Should You Be Ashamed Of The Booty Call?

Good day to you brothers and sisters. This is Love Life with Matthew Hussey. Today we are talking about the booty call. Now, I know that many people try and cover up times when they go for a booty call because they're somewhat ashamed of it. And the question I'm posing today is to what extent should we be ashamed of the booty call? Many of you, I know, will have a situation that you don't really call a booty call. So let's kind of lump some of those in as well. I know many of you will be seeing someone right now and you go, it's not really a booty call, you know, kind of, we do see each other and we are friends and we do get along really well and, you know, it's not 11 o'clock when he calls me, it's 10:30. But I know many of you are engaged in a booty call of some kind and I want to first list the types of people that are involved in a booty call. The first type of person Is let's be brutal, the person that wants the other person for sex but doesn't really want them enough for a relationship. They see this person as well, you know what, they'll do for now. I'll just keep going with this for the moment. The other type of person, person two, is the person that wants more but doesn't know how to ask for it. or has asked for it and that person has said, no, I don't want more. So now they settled for the booty call. The third type of person is the person who doesn't, who has for some emotional reason an issue with people getting too close. They don't want to make themselves vulnerable. They don't want to get into a meaningful relationship because they're scared. They find a booty call is that halfway point between kind of between never opening up and opening up completely and making yourself really vulnerable. So here's my question to you. If you're in that situation right now where the booty call is part of your life, which one of those three are you? Here's the thing. Most guys would put themselves in the category of I don't really want more with this person, but it's good for now. It's good for sex. It's good to fill a need. A lot of guys fall into that category. There are certainly women who fall into this category as well, but women aren't validated by sex in the same way that guys are. Women can, you know, when people talk about, well, men and women are the same with sex, it's also absolutely not true. When was the last time you heard a woman go, you,'ll never guess how many guys I've slept with this week? Right? Women don't do that sort of thing because they don't validate themselves on sex, whereas a guy might talk to his friends about how many women he slept with that week. He might actually get validation from that. So men and women aren't the same here. Many women settle for the booty call because the guy doesn't want a relationship and they settle for any form of connection rather than having no connection. So they find themselves going over there, engaging, being intimate, and then waking up and feeling kind of used the next day. They may even kid themselves about what it really is. Here's my view on this. For a guy, The shame on him is if he's leading her down the garden path, making her believe that it's becoming a relationship when it's really not. That to me is the sinister part of that. When a guy is honest, when a guy says, I do not want a relationship, then I think the shame is on the woman, right? Because that's on her now. It's her responsibility to now decide as an adult what she wants. If he's told you, Categorically, he doesn't want a relationship, then that's on you at that point. No one can take... If we get into the territory of saying guys should take responsibility for that and they shouldn't be calling you up at that time, we get into a very patronizing territory towards women, I think. I believe we get to a point where we start thinking that women aren't grown up enough to make their own decisions. It's a crazy place to be. Women, you know, when a guy tells you something, the best thing you can do is pay attention. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, when he says he doesn't really see it going anywhere, that's not a cue for you to try harder. That's not a cue for you to go over there when he does call you because it's on his terms and because he's kind of lonely that night. That's not the cue that that gives you. The cue it should give you is if you want more and he's telling you he can't give it to you, get out. Move on. Find someone else. It's crazy. Never stake your happiness on the idea that he might be in denial. It's a crazy thing to do and it's just another way of settling for a connection that you don't deserve. So men, I'll say this, if you're not being, I haven't got any problem with, look, you guys screw each other as much as you want. I haven't got a problem with that. Do what you want to do. But men, if you're not being honest about the fact that you don't want a relationship, shame on you. Women, If you're not listening to the fact that he says he doesn't want a relationship, shame on you. We have to be adult enough to either go and have fun with someone in a casual way knowing what it is, or to actually have the guts to go out there and get what we really want. But here's what we mustn't do. Men, you can't plead ignorance if you were never honest in the first place. And women, you can't say that guys were leading you on if they give you honest red flags. in the first place. You have to be able to pay attention to those things. So if you have a booty call right now and you want more and it's not going anywhere, go find something else. If you're enjoying it for what it is and you can be happy and know you can be happy, enjoy it. But never put yourself in that victim mindset because you're far more powerful than that and you don't need to live there. All right, my friends, this is Love Life LoveLife. Let us know what you thought of this episode and I can't wait to see you in the next one. Take care.