Matthew Hussey explains the bliss point in dating communication: being ruthless in your actions but kind in your tone keeps you in control and maintains attraction.
Okay, here's what I'm going to do. This is going to be a magic trick. This weekend, I release a video about something I call the bliss point. The food industry has a term. A term called the bliss point. The bliss point is the optimal level of salty and sweet in a food. that keeps you wanting more of it. Think Nutella, think peanut butter, kettle corn. What's the bliss point that means even though you're getting full, you're not satiated. You keep wanting more of that food. I believe there's a bliss point in communication. And what I have done for this weekend's video that comes out Saturday evening for YouTube is I have broken down three text messages from guys and given people three response, three bliss point responses. one for each text. Here's my prediction. This is the magic trick. There are gonna be a decent number of comments under this video from women who say something along the lines of, if a guy isn't texting me on the day of our date and isn't giving me a plan or is being flaky or is making me do all the work, screw him. I'm not gonna send him one of these Sweet, salty messages that you talk about. I'm not gonna be nice, I'm not gonna be kind, and they'll have some like hashtag that says boy bye or something. Mark my words. In anticipation of these comments, because I know they're coming, I started to think about this. And I thought, what will I say to those people who I already know are going to say it, even though they don't know they're going to say it yet? You don't have to be ruthless in your tone if you are ruthless in your actions. I'll repeat, you don't have to be ruthless in your tone if you are ruthless in your actions. In fact, if you are ruthless in your actions, you can be sweet as pie in your tone. Tone isn't that big of a consequence. Tone just has the ability to make you sound really unattractive and hurt by something. So what tone has the potential to do is show someone that they have total power over your emotions. I get angry with you, I get pissy with you, I do that whole boy bye. All I'm showing is that you have actually had an effect on me. You've actually angered me. You who I barely know. You who I barely know, who might as well be a stranger, we've seen each other this little. You have had this much of an effect on my emotions. No. You have a standard. And that standard is you're a great person. You're a kind person. You're a positive person. And so when someone does something that doesn't meet your standard, you don't become a mean, passive-aggressive, obnoxious, difficult, nasty, snippy person. You stay sweet and kind and positive and warm, but your actions tell the story of the consequences. That's the most powerful part of dating. If you want to know what I think is the dumbest mistake people are making in dating, It's wearing all of their consequences in their tone and none of them in their actions. Because I guarantee that same woman who's getting all angry and bitter and passive aggressive in her tone, I'll guarantee that same woman a week later if he gets all sweet with her, we'll start to maybe think about seeing him again. In other words, she's ruthless in her tone and completely moldable and malleable in her actions. The reverse is much more powerful. You know why people get so pissed off in their tone? It's because they really are planning on seeing him again. They're like, why do you do this? You're making this so difficult. I really want to see you. I like you and you're annoying me. And why did you think you could just do this to me? But they're angry at themselves. Not angry. They're angry at themselves because they know tomorrow they're still gonna want to see him. That's what they're pissed off about. Screw you for making me swallow my pride in the text I'm gonna send you tomorrow. You're not angry if you don't care about, if you're not really interested in seeing someone again, you don't get angry. Do you? Like, if you're out of my life tomorrow and I'm never gonna see you again, am I really that angry? No, I'm like, I'm on to the next day. But it's because I care. And it's because I am going to see you again and I'm going to 100% screw over my own standards to see you again. And I hate that you're making me into this person who compromises on her standards because she likes you. I hate that. And now I'm going to get angry with you as a result. And I'm going to show you that you have all this power over me. Moral of the story is this: be ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone. You will find dating is much easier for you and you'll find you get far more attraction. Not only will you get far more attraction, but you'll actually be the one in control.
