Matthew Moments Live Stream, on Friendships & Tribe

What's going on everybody? If you're joining us right now, hey Ellie, if you're joining us leave us a comment. I want to be able to see you. I'm also going to try and get rid of my screen here. Hey, this is Jameson everyone. For everyone who hasn't seen Jameson yet. I'm going to try and get rid of these screens so I can't see myself. But just your comments. There we go. I think that's better. Hey guys, what's going on? Wow, so many of you already. This is great. Kimberly, what's up? Beth, hello. I don't know, when was the last time we went live on YouTube? We decided to go live. We decided, well firstly it would be nice to go live a little more often, but you know we want to change the way we do this a little bit. Something a bit different from what we do elsewhere and just have a chance to hang with you guys, say hello, see what you're up to. Willow Bark says, hi Matt, you okay? Yeah, I'm all right, mate. Doing all right. Well, I don't know much about what we're going to talk about today. Jameson, I suppose, is going to fire a couple of questions at me. Lynn, yes, I'm live on YouTube. Hello to you. What's up Alexandra in Russia? Twilight in Manchester? Well Jay, what do you want to... what should we talk about today? You know we have people coming in live. Do you know when I was listening, I sometimes listen to those sort of mindless sort of podcasts people do when I'm like brushing my teeth. Because I get so bored brushing my teeth. that I just listen to podcasts during that time. But I don't, because it's the end of the night, I don't want to listen to anything that's heavy or difficult or requires a lot of bandwidth. So I'm really, like, I'm just looking for someone chatting about whatever that I could just feel like I've got a bit of company while I brush my teeth. I sort of hope, Jameson, that this is one level above that.

Right, you're dreaming big.

But not like, Not really, I don't want this to be really difficult for people to sit and listen to. I just want it to be somewhere in the middle of what you'd listen to, brushing your teeth and something you'd go to really consciously to change your life.

Okay, yeah, that's really great. In that sense, what else can you tell me about the Jake Paul fight?

The Jake Paul fight, really? That's where we're starting. No, no, that's brushing your teeth level.

Well, I wasn't going to start there, but you really brought it there with the brushing of the teeth.

Now, can people hear you? Are you miked? Can you hear Jamison okay? I'd love to know if you can hear Jamison. Jamison, say hi to us, and let's see if people can hear you.

Can people hear me? Hopefully they can hear me. I'm only going to-- I'm not planning on talking much, but-- so I have this mute button here. I was not quite prepared for this setup. Is anyone can tell? not quite prepared, but we really wanted to go live with you guys, and so this is what we're doing.

All right, well, Ellie Gray says your setup is amazing. We can hear him. That's. That's great. Oh, I think we're on something already, Jameson. All right, so they say you're. Well, they say you're not super loud, so they do. You do sound far away, apparently.

Oh, well, that shouldn't quite be the case. You're faint, but here's what you should. tell everyone about Matt is what we did this weekend. I thought it was really cool. In fact, it was something we did this weekend that you talked about on your retreat. I'm including our little trip as part of your 90-minute challenge.

Yeah, so we just did the virtual retreat about a month, almost exactly a month ago now. And one of the challenges from the retreat was for everyone to do what I call a 90-minute challenge, which is to find somewhere that they can get to within 90 minutes of where they live. And you could do a 90-minute plane ride. That certainly opens the thing up. But it was designed actually for a kind of, to be a pandemic friendly activity that you could do within a 90-minute drive from where you live. By the way, it doesn't even have to be far at all. It could be something where you live. But the idea was to do something new, something you wouldn't normally do that's within 90 minutes of where you live. To try and start to introduce a bit more of the new into our lives. And we committed at the time of the virtual retreat, we committed to doing one ourselves, Jameson and I, and a couple of our other friends, Jesse and Ryan. We decided we're gonna go to Lake Arrowhead. Originally it was Tahoe, but Tahoe didn't quite qualify for the 90-minute rule, did it? How far is Tahoe? like, seven and a half hours. Jay?

Yeah. From. From La. Like, I don't even know how you get there exactly from La. Like, would you go through Sacramento? Plus two hours.

