In this video, relationship coach Matthew Hussey sits down with his brother Steve to dissect a common flirting error they term "story trumping," where both parties on a date focus on impressing each other with anecdotes rather than genuinely connecting. They explain that this competitive storytelling often masks a deeper desire to be impressible—showing interest in the other person’s experiences. The conversation outlines a practical conversational framework: acknowledge, compliment, and express interest, then contribute your own relevant story, allowing the other person a moment to respond. They also discuss a simple test of letting your date have their moment before adding your input to gauge true interest. Throughout, they emphasize the importance of balanced dialogue over relentless questioning. The segment concludes by promoting their popular "59 Scripts" program, a collection of specific, actionable lines and strategies designed to help people become better dates, partners, and conversationalists.
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Hey, everyone. I'm here with my brother Steven today. The reason I wanted Steve here is not because he is often requested on these videos, but also because some of the blogs that he has written for our site, howtogeththeguide.com have done extraordinarily well, haven't they?
They've been a smash.
He wrote about a concept on the blog that did really, really well and resonated with people. And it was about one of the biggest mistakes that women make, all when they flirt on a date, or at least, I guess, when they're trying to flirt. And let's be fair, I think men do this equally. So this isn't a woman thing. It's an everyone thing.
I think this is a people thing. What I've noticed that happens on a date sometimes is that we're always trying to impress someone. And usually someone says, oh, I went to China last year. And what they're really saying is, I did something that's quite cool and they want to talk about it. But then what the other person will do is they'll go, oh, I've been to China as well. I went to Shanghai. Oh, did you? Did you go to this spot? And they'll go, oh, no. Oh, you should go there next time. And it's kind of what I. It's what I call. It's like story trumping. That's what I think.
Well, they don't just do it about themselves. They'll say, even if it's not themselves that can have that claim to fame, they'll say, oh, my friend lived there for 10 years.
Yeah, yeah.
They'll go, I lived there for three months. My friend lived there for 10 years.
Yeah.
As you say, what it becomes is just two people trying to impress each other and not realizing that one of the ways to impress each other, which you have mentioned and termed is being impressible.
Yeah, yeah.
And you know what? It's not. I feel like it's not always just an attempt to be competitive. I think actually in a strange way is someone's desire to connect.
Yeah.
Like someone actually thinks that they're connecting when they say, oh, you know something about that? Here's everything I know about that.
They don't always think they're trying to win. They're sometimes trying to actually. They go, oh, great, now I can deliver this. They kind of don't know.
It's like, like me, like me, like me, like me. Right. And it's a shame, because the greatest way for them to connect right now would be to show that they have acknowledged and enjoyed something that that person has said. So I think in a strange way, it's coming from a good place a lot of the time. And if you said to someone what you're saying here is actually taking something away from someone, it actually is robbing them of a great feeling. They would feel sad about that because they would want to give someone that feeling. But we don't even realize we're doing it. Now, here's my question, because I think someone will be. There'll be people listening to this and saying, okay, fair enough. Right? This woman goes on a date and she listens intently and is excited and shows that she thinks it's wonderful and asks more questions instead of jumping in with everything she knows immediately. But what if she says, okay, I did that, but he just kept talking and at no point did he actually ask me a question. It was all about him.
Yeah. I think what you do, like, let them have their moment, then offer something yourself and see how they respond. Okay, so it's like a test. You then see, do they actually show interest?
Yeah, I agree with that. So don't fall into the trap of simply asking question after question and never.
Contributing information like giving the acknowledgement, compliment, interest. And then let. And then you follow up.
Acknowledgement, compliment, interest, which can come in the form of asking another question about it.
Yeah.
And then contribute what you can contribute to the subject.
Yeah.
Okay. I think that was great. Nice little video. That was a good one. You tell me if you're enjoying this stuff. By the way, we literally set out, didn't we, to do entire program on this because we know people like these very specific, actionable steps. And we created 59. It was 59, wasn't it? 59 different scripts that you can use with a guy that make you a great date, a great partner, a great flirter, great conversationalist, and it's by far been our most successful program ever. Because people love being given specific things they can actually say and do with a guy. So if you enjoy this kind of content, you'll love that. If you already have it, no worries. We will see you in next Sunday's video. We maybe we'll come, we'll see. If you want Steve back, let us know. Would you like Steve back again? What would you like him and what would you like him to talk about? Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Steve.
Thank you. I'm producing you right now.
Appreciate your direction. Not necessary.
Straight in, straight into content. Well, it's got to be a thick meat sandwich of content. Straight in.
