Nearly 50% of Women Will Be Single by 2035

By the year 2035, nearly 50 of women will be single.

I saw this online and I didn't like it. Why women? Why are we singling out women? Isn't it just people?

I think Morgan Stanley who published this data are far more interested in whether women are single in 2035.

Why?

Yeah, I'm not sure. Why does it say women and not men?

I don't know.

Is it, why is it not people? It's definitely more provocative.

They do say women are higher spending consumers, so maybe they're interested in what women are going to spend their money.

On in the future. Let's see how it sounds. If you say men, by 2035, nearly 50% of men will be single. How does that sound?

Doesn't sound as impactful, does it?

Do people just go, well that makes sense.

That's a very depressing statistic, I think. But you know what I found really interesting is that I saw this, this statistic online and I saw it on Instagram initially and I clicked on the comment section and I'm not kidding when I say there were thousands of comments.

And I couldn't find Ace Full being some rich entrepreneur. It's all kind of a bit fake and online. But if your perception is there's such a high barrier I have to reach to be an eligible man now, then it feels like, well, I'm not going to get there for a long time. I'm not going to be ready at 25 to marry. I'm not going to be able to attract the kind of mate that I want to attract at 26 if I'm barely even established out of my parents home. So I think there is this sense of like I'm gonna have to do a lot more until I'm ready, until I can attract someone who I think, you know, I would like to be with.

But this is, this last part I think is the interesting part because everything up until then I was like, oh, it sounds like an insecurity of like I'm not enough and you know, I need to, to prove to myself and to the world that I am enough in order to get attraction. But what you're suggesting is almost the same images and lifestyle that you see online and go, I wish I had that and I should, I should aspire to be that entrepreneur, to be that wealthy person goes hand in hand with so I can attract this kind of person over here who's also living online, who's also not necessarily real and a lot of the time who also a complete fantasy of a person and so again, it's like, that's really messed up. Yeah, that's really messed up.

You've seen that famous, like, Seinfeld clip of the guy who's with. Is it Elaine? Yeah, he's with Elaine. They're dating. And then, like, she's with him. I. You tell me if I'm wrong, Steve, but I think she's with him during, like, his difficult times when he's studying and training to qualify as a doctor. And then he becomes a doctor and he breaks. Breaks up with her and she's like, what do you. What do you. You know, like, this is it. Like, we. You're a doctor now. We can be together. And he basically says, you know, oh, Elaine, like, I, the, the, you know, I always knew that, you know, at one point I'd qualify to be a doctor, and then I would go out and find someone better. He goes. And he goes, that's the dream of being a doctor. It's like, it's. There's something so just dark that's awful and demoralizing about that kind of person. But that person does exist. I'll always remember meeting a guy who, when he was. I must. I'm trying to think what age he would have been when I met him. He must have been like 35 or something when I met him. Maybe he was slightly younger, because I was younger, and I just thought he was older, but I think he was around 35. And I just remember him, he was a kind of slightly nerdy guy. He was. I don't know, maybe he was in tech or finance. Who knows? And I just remember this comment he made where he basically said outright, I'm not settling down yet because I, you know, in five years, my stock will have risen more. And what he was saying is, I'm going to be more successful. I'll be further along in my career. I'll be able to attract a better mate when I'm in that place than I can now. And in a way, whether or not someone is coming from that place or whether they're coming from a place of. I'm doing all of this because I'm not enough for a relationship right now. By the way, those two are kind of the same thing, right? They're not different. They just have different. One of them can be. You can view one side of it much more sympathetically than the other, right? Which is just about saying, I. I'm just. All the people that would be attracted to me right now, I'm disqualifying as not good enough. And the person that I will get, once I've got all these things, that's the person that will be good enough for me. But either way, what the point, what it points to is an enormous number of men who do not feel ready to settle down at precisely the time when so many women are actually looking to find someone who can settle down or who's willing to. And Stephen, to your point, if that if the date at which men are feeling ready because they don't feel enough right now is, keeps getting pushed back, then that asymmetry between men and women just gets larger and larger, right? You've got women who are in their 30s going, I really want to find someone who's ready. And you've got men who are in their 30s going, I'm not going to be in a place financially or in my career for another five or 10 years where, until, where I'm going to be ready.

And you also, let's, let's be fair. You also have a ton of women who are, you know, saying, well, I can now be a self sufficient person. I have a job, I can buy my own house, I can sustain myself, I can take myself on nice holidays. I'm, I'm good. I want to meet a guy who's at my level. Yeah, I want more and I want more. And so I also think, to be fair, there is a kind of, there is a, there is an instinct to hate on the guy who's saying, my stock hasn't risen. And my instinct, everything in me hates on, on that. I'm like, for God's sakes, that means that you're just completely going after the wrong things. But equally, it's hard because I do think that there are a lot of women out there who do value those things. And so then you are narrowing your pool and you are, you know, facing more rejection and you are feeling not good enough in certain situations. And so it kind of, it cuts both ways, I think.

