Talking About Your Red Flags LIVE

There we go. We are live. Hello, everyone. When you get here, leave me a comment. Let me know that you're watching. We're streaming across all platforms. YouTube, Instagram, tick tock. Where else? Where else? I'm missing one. YouTube, Instagram, tick tock and Facebook. Good to see you. Leave me a comment when you get here, let me know you're here. I see you all coming in already on Instagram. What's up, Yama on YouTube, how are you? We're going to be talking today about a question that we put on social. In your opinion, what is the biggest red flag in early dating? And we have had 4,000 comments in response to this, which even for us when we post a question, I'm used to getting like a thousand, two thousand, five, four thousand. Must mean that this topic has resonated with a lot of people. So I'm going to be reading out some of your responses to what is the biggest red flag in early dating. And you can also feel free to comment while you're here as well. Instagram, we've got over a thousand people on right now. Shout out to everybody on Instagram right now. Rebecca, Lupita, Jazzy, Jazzy flow designer. What's up? Good to see you all. Roxana from Romania, Erica on YouTube. Anyone here from Facebook right now, leave me a comment if you're here from Facebook. Mina is on Facebook. How are you? And let's get those tick tock comments comments up for me as well when we get a chance so I can give some love to everyone in Tick tock. What's up, Andy? Good morning. Right back at you, handsome. Good to see you all. All right, look, let's read some of these, let's read some of these comments. And we also might do a couple of questions so we'll throw those up on the screen as well. For anybody who hasn't yet. Lovelifebook.com if you have not ordered a copy of the book, it is Sunday the 21st. This book comes out on Tuesday the 23rd. That means if you order it right now, you only have two days to wait for the book. And aside from the giveaways we're doing for everyone who pre orders and the live event that I'm doing on May 4th that I'm doing only for book buyers, there's two bonuses that go away after Tuesday. One of them is the love Myths movie that we're re releasing as a special right now and you can watch it today. And the other one is the heartbreak series where I interview the likes of Dr. Ramany, Nicole Lepera, David Kessler, Glotanmo, Lewis Howes, all of these amazing people. Lisa Bilyeux on heartbreak and how to move through it. So anyone who wants that that those two bonuses go away after Tuesday. So make sure you order it right now. Lovelifebook.com okay, let's get going with some of these. What did you all say in response to what the biggest red flags are are? Oh, and by the way, Soul 182 on YouTube says, Can I get the T shirt too? Well, we're giving away Love Life sweatshirts. This one's the sweatshirt. But we're also giving away Love Life T shirts as part of the giveaway. All you need to do is order the book and register your purchase@lovelifebook.com all right, so Br Dunham says her biggest red flag is someone talking about their exes and not taking any accountability towards their contributions towards the relationship dating solution that has 247 likes. So who here can relate to that? Who here has dated someone where you saw them talking badly about multiple people at the same time as a red flag, in other words, because look, everyone's entitled to have a bad ex, but who here has ever been on a date or been dating someone where all their exes were the problem? It was never them, it was everyone else. How many people see that one as a red flag? In fact, let me just see. This was an interesting one, B.R. dunham, because in chapter six, red flags. Let me get to the exact page. You know what the first red flag I put in chapter six was? Because I wrote, I wrote an entire chapter called Red Flags in the book. Or let's see if you can see it. And in this chapter, I start off by saying we have to be really careful with red flags because if we live in a culture, we love to talk about red flags. And I think that's normal because we love to do this kind of post mortem on what went wrong in our previous relationships and how quickly could we have known if we'd have been paying attention? But at a certain point we can list so many red flags that we ourselves are going to run into trouble because we're going to have some of them. So I know in my life, I don't know about you, if every single red flag that's ever been said is a red flag was applied, Audrey would never have given me a chance. So I think it's important that we figure out what are the most important red flags to pay attention to. And I List a few of them inside this chapter. But the first one I mention is talking badly about multiple exes. Check it out. That is literally the first one I mentioned, which was crazy that that was one of the top comments and I wrote here I wanted to call this talking about your ex before I remembered that some people truly do have a disastrous ex, and no one should feel stifled when it comes to talking about the suffering they endured in a previous relationship. Learning about someone else's pain and sharing your own in return is a valuable stage on the way to intimacy. Okay, but then you run into someone who says that all my exes are assholes or crazy. How many people have said that in your company that all your exes or their exes are crazy? With such a person, one of two things is true. Either