My wife Audrey answers your personal questions

We did it, guys! We did it! We got Audrey back by popular demand. Last time I lured her into this chair under the false promise of cake.

Cake?

Yep, I baked you a cake, which some of you were quite upset by. This time I don't need to. I have been able to lure her back with love, your love. Holly said, so logical, Audrey is very well spoken and it was really nice having a female's perspective on the dating scene. Arjaman says Audrey "Adorable." I agree. Makeup Koala says, "I'm so thrilled my question was picked. I really loved this video, and it is entirely too short. We need more of these, maybe even a series." Here is Audrey answering your questions, and among them, a question about how to deal with jealousy in a marriage or relationship. Our marriage? Or a marriage? Not our marriage? A bit our marriage? We'll see. I heard an alarming statistic recently. Someone on our team said that only 36% of you who watch these videos are actually subscribed. So make sure you subscribe to this channel so that every time I release a video, it just pops up for you on your home screen and you're like, ah, There he is. Why isn't it Audrey? Without further ado, this is Audrey Hussey. Boom, you're in the chair.

Get off.

No, it's going to be a smash cut. It's not going to be this. This isn't the cut we're using. It's going to be a smash cut.

Now we got rid of him. Let's talk.

I'm still here. All the umbrellas in London says Strong name, by the way. Audrey, my partner has slept with many people before meeting me, all one-time hookups. I have only slept with one. This discrepancy makes me think that what we have isn't intimate or special to him, as he's already shared his body with so many others. Physical intimacy is super important to me, and I don't just share it with anyone. He tells me not to worry about his past and reassures me that what we have is special because I am the first woman he's committed to, but the thought pops up sometimes and it makes me sad. Is this a bad reason to break up with someone when everything else is going great?

Do I think you should break up with him because of who he slept with in the past? No, I don't think that's a good enough reason to break up with somebody. I don't believe somebody who has a sexual past cannot be trusted. And to varying degrees, we all have a sexual past. Obviously some people have been with more people than others, but what's more important, I think, is whether or not you are aligned with somebody today. The way you value intimacy, connection, monogamy, you know, making sure those values are aligned with who you both are today is far more important than looking backwards into somebody's past and what they have or haven't done. But it does need to be said that there are other things in this question that raise a little bit of a red flag for me, which is why there are a few elements of your question that I think are worth underlining. The first one is you did not describe him having multiple relationships. You said, "My partner had slept with many people before meeting me, all one-time hookups." The assumption being that every single one of those people were just a one-time thing.

I agree with that because he's allowed to change. We're all allowed to change and shift our value systems. But the idea that the way it's described as all one-time hookups is suggestive of someone who isn't able or willing to have any real intimacy with someone.

I hope this is helpful. Thank you so much for the question. All the umbrellas in London, it's a good one.

So this one is from one of our Love Life members, Gayatri. She says, I remember Audrey talking about her hair loss before, and I relate to it a lot since puberty, and even now starting my 30s. How did you not let it define you and be confident that you can show up and are worthy?

Gayathri, thank you so much for this question. It's very, very vulnerable. Anybody who doesn't know, I've been on a bit of a journey with hair loss. When I was in my 20s, my hair was falling out, and I had to do a lot of different things to try and get it to stop falling out. So I want to talk about this question. I want to answer the psychological element of it. But first, I also want to give you an answer, which is the answer I know I would want if I was asking a question like that, which is, what can I actually do about it? So these are some things that I did that helped me. Obviously, please go and, you know, do your own research and speak to a healthcare professional, but these are just some of the things that helped me. The first thing is I did a full blood panel, um, and I recommend that you do this because you might be deficient in something. It could be iron, it could be vitamin D, which could be causing the hair loss. You can go to your dermatologist and you can get prescribed, uh, minoxidil, which is either topical or oral, and that really, really helps with hair shed. You can also do things like PRP, scalp massage, massages, microneedling, all of those things stimulate the hair growth as well, and they're really, really good. Rosemary oil masks are really helpful. High protein diet, obviously a balanced diet as well, and also just supplements. You know, Nutrafol is really, really good, for example, and it's recommended by dermatologists. So I think depending on your budget, your time, your appetite for tackling this— I know for me, I went and threw everything and the kitchen sink at it because that's just my personality— you can try some of those things. And, uh, yeah, just try them one by one. Don't overwhelmed and know that there's a lot of things that you can do to make it better.