Well, and there was even a big article in the Atlantic about the rising education gap and how big that's gotten with so many more women getting advanced degrees and so many men dropping out, not getting degrees, not even going to college. And how that's just gotten bigger and bigger. And it was talking about how many women want to date people as educated as they are. And even that, you know, I mean, that, that creates this whole different imbalance where people feel like, oh, the pool is shrinking for me of people I would want to date. And so I think all these things, but I think, plus the, the isolation, I think there is just less. Some of this, I wonder, is a, also just a rationalization for the fact that people just do meet less prospective partners in their daily life than they used to.

Like, where did you used to meet all your prospective partners?

Well, I just.

Many hundreds of them.

I just think even if I trace my own life from when I was like 1920, there were many more. Even just then there was, it felt like there were many more social things. There were just more people who go for after work drinks, there were more people going to clubs, there were more people doing just, just having to rub against people. That may have just been because I was young and much more sociable at 1920 than I am now, but I do think I've seen, we've seen through our lives a bit of the retreat to the indoors life for a lot of people or at least a more indoorsy life where it's just, there's more fun stuff to do at home. Going out has gotten expensive. Lots of nightclubs are not, there's not as many as they used to be. It's not really as big a cultural thing. I don't think Gen Z go out to clubs as much as maybe we did. We've seen all the figures and how much drinking has declined. Just full stop bars, all those things have declined massively. So I, I do think there is also just this fundamental thing of people are not rubbing against people enough.

I'm curious about this, Harrison. I wish you had a microphone. But do you. You're how old? 28. Like, do you agree with this or do you see, like, is the happy hour culture still thriving and people are going out after work in their 20s and doing those things?

I don't think they are.

You don't think they are?

I mean at least me maybe like really hot people.

At least me maybe really hot people are doing that. I. You're plenty hot, Harri. I, I think that's very interesting because I certainly remember a kind of. I remember living in like China and the after work culture was so huge. It was like every night there was like people going out for drinks and I guess drinking was a huge part of it and it was definitely a huge part of like going out after work. It was always, it was never like let's go out after work for a smoothie. Like it may be for dinner maybe, but it was more about like going out.

Been living in LA too long.

No, that's my point. It's like that's a completely. That's not a Reference that anyone with no one would ever do that, you know. So it for me my twenties was definitely there was a kind of like go out after work culture. And you're saying that's disappeared. Harrison is backing it up, at least declined. I think it's easier in a city like New York where there's like, especially if you work in an office, there are things like there's a kind of built in culture to a built in community to that where people can go out together and do. Especially when they're younger and maybe a lot of people in their 30s get to a point where they're like, yeah, I don't really drink now, you know, but like in their 20s that's a. You know most people I would argue do. But again you're saying Gen Z, they don't drink as much.

It's like lower than ever drinking like most rebellious stuff you'd call rebellious stuff has gone down some for the better. Drinking, smoking. But it probably affects or is a result of social life declining as well.

Yeah, I find this all very depressing.

Yeah, but we have to be real where people are. I think people do and I. And I don't think it has to be depressing in that I don't think for the. On an individual level I think there's actually quite a lot of antidotes to being isolated and it doesn't actually take that much I think to massively re establish connection with people to build a community. I don't think it's actually that difficult on an individual level to do.

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See you there. Well, let's talk about that. Before we do, I do want to throw in one more thing to add to the picture because I do think this is a massive thing we haven't mentioned and it's not new. I'm, you know, the one millionth person to state this, but the way that we approach our devices now and the way that we're addicted to novelty, the way our dopamine center is just taught to, like we have become pure dopamine addicts, that has, I think, led to a real problem in relationships because relationships are by definition slow burn, right? An encounter is not a relationship. A hookup isn't a relationship. Like, these things live still in the world of novelty and dopamine. Meeting someone on a dating app and exchanging messages isn't a relationship. Relationships take time and they require us to actually invest in them is why I'm a huge believer in the idea that we make a decision to love someone. I really believe that we make a decision to love someone, and a lot of people are not making that decision because it feels harder than the fast twitch energy and reward of, you know, scouring the Internet, looking at porn, meeting people for hookups, switching gears. Like, you know, the moment you're a bit bored of someone, you switch to somebody else. Like, that's. I'm not saying it makes us happier. I don't. I think it's the opposite. But that's what we've become addicted to.

Can I just jump piggyback on that? Because I think you're so right. I love what you said about that. You know, love is a decision and relationships are a decision. I think people don't. They're afraid of making the wrong decision as well. So I think it's everything you said and the fact that the stakes feel so unbelievably high when it comes to choosing a partner, and as a result, people are waiting for a feeling to manifest to tell them that this is the right decision. That's why when you know, you know is such a popular phrase.

Phrase.