there's someone who can't take responsibility for all the ways they can be hard to deal with. And so. And so instead of looking at the traits they need to change, they'd rather turn the conversation to the ways someone else was awful to them. People do the same thing, by the way, when they're fired from a job. Or the second possibility, they're someone whose exes truly were extremely toxic people, because that is precisely the kind of people they're drawn to. The first person will turn you. The first person will turn on you at the first sign of conflict, and you'll wind up as the latest example in their litany of crazy exes. The second person will test you to see if you can become or if they can turn you into the kind of crazy that turns them on, feels comfortable to them, or the kind of crazy they need to reject just to feel good about themselves. If you don't want to be part of their drama, and that is the healthy reaction, they'll call you boring or find you threatening and likely hurt you before moving on to someone who will play the that role for them. Let's move on to the second one here. This one is from. Oh, we've got Tik Tok in the house. Hello to all of you on Tik Tok. Leave me a comment. If you're with us in Tik Tok right now, or as Franchesca has, you know, just throw in a couple of roses as people do on Tik Tok. Just sprinkle. Just come over and just sprinkle a couple of little rose petals on this live. Some sweet, sweet rose tinted validation. But we don't do it for the validation, do we? That's not why we're here. We're here to change our lives and to find the kind of love that we want. All right, let's go. What's the next question? Or the next red flag that was said by a quest for courage. What a nice name. Love bombing. We don't know each other well yet. Acting as if they are madly in love. This one had 68 likes. Why is it that love bombing is such a big red flag? Let's just discuss this for a moment. Why is it that love bombing is such a giant red flag? What is it about love bombing? Let's see what people have to say. Leave me a comment right now. Say saying what you think is the most dangerous thing about love bombing. Why is love bombing such a big red flag? And hello to you, Lisa on Facebook. Just Deck on Instagram said, it happened to me four years ago. Love bombing. Melody on Instagram says, because it's fake fluffy. Rach says, because it's so disingenuous. Megan, this is an interesting one. I like what you said here. Megan, on YouTube is not sustainable. Erica, you said the same. It's unsustainable. Laura, it's insincere. Soul says love bombing is the sign of narcissistic character. So we have some really interesting answers here about love bombing. So what is it about love bombing when love bombing is usually a sign of. By the way, love bombing is also on. When I wrote down my list of things I know for sure are red flags, love bombing was also in the list list in this chapter. Oh, interesting. D says, you guys just threw it up on the screen. A couple of magicians. Nobody ever seems to agree on a definition, though people define it differently. That's really interesting that you say that, D. And I think it goes to the heart of what can be so confusing about love bombing is firstly, what constitutes love bombing. How do you know that someone is actually love bombing you versus just really into you or just getting a bit carried away? Because love bombing is also. Is usually associated with a kind of very sinister behavior, with something that is really, really damaging and someone who is almost trying to manipulate you. And there's that kind of love bomber, someone who's genuinely going out of their way to manipulate you into. You know, they're saying grandiose things. They're saying what, some signs of love bombing. Someone is saying very grandiose things to you that they really shouldn't be saying to you right now because they don't know you well enough to truly be in love with you. Right? So how can. How can someone who's known me for five minutes feel this way about me. What we know is that it can't be about us because they don't really know us, right? So we have to suspect that. What else is love bombing? Well, it might be someone's already taking you to meet their family or go on really fancy trips with you and do give you gestures that are way out of sync with the kinds of gestures you would do for someone that you've known as long as they've known you. So gestures can be a big thing. What about promises of the future? That's another big sign of love bombing is when someone is going out of their way to make huge proclamations of where they want to be with you in the future and how they want to marry you. Who here has ever had that before? Someone's, like, within days of knowing you, they're talking about how they're going to marry you or how much they want to marry you or how in love with you they are, how they want to spend their life with you, how they want to have kids with you. They're saying something that is completely inorganic to where you really are. And of course, Vikster on Instagram says future faking is the worst, because that's what this is, right? It's future faking. Bear with us one moment, everyone. We've got. So we're in a hotel in New York right now and. No, you're just going to cancel it. Okay, Me and Audrey are in a hotel and Celia, too, in New York right now getting ready for all these giant shows. Oh, God, they're ringing again. Just take it and tell them