It's like a long drive. But we decided Lake Arrowhead was the one. And so we drove, like, I think it was about two hours to Lake Arrowhead. We rented this cabin in the forest, and there were multiple bedrooms, but I made everyone stay in the one bedroom that had. Bunk beds. There's a we've got a photo somewhere. It would be good if we could show them a photo. But this was literally us lot in bunk beds. And if you can imagine the most innocent boys trip, this was it. We drove out to Lake Arrowhead. We were in this cabin. we're in these bunk beds. We've played board games till about 3 a.m. this is. There it is. Let's see if I can. If I can show you. I'm just trying to see. I can't. Because there's a delay. It's actually quite hard for me to see if they're getting it. Okay, there we are in our bunk beds. So that was what we did. And we played, we learned two new board games. What did we learn? There was a... what was Betrayal at Hill House? Something like that?

Betrayal at the Haunted Hill House.

Betrayal at the Haunted Hill House. Let me know if you played that one. And then what was the other one?

I'm the Boss.

I'm the Boss. And this, by the way, Betrayal at Haunted Hill House was the most involved board game. Like, it, I mean, it can't be far off of Dungeons and Dragons for how much there was to learn. It was a lot, it was a very involved game. It took us, I would say, two hours to learn, and then we ended up playing it for about another four hours. So we were playing board games, Jay. Till what? Like three in the morning?

I think it was two in the morning, but it's a long Betrayal at House on the Hill.

Betrayal at House on the Hill. So it was amazing, but we went deep.

What was great about that is that Ryan loves these board games and the way he like gets us into it because I feel like I'm just so lazy.

So Ryan, and he's just like, oh.

Yeah, this one's sort of slightly involved. It's fine. Yeah, no, I think it's a good time to start playing, even though it's 10 p.m. And then three hours later, Matthew's betraying all of us and causing havoc.

Our friend Ryan is, if you had a, if you were best friends with one of the kids from Stranger Things, that's what it is to be friends with Ryan. Like, he is the guy that will plan a camping trip with you, And then when you get there, he'll say, Hey guys, I brought like three different board games for us to play tonight. And initially, I'm always the one that's like, I can't learn this. Like, I have so much to do in my week that's taxing. The last thing I want to do on a Saturday is learn how to play a board game. But once you're in, you're in. And I actually wrote it down, Jamerson. like one of my new, like I literally wrote it down as like one of the things I'm happy that I did this weekend. Like one of the things I achieved this weekend was I learned two new board games.

I saw it, like I've watched you do like a lot of deep work in my life, but watching you try to learn that board game when you had to essentially play like three different positions at once, like that was really impressive Matthew Hussey. Deep, deep learning.

Dude, I'm a big believer in just sometimes new for new's sake. Like just doing something that you wouldn't normally do. I think there's value to that. That is, like you wouldn't necessarily say, this is productive to sit playing this board game, but in a way it is. Because you're doing something you wouldn't normally do. It's a pattern break. from your normal life. I can sit at home and do the same things I always do anytime. But going out to the woods and playing board games with your buds, like, that's different.

And i'll tell you, I i have to learn that lesson. Like, every time I sit to play a board game or do something that's a little bit extra, that's a little bit more than just sitting and watching movies, because what happened the next night we watched, we had a we were gonna watch this Jake Paul fight, right? And we don't have to get into how that went, but I think by the end of it, we were like, we weren't feeling like it was as fun of a night as the night before, right? And we're just kind of like worn down by the whole experience. But then what happened is Ryan was like, well, do you want to watch a documentary or do we want to play I'm the Boss, another board game? And I was just like so tired. I didn't want to do anything, but Again, the Stranger Things friends, like, convinced us to play on the Boss. And sure enough, like three hours later, we're having like a blasting blast.

The best time. The best time. Rebecca D, now this was a hidden, this comment was hidden by YouTube, Jay. But Rebecca D in her comment that YouTube flagged as potentially inappropriate said, All Matt Hussie work shows you how to set boundaries with fuckboys. Now, I'm actually gonna take it generously to say she's saying like, that's a good thing.

Oh, that's definitely what she's saying.

Right?

Yeah.

I don't know about all my work. I can't, I sincerely hope 14 years of coaching people in their confidence, their emotions, The way they approach their life, their relationships, their relationship with themselves hasn't all been reduced to one singular notion of handling fuckboys. I mean, tell me we've done more than that, Jameson.