I was going to say. I don't like that phrase. It is a dangerous phrase. Absolutely. But the reason people use it, you know, ad nauseam is because it's a definition of waiting for a feeling to happen to you and for that feeling to be the reason that you decide you are ready to commit to this particular person instead of realizing that you will meet a bunch of imperfect people and they won't necessarily be exactly what you wanted them to be when you were out there single, looking for someone, but the decision that you make in investing in that relationship, choosing them every day, waking up and seeing them with fresh eyes, all the rest of it, that's the thing that's going to create a beautiful relationship. I think people don't even know how to get there because they're so afraid of making that wrong decision.

The stakes feel impossibly high, and the stakes feel impossibly high in part because of what we said earlier, that we've come to view what we are entitled to romantically as this impossibly grand thing. You know, like, it's everything we've ever seen in the movies. You know, it is all of the things you suggested when, when we create stakes that are that high for something, what we're expecting is a feeling up front as opposed to something that we build with someone. Like a sort of an ember that we nurture into a flame over time. Like, we're. We're expecting, like the flames from the beginning. And I think it's a. It's a really dangerous way to approach relationships. I always tell people to look at their friendships. Like, how many of your best friendships, your best friendships are with the people who were the most shiny and exciting on day one? Like the people that you would, like, go to war for and who would go to war for you, the people who you could call right now if your life was burning down. Like, how many of them are the people that were the most dazzling people the day you met them?

You know what they were necessarily. I was thinking, as you were saying that I was thinking of my friendships, not necessarily the most dazzling people, but I do think what they required was something like super organic from the beginning of, like, oh, I really just get on well with this person. I gel with this person, there's something. They're my best friends. It was a bit of a love at first sight in friendship situation with all of them. So I do think love at first sight as in friendship at first, like, you know what I mean by that? It was a little bit like I.

Met them and was like, maybe something.

We just got on very well. I felt comfortable, it built, it was very organic.

Yeah, but that's not the same as, like, most impressed at first sight.

No, no, no.

It's not the same as most charmed at first sight.

And that's the distinction I think is important to make. Because I don't want people to listen to this and say, oh, well, you know, I don't need chemistry. I don't need someone that I feel, you know, really, like, you know, excited about and that makes me feel good. And I feel like we just click, you know, I don't need that. I need to make sure that I go for the slow burns. I don't, I don't necessarily agree with that. So I just wanted to make that distinction because I think it's not about going. This is the most incredible chemistry I've ever felt in my entire life. I just, oh, my God, I cannot stop thinking about them. And they're so amazing and look at how impressive and shiny they are. But you do have to go. From the moment I met you, like when you and I met, from the moment we met, it was so easy. Just speaking was easy conversation. We spoke for hours and hours and hours. I don't believe that that isn't responsible for the fact that we're married and in an amazing relationship. Now. I. I think that is absolutely. You can draw a through line from the moment we met to today.

I agree. But it's so easy to ignore that feeling because you go on, you know, the next week you meet someone who has something else that's true. And is like a bit better in this way or a bit more successful or a bit better looking or a bit more something and it's like. Or, you know, we don't trust, like, we feel that really comfortable feeling with someone and, you know, it doesn't live up to something in our mind that we think we're supposed to have or a kind of person that we're supposed to be with. We've got this, like, image of, like, who we're supposed to end up with and what qualities they're supposed to have and, you know, where they're from and what they do and how much they make and what you know, they're the way their life looks. And when we feel that ease that you're talking about in an unfamiliar form, it scares us. Or in some cases, it's not even on our radar. It's like you. You had the most comfortable, easy exchange with someone you've had in months, and you don't even actually consciously connect to the fact that that was the case.

But they're five foot eight. That's kind of true.

Listen, a hundred reasons why.

Yeah, I'm not talking about people who are 5 foot 8. I'm more making fun of the fact that, you know, we reject people all the time based on incredibly stupid things. Exactly.

Do we think, though, it feels like we got two categories of people here? Because we've got. And I agree with both. We've got the people who are being choosy or who are maybe looking for something, Unicorn syndrome, you know, whatever it might be. But there's also the people for whom they probably don't even relate to this. Right. The Institute for Family Studies said that the amount. The percentage of adults who have sex weekly has dropped from 55% in 1990 to 37% today. So many people are not even having. There's not like everyone's having a sex buffet of regular partners and going, oh, I just don't know who to pick. Some people are just not even, you know, the concept of regularly meeting and having different partners is alien to them. Well, that's not even happening.

Yeah. And some of that, I really believe, is people who have, you know, just gotten so addicted to the various forms of stimulation and comfort that are available to all of us, that are highly addictive, and that is far easier to grab for the remote and watch Netflix or to grab your keyboard and play video games or watch porn or get on an online community where there's anonymity or. Or, you know, where you can safely interact with people from a distance or talk to AI now and have a relationship with AI in some form or another. It's far. Those things are such. There's such a higher degree of safety and comfort. It's far lower activation energy than having to leave your apartment, go out into the world, make friends, invest in friendships, talk to people, risk rejection. But by the way, I don't think that the. The kind of entitlement or the image we have in our head of the kind of person we'd like to be with doesn't factor into that kind of person, you know, only factors into the person who's out there playing the field. And Hooking up. It can just as much apply to the person who's in their home never meeting anybody, because what they're presented with is perfect images online all the time.