yes or something. This is real life, people. This is life. Great. Could you do so in about half an hour, please? All right, thank you so much. Very good. Thank you for bearing with us there. We're literally. Guys, tomorrow I'm getting interviewed by Gayle King on cbs, and we're in this little hotel room in New York right now, just preparing for everything, for the storm that is coming. So what was I saying? Oh, future faking. When someone talks to you about a future that they can't possibly be serious about, but they're saying it for an effect. And why do people love bomb? Because. Well, why some people love bomb. And this goes back to that question of what is love bombing? Why some people love bomb is they know if they can do all of this very intense stuff, words, gestures, talking about the future going out of their way for you, if they can do that, then they may elicit from you a kind of energy and a kind of investment that they are not really entitled to in any way at this stage. They may elicit from you kind of love and affection, intimacy, sex, time, adulation that shouldn't, they shouldn't be getting at this stage. But the love bombing is what tricks us into feeling like, well, maybe it is okay that I'm giving them this much because look how strongly they feel about me. Does that make sense? Oh, they. If they're doing this much and they're feeling this much and this is this serious already, then maybe I should just give myself over to this. And so we forget ourselves, we forget what we would normally do. And by the way, the dangerous part is that we want to find love. If you're watching me, you probably want to find love, right? That's on your list of things you really want. And if you want to find love, then when someone is showing you that they're deeply in love with you, even if it is very fast, it can feel like everything we've ever wanted. It can feel like this is. This is what I've been seeking. And even if, you know, I see there's a. What is it? There was a. There was a comment here. Someone said, oh, Megan on YouTube said, it's cringy, in my opinion. And that's true for some of us. We may see it as cringy for some of us, we might just find it a little bit, like, disconcerting or strange or uncomfortable. But we can even trick ourselves when we're getting love bombed, can't we? When we're getting love bombed, we can think to ourselves, oh, maybe I should just go along with this, because this, this is kind of rare for someone to feel like this about me feels really rare. So maybe I should just go along with it. Now, there's other types of people who aren't necessarily love bombing out of sheer manipulation. I think some people have the appearance of the love bomber because they're sort of naive about the way that they approach love. Tell me if you resonate with this that there aren't just these manipulative people who do this. It can also be very innocent people or very naive people or people who just fall in love very, very easily who think. They really think they're not just trying to manipulate us. They really think that they feel that strongly about us right now. And if they think it, then it feels real because to them, in that moment, it is real. But when something comes on that easily, when it's not based on them really knowing you, they're just as liable to move on and fall out of love with us the moment they sense that we're not quite what they thought. Because, of course, what they think of us right now is just a projection. It's not really us. They don't know us. They're liable to move on quickly. It's like one of those easy come, easy go situations. So we have to be really careful when someone is love bombing us. Whether it's innocently that they just fall in love really easily when they don't really know us, or whether it's because they're truly trying to manipulate us. We have to set a pace that allows us to see more about someone. In other words, in the beginning, when someone is showering us with praise or love or adulation, when something feels really good, all we're seeing is the impact someone is having on us. So that's what we're feeling. But what we're not doing is seeing their character. Because character can't be seen that fast any more than they can see your character this fast, which is why you should suspect how in love with you they are. Character is consistent and it takes time to see. Right. Consistency can only be measured over time. So don't spend your life trying to work out is what kind of person is this? Instead, just give it more time and allow someone to reveal themselves over time. That doesn't mean going in cynically. It just means taking a little bit more of a we'll see approach to love and dating. We'll see is a very powerful phrase you could say to someone. You could still say to your friends, I had the most amazing date last night. It was so much fun. But when your friends say, oh, my God, this could be it. This could be the guy, you have to say, whoa, I had an amazing date. We'll see. We'll see is a powerful phrase. All right, let's see. What other comment did we have here? Okay, Angie Lee says one word. Crocs. Just Crocs. And oh, and for those of you who have just shown up, what she said, she didn't just blurt out Crocs. She said the biggest red flag for me is someone wearing Crocs. She didn't even say wearing Crocs. She just said Crocs. She just walks past this Crocs shop and says, red flag Crocs. How many people out there feel Crocs is a red flag? That's