In this episode of Matthew Hussey’s "Love Life" show, caller Catherine seeks advice about her boyfriend’s habit of favoriting pictures of other women on Twitter. She worries this behavior signals a wandering eye and may indicate future problems, but she’s hesitant to confront him for fear of seeming like a social‑media stalker. Matthew validates her concerns, explaining that while occasional glances at attractive people are normal, deliberately liking or favoriting such images goes beyond casual attention, especially in a committed relationship. He frames this as part of the "storming" or teething phase where partners discover which single‑life habits need to be adjusted. Matthew advises Catherine to have a direct, non‑accusatory conversation, describing a script that acknowledges her observation, asks how he perceives it, and invites his perspective. He stresses that his reaction will reveal his empathy and willingness to respect her standards. Matthew also highlights that personal standards are subjective; what bothers one person may not bother another, and the key is finding a partner whose values align with yours. He warns that if he dismisses her feelings or refuses to change, it likely indicates incompatibility. The episode concludes with encouragement for Catherine to trust her judgment, set clear boundaries, and seek a partner who respects them.
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Hello everybody, this is Matthew Hussey with Love Life, my very own show. And we are here with a caller today. That caller's name is Catherine. Catherine, are you there?
Hey, how are you?
I'm good, how are you?
I love your accent.
You sound so happy.
Oh, this is so weird. Yes, I do have a question for you though.
I'm excited to hear it.
Okay, so I've been dating somebody for about seven months and as weird as it sounds, I do check his favorites on Twitter and for the past few months he's been favoriting pictures of women and bras and underwear and selfies of girls and model shots, and I don't know really what that means, but I don't want to talk to him about it because I feel like this is portraying a part of his personality without me addressing it. And I don't want to settle for a guy who thinks that he's pursuing me the right way, but yeah, he's doing, he's favoriting all these pictures, and I just don't know what that means as a guy. If he's even thinking about it, or. or not.
So what do you think this is indicative of in his personality? What does it show about him that you don't like?
Gosh, I don't know. I think it shows, I understand if a guy looks at a woman, I mean, there's attractive people all over the world, and you're gonna see attractive people, but for you to go out of your way, like you consciously know that you're favoriting a picture, and I feel like if a guy knows he's pursuing a girl, Then he should be a little bit smarter than going out of his way to like these things. And so I think it's maybe he has a wandering eye, maybe he can portray a possible problem in the future.
Well, of course, it's, I think your analysis of it is actually very intelligent. It's interesting because if he were, you know, everyone has the tendency to Catch a, you know, an attractive person in their peripheral vision once in a while. If, you know, we see someone attractive, we might have a little look, but that's not the same thing as you say, as going out of your way to like someone's pictures. Now, does he even know that you would know this? Does he even know that you would be checking his favorites in this way?
I'm not sure. I mean, I do, I mean, I follow him on Twitter and I just, I know that sometimes, you know, maybe a guy pick up on it or they're just not thinking or being smart. But I don't know, I just don't understand why you would do that. If you are pursuing a girl and you're trying to show her your best, it's the beginning of a relationship. And so he doesn't know that.