It's an interesting criticism I've heard before is that Matt's advice works if you believe that people are kind. It's like a sort of a... You've.

Heard that as a criticism.

Yeah, yeah. Matt's advice is like with an optimistic view of the world. And a lot of people's advice is more cynical, I guess. So in a weird way, the comment I've heard more than this one was sort sort of the opposite, where it's like, your advice works for people that actually have good intentions or have the potential to have good intentions, where other people's advice is more like, or some people's advice is more like, get what you want in the short term or whatever, and then it's just, I don't know how that ends, but I think.

It'S, we teach people Also, we do spend quite a lot of time on how to swerve the wrong people. Knowing what the wrong behavior is and how to avoid it is definitely a big thing that we do. It's so lovely seeing all these comments here. Rebecca D's comment, your comment's been flagged again, Rebecca D. You're two for two on comments not being allowed by YouTube. But you said, Thank you, here, listen, I'll approve it. Thank you for affirming his work is more than fuckboys, Jameson. That's why he's here. I'm with Karen, I'm with Jameson right now. Who's with me? Now, Jameson, how's it all going? Are we looking good?

Apparently not. I don't know. I mean, theoretically, I'm miked right now, and people should be able to hear me. But they can't. But I'm still hearing that. I'm fine.

Yeah. I don't think they can hear you properly, but I. If you can't hear Jameson Pro, tell me how you can hear Jameson. Good or bad. This is very much a test run. We're figuring this out right now. We want to do stuff like this more, but, you know, one day I'll offer a tech. Lavinia says it's clearer now, Jay, and, you know, Lavinia's a trusted source at this stage. People are saying not as well as me.

Well, that makes sense. But it should be decent.

So we'll, yeah, people are saying, sounds like you're in a tunnel, a bit echoey.

That makes sense to me.

Some people are saying we hear him really good, though. So what we might just be what we're seeing here is the spectrum of hearing ability in the audience. Okay, well, Erica says, Just brushed my teeth. That's good. That's really good. What else we got going on, Jay?

Well, I guess this is This is something I'm always curious. I'm always surprised actually to find out exactly what you're reading. I think I know what you're reading right now. But yeah, what books so far? I mean, we're a quarter of the way through the year. What books so far have you been enjoying?

What am I reading right now? I'm reading a book right now. I just started a book by David White called the Three Marriages, which I can't, I haven't read into enough to speak with any intelligence on it. The concept of the book is that there are three marriages in our lives. There's the marriage to somebody else, there's the marriage we have with our career, our work, and there's the marriage we have with ourselves. And I'm a big fan of David White. He's a British poet, but I I particularly love the idea of this book because I think of, you know, sometimes people say, I'm afraid of commitment, but you'll see them commit in one area of their lives and not in another. You know, they have committed to something. They've committed to their work, let's say. So it's not that they're afraid of commitment across the board, but they might have convinced themselves that they can't handle commitment in a certain area. we experience different marriages in our lives. And I love that idea of working on all of the marriages. I've been doing what I do now for 14 years. That's the longest relationship of my life outside of my family, is my relationship with my work, with my career, with my professional life. It's a kind of marriage and throughout that marriage I have fallen out with with my work. I've had plenty of arguments with it. I have grown tired of it. I've recommitted many times. I've found my passion for it again many times. And I've worked on it consistently over the years. So that's a marriage. But there's also the marriage to ourselves. One of the things we talk about on the Virtual Retreat a lot is the marriage, the relationship. I haven't before David White, I never framed it as a marriage, but the relationship that we have with ourselves that we we have to start seeing as a relationship, as something we want to work on that's worth working on because of course it's the relationship that has the most impact on our happiness. So yeah, that's a book I'm reading right now. I'm really enjoying that one.

What are they reading in the comments?

Yeah, what are you guys reading? Some people, well, BTO says I like Jordan Peterson. Have you read his new book? I want to read Jordan Peterson's new book, yeah. I didn't get around to read, I only read part of the first book. I didn't get around to reading, what is it, the 12 rules? 12 rules for life. Yeah, and this one, the next one's what, 12 more rules?

I don't think that's what it's called. Oh, I think.

I thought it was.

I thought it was that, too. And then I think he said it's something like called Beyond Order.

