Matthew Hussey argues that dating is a mirror for your habits and insecurities, and that the real work is building confidence in yourself, not finding someone else. Your worth isn't tied to being in a relationship. He offers a free three-layer confidence training to build self-belief independent of what happens around you.
I've been trying to think of what I want to say in this video to begin the year. This year is a year that I want to make my best year ever. And I imagine it's the same for you. And that has me thinking about the journey that I'm on personally. It has me thinking about the journey that we're on together. It has me thinking about how I want to make an impact this year. And is that different from how I've made an impact on any other year? I wrote a book back in 2013 called get the Guy. If you were to merely look at the title of that book and say, what does Matthew Hussey do? It would be, well, he teaches you how to get the guy. Of course. It's fun for me when someone talks about a relationship they found as a result of my work, or that they're now engaged, or that, you know, they just met a great guy last week. I hear those stories by the thousands and it's amazing. But it's not the only place that my heart resides in all of this. Because I see the scope of what we do here as being so much bigger than simply finding another human being to pair with. I see it as the love of people, the love of life, and the love of ourselves. And that, to me has always been our magic trick, is that in our organization and for me as an individual, I've spent the last 12 years talking about dating and relationships, about your relationships with other people. But underneath all that, what we've really been doing is working with people on transforming their relationship with themselves. And that's why for me, dating and relationships is a enduring subject of fascination for me. And something that I've been able to maintain a passion for, for a long time is because I believe that dating and relationships aren't the be all, end all. I just believe that they're a great revealer of ourselves. Our bad habits, our neuroses, our demons, our insecurities. They teach us so much about ourselves. And that is very powerful. That's very, very useful. So over the course of this year, you're going to hear me still talking about dating and relationships. But I want you to understand that that to me is a wonderful lens through which to view all of the areas that we want to grow. If you don't think that when I make a video that's about dating or relationships, that that video is actually about everything, then you're not paying close enough attention to the concept of that video. Because the stuff that I teach here applies everywhere. You can apply it to your business. You can apply it to your general ability to follow through in life. You can apply it to your confidence in every area of life. Attraction isn't isolated as a concept to your love life. There's attraction in business, attracting clients, attracting the right friendships. There's creating attract around an idea you have so that people listen to what you have to say. There are so many areas that the principles we teach over here in attraction are relevant to everything in your life. And I also cringe every time when someone says, so, Matt, you know, why are you still single? Like, how am I supposed to trust you if you're not in a relationship? And to that I also feel I don't. Have you been paying attention? Because what we're doing here is so much bigger than that. And if you think that my goal here is just to get everyone into a relationship, you couldn't be further off. I don't care. I'm not Cupid. I don't care whether someone is in a relationship. I'm not a matchmaker. That's not my job to pair people together and to make sure, oh, God. I just. That person's single and that person's single. I just must put them in a relationship together. That's not what I do. I'm just as excited when someone comes up to me and says, I broke up with someone because of you, as I am about someone saying, I'm now in a relationship because of you. Because if my advice gets someone to break up with a toxic person, leave a situation that they shouldn't be in, or just be happier, single, to be happy on their own, to be happy in who they are, to not feel like they have this desperate need for somebody else so that when they do meet somebody else, they're sharing a life instead of looking for a life. That, to me is the jackpot. Because the goal is in a relationship, the goal is happiness. The goal is you being content. The goal is self love. And I can't help but think that those same people who say to me, whether it's in a live event or on a comment, matt, why are you still single? And there's a tone to that. I can't help but think that they're directing that same neurosis, that same judgment towards themselves. Because that dialogue that's happening out here is also happening in here. And it's based on the idea that someone would be more valuable if they were in a relationship. And that is something that we have to address because I believe that that is a wider societal issue that, especially for women, has to be done away with. The idea that you as a person are worth more if you're in a relationship. My own confidence cannot come from whether I'm currently in a relationship or not, any more than yours can come from that, because I don't base my worth on that. And I don't even base my worth as a coach or as someone who's here sharing ideas on that. The great irony is that I've never been a better partner than I am today, and I don't have a partner today. Wrap your head around that. Like, I've never been more capable of a great relationship, but I'm not in one right now. But if you think for one second that's going to determine my worth at this point in my life, or it's going to stop me from sharing ideas or that I don't think my opinion is as valid because here's my situation, then you're misunderstanding what I'm doing here. There is a bigger journey here and there has to be a bigger journey for you too. So we have to be very careful about these very rigid stereotypes that only become a reflection of our own internal rules for what we think. We need to be happy for what we think has to happen in our lives for us to be worthwhile, for us to matter, for us to have any sense of purpose. Far from feed that stereotype, I want to liberate you from that and instead invite you to join me on a journey of real growth. Growth that isn't reliant on an external factor like whether you happen to be in a relationship and have the label of someone's girlfriend or someone's wife. Right now we're on a bigger journey than that. And I invite you to join me on that journey this year. And to begin that journey this year, I have a training that I did for from the stage with a group of people where I took them through the three layers of confidence that culminate on the deepest level, at the core layer, which is really the layer I'm talking about in this video, that goes beyond whether you're with someone, whether you had a great date last night, whether you're going through a bad breakup, whatever it may be, a level of confidence, a bedrock that makes you bulletproof. No matter what's happening in your life. Once you watch it, you'll never be able to view confidence the same way again. It's free. I'm gifting it to you today. So come watch that training with me now. Leave me a comment under that training and let me know what you think. It's at this link and I will see you there. Welcome to 2020. I'm so excited to be here with you. A new year. Let's make it special together. Sam.
