Should You Give Up Looking For A "Perfect Guy"?

We also have a special surprise, Evita, for you today. My brother, Stephen Hussey, is in the studio with me today.

Hello, Evita.

Hey, Stephen, how are you?

I'm fantastic. Lovely to meet you.

Have you ever read any of my brother's wonderful articles?

I have, a few of them. They're so insightful.

Isn't he a wonderful writer?

I'm jealous of him.

Definitely. Okay, this is embarrassing now. Let's move forward. If he starts to get good on the radio as well, I will fire.

Him instantly because I'll end up- yeah, don't- Don't let him take your time.

No, he's gonna become my replacement. Well, we have him in the studio with us today so that he can help us answer your questions. So fire away, what's your question, Evita?

Yeah, sure thing. So I know that it's important to have realistic traits and standards that you're looking for in someone. But in the event that you did meet someone that maybe only checked off, let's say one or two things on your list, what would be the difference between compromising and selling yourself short? Where is the balance there?

Yeah, this is, you know, I think this is one of the toughest questions there is. I think you've really, you've handed me a tough one. I'm not gonna make this too simple because I think anytime somebody oversimplifies this, they become patronizing and unhelpful. The reality is that there are so many factors that come into play when deciding Whether we're actually gonna settle down with someone, whether we're gonna spend our life with that person, you know, it's true that in life, the more people go on, the older they get, the more they think time is running out, the more they decide to get rid of certain parts of their checklist. Something that we might say is a deal breaker at 22, isn't always a deal breaker for us at 42 or 52 or 62. so that naturally, I think people look at life and they go, well, do I need to be as fussy as I once was? But then the danger is you have people like me telling you not to settle for any less than you deserve. So then you go, well, now I'm really confused, because on one hand, isn't it practical in life to let go of certain things so that I can find somebody? On the other hand, aren't I supposed to be this high value woman who who won't accept less than everything she wants. That's the confusing part of life. And the only way that I can, I had a friend who said to me once, he's a film director in LA, and I said to him, what's it like to go to Cannes Film Festival and to be put up in the penthouse and to have all this great treatment? And he said, you know, the crazy thing is there are times when you're there and you're at this amazing party and you can't help but shake the feeling that there's a better party going on somewhere else that you're not at. And I thought about that, and I thought, God, you know, he's. This is someone who's talking about being at one of the coolest places in the world at that time of year, is around people that, you know, many of us admire or think are wonderful and famous and glitzy and glamorous. And, you know, if only we could be invited to that party and be there and still that person is wondering if there's something going on somewhere else. And there are times in life where we meet people like that, where we go, this person's great, but is there someone better? Is there someone who will have more of what I want? And I think that in life it's true whenever, you know, it's very unlikely we're gonna find every single little thing that we want. But the thing that I have made peace with to some extent is that when we meet someone who feels right, who feels like someone that is indispensable to us, when we meet someone, we think, God, this person is awesome. It ceases to matter that they tick off every single thing on our list, because we actually have fallen in love not only with the things they have, But also with the things that are missing. It's almost like some of the things that are missing with this person are part of their charm. And whereas we may have wanted that thing in somebody else, in this person, it just doesn't seem to matter as much. You know, one might say that the right person is the person who, because of what they have, makes you not care about what they don't have. And I think that's a really loving and wonderful and romantic way of looking at it. The romantic isn't somebody has everything. Romantic is that what they do have is so great that you don't care about what they don't. Now that in practical terms doesn't necessarily make it any easier for you right now because This sounds wonderful, but the reality is still that you have to go out there and find someone and make certain decisions. But I do somewhere deep inside, I'm a very rational person, Steve, you know that, right? I'm very logical, I'm very rational, but somewhere deep down, I feel like at some point when you meet someone who makes you feel the way I've just talked about, the rest doesn't matter as much. What do you think?

Yeah, and... Am I being too romantic? No, I totally agree. And I think when you're imagining, I think the problem is that everyone just imagines and projects into an ideal of what someone they're going to meet will look like and be like. And I think they do that before they've actually gone out there meeting someone. And so in your head, it's just this perfect hypothetical. And what that can really do is kind of stop you giving anyone a chance, because I noticed there's almost a difference between like, superficial deal breakers and actual character-based deal breakers. And I think you'll often see this on, I don't know, whether it be Tinder or something. Someone will, will kind of say something in a profile that's very dismissive, and it's almost like a very superficial, you know, I want a guy who has this kind of job or you think he has to work in this kind of industry, be this exact height. And these are all kind of, yeah, there's things that are attractive, but really is Is that really a serious deal breaker that you cannot live without? Because more likely, there are certain absolute no-go character-based traits that you think, well, I adore travel and love being adventurous, and if someone says, I can't imagine myself ever leaving the country, maybe that's something where you go, actually, that's something real. Whereas if your vision is, I thought I'd work with I thought I'd live with a banker who had an apartment in this part of town. That's kind of this.

It's kind of stupid.

Yeah.

You know, if you, if you say to someone, well, with the travel thing, if you go traveling with somebody and you realize that you're someone who really appreciates everything, you appreciate the little things and the views and this, and you're excited about the idea, and they just don't get passionate about that stuff. Now you realize you're probably going to have an issue for the rest of your life. Yeah. So. And, you know, Evita, the other thing that I always that I always say is someone doesn't come to us ready-made for us. You know, I think that they come to us as them having come from their path and their conditioning in their life. And what becomes beautiful about our relationship with them is what we build with them. You know, it's. It's kind of like you both come to a plot of land, and between you, you're like, okay, this actually is a pretty good plot of land. A great house could be here one day, and you then start building together. The house isn't built yet. When you start the relationship, the house isn't built. you just need to know that it's a good plot of land. This isn't on quicksand, right? This house isn't going to sink in a year. But it's a good plot of land. All right, now let's build something beautiful. Does that make sense, Evita?

Totally.

Amazing. Well, Evita, have you enjoyed this call? And did you enjoy having both of us in the studio today? For sure.

It was such a pleasure to talk to both of you.

It was such a pleasure to have you on the line. Will you call us back soon? Give us another question or let us know how you get on.

Okay, definitely we'll do.

Amazing. You take care and have a lovely day. Okay, beautiful. Thanks, Adita. Bye. Bye.