Oh, yeah.

But, you know, perfect, you know, like dis people, characters in video games who have proportions that could not exist in an actual human body. You know, online interaction or, you know, sex that isn't readily available to them from the person that they meet from a dating app today. Like, there's still an idealization that happens.

That's true.

That makes it, like, impossible for a real person to walk through the door and grab their attention.

Yeah. And. And you. Those people can become even more abstracted, away from what normal people are like, you know, I mean, and so you start to become more and more judgmental and again, which is why I think, like, I'm using the term rubbing against other people. But I mean, like, bouncing against people in your everyday life is so important, I think, for normalizing your expectations, for giving you a range and a sense of what's out there, for even just seeing your friends, relationships and seeing people date all different kinds of people. They're not all like these perfect 10 out of 10 shiny relationships. Everyone has their flaws. I do think it's just extremely healthy to have some regular community contact. You know, people like Scott Galloway have talked about this a lot, but if I was that agent isolated, that would be one of my first priorities right now.

Let's see if we can narrow this down to, like, three tools or three specifics. For people who want to expand their social circle, their community, maybe they feel like their life has become a little stagnant. They never meet new people, opportunities aren't arising because their life is too stuck and stifled. What are some. Some easy ways of doing this? Because the. For a lot of us, especially the introverts among us, and not just introverts, but people with busy lives, a lot of responsibility. Like, you're tired. You're tired a lot. You finish the day, you're exhausted. Now it's the evening. You barely have the energy to, like, make dinner, let alone go out and meet people and socialize and be involved in activities. It's like you. You've been working all day, and then the weekend rolls around and you kind of just want to chill or see a friendly face, you know, already that you feel comfortable with. And so it's easy to see how we get stuck in these ways because we're already burning out without adding more to our plate in the form of expanding our social world. So with that in mind, what can we give people today that can help them practically without burning out?

Look, there's no world where you get to stay inside all day and build a social life that, that isn't going to happen. There has to be some give in. Like, what if something, if something is in your calendar, it becomes real. And for me, as a natural introvert who likes to spend time at home, I have to at least make sure, like, what's my thing I'm going to do this weekend? My one thing that's going to build some connection that might be with an established person I already need to connect to. I've got plenty of people I know here in LA who I don't see enough. And maybe that community phrase, if you don't build it enough. So is there some community needs to be nurtured right now that I'm ignoring or is there one of my interests that there's a more sociable version of? I, I. Last year, you know, I did a stand up comedy course that sounds high commitment, but it was actually like one class a week for six weeks, so not that much. One class a week. One class a week for six weeks. One evening, Tuesday evening. I don't that, that's like what, a couple of hours of my time, I.

Feel myself tensing up, as you say it.

Okay. But that was something I wanted to do. So for me, that didn't tense me up because it was something that was like, I want to go. Yeah, I looked forward to it because.

It was like, so that's different.

This isn't my job. It's fun. It's a bit nerve wracking, but it's not pressure for me because I'm not a stand up comedian. So I'd go. Then there's like, instead of me trying to go randomly and do five minutes of stand up in a club, I'm meeting with like 10 people every week. We're talking about comedy, we're trying some jokes with each other and then you go home, right? It's like one thing a week. Now, I know not everyone, not everyone wants to do. Yeah, you hear those classes, you hear that sort of thing and you go, oh God, I got to do that. But, but whatever. Like your thing is like if it's lifting weights, go and do. There's a gym class near us where there's like 10 people go and lift weights every Saturday. Right? Like if whatever your thing already is.

You said that with such disdain.

No, I like doing it.

It's the one we go to I've.

Enjoyed doing it, but, like, it's our thing. I'm saying it because it's very simple, but I'm saying there's always, like, if.

You'Re one of those weirdos that likes to lift weights, I like.

Steven enjoys it.

I do like lifting weights. Um, no, I just think there's a version of what you like doing already that has a group who are doing it. That's, like, one thing you can do. There's also people you probably already interact with who you can either make an effort to make a connection with, reach out and be like, hey, do you want to grab lunch? Be fun to, like, catch up a bit more. There's probably people in your life now who you're not attempting maybe because you feel like, do they want to? The answer is a lot of people do want to be invited more than you think.

So let's talk about this. I want to throw to Audrey here because you. You're really, really good at nurturing, like, peripheral relationships into something that actually turns into a far closer relationship, and in some cases, like a really close relationship. What do you see as, like, the number one thing that if people took away from this, would help them as either a thing to practice or just, like, one key move that if you've got people in your life that you're not close to but you'd like to be closer to, you should start doing well.