You know what's interesting, Catherine? I think when obviously our behaviors when we're single tend to be quite different from our behaviors or the behaviors that are expected of us when we're in a relationship. And a lot of the times, what I observe is there's a kind of teething process when we first get into a relationship where we're being reminded that certain things we did when we were single are not okay in the context of a relationship. And sometimes part of that teething period, sometimes it's referred to as a storming period as well in a relationship, We begin to discover what is okay and what's not okay that our partners are doing. And we may say to them, that thing you're doing, I don't like that. And very often they'll say, oh my God, I didn't even realize, because it's a hangover from when they were single. Now, I'm not suggesting that it's particularly attractive or endearing, even when someone is single, to go around liking a bunch of pictures of women in bikinis. that you don't even know. I think that if nothing else, that strikes me as a royal waste of time anyway. Even so, that would be a behavior that wouldn't be crazy single, but in a relationship, it might be hurtful to you. So I think, Catherine, the first step is the obvious one, which is you have to talk to him about it. Okay. Now, the. The danger, of course, that you have is you don't want to come across like you've been stalking his, his social media because that's going to be counterproductive for you. Then he's going to say, well, what else is she looking at? Why is she going out of her way to check these things? So that's a delicate balance as well. I always think it's a tough, it's a tough one, isn't it, when you're in a relationship to know something about your partner that you know because you've been looking at certain things. And looking into certain parts of their life, which I would say are personal, but actually the reality is this is his social media. So by definition, it's not personal. But to know something and then to worry that if you say something, you're gonna be perceived as being a bit of an investigator or a detective in his life, it's a tough balance. So, I would have the conversation with him. and say to him, look, I noticed that you like pictures of other people. And normally, you know, I'm not the type to go, you know, out of my way looking on social media to find things. It's not that I'm looking for anything. I just noticed. And it seems strange to me. And I wanted to know if you feel that it's strange too, because for all I know, you're doing it and you're not realizing that it might be strange to me, or you're just not thinking about it. But now that I've said it, do you realize how that could be strange for me? And I would then let him speak. I think what he says next will go a long way to determining the sort of guy he is or identifying the sort of guy he is. And we'll also speak volumes about where your relationship is going. Because if he says, you,'re crazy, that doesn't mean anything. That's blah, blah, blah. I always am quite disappointed when people do things like that because what they're really telling you is, I'm not gonna be empathetic to what you're feeling. I'm not gonna be understanding. Instead, I'm just gonna make you out to be the one who is crazy or high maintenance or difficult. But I would then say to him, well, how would you feel if it were the other way around? If I were out there liking pictures of guys in their underwear, Would that be okay to you or would that be slightly strange to you? Again, his answer will be telling, but ultimately, even if he comes back and says, that would be fine to me, I wouldn't mind. That doesn't really matter because what matters most is your standard. What is it you want? And if you don't want that, if that's not something that's okay for you, then I would, I would be very open about that. And I would say to him, it's not, you know, it's not something that's okay for me. It feels strange. You know, I know that the sort of person I want in my life isn't the sort of person that is one thing to find other people attractive. I know that's human, but to go out of your way to like something or favorite something in that way is kind of a step too far for me. Exactly. He's either gonna accept that or he's not, but I think you'll quite quickly learn if this is a man that's willing to make adjustments in his life for you, or someone who is uncompromising. And I think that will tell you whether the relationship is the right one.
Okay, because, you know, social media is a tricky thing. And, you know, I questioned for a long time. It's just social media. It's not a big deal. But in a way, it does feel like I'm compromising my standards and it's putting a red flag.
So here's the tough part about life is in these situations, there's no objective truth. In other words, what... So, for example, if I was you, I think it would bother me too. And in fact, I know that it would bother me. And I know that I wouldn't want that from my partner. There are a few things that would bother me. It would bother me because I would be jealous. It would bother me because I would not want my partner to be spending energy on things like that. Not even from a jealousy point of view, I would just be saying, why is my partner taking time out of their day to favourite photos of people not wearing very much? Why is that something they're choosing to do with their time? I wouldn't find that attractive, in other words. And it would so it would bother me. But there are some people probably listening to us right now saying, well, that wouldn't bother me at all. Stop making such a big deal out of it. And that's okay too. They're not wrong. Do you understand that we're all right? It just depends on our standard. And if your standard is that you don't like it and you don't want it, then really that's all that matters. And you need to find someone who understands that standard. And by the way, it might be him. He might say, oh my God, I'm an idiot. Yeah, why am I still doing this? You're right, I won't do this anymore because I care about you and I wouldn't want you to feel that way. In which case you go, okay, great. You know, this is progress. But if he doesn't understand that standard and he doesn't care, then I think it's not the right guy.
Oh, that is perfect advice. I definitely appreciate that.
Oh, you're so welcome, Catherine. Thank you so much for calling in. And you know, your head is in the right place. I know that you seem to be a kind and caring person, but you're also an intelligent person who understands the situation. So I know you'll be able to handle this.
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
All right, look after yourself. I'll see you soon, okay? I hope I will. All right, take care, Catherine. If you have a question for me here at Love Life and you're dying to get it answered, then call in 844-204-6288 that's 844-204-Matt and if you aren't over at my Facebook page right now, go and like that page. You'll get all of the latest information and tips and secrets to life and dating that I've put up there. That's facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey. I'll see you soon.
