In this monologue, Matthew Hussey recounts a touching moment at a Los Angeles seminar when a lesbian fan presented him with a heartfelt gift and note, expressing gratitude for his relationship advice. He uses this anecdote to highlight the importance of inclusivity, noting that his guidance resonates across sexual orientations, genders, cultures, and ages. Hussey argues that the universal quality underpinning attraction is the presence of personal standards and self‑respect. He explains how people often lower their standards with those they like, which undermines genuine attraction, and stresses that maintaining clear, non‑negotiable standards—communicated politely and consistently—creates respect and high perceived value. He encourages viewers to educate others about their standards and hints at an upcoming program that will teach elegant ways to convey these expectations. The talk concludes with gratitude to his audience and a call to keep the conversation alive.
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So I was recently at my LA seminar and I had happen to me what was literally one of the most touching moments that I've ever had in my career. The seminar had finished and people were coming up to have books signed and pictures and say thank you. It's always a lovely moment anyway, because you meet so many different. I get to meet so many different followers and people who are into my work and it's a really beautiful time. But on this one occasion, this. I could see this one woman getting closer and closer and closer to me as the people were coming through. And she had this basket in her hand and she gave me this amazing basket. And it says on it, from your number one lesbian fan, there's moisturizing balm in here. There's an English Alex socks, a T shirt. This is like Christmas. A box of English breakfast tea, which actually amazing because I have actually run out. You know, I won't mention her name because I don't want to be intrusive and I don't know whether she wants her name to be said in front of everybody. But thank you because it meant more to me than you can even know that. You sent me this. And I'll read you just a brief sentence from this note. Seriously, Matt, a million thank yous for all of the advice you've given me over the past couple of years. You've helped me to become such a confident, passionate and very happy individual. Also, I'm gay. It's funny because your advice on how to get the guy has been the most helpful advice I have ever gotten. That's amazing. I don't consider myself to be an expert on gay relationships. Not that, you know, a relationship is a relationship at the end of the day and human beings are human beings. But there are differences here and there and even between you. You know, the way men are attracted to women, women are attracted to men, and women on women, men on men, there are differences. But to know that it has been useful to people in the gay community or in the LGTB community is a beautiful thing for me. And I thought I'd use this as an opportunity to give a big shout out to all of our gay followers and the people out there in that community who watch what I do and appreciate it. I appreciate you. I don't give you enough of a voice. I know that. And I perh. Should more often. In thinking about all of this, I've been thinking about what the universal qualities are of the messages that we put forward here and, you know, which parts of it truly transcend sexual orientation and gender and age and ethnicity. Because, of course, there are subtleties in behaviors that make things different for different groups. And even, you know, forgetting sexual orientation, even between different countries, there are. There are differences in behaviors that mean that not every piece of advice applies to every situation. For example, I could tell a woman in England to be a little bit more proactive in terms of going and approaching men and giving guys a bit more of the benefit of the doubt. The women in Argentina might say, screw that. Me go up to a guy, guys are hitting on me all day long. Guys run up to me when they want to talk to me. They'll be overtly into me. They're not holding back because they're reserved. They're the opposite. So what's the universal quality of this? And I certainly think one of them. I think there are a few, but I certainly think one of them is this idea of standards, Ultimately, standards having standards. What makes us attractive people? How do you become challenging in life? How do you become a challenge? How do you become someone who. Who is seen as high value, who has a higher perceived value? It's to be the person that has standards that they will and won't accept. In other words, you have to be. You have to behave in a certain way towards them and around them in order for them to want to be close to you. That, to me, is what defines a really attractive person and someone we have respect for. The basis of attraction, I really believe, is respect. Part of it is curiosity and intrigue. But respect is huge if you. You'll realize if you lose respect for someone, it's almost impossible to be attracted to them. And so I like to think that the people that come on this journey with us over time, gradually learn to respect themselves more and learn to have standards for the people that they're around, including the people that they like. Because the easiest person to lose your standards around is the person that you like. It's easy to maintain standards around people we don't like or can't stand. Usually we aggressively assert our standards around them, but around the person we like or. And the person we want to be liked by, Those are the people that we tend to lose our standards around. We don't want to confront them over things. We don't want to lose their. We don't. It's like they're a light shining on us, and we don't want to lose that light by offending them or by disagreeing with them or by not by not being into the same thing as the things as they're into, we change ourselves around them. And perceptive people always notice when we're changing ourselves around them, when we're dropping our standards so that we can be closer to them. Ironically, it doesn't bring us closer to them. It actually puts more of a wedge between us and them because they just see that we'll chameleonize ourselves to suit them. Whatever your orientation is, whatever your gender is, whatever country you live in, whatever ethnicity you are, even religion, the importance that is universal is on having standards and knowing what you will and won't accept and not changing that because you want the approval of other people, because you want someone to like you more. It will only get people to respect you less and therefore like you less. Remember, it's never too late to renew a standard, even with somebody that you think you've let it go with. And there may be someone in your life, there may be many people, but there may be someone in particular in your life right now who you feel like is operating beneath the standard that you would like to have for yourself. And perhaps you've helped them to do that by not asserting your standard enough and not educating them in your standard. I promise you, if you do the hard thing, educating someone on what your standard really is, not necessarily an aggressive way, in a polite way, and you know, over time, I'll help you, help you do that. In fact, I have something coming up soon that is really going to help you do that, but. But in a way that's elegant and classy, but really does tell someone. This is how you need to be for me to be in rapport with you and like you and be attracted to you and want to spend time with you. And that is a universal lesson that will make you attractive and respected to and by everybody around you that you want more attraction from. So thank you guys. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for continuing to watch these videos. Thank you for all the love and support you always give me and for the intelligent and interesting debate that so many of you give me on a regular basis. I love it. It feeds me and it keeps me coming back. So I will see you soon. Big love. Take care and have an amazing week.