Beyond Order. Okay. Yeah. Mrs. H just finished Russell Brand's Revolution. Yeah, actually, I did. I just finished that, too. I literally went through that in the last few days. What a writer. I mean, it's a. brilliant writer. I really, really enjoyed that. Rinsky, happy to have you here on the live stream. Thanks for being here. Celia B. What's up, Celia? In the comments. I see you there. Read 40 rules. Read the 40 rules of love. I like it. Kayla Eckart, Tole, A New Earth, life-changing you know, I'm, you're making me realize how much reading I've actually done. I've, I read that in the last few weeks as well. I've got maybe a couple of chapters to go, but yeah, I just read A New Earth. Really interesting stuff. What did you think of A New Earth, Kayla? I'm curious. Unbearable lightness of being. Very good. Atomic Habits.

I heard Atomic Habits was good.

I haven't read that. Yeah.

I started rereading tribe again.

Yeah. I want to read tribe. Who is that? Sebastian.

Sebastian. Younger.

Younger. Yeah. I've got that on the bookshelf. I want to start reading tribe. I'm a. I'm a. Guys, I'm. I've thought about this so much this year. I am really big into tribe right now, like, of all my goals. the tribe is, is up there as the most, I think it's the most important goal. There's two, no, the two most important goals to me right now are creating beautiful work and, and building an amazing tribe. Those are the two big goals I have this year. Money is not the primary goal. I don't want to, I have zero interest in creating things that that simply revolve around money or what makes what generates the most revenue or any of that. I am I'm really, really driven by creating beautiful work. And I'm working on a new book right now that I think is the best writing I've ever done. In fact, it for sure is the best writing I've ever done. I'll talk more about that later in the year. But I'm really proud of it. It's something I'm having a beautiful time writing it. So creating beautiful work is one of the big values for me this year, and the other is creating an amazing tribe connection with other people, with family, with friends. It's part of why the trip to Lake Arrowhead was important to me. It's why the board games actually are very aligned with my values, because it's like, you know, just spending that time, spending quality time with my friends is, and especially certain, like the male bonding that I'm getting in the last year or two has been some of the most special times in my life. There's a, that's been a very special thing to me. And I think it's something a lot of men are lacking is time with other men, time true, like quality. male bonding time. I'm seeing this more and more Jameson. Like, I notice with certain people in my own life, even certain people that I'm like a kind of tangential characters in my life. You know that moment where a guy is like, oh, we could, like, grab a coffee after this if you want. And you realize behind that is like, that's such a. That's not doing. Like, a friend said to me once, if someone tells you, they're depressed, assume they're six times worse than they're saying. And I think that's true of those moments of connection as well. When someone even hints at maybe doing something together, assume they like deep down they really want that connection with you. And I've noticed men in my own life who hint at moments of connection and I know they're like starved of it and I've been starved of it in ways that I don't think I've always articulated because, you know, I do have lots of time around people in meetings. I do, you know, in my business, we have a lot of people in our organization. I spend a lot of time in meetings with people doing that. I spend a lot of time talking with people. But the true, that bonding, that tribe is something that is, is just vital to me this year because I realize, like, that's, that's it, guys. Like, when it doesn't matter where you get to in life. Like if you, if you don't get, if you don't get where you want to go, tribe is still going to be the most rewarding thing in your life. And if you do get where you want to go, you achieve the superficial, external success that you want, that's also going to be the thing you want once you get there. Like, there's never a time where it's not important. And I know there've been huge chapters of my life where I haven't made it that important and I haven't spent enough time on it. And I, those are the times that I tend to regret. Those are the, I remember a friend of mine invited me to his wedding a few years ago. And, and I, and I didn't go. It was, it was a wedding I would have to fly to. And it was halfway across the world. And it was a friend of mine that I'd had for a long time, and I didn't go. and I regretted not going first. I completely underestimated how much it. It had disappointed him that I wasn't there. That had actually. I. I tend to over. I tend to undervalue the impact that it's going to have on someone if I don't go to something. And I completely underestimated how disappointed he was that I wasn't there. And I also underestimated how much it would have done for our bond. if I was there, that because I know since then I've done those things in service of my relationships and it's meant so much to people. So I, that's something I've, for someone who's spent a lot of time talking about relationships, I've been very late to the game in some of the things that actually make a real difference to the to the tribal relationships in your life.