What do you say to people who feel like they've tried everything, nothing's really worked, their hair is just something that bugs them every time they look in the mirror, it affects their confidence in dating?

I would say I really understand that emotion and that feeling, and I've been through that. But let me tell you something, which I hope is a pressure valve. Your hair is a feature, and no one marries a feature. We marry a person. We marry a complete package with flaws and qualities and physical attributes. And when someone chooses us, they are not choosing us based on one of those features. They are choosing us based on the complete package that we represent. So our job is to be the most compelling complete package we can possibly be, and we don't do that by obsessing over over a feature we don't like. We do that by honing in and bettering and refining all of the most beautiful and amazing parts of us so that when somebody meets us and let's say there is something about us, whether it is hair, whether it's something else, your weight, something about your personality, whatever it might be, something that maybe that person wouldn't have chosen and picked out, what we want is for this person to decide that regardless of that feature, I cannot possibly walk away from this person because they are too good, because their package that they are is too compelling to pass up.

Wow. This one is from Teresa Sinclair on YouTube who says, I've been hurt too many times. I don't want to date. It gives me anxiety. No one stays true to who they say they are. How can you tell if someone will be honest and true to who they say they are?

I feel like you would do a very good job of answering this question. I'm going to tell you what I think real quick, but I'm going to pass to you afterwards because I actually think you've you're gonna have something to say about this.

Is she allowed to do that?

I'm allowed to do that.

Harrison, is she allowed to do that?

Harrison said yes, so.

I submit to you, dear viewer, is she allowed to do that?

Look, the reality is that you don't know. You can never really tell whether somebody is who they say they are or pretending to be somebody. Half of the time, we don't even know what we want. So when we go into relationships and say, I really like you, I want to be with you, We may believe that in the moment, but it doesn't mean that 6 months down the line we aren't incapable of changing our minds and breaking somebody else's heart. You don't know. You never fully know. But that is not a reason to shut love out and to never experience a relationship with another person. I think the only thing we can do is we can really work on trusting ourselves that We are going to make the best decision we can, go with somebody who we believe shares our values around relationship and honesty and commitment. We need to take our time so that we're not over-investing and ending up with our hearts broken after 3 weeks, and ultimately, we need to build a strong enough foundation within ourselves, which means that if somebody does change their mind, if somebody does hurt us, if somebody does turn out to be untrue or unkind, we know we'll be okay. Because we can never put our faith in the fact that somebody will never hurt us. We can only put our faith in the fact that we ourselves will be okay if they do. And from that place, we actually get to take risk and we actually get to put ourselves back out there because we know that we can survive anything. So that's what I think. But what do you think?

I suppose all I would add is that even knowing that you're strong enough to walk away if it goes wrong, or if this person ends up not being who they said they were, it doesn't necessarily change the underlying cynicism that we have developed, that everyone just winds up being bad. In fact, it feeds that cynicism because what we tell ourselves is, see, sooner or later they do all end up being the same. And that's the part that we have to begin to heal. There are strategies for protecting ourselves and there are strategies for healing our worldview. When it comes to human beings, or men, or women, or whatever our challenge is. And I want to offer a healing perspective, and it's actually something Audrey helped me with recently, because I was in a situation where I felt taken advantage of. It triggered a lot of past stuff for me in having been deeply taken advantage of by certain people in my life, and I ended up connecting the two, and my brain wanted to latch on to that feeling of everyone always ends up taking advantage, or tries to in some way. And Audrey reminded me, it's okay for you to be a bit upset by this, but this person is very different from this person in the past. The intentions are different. And I actually think a very empowering thought is the idea that in human interactions, we— if we assume a role of leadership, we actually get to impact the people we're with. We get to be the kind of person that brings out someone's most generous nature, brings out someone's most optimistic nature, brings out someone's most respectful nature. We get to be the person who makes people better around us. And when I think about going beyond our trauma, I always picture that beyond trauma is leadership. And leadership is what doesn't just look out for the right result with people. Leadership creates it.

Not bad.

Well, thank you. I don't want to step on the rest of your video, but can I just take an opportunity to talk about the retreat because this is— yes, directly in line with it.

You have 40 seconds, go!

