In this video, relationship coach Matthew Hussey answers a viewer’s question about how to encourage a shy, prudish partner to engage in sex talk without threatening his ego. He emphasizes starting from genuine admiration for the partner, using positive reinforcement for any small instance of desired behavior, and giving clear, specific feedback (“I love it when you say…”). Hussey advises giving the man a “roadmap” by highlighting what pleases you and encouraging him to repeat it, while also having a relaxed, non‑threatening conversation about the desire for dirty talk. He suggests framing requests in a way that makes the partner feel valued and comfortable, normalizing sex talk as fun rather than cheesy, and creating an open dialogue where both partners feel permission to share fantasies. The overall message is that sex should be enjoyable, and open communication, encouragement, and positive reinforcement are key to improving sexual intimacy.
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We thought we'd do something a bit different this week and answer one of the questions that one of our beloved viewers wrote in. They wrote this on Facebook so we thought we'd take a moment to answer it in this week's video. The question is about sex. So for the faint of heart, now would be a good time to look away. I've been seeing this guy for a long time now. He is sweet, funny and sexy and we get along well. But when it comes to sex he's very prudish and timid. sex talk makes him uncomfortable. How can I help him and myself in the best possible way without impinging on his manhood? I really care for this guy and I want this to work out. What a lovely question. Very well phrased and caring, I should add. She's empathetic and you can tell she actually cares about the guy. That's gonna serve you well, by the way, when it comes to talking to the guy about these issues. The fact that you think so highly of him is a good starting point whenever you come into a conversation that is as delicate as sex is for someone's ego, starting from what you already admire about them and love about them is a very positive place. You wanna build on the fact that you really admire him as a man and that this stuff would just take it to a whole nother level. How do we start this? Firstly, encouragement is everything. Positive reinforcement of the things that you want, especially in the bedroom, is something that's gonna create more of what you want. When someone does something you like, Be honest about it. Show it. Make noises. Say things. I really like that. That really turns me on. You may say, Yes, but he never does that thing that I want him to do. For example, in this case, dirty talk. Did she call it dirty talk, Jameson? What did she call it? Sex talk. I like dirty talk. Naughty talk. Naughty talky. If you want him to talk more in sexy ways, what do you do? well, when he does even the slightest thing that's in alignment with that, when he says even one thing that turns you on, you say to him, I love it when you talk to me like that. I love it when you say things like that. Say more. Encourage the smallest moments, the hair of a moment that you want. You build on that. You water it, you nurture it. He may have done barely anything, but when he does that small act, building on that, nurturing that is going to encourage him to go down that route. We all want a roadmap. men. Guys aim to please so when you give them ways to please you they're always happy about that. We think we know a woman and then we start dating another one and we realize they're both completely different in what they want and what they like. So giving us a roadmap is incredibly useful, more useful than you might think as long as it's done in a positive way we always appreciate it. The second thing is don't be afraid to have the talk with him. You know, sit him down and talk to him about it and by the way this doesn't have to be a big serious affair and it doesn't have to be done in the bedroom. You could do it when you're walking along out there, having a good time, just going about your day. You could start by saying, I can't wait to get you home. I can't wait to get you home. I'm so excited about being in bed with you tonight. When you're saying things like that, you can start to bring up. By the way, I would love for you to talk dirty to me sometimes. You never do. Why is that? Why do you never do it? If he says, well, I don't know. I just always feel cheesy when I do it. I don't really feel comfortable when I do it. Ask him about that. How come? I love your voice so much. How could you be cheesy about it? To hear those things said in your voice, that would drive me crazy. Or your accent kills me. It would be, it would destroy me to hear you say those things in my ear. You say that and it makes it about him. You're giving a specific reason why you want him to deliver those things to you. It's not about anyone else. It's about him and therein you create this world where everyone is comfortable. Let him feel that what he's afraid of isn't something you're afraid of, that it doesn't matter to you. That way he's gonna start to feel that he can be more open with it. At the end of the day, sex should be fun. And the more that you communicate with someone, the more that you're open with someone about what you want, the easier it is for them to please you. And of course, when you're open with them, you give them permission to be open with you, something that everyone secretly wants. They want to be able to express their fantasies. They want to be able to say they're weird quirks, but they're afraid of embarrassment, they're afraid of rejection, so they don't know how to introduce them. And then before long, they're not happy in their sex lives. Well, If someone else gives you permission to introduce yours by introducing theirs, that's a good thing. You create this open dialogue. Thank you, by the way, for sending in the question. I want to commend you on a very brave question. Sex is one of those taboos that so many people don't talk about in a relationship. And it's one of the cornerstones of a relationship. There's the saying, if sex is right, it's 20% of the relationship. If it's wrong, it's 80%. Sex can be an incredible part of your relationship if you give it the airtime that it deserves. But if we hide the taboos in our relationship, they start to become monsters that they really don't need to be. Maybe we'll do a few more questions on Facebook every so often. If you have a question that you want answered, go to my Facebook. It's Coach Matthew Hussey. We'll link it up under the video. Click through, follow me and ask away and I'll see if I can get around to your question at some point. Thank you so much, guys. I hope you enjoyed this video, and I'll see you soon.