a bit unfair, isn't it, Tanya? Tanya's a bit more specific. She doesn't like the Yellow ones. I think that's a bit more fair, Tanya, if I'm honest. I think that's a bit more fair. Crooks. No, Smassack. I'm not saying crooks. I'm saying Crocs. Someone who's a crook should definitely be. I think that's an unquestionable red flag. I should have put that in the book, but I didn't feel the need. If someone is a crook, I would say that's a red flag. But we're talking about crocs. Rodine says crocs. Big no, a lot of croc kite. Amber on Facebook says, hey, Crocs. Wow. Summer Austin. YouTube says, in LA, crocs are acceptable. I feel like. I don't know. I don't know enough to weigh in on this. Have I ever considered getting crocs they make? Audrey says they're making a fashion comeback, which, if I'm honest, I would have appreciated her making that statement before I asked her to marry me because she seems to be a little on the side of the Crocs. And I. I'm just finding out about this now. I feel like I've been. Slight love bombing that's gone on here. Saved that one till after the vows, didn't you? Crocs are making a fashion comeback. She says, wow. She didn't say that early on. She's starting and I like that she's not just saying crocs are all right. She's going. You know, she's like doing it in a sly way. You know, Crocs are making a fashion comeback. She goes, it's not me saying it, it's fashion. Laura says. And I agree with you, Laura, if crocs are the biggest issue, it's all good. I think that's true. Yeah. Laura. See, Laura knows. Laura, you're going to do well. For all of the rest of you out there who are shunning people based on wearing Crocs, we might have to have a word. What about sliders with socks? Audrey says, are we okay with sliders with socks? Because. Because let me tell you what Audrey was wearing on her feet earlier. Sliders with socks. Lauren says. Oh, yes. Slides with socks is more disconcerting to me. Well, Lauren, let me tell you, it's a good job you weren't trying to fall in love with Audrey. Okay, let's see. See what else we've got. By the way, I did. Now, before I carry on, I did say that I would check on this when I did a live on Friday. No, don't say oh, no. Don't say oh, no. I'm just following up on what I said I would do. If you came back to this live and you saw me on Friday, then you know, you know what you're in for. I'm going to ask you a question now, all of you, before I carry on with this Red Flags chat, which I know we're all having a good time. It's all, it's all fun. But I'm going to ask you a question now, and I want you to be honest. Does anyone know what I'm going to ask? Does anyone know? No one was here on Friday? Lost 1N sounds, has typed the word pre order. Now, I think that's you trying to quickly get it in before you have to answer this question. No, the question. No, Sanskruti. It's not if we own Crocs. I am. Yeah, Ingrid, you're right on Facebook. Thank you, Ingrid. Thank you. Ingrid has written did I order the book? Now, I said on Friday that I would ask if the people who had not yet ordered the book went to lovelifebook.com, which isn't even a link on the top of the thing anymore. I mean, you're not even right there. Lovelifebook.com I said I would ask if you'd ordered it yet. And I'm asking now. Okay? Now, if you still haven't done it, we're gonna. This. You know what a big red flag is dishonesty. So you're going to be honest now. Laura, you're new. You've said you've apologized and I appreciate that. FB says not yet. Now, at least it's honest. But fb, I. I am going to ask why. I am going to ask why. Ali says it's not payday until Thursday. And she also put a tearful emoji. An emoji with a single tear. I. Ali, I will accept that. Sarah, Marty says, what's happening? I am asking if, for those of you that follow me regularly have bought a book, and if you haven't, not only am I going to be deeply hurt, but we're going to have to have many of these conversations. Look, I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it today. I'm going to say it fast. I have spent the last four and a half years writing a book. It's written now. It's done, it's made, it's written, it's wrote. And it exists now@lovelifebook.com. it comes out Tuesday. There's a bunch of giveaways, including these sweatshirts, including tickets for the live retreat, bribing you with giveaways. There's a one on one with me. There's all these things. There's a lot of really great things that you get entered into by ordering a copy of the book free. There's no free Crocs. Clearly no one wants them. And we're also getting giving everyone a ticket to an event I'm doing on May the fourth. So it's all here, right here. And two of the bonuses aren't even available after Tuesday. So make sure you go there now and get a book and then come. If you're on Instagram or Facebook right now, I'll make it even easier for you. Just type the word pre order right now into the comments. That's it. Just type pre order into the comments or DM me the word pre order and I will send you the link so that you don't even have to go and do anything. You can just do it from where you are right now. Natalie says she'll do it just because I'm so passionate about it. It's also a good book. Also that. But thank you. If you're on TikTok or YouTube, the commenting pre order won't work. You will have to do the arduous thing of going to lovelifebook.com and ordering it. All right, let's keep going. All right, We've had the hard