Should You Tell a Guy If You've Been Dumped 3 Times? (Matthew Hussey & Stephen Hussey)

So, Matt, we've got an email from Regina here. And in the first part of her email, she responds to your request for people revealing something that makes them more human. And she says, I told the guy that I was dumped three times. I presume that's the guy she's seeing. I did not see it as a disadvantage or that it will be a turn off. I told him being dumped, I realized that I became a stronger person and that I've learned to love myself first. More power to you, Matthew and Stephen. Then she goes on to talk about love.

Wait, before you even go into the next part, let's just talk about that for a second. Firstly, massively appreciate Regina taking the advice from the last episode about being about showing your humanity. I think that's amazing that you're proactive, Regina. But I want to, I want to pick up on that because I think there's some distinction we can make. When Regina says she's been dumped three times, I would query whether that's the right kind of humanity to be vocalizing.

Okay, that's interesting.

I've been thinking about this. Like, what level of self deprecating is good and where does it go too far? And I don't want this. This I'm concerned because I'm concerned that it's going to sound like we're saying two different things. When I say be human. I think that being human is revealing that we're not perfect, that we have things that we're working on that, you know, we, we do have flaws and that we do make mistakes. You know, it's, there's a. But fallibility is definitely more attractive when you're, you know, when you're doing your best and you're coming from a somewhat confident place. We also do have to acknowledge that we are. If you and I went into a store to buy a new fridge and the guy said this fridge is, is, is one you can have a look at. It's been discontinued three times. You know, we've, we. Three times we decided to drop this one because it's, you know, we deemed it not worthy of the shelves, but we, but I would, I would push you to this fridge. You, you go, well, you need to give me a pretty good reason to buy this one. Now.

Like, that's like when you see a house keep going down in rent on the property site and you're like, why is no one demanding that that house. Why does no one want to rent this? And they keep dropping the price Right.

Now it may be that no one has seen the value of this house yet, and that's why it's dropping price. It doesn't mean that the house isn't worth something. It may mean that the people that came to the house didn't appreciate what's truly great about that house. But if you're showing a new person the house, the first thing to say isn't, you know, I tell you what, it's a good job you're here because the last. The last three people that saw this house walked straight out. That's not. You're already coloring my perception. I want to make my own mind up about this house, and you're coloring my perception by telling me that the last three people had no interest in this house.

That's interesting.

So don't. So it's. It's not that it's a problem that you've been dumped three times. That's not the big deal. You might ask yourself why you felt the need to say it. Because if it's really not a big deal, then. Then is it, like, how did it even make it into the conversation? As a detail worth mentioning. But recognize that even if it's not a big deal, there are certain things that you can say and certain ways that you say them that color someone's perception. Because you're not even saying, you know, there were three situations that didn't work out. You're saying there are three people who dumped me. Like, the language itself is emotive. It's charged. No one wants to think of the love of their life being dumped. You might understand that it didn't work out or whatever, but, you know, even if you care about someone, you don't want to think of them as being dumped. So language matters. It's not nothing language matters. And I would say that that's not that. I don't know that. That's the same thing as humanity. There's humanity in it. There's humanity in the emotion that, you know, relationships that didn't work out affected me. There's humanity in that. But. But when you, when you say things in a certain way, you're leading the audience.

Yeah. And you're priming what they're thinking about.

Yes, exactly. You're priming what they're thinking about. You're. You're. You're immediately putting a word in their head that's associated with a whole bunch of things. Well, what kind of person gets dumped? Why would you dump a person? Why would you disregard a person so easily? Why would you like it start people almost with no Almost automatically it starts creating questions around that. So I just think that you gotta be really you. There's nothing wrong with humanity. Just be honest with yourself about whether you're language and the vivid, those vivid words, how they lead the audience and how they prime them to question your value in ways that you would absolutely not want them to question. One more thing. Even saying I've had my heart broken is different from I've been dumped. Yes, they're the same thing. But saying I've had my heart broken is more human than saying I got dumped. Dumped, which comes with this association of a worthless thing. Gets dumped.

Yeah. And I'm powerless and it just happened to me.

Yeah, I got my heart broken is. Who doesn't? We, like, we've all been in things that didn't work out where someone decided that they didn't want to be with us for whatever reason. Like we've. Everyone's been through that. Nearly everyone has been through that. But that's not the same thing as I've been dumped three times. That's like saying, here, look at me, the garbage back. Like it's. But you know what I mean? It's like you're, you're directing the language into a place where someone could be forgiven for going, oh, why, why is that then when you say you've got your heart broken. No, people don't go, why, what happened? You, you know, like, you go, oh, you got your heart broke. Yeah, me too. You know, like when all been through that. I keep getting dumped. Now you're asking someone to say, well, why? Yeah, be careful with language.