That's too short, but I'll try. If anyone is trying to do this right now, if you're trying to become more of a person of impact in your own life so that you can attract love, or you can change the nature of the relationships that you're experiencing, feel like you command more respect in life, get more opportunities. It starts with us being able to manage our emotions, change the deeper wiring that has been governing us and our decisions our whole life, and create a new relationship with ourselves. And when we do these things, everything changes. Things that you didn't think were possible in your life will become possible, even if you've never experienced them before, this is the work that we are going to be doing on our retreat program in Miami, Florida this year. It's happening in October on the 24th and the 25th for an immersive weekend. We have people flying from all over the world to come to this thing, and tickets right now are selling really quickly. And the reason they are selling really quickly right now is because I just announced in some of my private circles and coaching groups that this is the last in-person retreat I am doing for a while. So, everyone who has been saying, "One day I wanna come to your retreat," is suddenly realizing that that day needs to be today. So, if you wanna come and experience these changes, we have less than 50 tickets available for the retreat now. You can book a call with my man, Billy Jennings, who is one of my favorite people on this Earth. You will love the call with him, even if you don't end up coming to the retreat. It will provide you clarity. He's amazing energy. You'll finish better than you started. I'll leave a link below, MHRetreat.com. Ask any questions you have. We would love to see you there. And if you do want to be there, it's better to act sooner than later because this one is going to be a big one.

So next question.

This one is from Anonymous. Um, but interesting question. Uh, they say, what would you say are the 5 things you love the most about Matthew Hussey. Uh, can you rank them 1 to 5? And this person said, could you give as much detail as possible? Hmm, that's actually a really interesting question.

I didn't see that question when I was looking through the thread.

Uh, I think it was quite far down. If you just— you need to scroll. I think it was near the bottom.

We couldn't possibly do this question justice in the time we have today.

I think we could try. Okay, fine, it was me. Okay, I just wanted to hear that you love me today. Is that a crime?

I'll tell you one of the things I love the most about you.

Yeah, could you give as much detail as possible? Cupcake Queen says, what are your thoughts on late bloomers? I have a friend in her 20s who hasn't had her first kiss, and she feels really pathetic because she's always wanted love, knows the kind of guy she wants, but hasn't had any luck with dating, probably due to very sheltered circumstances. What advice would you share so that she is afraid to put herself out there and stop feeling pathetic and behind.

You must give yourself grace because your circumstances have been a huge factor here. You know, if you have lived a sheltered life, if you have not had the opportunity or the kind of exposure to things that has led to you being able to have this experience, and that's not really your fault. So first of all, giving yourself grace and compassion for the fact that the reason you are where you are today having not had a kiss in your mid-20s is because of those circumstances, because of that lack of exposure. I also want to say something which is no one knows that about you. You're not walking around branded "never been kissed." People only know this fact if you choose to share it with them and guess what? People are not entitled to know your sexual non-history any more than they're entitled to know your sexual history. You don't owe people any information about yourself. In fact, they are not entitled to know what kind of medication you're on. They are not entitled to know what you've been through in your life, what you haven't experienced. All of this stuff is actually as personal as you wish to keep it. So no one needs to know that you haven't had a kiss yet. And guess what? The moment you have a kiss, that will no longer be true. You'll suddenly be someone who has kissed someone. So it's not a big deal. I think it's only as much of a big deal as you make it in your own head. And I would encourage you to remember that people don't know what you don't tell them. And even though for you this feels like a massive, massive thing, most people in this life have no idea that this is the case. And so you don't need to carry it as this massive burden. You just need to make peace of it within yourself and say, so far in my life I've not had this experience, but I'm excited to try this. I'm excited to be intimate with someone. I'm excited I'm excited to do all these things. And then go out in the world and make those things happen on your terms, in the way that you're comfortable with.

Marlene Boise says, what is something you both do consistently to make your marriage last, and what is one thing you choose to accept about your partner as opposed to trying to alter? Hmm, can I give the answer as to what we do to make our marriage last?

Yeah, go on.

When one of us says something about one of our needs not getting met or something that's like affecting us, we don't just skate past it. It's like a little alarm, and we don't hit snooze on that alarm. We actually will do something about it.

Can you give an example?

You recently said that you were craving time together and you were craving like actual dates. Together because we get lots of time together. But you said like, I'm craving us actually going out and having a date night. And that was like, instantly I was like— I don't mean alarm bell in any like scary way, but it's like a little alarm clock going off and being like, oh, you should pay attention to this because you felt the need to say it out loud. I should pay attention to this because, by the way, when someone says something out loud, it's— that's not the first time they've had that thought. They've been feeling it. So it's like the alarm just got a little louder if they spoke it. And I ended up going and Googling, like, French things to do in LA, 'cause Audrey's French, if you didn't know. And I know that it means a lot to you to connect with your culture. So then I found, serendipitously, that Bastille Day was around the corner, and that there was a whole celebration that was taking place downtown. And we had crêpes, and we— It was just a beautiful night, and it was— That was like instant, like you said it, we did something about it. And I know you're the same. If I say something, you pay attention, and I can like set my watch to you having done something about it in the next like few days or week.