conversation, now let's keep going. There's a chapter in this book called have hard conversations and I like to think that that was evidence. D goes also that. Only that. All right, so thank you to all of you. Marianne. Oh, Sarah, on Instagram, I see you saying pre order. Axe, you've already pre ordered. Amazing. All right, very good. Gallbladder Healing. Gallbladder Healing who? I know I have read, read your comment before on Tik Tok said it was an arduous wink. It was suggesting that going to lovelifebook.com was just one too many steps. All right, let's see what else? Oh, we're going. Let's do another comment. All right, Jalpa says act. This is her biggest red flag. Actions, not matching words. No date planning, not sticking to a plan. Communication is inconsistent. So who here feels inconsistency is a giant red flag? Leave a comment right now if you think inconsistency is a giant red flag. And sonogrls76 on Instagram says you've got the link. That's right. If you type pre order, you will Get a link immediately. Yeah, inconsistency. Inconsistency is a big one. Someone who says, you know, I really like you, I'm having a great time, I can't wait to see you again. And then you don't hear from them for two weeks. And then on a Saturday night, they go, oh, my God, where are you? I have to see you immediately. I'm so excited to see you. That is usually a sign of someone who is enjoying the attention but has no intention. Okay, this wrote an entire chapter on this in the book. The chapter is called Attention is not Intention. When Audrey and I talk about this all the time. When someone says, you know, so and so they, they text me, they try to see me. Sometimes they watch my stories, like, do they like me? And we say, yes, they like you, but to what end? What does it even matter that they like you? Does. Doesn't matter. Do they like me? Is the wrong question. The next time you're saying, based on someone's behavior, do they like me? Here's what I want you to do. Say tell yourself, yes. Yes, they do. They like me. And it counts for nothing because they're not actually being consistent. They're not actually trying, they're not actually showing up. They're not actually trying to progress things. So what does it matter that they like us? It's irrelevant. It doesn't matter that they like us. What matters is, does someone like us? And do they have genuine intent? Do they have intent? Do they actually want to progress things? Okay, so consistency does matter. And more than consistency, progress, because someone might consistently see you once every two weeks for the next year of your life, but is that going to be the progress that you want to see? It's a very, very underrated word. In dating. We love chemistry, we love connection. It feels so important. But often we don't feel any progress with someone and we completely discount that part. We say, but I have such great chemistry with them. But we get on so well. But there's so many great things about them. But you go, okay, but is there any progress? Has. Have things progressed in the last three months? And then they say, no, well, progress is everything. We don't want to stand still, especially if what we want is a long term relationship. Especially if what you want is marriage. Especially if what you want is a family. Right? We don't have all the time in the world, so is it progressing? And if something's not progressing, we have to start devaluing someone in our minds. All right, very good. Write that down. Attention Is not intention. Attention is not intention. And for anyone who's wondering, the chapter of the book, which every single one of you has just pre ordered is chapter eight, Attention is not intention. All right, very good. Why did you put this comment up there? This is not. We're not. We don't have a book on skin care. This is irrelevant. This is. Trish Miller says, what is your skin care routine? Mostly stealing the things that Audrey buys for herself. What else do we have? Another question. You want to throw up there? Let's throw something up there. LoveLifeBook.com is a link for anyone who hasn't pre ordered yet. Who's watching? Who's going to watch me on Gail King? Is it. Does it go live tomorrow? I don't know. Well, I'm being interviewed by Gayle King tomorrow and then Drew Barrymore in a few days. So I think Drew Barrymore comes out on Friday. You can watch me and Drew Barrymore talk about love, dating, culture, what's going on with all of us? Drew Barrymore wrote a blurb for the back of this book, which was so kind of her. She said, here. All right, here we go. For anyone who hasn't pre ordered yet, let's see what Drew Barrymore had to say about it. She said, vulnerable, honest and witty. This book is my number one recommendation for anyone looking for love. Matthew's unique and highly aggressive voice. She didn't say that part. Matthew's unique voice is one I return to again and again for both my confidence and my love life. And this book is perfect for anyone looking for actionable wisdom and a path to reconnecting with themselves. Love life is. Is a gift we all deserve. She didn't say love life is a gift that 40 of people on Alive with Matthew deserve. She said, all Tara says this can't be live. Well, I've got news for you, Tarot. We definitely wouldn't put up the recording of this. So you don't need to that surely the way this is going tells you that this is live because there's no way I. On Friday I said, I looked at Celia after the live. I did where