Thank you. First of all, I don't know if I'm that good at it. I think for me, look, two things. I think if we really, really want to meet somebody, we have to recognize that that's not something that can necessarily, necessarily happen on the timeline that we would like, because there's a lot of different things at play. But something that can happen on your timeline is building a really robust and supportive friendship circle. And I think that when we have that. When we have that sense of community, when we have that sense of belonging, and when we can always pick up the phone if we're feeling lonely, pick up the phone if something goes wrong, if we can joke about our bad dates with somebody, it just makes that whole process so much more enjoyable. And so that's the first thing I'll say. And. And I think that the most important thing is that we connect to the value and the desire of wanting to make friends as much as we connect to the value and desire of finding a person. Because then what will happen is that you naturally will create enough space in your life to prioritize it. It's really funny when you say God, one, one class a week, that sounds like a lot. And in terms of our lives, it does sound like a lot, because the way that we have orchestrated our lives in the last couple of years has not left room for us to prioritize something like that. But really, if you're going, I'm gonna make this a priority. Like, the, your energy has to be freed up, and you have to be able to create enough space and allocate enough energy in a direction that you think is going to bring you the biggest reward in your life. And so if you recognize that actually making adult friendships is one of those things, you have to make room for that.

And for people who are like, okay, done, I'm gonna make it a priority. Yeah, but like, I'm lacking. Like, I just feel scared to, like, reach out to people. And, you know, what if they don't want to hang out with me? What if, you know, they kind of just give me a cold response? What if I just seem like the desperate person, the desperate adult who doesn't have friends or is asking another adult to do something? Like what, what's like, one last thing to just put a bow on this. What's like, one practical thing that you would say people should start doing either as a text message or a phone call or a way of re. Engaging people.

Well, I personally think that meeting people in real life is the best way forward when it comes to friendships. I think you, you know, you do sign up to something like an exercise class or a comedy stand up comedy class, something where you're going to have regular touch points with the same group of people, and then you make an effort to talk to them and you don't say to them, you know, within 30 seconds of having introduced yourself, do you want to go for a coffee and be my friend? Like, of course that would make you seem really intense, and that's a really scary thing to do. But if you get to know someone's name, you know their job, you ask them questions about their lives, you get on well with that person. Person. I, I sort of think at a certain point you can just say, like, oh, I'm grabbing a coffee after class. Do you want to join? If you fancy joining. Or you, you know, organize an event, like a barbecue at your house, or, you know, if you don't have a garden, you can just organize like a gathering at your house with some friends and you invite them to that. And even, even if they can't come, you then have an excuse to take their number down. Then you can text them and be like, you know, give me your number, I'll invite you if you can make it, no worries if not. And if they say they can't make it, then you can text them and say, oh, you know, what are you doing on Saturday? I was gonna go for a hike, I was gonna go for a coffee, whatever. If you're free, it'd be cool to hang out. Like, you can then kind of do that. And I think that the thing that we forget is that so many people in this life are lonely. We're all lonely. Like, I will never reject a friendship who comes to me. If someone who I think is a really nice, down to earth, lovely person. I'm actually thinking of someone in our gym. I'm not going to say her name, but there's a, there's a woman in our gym who is so lovely and every time I talk to her, she, like, we have a great relationship, we have a great conversation. Now if she was like, you know, made the effort to get my number and wanted to go for a drink or wanted to go for a coffee, I'd absolutely go for a coffee with her. Like, what the hell am I to turn down a friendship? And I think so many people feel that way. There's obviously going to be people who are going to be too busy and too cool and that's fine, but they're not your people. Same as dating. Like, they're not your people and you can't. I think you just have to really hone in on the fact that so many people are lonely, so many people are seeking connection. And your job is to find the people who are looking for the same thing as you, both in love and in friendship.

My friend in LA does a book club regularly and we all go to it and have dinner. Like, it's one of my big interests. So they invited me because they know I'm into reading. And after it.

You crushed it. I bet you absolutely crushed it.

It was in my arena.

Yeah. You know, it was a club in your lane.

It was a club I've been waiting to invite to my whole life. And, and we'd discuss it, we'd have dinner, it'd be great. But then after, like, I just made a habit of just going around to people and just being like, oh, what's the best way to keep in touch? What's the best way to connect? Oh, like Jeff. Instagram. Some people would just follow each other on Instagram. Some people would be like, oh, I'm on WhatsApp. Here's my number. And. And even if we didn't know what the follow up was, it'd just be like, let's get the details. And like, so we lock it in. We don't need a reason to. But everyone in that group is always like, it's a different bunch every time. But everyone is always like, I'm so glad our friend till put this together because we're so happy to have a reason to get together and do this and get to talk and hang out. Like people are just starving.

Yeah, people.

What's a guy got do to get an invite to this book club?

I think you've had an invite once or twice but politely declined because of your busyness.

Well, there we go.

Okay, well, no one remembers that.

If you guys feel like you have questions around this subject, if you feel like there's something that we didn't cover, if you have tips and advice of your own on how to make friends and how to build community and you know, as you, as you put it, Stephen, bump into more people. Email us podcastthewhussey.com we absolutely love receiving your emails, so please send them in.

