In this video Matthew Hussey uses a light‑hearted spoof of the Fifty Shades trailer to illustrate two common fantasies that drive many modern relationships: the allure of transgressive BDSM and, more dangerously, the fantasy that a partner can be changed. He argues that the latter is the “One Day Wager” – a risky bet where someone invests time, energy, and emotion hoping the other will eventually become what they want. Hussey explains why this wager is perilous, citing real‑life examples of people who stayed in relationships waiting for change and ended up in despair. He distinguishes between genuine, internally‑motivated personal change and change imposed by a partner, emphasizing that lasting change only occurs when it becomes the partner’s own priority. Hussey then encourages viewers to abandon the One Day Wager, choose lower‑risk alternatives that better meet their needs, and offers a free chapter from his “How to Talk to Men” program as a practical tool for better communication and attraction. The video blends humor, audience comments, and a persuasive call‑to‑action.
Chapters
Last week, Jameson and I had a little dalliance with the Fifty Shades Darker trailer. Tell me what he has that we like besides money. Muscles. Oh, Drummer.
This whole sequence is turning to my favourite, which would be great.
We spoofed it. We made some fun of the relationship. Here's what you thought of it. Brittany B. Love that you point out how ridiculous these movies books are. Runaway says, dear Matthew, thank you for always being the voice of reason. Kataki says, didn't know you were good at comedy too. Well, now you know. Shah says, omg, why are you so funny, Matthew? Or why are they all saying that I can be funny? Sindhu says, I love Matthew's American accent almost as much as his Australian one. You guys know that I'm actually English, don't you? And funny. Alicia says, oh, here goes Mr. Hussey, aka Mr. Vanilla, making fun of the 50 Shades again. Shake my head. Wait, so is she saying vanilla's a bad thing?
Yeah, like. Like simple vanilla is boring in bed.
Or just it's simple doesn't make it boring.
I'll be honest, Matt. I've never seen you this defensive about a comet.
Defensive how? You haven't seen me in bed. No one has. Just cause it's simple doesn't make it boring. Oh. Oh. Is it cold in here or is it just my penis? And Christina says, I absolutely adore everything you do, Matthew Hussey, but let us women have our fantasies. What's so wrong with that? Well, Christina, Nothing actually. But I think it's worth addressing that there are two fantasies going on in this movie. One is the transgressive BDSM out of the ordinary sexual acts that many of us don't vocalize in our everyday life. Or maybe even fantasies sexually that we don't talk about with our partner, which is equally sad. I think the second fantasy is one that is potentially more harmful in real life and in the context of what we talk about every week, I think it's worth indulging. And that fantasy is the fantasy of changing somebody. This relationship that is depicted in Fifty Shades is one between a woman who wants something the guy is not prepared to give and is going out of her way to invest her time and energy into changing him. Yes, she may be curious about the sexual acts that he's offering, but her curiosity about transgressive sex is his obsession. It's not her obsession. And the reason she indulges it to the extent that she does, unless you feel like I've got this wrong, is that she wants more with Him. There is literally a moment in the first movie where Christian has talked about all of the things that he won't do. He won't sleep in the same bed as her, he won't go on dates with her, he won't have a normal romantic relationship. And she justifiably says to him, well, what do I get out of this? To which he replies, you get me. Perhaps one of the most narcissistic responses someone can possibly give, saying, on one hand, I will meet none of your needs, and on the other hand, I want you to meet all of my needs and demands. I don't want to seem like on the other side. I'm siding with all of the people that suggest that this kind of sex is wrong. Cause if two people go into that thinking, this is horny, this is fun, whatever, I don't care about that. In fact, I would go as far as to say that if she didn't want to do any of that stuff with him, she would be the wrong person for him. See, a great relationship is one where Christian Grey meets Anastasia and says, hey, I'm into lots of weird, kinky shit. Are you up for it? And she says, yeah, I am. By the way, I'm into romance and going to see movies and sleeping in the same bed and having an intimate, emotional relationship. Are you okay with that? And he says, yeah, that sounds great. And then they have an amazing relationship where they meet each other's needs. If either one of them can't meet that criteria for each other, they're probably the wrong person. And this isn't me bashing 50 Shades. It's entertainment. What I'm concerned about is the real life version of this that people play out, men and women alike. They go into things compromising on their deepest needs and desires and standards just because they want the person in front of them. So for Anastasia, this entire relationship is predicated on her fantasy that this man will change to become what she wants. Which is just about the most dangerous bet anyone can make in a relationship. I call this bet the One Day Wager. The One Day Wager. Trading in your time, energy, emotions and intimacy on the hope that the person you're giving it to will one day become what you want them to be. I'm not saying that the One Day Wager is wrong, but it is really, really, really risky. Everybody has a story of somebody they know that held out for somebody to change, change a trait about themselves or make a bigger commitment, marry them, suddenly want kids, whatever it might be, who are now in Despair, depression, really tumultuous places internally because they feel like they gave so much time to somebody who never changed. And if they'd have paid attention to the warning signs along the way, they realized they could have seen that for themselves. Now, this isn't to say that people never change because they do. I know that people change because I watch them change all the time as a result of the advice that we give, as a result of the inspiration that people draw from our material. I see these changes day in, day out. But that's somebody who is motivated internally to change. That's somebody who's made a decision that they want to change. There is a difference between having the motivation to change and the person we're with making a decision and having the motivation to change. And I'm going to leave you with a line right now that is going to sum up that distinction. Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. That is a profoundly damning quote when it comes to hoping that the person we are in a relationship with will change just because we think it's important they change. Now, it's a different thing if someone we love recognizes that we really want them to change and as a result of their love for us, decides fundamentally that it is paramount to them that they change. But until it becomes paramount to them, and not just paramount to you, that change will only be momentary. It will not last if it comes at all. Now, if you're with someone right now and you want to make that bet, you want to make the one day wager, My promise to you is that you will never, ever have any judgment from me. When it comes to my own life. It is just as hard for me to make those difficult decisions as it is for you. So please, never, ever think that I'm coming from a righteous place. I'll never judge you for it. But if you decide, maybe as a result of watching this video that the risk is too high and that you need to take the other path, then I would like to encourage you down that other path so that you can start making progress to a world of more choice where you realize that that bet, that wager is not the only game in town. It is not your only option, that there are many other options, wonderful options, better options down this path where the stakes will be so much lower and the payoff so much higher. And I want to encourage you to do that today by giving you a gift. I have a program called how to Talk to men. It's a wonderful program. It's filled with very practical things that you can say to men to create more attraction, get more commitment, and just generally have much better communication. I am taking one of my favorite chapters from this program and gifting it to you today. All you need to do is click this link, download the chapter, and it's all yours to start using. I don't want anyone to have an excuse not to do this. Okay? That's why it's my gift to you. I hope you've enjoyed this video. I appreciate all of your engagement. It's been so strong the last couple of weeks, and I cannot wait to see you next week. Let them tell me it's vanilla now. Oh, it's so. Ah. Oh, God. It really, like, it's not just gone into my pants, it's now gone under. Under my privates.