I mean, it's so funny to hear you put it that way, but it's so true because I mean, so many of us will sacrifice like friendships, relationships because you're going to double down on the work that you're going to do right now. But just that simple realization of like, once that work's done and you have like these things to celebrate or you even have like, oh, I've saved enough money to go on a trip. Now who are you going to go with?

Yep.

What a sobering.

Yep.

Kind of dark thoughts.

And it's not nothing, man. Like, sometimes it feels like. Sometimes you can get that feeling like, oh, why am I doing this? Why am I, like, why am I going to this? Why am I showing up here? And it's like it. You know, a friend of ours gave me a call on Sunday night for advice, and. I was tired. Like, I was, we'd had a long weekend. I was tired. I wanted to get an early night. And he texted me to ask me a question. And I know my, my habit that I have is I get that text asking some for some advice. And it's not that I won't text back. It's just that I'm like, let me text back when I can do it properly. Let me text back when I, when I can actually answer this question. And so I'll leave it. But then, of course, Monday rolls around. That's busy. Tuesday rolls. around that's busy. By the time it's Thursday of next week, I'm already embarrassed that I didn't respond to that person. And they're already probably thinking that I don't care. And so I've been trying to break that pattern more. I'm not doing a great job across the board. There's still. If I look at my WhatsApp right now, there's plenty of evidence for me not having improved this habit. But I decided to break the habit on Sunday night, and I Instead of just texting him back, I just picked up the phone and I called him. And in my head, I thought, you know what? I didn't make it a big thing. I was like, you know what? Even if I just are able to give five minutes of advice here is five minutes immediately. That counts for something. Sometimes not making it a big deal in my head and just saying it's just, I'm just gonna call them for five minutes makes it easier. We ended up speaking for an hour and it meant so much. to this person and it added, I felt I had a deep sense by the end of the hour that we just like added a brick to the house of this friendship. Like we just added a solid brick that's not going anywhere. Like it didn't just feel like oh God, I gotta do, I gotta keep replenishing that. It felt like A brick was added to the house of that friendship that's not going anywhere. And that's not just like sometimes I think we feel like the energy we give to people is like this vacuum that just keeps sucking up energy over and over again and gives nothing back. And I don't know if that's... I don't really believe that's how it works. I think there are certain things that put a brick in the building of that house with that person or that tribe that stays. Even if you can't do the same thing again the week after or the week after that, there's always going to be, by the way, people in our lives that demand too much or too high maintenance and they're like energy vampires and we have to be careful of that. But real friendships, those bricks, I don't believe they go anywhere. I think that's like, I just invested an hour in that friendship that stays as a force, as an asset within that friendship.

I love that analogy so much because I've always found that to be true with like the real life, the lifers, like the lifetime friends you have. It's not to say that the brick doesn't need some maintenance. It's like you can if you set the brick there and yeah, if you just leave it, it can get moldy, it can get weathered, you need to like pressure wash that brick and like clean it up every once in a while. But I think that's so true, like the right people, you can get right back into it.

Yep.

As long as they're not, you have the energy vampires, it's not wasted. Any of that effort is really not wasted.