We've been getting some emails from people who are coming to join us in October for the retreat. So I'm excited to know that we are going to be actually getting the chance to connect with some love life listeners in the flesh in Miami of all places.

We are indeed.

And we share a little cortado.

Maybe we did well in London, we went to the pub afterwards, but maybe that's the London vibe. I don't know.

I think the Miami vibe is plantains.

And a Cuban sandwich.

That sounds so delicious. We also had people emailing in saying that they couldn't make it because they can't travel to the US and you know, life doesn't permit them. Just so you guys know, you can get a virtual ticket. People don't know that. People don't know that because you always talk about in person.

That's true. This is the first retreat we've ever done where you can actually watch it from wherever you are in the world, even though it's taking place on a live stage for the weekend. So very exciting stuff. By the way, tickets are available@mhretreat.com if you have not got yours yet. Okay, we have an email in from one of our love life listeners. This person has chosen to remain anonymous. We're going to do something a little different today and ask this question to Matthew AI to see what Matthew AI has to say.

Can you explain what Matthew AI is for anyone that's joining and is like, what the hell are you talking about?

Matthew AI is my digital mind that you can basically ask questions of anytime you want. So I am gonna see what Matthew's. Matthew AI's answer is to this question. I'm gonna. You can text or call Matthew AI. We're gonna try and give it a call.

Hey, it's Matthew AI.

How can I help? Hi, Matthew AI. I have a question from one of our lovely Love life listeners who says, how do you handle running into an ex you're completely over, but realizing that they are settled, married with kids, and it leaves you feeling behind in life, vulnerable and somehow on the losing side?

First, let me say this. It's completely human to feel a pang of vulnerability in that moment. Even if you're over your ex, seeing them settled with the life you might have once imagined for yourself can stir up feelings of comparison or self doubt. But here's the truth. Their life path has no bearing on your worth or the timeline of your own journey. When we feel behind, it's often because we're measuring ourselves against someone else's highlight reel. But life isn't a race. And the milestones that truly matter are the ones that align with your values and dreams, not society's expectations or someone else's story. Just because they've checked certain boxes doesn't mean they're happier or more fulfilled than you. And it certainly doesn't mean you're on the losing side. You're not in competition with them. You're on your own unique path. Instead of focusing on what they have, ask yourself, what do I want my life to look like? What steps can I take to create a life that feels meaningful and joyful to me? When you shift your energy toward building your own vision, those feelings of being behind start to fade, replaced by a sense of purpose and excitement for what's ahead. How does that perspective sit with you?

Really bloody well, actually.

That's really good stuff.

That's great advice. I To me, what is so important about that is only we really know what is right for us. And what's right for us might be something that's, you know, your partner could have, your ex could have gone on to meet someone quickly because they met someone who was right for what they're looking for. Maybe if you wanted what they were looking for, you would have found something quicker too. But maybe what you're looking for is more unique to you so it doesn't get to be as fast. And again, what Matthew I said is so true. You have no idea how happy they are. So, like, you might as well just get that out of your mind because you're not in their head. You get to be as fast. And again, what Matthew AI said is so true. You have no idea how happy they are. So, like, you might as well just get that out of your mind because you're not in their head. You have no idea what's actually going on in their mind or in their new relationship. But regardless, even if they're the happiest person on earth right now, it's what's going to make you happy is unique to you. It's not the same thing. And it's easy. Like, you can apply this not just in a love life context, but in a career context. You could be comparing your career to somebody else's thinking, oh, they're further ahead or they've done this or they're getting these opportunities, but you don't know how happy they are. You don't understand. You don't know their life and you don't even really know if that would be right for you. Like, you have to design a life that is right for you.

Yeah.

And that has its own timing. It's not a timing that you can compare with other people's. It is a timing that is unique to you. It's so. It's really like you are comparing apples to oranges. Don't make it feel like you're comparing like for like. Like, are we in the same place by now? You're different people with different, different values with different ideas of what you want. By the way, if that wasn't true, you'd still be together. You know what I mean? You're clearly people with different values with different ideas about what you want. So it's going to be different. It would be bizarre if it all happened for you in the same way on the same timeline. And if, by the way, your life happens on the exact same timeline as someone else's that you, you know, you're worried you could get behind, that's a sign that you're just tracking. You're. You're literally just hitching your decisions to theirs. Like you're just trying to stay in step with them. And trying to stay in step with somebody else is the most. Is the easiest way to get out of sync with your own values because you suddenly start dating someone so that you don't feel behind or you suddenly start a business because your friend started a business and you feel like you're supposed to do that as well, because they did. And you don't want to like that. That leads to bad decisions. This is a time where you have to stop focusing on other people and just get in tune with yourself and what you actually want.

