My Best Friend Is A Guy... Is His Girlfriend Jealous?

Hello, everyone. You are listening to love life with me, Matthew Hussey. And we have another beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous caller on the line. Her name is Aubrey. Aubrey, are you there?

I am. Thanks for that introduction.

Geez, it was. Oh, you know, that's the first time I've ever done that introduction.

Thank you. That was. Thank you for that honor.

Well, Aubrey, what was your question?

Okay, so my best friend, who is a guy, I met at work about a year and a half ago. Anyways, I got engaged a few months ago and. And now I'm a best man. I've only met his fiance just a handful of times and it's kind of been a little awkward. I was hoping for just some advice on how to handle this whole situation.

So it's awkward with her, why? Because she doesn't respect the relationship that you have with him?

I'm not sure 100%. I've had issues with his girlfriends in the past because they've had issues with me being a female. I just, I feel like whenever I try and talk to her and she tries to talk to me, like, I feel like we're both trying, but it just kind of feels weird.

Okay, well, that's great. Well, firstly, that's a really mature, I'm glad that you answered in the way that you did, because I think many people in this situation, they say she doesn't get it. She doesn't get the relationship that I have with him. And it becomes this kind of, this strange dynamic where, They make it me and them, like an enemies type relationship. And it shouldn't be that. If the relationship that you have with him is really just an organic, great friendship, and it doesn't interfere with their relationship, and it's not something, you know, what they have is unique and different to what you have, and that's fine, then it should be something that can coexist with what they have. Now, the key part is she needs to feel respected. Right? If she doesn't, any woman in that position, if she doesn't feel respected, you're going to have problems. So for her, first rule, make her feel important. When you talk to her, find ways to talk about how much he thinks of her and all the beautiful things that he says about her. Never miss an opportunity to tell her something great that he has said about her. because you will find that when you go to her and you say, he said the most beautiful thing about you the other night, you know, and I'm sure he's told you this many times, but I don't know, you just, I would want you to hear it. He said, blah, blah, blah. And then, and then tell her or, God, you know, when you were away last week, you know, he told me he missed you an insane amount or whatever it is, like, always find every opportunity to make her feel important and special. And, like, this isn't a competitive relationship. You're actually someone who protects her ego. You're not someone who hurts their ego. Okay? Okay. So that's the first step. The second step is to find areas where the two of you can actually connect. And don't make that always about him. You know, the, the, obviously, the big point of, of commonality you have is him. Right. But, yeah, you can find things outside of him that are independent, that are, that are unique to the two of you. Are there similar things that you're interested in? Are there similar things that you're excited about doing? You know, are there restaurants you both want to go to or shows? that you really want to see. The best thing you can do is make her a friend in your own right, separately from him. And that means not always involving him. Go have your own relationship with her. It might mean that you both go out one night together or you both go see a movie together. Befriend her and show her that you are not a threat. Because it's going to be weird for anybody. And that's the key thing to remember, Aubrey, is that for anybody in that situation, even the most confident among us, can sometimes be forgiven for feeling a little jealous or a little left out when someone has an important relationship, when our significant other has an important relationship that doesn't really involve us.

Yeah, I couldn't even imagine especially the opposite of sex. Like, I don't know how I would handle a situation like that.

Precisely. So now I want you to think about what would make you feel better if it was you. You know, what would put you at ease if it was you? And I think something that would put her at ease is if you made an effort with her independently of him. I think it would also help her if when you're with her, you talk about guys you're interested in. You talk about things in your love life because that shows her as well that in terms of romantic interests, they're focused elsewhere. Now, you may look at it and think, God, that's crazy. I have no romantic interest in this guy, right? But from her point of view, don't ever assume that she knows or thinks that.

Yeah, for sure. And that's why I'm like, I don't really know. Yeah.

So you could talk about other relationships that are going on for you, other people you're interested in, steer that conversation well away from him so that she's always feeling like, oh, wow, okay. Her romantic interests are completely elsewhere. She just has a friendship with my partner.

Yeah, like, come on now, why do you think I listen to you? I don't have any romantic interest.

Well, it's time to go out and find some.

I've been busy. I've been really busy. I will not feel like I have the time.

Aubrey, if you listen to me, then you know that using that excuse in front of me is a bad idea.

No, but can I tell you why?

Okay.

I've got a full-time job. I've got inventory that I'm trying to make so I can start my own business. I've got a house that's in the middle of a remodel, so I've constantly got some projects going on. And I'm a DIYer, so I have to figure out not only how to do it, but how to do it perfectly for my house the first time around. And then when I work, I work most nights until midnight, 1:00 in the morning. I'm a pretty busy person.

So then you should just not meet anyone. ever. And just, well, that's, you should, no, I mean, I'm, no, no, no, Aubrey, I agree, I agree with you. I think you should just go through your life not meeting anyone and be lonely and die an old cat-ridden lady.

No, no, no, but I want to die an old, like, pitbull-ridden lady. Pitbull-ridden lady. I want to do the dog thing. Yeah, I want to be like the first crazy dog lady, you know, I just want to be this miserable old lady who has a bunch of dogs.

And yells at random kids as they.

Walk past my street.

Which of course is why you listen to me.

Yes, this is why I listen to you. So I'm getting there. I'm getting there.

You want to meet someone. And now, look, you may not have much time. That's fair. But does it take any more time to flirt with someone than it does to have a platonic conversation with them?

No, no.

It takes more time to have a relationship than to not have a relationship, but. Then you can call me the day that the love of your life is asking for a relationship and you don't have the time for it. Then you can call me. But you can't call me telling me that you don't have time when right now you haven't got these flirtatious interactions that are leading to dates. And you're going, Matt, all of these amazing guys are asking me on dates. And it's just a problem because, you know, I'm at home doing all of this DIY. So, I'm gonna need you to start changing your mindset a little bit there, picking up a few of the flirting tips that I'm giving out on all of these shows or in my programs, and then go out and just use some of them. Start small. You don't need to re-model your life around finding a guy. In fact, that would be the worst thing you could do. You don't want to do that. Keep all of the great things about your life right now. I love that you have all of these interests, but Still have a life, still have a social life, still go out and focus on having a little bit of balance because otherwise you're gonna go crazy. And guess what? People without balance are boring. And I know you're not boring. So create a little balance when you're out there. As I said, it takes the same amount of time to flirt with someone as it does to order a drink or to say something friendly to someone. It's the same amount of time and effort. And then we'll have a different conversation about time management when you come to me and you say, I've got too many dates and I don't know what to do with them because I just have no time. We can have a conversation about time management at that point. Is that fair?

That's fair, Matthew. That's fair.

Okay. And by the way, she's gonna appreciate seeing you out on dates because she's gonna love the fact that your clearly, your interests are elsewhere in that area. And then you can focus on having this amazing friendship with him and taking her out once in a while as well to make her feel special.

Okay.

Aubrey, you're so wonderful. Thank you for calling in. This has been one of my favorite phone calls because it went off on different directions. How exciting. I really do appreciate it. No, thank you.

Your advice is, it always makes a lot of sense to me and that's why I called.

Well, you're a sweetheart. Thank you. Look after yourself and I hope to.

Speak to you again soon, okay?

All right. Thanks. Take care. All right, Aubrey. And thank you all for listening. Such a wonderful phone call. Please call in. Let us know what you want answered. I'd love to talk about your life, your love life, your business life, whatever it is you want dealt with on this show, we deal with it all. We are not confined to one area because life is not confined to one area. I am excited to be here with you. Come join me for the discussion on Facebook at facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey. I'll speak to you soon.