In this video Matthew Hussey shares results from a recent online‑dating survey and offers a step‑by‑step guide for men who choose to use dating apps. He breaks down which platforms are popular at different ages (Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Match.com, eHarmony) and explains how free sites tend to attract younger, more hookup‑oriented users while paid sites draw older, higher‑income members seeking serious relationships. Hussey critiques the way people over‑filter profiles online versus the more instinctive choices made in real life, warning that excessive focus on superficial traits can eliminate good matches. He then provides concrete tactics: respond quickly, avoid generic greetings, comment on specific profile details, skip “shopping‑list” bios, and use storytelling (“show, don’t tell”) to convey personality. He shares a tip about sending a photo only in a private message to stay in control of the interaction, aligning with his “get the guy” philosophy. Finally, he reminds viewers that online chemistry must translate to real‑world charisma, urging continued work on face‑to‑face attractiveness and promoting his Man Myth program for deeper personal development.
Questions this video answers
19% (reported as the same proportion across 30s, 40s, 50s age groups)
Chapters
Hi, guys, it's Matthew here. A few weeks ago, I did a survey on online dating on my website. I'm going to publish the results of this survey below this video, by the way, so you'll be able to see them. Many of you know I'm not the biggest fan of online dating, but I also know that so many people are using it. So what we have to do is figure out, okay, if you're going to use it, because I know at some point you might. How do you use it? In an amazing way. We found that in their 20s, a lot of people were using things like plenty of fish. Now, people criticize plenty of fish because they say, well, people are just trying to hook up on plenty of fish. It's something that people go on to get laid or just to be stupid. So you get a lot of people who are more serious who don't want to go there and do that. Interestingly, plenty of fish, even though people say it's, oh, it's a place where young people hook up. In our survey, we found that across the board, in the 30s, 40s, 50s, the same number of people, it was always 19% of people using plenty of fish. So that's kind of strange. But, you know, in the older age groups, maybe people are finding better quality people on there than in the younger age group. Then, of course, you start to graduate into some other sites. OkCupid is a site that's still free, but people tend to find slightly better quality people on there than, say, plenty of fish. But with OkCupid, the cool part about that is it's not just about finding someone who you can be with intimately or have as a partner. A lot of people do it when they move to a new city and they say, well, I need new friends. And then you start getting into some paid sites. And as you get into paid sites, you start to get a little bit older. Places like match.com, eHarmony, because in those sites, people are getting more serious. People who are more serious, more likely to pay, and people who have an income are more likely to pay, so they're less likely to be younger people. Now, big difference between Match.com and eHarmony. EHarmony is this crazy questionnaire that takes hours to fill out because they're all about that intricate compatibility testing to see if your values and your belief systems are compliant with each other, if they're synergistic. The problem with that is once you've got your matches, you have the matches they select for you, not the ones you actually want to go for. And you can't search by people you want. You have to go for the people that they select for you. Match.com is like a huge well of people where you can go out searching for what you want. I want someone with blue eyes and blonde hair. You can go searching for those types of people. My problems with online dating are pretty typical. I don't like the way that people people select other people. I think people are so much fussier online in a way that they're not in real life. You know, in real life we see someone, we go, oh, they're kind of cute or they have a certain charisma about them. I'll go talk to them. When we get online, we start looking at, well, I want their eyebrows to be this shape and I want their hair to be this long. And I don't want someone who does that job or whatever it is. We don't get that fussy in real life. We just see who we gravitate towards. Online dating tends to make us very different in our choosing process. And of course it makes other people do the same. So people you might be right for don't select you because of something they see or read. And in real life they might actually like you. So how do we actually go about this? Firstly, online dating is kind of crazy. It's like being in the best bar and the worst bar at the same time. You have some great guys who are just who are talking to you and they're trying to find a relationship and you've got another guy who's messaging you. Weird dirty messages out of nowhere. That's online dating. So you kind of have to develop a thick skin for this thing. If you really want to do it. You've got to develop a thick skin where you know that certain things are going to happen that you're not going to like. You're going to have some horror stories. But there's also the chance that you might meet someone. When you are messaging someone, I want you to be quick about it. You know, like, if you see someone, you think, oh, maybe send them a message. What's the worst that can happen? Not something that is generic. You know, like, how are you? What are you up to? How's your day going? No one cares about those types of messages because they don't offer anything. And of course, now I feel like I have to entertain you because I was asked something boring. Instead, comment on something in their profile. If they liked a certain film, you know, they said, you know, I'm Embarrassed to say, I like Titanic, you say, you know what? I commend you on being the only guy here who's man enough to admit it. Don't create shopping lists. This is something people do a lot. I'm funny, I am smart, I love to go out, I like food, I like travel, all of those things. Those shopping lists become unbelievably boring. The problem is you're not actually reading through those things. When people give you those long lists, you just skim over them anyway. Rather than describing yourself in a bunch of words, describe an experience you've been through or describe a moment in your life that meant something to you. Those things tell people so much more about you. You know, there's a common Phra show, don't tell not, I am a really loving person. Instead, say, my sister is my best friend in the world. I do anything for her. So for that one, we're showing someone you're loving, we're not telling them you're loving. Because the word loving, who cares? When we have to describe ourselves as something, the words don't have any meaning anyway. What has meaning is when someone sees who you are. Someone gave me a tip recently. She met her husband on online dating. And she said what she did was she didn't have a photo on her profile because she didn't want the rejection that would come with that, where people would. She would feel like people were judging her based on that or they were commenting on it. So she didn't put a photo. But what she did do is when she wanted to message a guy, she would message him and attach her photo into the message or send him the photo that way. She said, I was always in the driving seat. And as you know, that's so in line with the get the guy philosophy, because the get the guy philosophy is be the chooser and not the choosee, not the person who's being chosen all the time. That's all I got for you today. I wanted to come and give you a couple of quick tips for online dating. And I want to remind you that with online dating, people tend to forget that ultimately I'm going to meet someone on here, but I'm actually going to have to meet them in real life. And when I do, I better be charming, I better be attractive, I better be charismatic. When I get on the date, they're not going to rate me based on my online profile. They're going to rate me based on the person I am sitting in front of them. So I want to encourage you to keep working on the skills that make you great face to face. And, you know, I would love to help you with that. We have a program called the Man Myth. That is an online video program, if you want to go through my training on it, because it's all about how to be attractive to the men you really want. And that's something you can use both in the context of online dating. And once you get your guy and you're going on dates, too. I have a link below. Check it out. And if you are online dating, good luck. So remember in the video that I did about the book where I said, hey, look, I didn't really want to be on the book cover, but instead, the publishers put me not only on the book cover, but in suspenders and a bow tie and on a big pink background. So I go to my team recently and I say, hey, guys, you know, we've got this tour across the country right now. We should have a banner that really just speaks about what. What we want to do with this tour and epitomizes the journey we want to take people on and something big and exciting and different and unique. Here's what they came up with.