I, I love that so much. I want to just add to that as well that, you know, when we're comparing ourselves to other people, it's usually a sign that we're not happy in our lives. And so instead of focusing on how to make the comparison better, focus on how to make yourself happier in your life. And I think it's, that's where the actual true peace will come from. And I, I speak about this from experience. I'm, you know, this is, this is no shade, but I think it's, it really is. When we look at other people and we say, oh my God, look at them, they're far ahead in this way. They're doing this and I'm not doing it. They're more this than me, they're more that than me. It's really nothing to do with that person and everything to do with how we're feeling about ourselves. And we have so much control over changing our lives and the way that we feel internally and the way that we approach everything. And so just kind of take the control back and see it as. That was a very interesting trigger that happened that actually is going to lead me and propel me into making myself happier. And when I'm happier, I won't care that this person has these things that I don't yet have.

Love it, Foreign.

Guys, if you are loving our conversation, but you wish that we would address your specific situation on the podcast right now. Maybe you're wishing that I could help you with a specific conversation you're having or you just want some insight on how to approach someone you see every day. I created Matthew AI for exactly this purpose. This is my daughter digital mind that you can be coached by having it in your pocket 24 7. Anytime you need. You can try it for free.

And if you love it, you can.

Actually get it unlimited for just $7 for your entire first month. All of this you can find@askmh.com and remember, you can ask Matthew AI anything from what a message means to, to what you should say. Back to a message to am I overthinking this situation? Can you calm me down? And it gives you real time, personalized advice based on everything I've taught over the last two decades. It is wildly affordable, it is discreet, and it is insanely helpful. It gives you A level of tailored contextual advice that previously was only ever available to people I worked with. One on one it is on. Honestly, remarkable. I am so proud of this product and it has helped over a hundred thousand different users at this point, so I feel confident it will do the same for you. Go over to askmh.com and try it for free or access it for unlimited amounts of coaching for just $7 right now.

We had some comments on previous episodes. This one on episode 310 why being disliked is the Key to Finding Real Love Blue sky says Yes. I am a future psychologist and I would love an episode about Adler. This episode touched me personally. So thank you. I will listen on repeat. Thank you so much. Blue Sky Apricot 1990 said Matthew, you and the team are like my older siblings. You taught me so much. I love all of your episodes. Please do an episode on what communicating your vision for a relationship in early dating. Looks like that is an interesting idea for an episode. We will bear that in mind on episode 309 which was titled Stop Overthinking how to Beat Anxiety and dating Florinda or CNI 2 to 6 said Dear Matthew, Mrs. And production team, I have been following you for many years. I want to take this space to really thank you for the enormous educative service that you have produced so far. I can only imagine how much work it involves to get all of these insights out in such a clear, relatable and deep cut way. Well done to you and your team and again, my full appreciation. Oh, that means so much.

I was going to say it is really hard for you to do that and so it's really nice for someone to recognize that.

For all of us. For you too. For you guys too, of course.

But you do it more than we do because you also do YouTube and other things.

Well, I don't know. Stephen's doing it all the time. In the membership. Of course. Yeah. With your courses.

Yeah.

Sorry, Stephen, I'm the one who's not pulling my weight.

Well, speaking of Stephen, it is. No, wait, wait. What?

I like to. I like to steal it from you.

Speaking of Stephen, it is that time again.

Steve.

Sleeves. What are you guys. This is not your.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. One more time. You go.

No, I'm not doing it again.

One more time and then we'll do the theme song.

Come on, it's not even the. What?

One more time and then we'll put the theme song.

No, just cue the theme song. This is the theme song for Steve's sleeves. Don't be bereaved.

You know that we can't leave without.

Another episode of Steve Sleeves.

Welcome to Steve Sleeves. We've got a great show for you tonight. We're gonna play. I I. Look, we've talked a lot about loneliness. I don't think loneliness is. Or let's put it another way, being alone is not always bad. So I want to play a game called Lonely or Just Alone.

Okay.

Having a little me party. So I'm going to give you some scenarios quickly, and you're going to tell me, is this lonely or just alone and loving it?

So wait, what's the wait?

Is this loneliness changed it? Is this loneliness or healthy solitude?

You've changed it a third time now.

No, I haven't.

No, he hasn't.

Yeah. You said lonely or just alone. The second one was lonely or loving it, and the third one was lonely sentiment.

The sentiment of are you feeling lonely or Steven Sleeves by yourself?

Steven's sleeves. Steve Sleeves always has a certain, like, catchphrase element. So that. What's the thing is, it's like, normally, if this was a normal Steve Sleeves, it would be like, lonely or Shimon. Having Shimon Lee time.

Solo or yolo? I don't know. Yeah, Solo or yolo. Happy.

No, Steve Sleeves would never say something so cliche.

Oh, God.

What about lonely? Or what rhymes with lonely but suggests you're, like, having a good time?

I'm doing the feature.

Okay.

Okay. Good Lord. He's editing in real time.

I know. Overcomplicating things yet again.

Okay. Lonely or healthy solitude? Solo or yolo? Going to the movies on your own on a Saturday?