I chastised everyone and I said, shall we put that up? Shall we put the recording up? And she looked at me and she said, I think it's better not to. That was the. That was the response. I think it's better that we don't. So. Yeah, all right. Oh, okay. Mia. Lavender Tarot says he doesn't talk when he is with his. He doesn't talk when he is with his friend. Is it a red flag? What do you mean? He doesn't talk when he's with his friend? Do you know what that means? Oh, he doesn't text you back when he's with his friends? Well, I think that's okay. I mean, I think we should allow someone the presence of really being with their friends. You know, if. If I. I think it's one of the gifts we can give each other is the gift of real presence when someone is out with their friends at a dinner so that they can really just enjoy it where we can create space for them to just go and be them with their friends doing something they enjoy. Because of course, when they're with us, what is it that we are going to want presence from them? Right? We're going to want their presence when they're with us. So if they don't give the people they're with, when they're not with us presence, how are we going to expect that they're going to stay off their phone and give us presents when it's our turn? So I think it's actually important. I think if someone is truly being present when they're with their friends, we should value that quality in them. But if we don't feel like we're getting their attention when they're not with their friends, that's when we can be honest with them about the fact that we would like more communication. All right, someone is asking about the when you're going to talk about the healing from heartbreak chapter. Oh, Alexa says. Can you talk about the surviving a heartbreak chapter? Yeah. This is actually one of my favorite chapters in the book. And I said, for those of you that saw my post today, I literally talked about the fact that very early on in writing this book, I myself was heartbroken. I was in a really tough spot and was in a dark place. And so, so much of the advice that I give in this book is not just academic. It's not just coming from a place of having worked with hundreds of thousands of people. It's literally. This is also the formula that I used to feel better. I'm going to give you two things real quick right off the bat. The first one is, if you want to get over someone, we have to remove the triggers that put us back in a state of missing them. So ask yourself, honestly, who here is heartbroken? Leave a comment right now. Let me just see who's out there. Who out there is having a really, really, really rough go of it right now? Leave a comment. Who here is Having a really hard time with heartbreak as we speak. Caitlyn Maps on Tik tok. You are SL. You are Lisa Jeffrey on Facebook. Nath SM. You are Ari on on Instagram jmi126 hello friend. There's a lot of heartbreak going on everywhere right now. There's so many people and so many of you who get this book are not going to be getting it from a place of being ready to go out there and find your person right this second. What you want is to feel better. Hands up in the comments. If right now finding love isn't your number one priority, feeling better is. If it is, what we have to start by doing is not. Imagine that you have a wound, okay? And your job is to. There's a part of you that's not like functioning as well as it could right now. Let's your heart, you're heartbroken. But when you're heartbroken, what we need to do is train every other part of your life. I once, my jiu jitsu instructor, when I was heartbroken, I asked him for advice. He said, when you injure a muscle, you rest that muscle, but you train every other part of you. So this is a chance to improve your friendships. This is a chance to take on a hobby. This is a chance to do something meaningful. This is a chance to reconnect to yourself. This is a chance to spend time with family. It's a chance to build other muscles in your life right now while your heart isn't ready to love again in the same way. But what we have to make sure is that we don't keep re injuring our heart. Now, what do I mean by re injuring your heart? Are there things that you could do that if you do them, will keep reminding you of this person? Yes or no? Are there places or are there places you can go online to keep reminding yourself of this person? Is it possible that you are still checking their profile on Instagram? Is it possible that you are still talking to friends about them regularly or listening to friends tell you news about them regularly? We have to start removing anything that can trigger a reinfection. So that might mean you stop going. Well, I'll tell you what it definitely does mean. You stop going to their social media. When you're with your friends, you tell them, hey, I don't, I don't want to hear about this person anymore. I don't need to hear the news about them. I don't need to hear that they went on a date. I don't need to hear that they where you saw them or who with? I don't wanna know. You stop reading their texts. Glorious. On YouTube. You remove the photos in the house. You just take everything that reminds you of them and you put it in a bin bag and you either trash it once and for all or you put it away somewhere. You're not going to see it, but you get rid of that stuff. Why do you need it anymore? And this is a signal to yourself that I am taking moving on seriously. And then. And