and you can talk to any of them. None of them are background. You can literally go up and talk To anyone. Nice to meet you too. Oh my God, I was just watching your YouTube videos. I watched like all 200, 300 of them. Like in two weeks. Really? Yes. I don't know, I started following you like three years ago, but I just had a new boyfriend and I still watch your videos just to make sure that I'm going on the right path. I'm like, oh my God, that's half you. I was like, what the hell? I thought there was a fire. I was like, when you run out that door, she ran so quick, Every single interaction leads down a thousand different potential pathways. You never know. C.S. Lewis wrote, this moment contains all moments. One of the most beautiful lines I've ever read. This moment contains all moments, meaning that this one moment can lead to an infinite number of different possibilities depending on what happens. Life is one moment filled with infinite possibilities followed by another moment with infinite possibilities. That's incredible. Come on, baby, why don't we paint the town? and all that jazz. I'm gonna rouge my knees and move my stockings down and all that jazz.
