Smash That Victim Mentality in 2 Steps

Matthew Hussie here with Love Life. I think people have a tendency to react really badly when things go wrong in their lives. They have a tendency to either go into victim mode and say, this is all me. This always happens to me. Why is this happening right now? People are, people are very caught up on those questions. Why is this happening? But they don't ask it in a productive way. Of course, they're not saying, let me get to the bottom of this so that I can make sure this doesn't happen next time. There was a moment that me and Jameson, Jameson being my wonderful Cameraman and director. If you haven't seen him, go to my YouTube videos and you'll hear all about him and see his beautiful work. But we were doing a shoot just a couple of days ago. This shoot had been planned for weeks. We finally got a day before the shoot, and the studio that we were meant to be filming in had an electrical fire and called us and said, we can't do any filming here. I'm afraid you're gonna have to find another Studio. We raced around to try and find another Studio on very, very short notice whilst we were already working somebody somewhere else and eventually found a place. So we booked the studio. The next day we showed up having booked off the whole day while I was back in LA because I've been in New York for a little while, got there and the sound in this room was so echoey that it was impossible to film. My reflex response the moment this happened was to be infuriated. My reflex response was to think about all the money we were losing, the fact that we'd already paid the bill for this studio and probably weren't gonna get it back, the fact that I had someone that I was coming to interview for one of my programs, my Impact Masterclass interview series, that I was filming someone, they were coming along to do this interview and I wasn't gonna have a studio for them to film in. And that was gonna be tough because I'd really pulled in a favor to get this person to come and do the interview in the first place. and then I looked at Jameson and of course there's the tendency to say, I blame you. You should have had this right, Jameson. Jameson's looking at me saying, we should have planned this earlier, we should have figured this out. I can see that he, his reflex response is to get annoyed, is to get angry, is to be annoyed at the people in the studio because they didn't communicate with us properly. They should have told us that this wasn't right for filming and they didn't. All of these reflex responses are happening all at the same time. Now, here's what happened outside of ourselves. Here's what happened on the outside. Me and Jameson both looked at each other and we asked a question. The question was, what do we need to do? What do we need to do? This is a question that I find people so rarely ask when things go wrong. They ask, why is it happening to me? Why am I always the person this happens to? Why did these people burn me in the way that they did? Why did this person do this? They ask all of these questions which lead them to negative answers and don't get them any progress. But they don't stand there and ask the simple question, what do I need to do? What do we do next? What do we do now? Those are the questions that will actually move you forward. and the funny thing was, standing in this studio, when we asked this question, what do we need to do? Both of us went into action mode. Jameson got on his phone, starts making calls to everyone he knows. I got on my phone, started making calls to everyone we, I knew. And within 30 minutes, we had found three new options that we could try and go to in the next half an hour. So we drove to one of them. It didn't work out. We drove to a second one, and it turned out to be even better than the first studio that we'd booked. I changed the interview over. That person came to that venue instead, and everything worked out. Now, I say everything worked out. I still ended up paying a bill on a studio that I didn't use. Maybe I could be sad or upset or angry about that. The reality is what I said to Jameson when we left is I said, we need to fix this so that this doesn't happen again. What do we need to do to make sure this doesn't happen again? Another I'm going to ask a key question people don't ask. How do we make sure this doesn't happen again? Okay, well, we need to make it part of our criteria for finding a studio that it can't have an echo. And we need to ask the people who run the studio every time let's make it part of our checklist. Great. Now it will never happen again. Now this problem that happened actually becomes something very positive because it's something that saves me a lot of money in the future. Maybe there was a job 10 times more expensive at some point in the future that I would have screwed up on and got the wrong studio on if this this didn't happen now on this budget. So this learning process that I've been through actually is something that can help me in the future. In that way, it can be a gift. So two questions. What do we need to do next? And that's the question you ask when you want to figure out the solution to a problem right now. What do I need to do now? That will put you in action mode. And secondly, how do I make sure this doesn't happen again? that will put you in preparation mode, where you actually prepare for the future, where you become forward thinking. And if you're wondering, well, okay, this might, how did this is great for business, how does this apply, for example, to my relationships? Well, you may have just had a breakup. And instead of saying, why me? Why me? Why has this person done this to me? Why did they cheat on me? Why did they leave me? Why am I not enough? All of these questions are bad questions. If instead you say, what do I need to do now? That will put you in action mode. I need to maybe build up my life. I need to go and find something to focus on, to put my energy into right now. I need to build my relationships and my connections with my friends. I need to go and actually spend more time with my family. I've been neglecting them a little bit, haven't I? Whatever it is, that puts you in action mode. And then when you're out of that little moment of pain, when you feel yourself getting stronger, it's important to ask that question. Is there anything I need to do to avoid this happening again? Maybe there were red flags I avoided early on in the relationship. And it was because I avoided those red flags that I ended up getting hurt so badly. So perhaps the next relationship I'm in, I'm going to pay more attention to the red flags early on and not just pretend that everything is all going to be all right in the end or someone's going to change. So that then gets you into preparation mode. Okay, so the first is action mode. The second is preparation mode. Make no mistake, these problems, these issues, these unexpected circumstances happen to everyone in life. We're not the victim. They happen to every single person you know, no matter how lucky or successful you think they are, they happen to everybody. The difference between the winners in life and the people that constantly live their lives on the lowest level, the difference is that the winners on average, handle problems better. They look at the situation and they say, what do I need to do instead of why me? And they look to fix the problem so that the next time around, they're prepared for it. They handle problems better on the average. If you want to be a real winner in life, don't try and avoid problems. Get really, really masterful at handling them. Thanks, guys. Come join me for the conversation on Facebook. It's facebook.com forward slash Coach Matthew Hussey, make sure you subscribe when you get there and I'll make sure I keep you up to date with everything that is going on in my world, any new ideas and inspiration and philosophies that might help you in your life as you go forward. Daily progress my friends, that's what it's all about. I'll see you soon.