this is. I'm not going to go into this today because it'll take me too long. We are going to talk more about heartbreak on Thursday, by the way. So for everyone who wants to hear more about this, join me on Thursday. But what we have to do is. Because we can't get rid of everything that reminds us of them, because we might have to get rid of everything in our life, especially if we've been with someone for a long time. But what we can do is start to reclaim the things that we don't want to lose that remind us of them. I was with, I have a group that I work with in a very close circle called Club320 every year. And in this small group, we go away on a trip or once a year. And we went away on this trip to the redwoods up in Northern California. And there was a member of the group who, as we were walking through the redwoods, she said, you know, this is hard for me if you don't know the redwoods are these giant trees in California, especially in Northern California. And they are stunning and they are ancient. They have been there for such a long time, hundreds and hundreds of years, some of them, I think, thousands. They are extraordinary trees. And they get really high. And when you're among them, especially in, like, these redwood forests, you feel it's so peaceful. And we were walking in this stunning setting and someone said, you know, the redwoods have a really bad association for me. She said, my ex, who she was really struggling to get over, he took me on a trip to the redwoods. And I always associate them with him ever since. And I said, you want to know something? These trees were here long before your ex was ever around. Before he was a twinkle in someone's eye before. These trees have seen things over hundreds, if not thousands of years. Say to these trees, your ex was not even a millisecond in the history of their life. So he doesn't get the redwoods. He doesn't get the redwoods. They are bigger than him. They are older Than him. And you have to say it to yourself. Tell yourself something that you. Some ground that you had ceded to your ex. Sushi. You love sushi. Don't give sushi to your ex. Sushi is too good. Sushi's too big. Sushi is an entire culture. It means so many things to so many different people. They don't own sushi. He doesn't own the redwoods. Understand that. They don't own rock. If that was the music they listen. Used to listen to with you all the time. Used to sit in the car and listen to rock. They don't own a genre of music. They don't get those things. And what was so amazing is this woman on my program, she got a bracelet made that said, he doesn't get the redwoods as a reminder not to give up any part of her life she loves, but instead to claim it back and say, this doesn't belong to him. It's too big. It's too important. It's too amazing. Makes sense. This is. I'm giving you like a. This. I go into this in detail in the book with lots of different examples, but this, there's a chapter I keep telling you every day. I keep telling you what chapters they are so that you can write them down. This chapter is in number 14, surviving a breakup. Number 14, surviving a breakup. So when you go to that chapter, you're gonna get. I literally walk you through these steps to get you through a breakup again. For everyone who is on Instagram right now, for everyone who is on Facebook right now, comment the word pre order. One word. Comment the word pre order. And I am going to send you a link right now as we speak. We have a system set up to do this for you. As soon as you comment the word pre order, we're going to send you a link to order a copy of this book. And we'll get you that right now, if you haven't already. And if you know someone who's in pain, what better gift than to gift them a copy of this book to help them move forward in their life. And some of these people, you might know someone who's been married for 20 years and they're just coming out in their 50s, their 60s of a divorce, and they're having to go back out there again and rediscover themselves and reclaim their life. Take back the redwoods, Give them that gift. This is something we get to do for other people, not just for ourselves. And in all seriousness, guys, this right here is going to make so many people Feel better. It's going to bring people peace and calm. This is not a book. This is a book that's going to help you find love faster. Don't get me wrong, it's going to help you find your person. It's going to be a co pilot for you on the adventure of finding your person. But it's bigger than that. It's bigger than that. It's about rediscovering your happiness. It's about rediscovering your confidence. It's about getting to a place where you have a completely different relationship with yourself and a completely different relationship with life. Life. So that you can enjoy your life right now instead of thinking that your life doesn't start until you meet that person. And the great irony is when you transform your relationship with yourself and when you transform your relationship with the present moment and with life, what happens in your love life starts to transform. It starts to change. Possibilities that were never available before start to open up to you. It's what I said in my post about Audrey today, that if I was in a different time in my life, was I lucky that I bumped into Audrey the night I did? Yes. If I, I can tell you right now, if I bumped into her five years before, I would not have been ready for that