Yolo. Yolo.

I'll tell you the answer that is yolo, because it is one of the deep pleasures in life is going to the movies on your own.

I believe in taking yourself on a date.

I do.

And I think that's a really.

Some people go, what, you went to the movies alone? And I'm like, yeah, it's a wonderful experience.

Well, and that, too.

Having a friendship group whose values you don't relate to.

Lonely.

Yeah. Extra lonely.

That is lonely. You can be lonely in a crowd. That's why you got to pick the right crowd. Eating lunch at your desk while everyone else goes out to lunch together.

Yolo.

He's not sure he likes eating lunch alone at his desk. Watching Mr. Morrow on YouTube.

Yeah. It's all about. He's happy when he.

I'm say yolo.

Oh, okay.

Is it because of what could.

Working days are hard, so you need to give yourself self Care at lunchtime. And if self care at lunchtime for you means getting a little bit of like, quiet time, I think it's just.

Because your job involves a lot of speaking. That's why you feel that way.

I don't think just as.

Just as much as you, Stephen, though. Not. Not more than you.

I will go to lunch with the.

Crew if you have. I don't think you should do it every day. Like if you. Especially if you work in a sort of corporate or a community, like an environment where there's people around you. I don't think you should eat lunch on your own every day. But I do think you shouldn't be afraid to take space when you need it. Okay, so yolo.

Okay. Yolo.

Or no, no yolo.

On a group hangout. But you're scrolling Instagram watching reels.

That's just rude.

Lone lonely.

That's lonely.

Self imposed lonely.

Yeah.

Okay.

Suggestive that you're not actually enjoying the company of the people you're with.

Okay.

Going to a dream travel destination by yourself.

Oh, Shamo. Shamonly.

What, you think so? You think it's lonely?

No, that's the good one. Remember yolo? Fine, yolo.

So you're pro traveling alone.

I don't mind that we're using yolo.

You're pro traveling alone.

I think that's a really brave and courageous thing to do and I'm all for it.

You have expressed in the past. I think you've only recently done that for the first time ever. No. You found it a bit of a struggle. Oh, sorry. You found it a bit of a struggle, though. But I've done it several times.

I. The first time I really found it a struggle and I realized halfway through I was having an amazing time.

He was very dramatic about it. First though.

I remember.

All right, yolo.

That is not the level of empathy that you would give if someone called in.

You wouldn't said the first story time. The first time. But you've only done it once.

Yes. No, but that's just a timing thing, you know, like you came along soon after that. Then what was I gonna do? Say, audrey, sorry, I'm going off on a vacation on my own?

I would. I would support you if you wanted to.

We'll see about that. We'll see. We'll see how that's gonna go down when I tell you that I'm going off to Shamon Lee Island.

I actually really wouldn't mind if you went on.

You wouldn't mind?

No, of course not. If it Was me.

No. You wouldn't mind if it was for a weekend?

Yeah. If you went for.

Like I said, I'm going for a whole week. You'd be a bit jealous.

Yeah.

You'd be like, why can't I come?

Yeah, that's true. I would. I would be like, why can't I come? If it was a week, you'd get.

A bit like, you'd miss me.

So true.

Stick. I'll stick to my weekend getaways alone.

All right, final one. Headphones in at coffee shop gym. Just keep the headphones in the whole time.

If you. If you've got plenty of, like, friends and you're happy with your social life, then I'm gonna say YOLO or shamonly. But if you are craving social connection and you're doing it lonely.

Alright, well, that's the end of Steve Sleeves, everyone. Hope you had a great night. Thanks for coming out. And we're out.

I would give that Steve Sleeves a A plus.

Thank you so much.

Solid seven and a half.

It's. There's no review afterwards.

Instant review.

We've had lovely comments from people about Steve's sleeves. People love Steve's. But I'm.

I see. This is what you don't get. I am. I fight for the Steve Sleeves fans. Like, I'm on their side. What I'm saying is I know the Steve sleeves fans and they would have wanted a real, like, Steve sleeves classic.

That was a real. Do you want me to review your sections of the podcast? Nope.

Thank you so much, everybody for listening to another episode of Love Life. We will sleeve you soon.

Well, thanks everyone.

I did that on the spot. That was at which men are feeling ready because they don't feel enough right now. Is keeps getting pushed back. Then that asymmetry between men and women just gets larger and larger. Right? You've got women who are in their 30s going, I really want to find someone who's ready. And you've got men who are in their 30s going, I'm not going to be in a place financially or in my career for another five or not planned, really. Do make sure before you leave this episode to go and sign up for the Love Life reset, which is coming up very fast. It is my last, last free training of the year. I don't want you to get to next year and think, oh, God, I could have had all this momentum in my love life. I could have had all of this control over my emotions and felt like my best self right now if I'd have only been to the Love Life Reset back in September of 2025. Don't miss the moment. Go over to lovelife reset.com and sign up and I will see you there.

Sam.