That's a really good one. It's true.

What's something you've accepted about me?

I was gonna ask you that.

What have you chosen to accept as opposed to trying to alter?

Um, Well, I feel like a real bitch after this lovely thing you said if I say anything bad. I hope I can say this on camera. Because of things you've been through in your life, you like to hold on tight and control situations sometimes. You like to feel in control of situations, and right, sometimes you, you, you will just try and control things. And I said that I think that's something that I, I know it makes you feel safe to do that. Stop, I'm not doing anything.

So you've accepted this?

Yeah, you know, like sometimes you will try and you would control things, you'll try and control things that you don't need to try and control because I'm— I've got it, but you're like, give an example, we'll be like 'Did you do this? Did you book that? Did you—' you know, you'll double-check that I've done things. Or if I'll try and organize something, you'll kind of swoop in and try and do it instead of me. But I accept that because I know it makes you feel safe. And so it's like, okay, that you do that. Okay, sweet. Next question.

Abar says, my questions are mostly around where to find eligible singles who actually want to date and how to shake off the rust when you've been on your own for a while?

Okay, so for the first part of the question, there's no zip code or specific area where eligible people hang out, but there are definitely many, many things that you can do to come into contact with more eligible people. We talk about this at great, great lengths on Dating with Results, which is free, by the way. It's a training that we created, and I think over a million people have actually watched it at this point. So you can check it out if you haven't done so already. It will give you a lot of insight on that part of the question. And when it comes to the second part of the question, how to shake off the rust when you've been on your own for a while, I know the person asking this question wants to know very practical things they can do today to meet people. So, you know, should I download an app? Should I speak to people? Should I do this? How, how do I kind of get back out there in the most productive way to increase my chances of meeting someone? And I want to offer you a different way of looking at it, which is is how do I achieve my goal of meeting someone obliquely? The downloading the app and doing all of that, that's a very direct way of trying to tackle this goal of meeting somebody. But I actually think that if, if Matthew died and I was finding myself single again tomorrow, this is what I would do. Okay, okay, fine, not died. Um, if he left me for another woman and just left me completely on my own, high and dry, for this other woman that he fell in love with, I personally would start planting seeds and watering the garden of my social life and of my life. So I would basically try and do things to make myself more eligible. I would make sure I feel confident, I feel good in my body, I feel calm and peaceful in my mind, that I'm you know, feeling okay and comfortable about the fact that my husband just left me for another woman. I would also look at my friendships and say, do I have any single friends? Because I am now a single person, so I need single friends. And I would try and actively create more friendships with people who are in the same life phase as me, which is, you know, single and looking for love in their 30s or 40s or whatever it might be. The more seeds you plant, the the more you water the garden, the bigger you make your life, the more likely you are to eventually meet someone awesome. To me, if you are in a place where you are going, "I want to get back out there, but I've been on my own for a long time," I would look at your life and say, "Is my life geared towards meeting somebody? Do I feel abundant in friendships? Do I like where I live? Do I like how I look? Do I feel confident enough to go on dates?" and feel like I can actually show up as my authentic self. And all of those things I think need to be addressed first before going, I need to go out and meet people. Because otherwise, if you're going out and you're kind of, you're trying to meet as many people as possible, when somebody turns around and lets us down or ghosts us or whatever it might be, we end up taking that so hard because we don't have all the other pillars in our lives to rely on.

Not sure how I feel about you planting your little seeds all over town.

You don't get to say, 'Cause you left me for another woman.' Didn't happen in this scenario, but good for another one.

But good to know how quickly you'd be stuffing your little seeds in every crevice. Well, there it is, another video with Audrey. Let us know what you thought, and if you want more of these, leave a comment below. And thank you to all of you for your wonderful questions. If you haven't booked a phone call with Billy yet to talk about the retreat, do that while he's got space in his diary because it is filling up fast. Mhretreat.com is the link. And if you want to see the last video I did with Audrey, you can watch it here.

It's not even—

you're not even pointing in the right direction.