kind of love. I would not have been able to see her in the way that I see her today. I was ready to accept that kind of love in my life. I was ready to see that kind of person because of who I was in that moment. And by the way, if I, Audrey, met five years before that, she wouldn't have been attracted to me because she would have seen someone who wasn't. I wouldn't have been in her vision because I wouldn't have had the right qualities for her yet. So for everyone on Instagram and Facebook, comment pre order. Get yourself a book. Get someone in your life. This as a gift. A sister, a brother, a cousin, a colleague, a friend, a mother, someone you care about. And if you're not on Instagram or Facebook, and by the way, Instagram, Facebook, you can also DM me the word pre order. If you, if this live cuts out, you can DM me the word pre order and we'll send you a link. And if you're on YouTube or TikTok right now, don't worry, you can just go to lovelifebook.com and get your copy. And guys, I'll say this one more time. Firstly, for all those of you who have been listening and you love the heartbreak advice if you pre order the book before Tuesday, you get an entire series that I did on overcoming heartbreak. How many hours were in that? Like it must have been four or five hours, maybe six hours in there of me interviewing some of the most incredible experts in the world like Dr. Nicole Appera, the holistic psychologist, Dr. Ramani, the world leading expert on narcissism. A dear friend of mine, David Kessler, a world leading expert on grand grief, the world leading expert on grief. I interviewed all of these people about how to move on from heartbreak. We are releasing, we've re released it one more time until Tuesday it went away, it's come back, but it disappears again on Tuesday so you have to pre order before then. And we also have the Love Myths movie which is a movie we made of. But by the way, that movie was made in a time where I was really struggling. So if you want to see me practice what I preach, if you'll see the consistency between what I was saying then and what I'm saying now and it does not change from single heartbroken Matt to married happy Matt. It doesn't change. I'm the, the things I'm saying are the same thing because what you do here is what gets you there. The battle is won now. So very good. It's great to be with you all. I'm so, I'm genuinely loving, loving, loving, going live with you and doing it in a regular way like this. AREV on Instagram says, how long were you writing the book? 4 and a half years. I was writing the book. Very good. All right guys, look, I'm gonna call it there for now, more to come. I'm gonna try to update you guys as we go through this insane week over the next week where tomorrow I'm also doing an interview with Oprah Daly, Gail King doing an Ask me Anything with Reddit this week in here in New York in their headquarters at One World Trade. Drew Barrymore later this week. Some really, really fun stuff going on. So I can't wait. I'm so happy you're all along for the ride. This is going to be a really, really crazy week. But I'm going to share as much with you as possible as we go through it. I will, I, that's actually a great idea. Smasak on Instagram says where Crocs withdrew. I will consider it. I will consider it. Knowing Audrey, she would love that. She's shaking her head. All right, thank you so much everyone. If you haven't, go to lovelifebook.com, grab a copy of the book. Let me know. By the way, people are actually starting to receive the book now, which is really interesting. I had no idea that people were receiving it already. It's not supposed to come out until Tuesday and yet some people seem to be getting it in the mail. So if you get a new one, if you get a book early, put a story up with you holding the book or just you, you, you don't even have to be in it, but put a story up. Leave a little comment. Something giving us a shout out. Tag me. And I'm going to repost a bunch of those stories on my Instagram hashtag love oh and do a hashtag love life book. Do the hash. This is where people tell me what to do because I don't know what I'm doing. Leave a hashtag love life book when you post. And that would be good for raising awareness of the book. Help me get this to more people. The more of you that get the book, the more it will make a splash out there in the world. And the more it makes a splash out there in the world, the more we can actually get this book to people who have no idea who I am but need what's in the book. Because let's face it, I am not the important part here. The information in this book is. And if you help me by ordering a copy of the book, you help me make a splash with this thing and that helps me get it to the people that need it the most. Reminders tell yourself Right now, one of the most, I think probably the number one biggest comment I most frequent comment I've got for the last 17 years is I wish I'd known this sooner or with your help I can get people to know it sooner and will have changed someone's life. If you and I can get this information to someone 5 or 10 years or even a year before, they would have come to some really hard one lessons on their own. All right guys, big love. I'll see you soon. And announcements coming for the prize giveaway prize winners in the next couple of weeks. Okay. So stay tuned for those as well. All right. Love you guys. Have an amazing Sunday evening or Monday morning wherever you are.