In this video Matthew Hussey recounts a night out in Hollywood where he and friends were approached by two women at a club. The interaction quickly turned awkward because the women’s request for a seat and a drink felt transactional, as if they were only after something from the group. Hussey uses this anecdote to illustrate how approaching social situations with a transactional mindset—focusing on what you can get—creates discomfort and repels genuine connection. He argues that women (and men) sense when someone is merely trying to obtain a benefit, whether it’s a drink, a night out, or a relationship, and that this erodes respect. Instead, he advises becoming a "value giver" by contributing personality, humor, atmosphere, and authentic presence, which naturally attracts others. He also debunks the myth that buying drinks or offering material things leads to lasting attraction, emphasizing that respect and genuine interaction are key. The video concludes with a promotion for his upcoming personal development retreats, inviting viewers to apply for a five‑day intensive program aimed at improving all areas of life.
Questions this video answers
November 4–8 (year not specified in the chunk)
The October and December retreats are described as completely sold out.
Chapters
So I'm out the other night in Hollywood, me and a friend or two, we're standing outside this club trying to get in and it's one of those nonsensy clubs where everyone is outside and there's tons of people and everyone must get inside because you know it's a wonderland inside, even though it's the same men and women outside as inside. They're just all queuing up outside. We're thinking, okay, you know what, let's make this a little bit of a special night. We'll get a table, we'll get a bottle, it'll be great. I don't normally do that sort of thing because I think it's absurd. the amount of money that people spend in those places. But this night we decided to within three minutes, these two women walk over and what ensues is one of the most awkward exchanges in the world. She says, do you mind if we sit here? I at this point, I'm like, hell yeah, except I didn't say that. I actually said, yeah, of course, come have a seat. much cooler. The next thing they said was, what you drinking? Vodka. Oh, do you mind if we have a drink? We haven't even said anything to each other yet. So my friend is bewildered and sits there and awkwardly says, well, I mean, I usually try to get to know people a little first. before. Oh, well, my name is Pan. But this feels kind of tainted now, doesn't it? Because it's just like a transaction. This went on for about 30 more seconds awkwardly before these girls stood up and walked away. There's a reason you feel weird and awkward in this situation, my friend. And here's why. This is exactly how women feel when a guy walks up to them and has this agenda and they can It's palpable, you know when a guy is not coming up to you just to give value, you know when a guy is coming up to you just because he's trying to get something. What those women did to us is the equivalent of a guy coming up to you saying, Hey, are those breasts you have there? Do you mind if I get involved with those? I would have taken them wanting us for our bodies. I would have been happier with that. At least when a guy comes up to you and he just wants your body, it's at least a part of you. It's you that he wants. This was just a bottle. This was just something in front of us that they wanted. So many people go into something with this transaction in mind. Like, what am I getting from this situation? I'm gonna go in with this transaction. And that's the problem. As soon as you go in with a transaction, most people smell it. By the way, Men, if you're watching this video, I can relate to that awkward situation where you're like, oh, should I be nice? There's a couple of girls here and they're giving us attention. That will never get you the respect of the women that you're around. And women do not have sex with men that they don't respect. So guys buying drinks for women out of nowhere just because they made you feel like you should or just giving away things because they're there, That doesn't work. Ladies, I know you'll back me up on this. The guy that buys you all the drinks isn't necessarily the one that you go home with at night. You know this as well as I do. When something is a transaction, it doesn't work. A guy feels it when you go up to him and he knows you want a relationship, 'cause he feels the transaction there. I'm spending time with you because I'm trying to get a relationship. When a guy just wants sex, I'm spending time with you because I just want sex. I called my book Get the Guy. And even though it was about playfully, it was about getting the guy, you don't get the guy by going out to get. you get something by going out to give. How do you add value? Do you do it through your personality? Do you do it through your humor? Do you do it through who you are? Do you do it through the atmosphere that you create? How are you adding value in the situations you go into? Here's the interesting part. You don't have to go in thinking, I am going to give value to this person. You can add value just being around someone. If those same women who came to sit at our table instead just focused on having a good time, having fun. They didn't even need to give value to us. Even if they were on the next table having fun, laughing, joking, dancing, just enjoying themselves, we would have looked over and said, huh, we want them over here, because they're value givers. They're people that are going to make our night better. But the fact that they went into get means there's no value, there's nothing there. So now it feels like an ugly transaction. and anything that feels like an ugly transaction just gets gross and icky and we don't want to be around it. So the lesson of this video is to become a value giver, not a value taker. Now many of you have been asking me about the retreat programs that I do. Both of the retreats that I have this year, this is where you spend five days with me working on every part of your life. Both of those sold out completely. I mean we're four or five months away and we're completely sold out for those programs. So the one in October and the one in December are closed but I decided to throw in one more date this year just to cope with the demand and the amount of people that were missing out. That's gonna be in November from the 4th to the 8th. Check it out. I would love to see you there. It's by application, but feel free to fill out an application below this video. Guys, take care. I'll see you soon. It's like a guy coming up. Hey, are those double D's? Double D's? Oh, you want to get to know each other first. Name's Bill. So about those boobs.