No, no. It's just they're little, they're deposits. the deposits in things that matter. And I think that sometimes we see relationships as very black and white, like, I've either ruined it or I'm killing it. And I said to you, like, I have a friend at home who this was one of the hardest phone calls I've had in a while where I was, you know, I actually said to him, like, you know, hey man, I'm gonna come see you the next time I'm home, you know, home in England. And, you know, and he was like, well, why, you know, he was not happy with me because the last few times I came back, I didn't see him. I didn't have a lot of time. And that was the excuse I used. And, you know, eventually he said, why do you want to come and see me? I said, what do you mean? Because we have this great friendship and I want to preserve it. and he said, Matt, what is it. What is it you think we have at this stage? Like, we haven't connected in years. You know, we've known each other for so long and we used to be best buds, but, like, what. What is it you think we have? Like, what are we. What are you holding on to right now? Because it. It feels like you're holding on to an image of what we have, but not the reality of what. what you're giving to this relationship. And that was an incredibly painful thing to hear. Because at first I got defensive and I was like, what is he talking about? Like, we've been friends for so long and we've known each other so well. And, you know, like that friendship will never die. Like, how no matter how long we don't speak for or how long we don't see each other for, that friendship's always going to be there in my life. And he wasn't saying, here's the problem when someone comes at you reasonably and it's what they're saying is true. You can get defensive, but the truth is the truth. It wasn't that he was saying, I don't care about you anymore. It wasn't that he was saying, I don't have space for you in my life anymore. It was him saying, Let's not pretend that you occupy a space in my life right now that you don't. The space is there for you if you want to come into it. He said to me, I'm never going to have a closed door to our friendship. The door is always going to be open to us having a closer relationship. But pretending we have one right now is a farce, and it's holding on to this fantasy. this idea in our head instead of the reality of what we have right now. And that was really, really, that was very painful to hear. But my initial defensiveness, because it was met with pure unadulterated honesty, it dissolved. And what was left was me saying, Wow, okay. I'm starting from a different place than I thought. But this is real. This is a real place to be starting from. And there was no hatred in it. There was no malice in it. It was just coming from a compassionate but real place. And we ended up talking for over an hour before he had to go. And just as he was leaving the conversation, He said, this, by the way, what we just did, that to me is friendship. Like that time that we just had, and I got to know you and how you're feeling in your life right now and what's going on in your head, and you got to know a bit about what's going on in my head and how I'm feeling right now, that's friendship to me. That was a brick. Right? That was a brick in the house.

You know what's funny is I know this friend that you're talking about and hearing the story it sounds like almost made up, like it's so almost over the top and on the nose. That's exactly how he speaks.

It's exactly how he speaks.

He's very honest. So honest. He will cut you to the core with his honesty.

Yeah. And that's the thing is, It's but the thing that the reason I say black don't be black and white about your relationships is that I could have gotten off that call and gone well, I guess I blew that friendship But actually the truth is no it it I didn't have what I was holding on to But in a way what I had was more interesting that that hour was a brick in the house and and that if I did the same thing the next week or two weeks from now or a month from now, that would be another brick in the house. And the relationship starts getting built again. I think so often we write people off because we make it binary. I'm either in this person's good books and friends with them or we're at odds. Instead of being like, I can add to this relationship anytime I want, I can make a deposit anytime I want. And even if this person says they've given up on me, that's almost never the case in my experience. People say things like that as a defense, as a protection, because they don't want to get hurt again. If we've hurt someone many times, if we've gone off the radar or ghosted them many times, if we've done something many times that has made them afraid of us and our rejection or how we make them feel, then someone being like, I'm done with you, can be a defense mechanism, but it doesn't make it real. It might make it an emotional response. But what's really true is that if we keep adding bricks to that relationship, we can still build that relationship. Amazing. Well, we have to go. But tell us, I'm curious in the comments, do you want us to do this more? Would you like, I don't know how long we did it for today, Jay? But oh, like 35 minutes? Would you like us to do this more? I'm curious. Is this something that's, you know, this is kind of a new thing that we might start doing that is just a little different from what we do elsewhere. When we come to you on YouTube and we have like a 10-minute video, it's a concept. This is just us getting to spend some time with you. And I'd love, oh, lovely, there's so many yeses. Thank you so much. I see you all, Charlotte and Claudia, MZ. And we'll get Steve on as well, because we should do one of these with Steve, too.

Can't wait till we get the budget to give me a microphone.

Yeah, we need to get you a proper mic. Can we do that for next time?

Yeah, yeah, let's get it done.

Consider it in the budget. No, we're gonna, this is great, guys. We really love spending this time with you. And I truly think you know, Tribe being important to me this year, even though I joke about like the thing I listen to while I brush my teeth, that's real. You know, like that little moment where you feel like you're connecting to someone, a voice that you like, and you can do it in the middle of your day or in your evening or in your morning and just spend a bit of time with someone you like. I think the internet is so full of, there's so many voices on the internet and I know it could be a really crowded place, but when you find someone you resonate with and you just get to spend some time with them, I think that is a really beautiful beautiful thing. And I want to provide that guy that for you guys more. So, yeah, we'll see you soon. Have a great day for the rest of your day. And if you enjoyed this and you think other friends could, would like to hang with us next time, then share it with somebody that you love or care about, and we'll see you soon. All right? Thank you, guys.