Matthew Hussey tells Tori that the early chase feeling comes from your own confidence and vitality, not just your partner's effort. When one person stops investing in themselves after the relationship is secure, attraction fades. Keep growing, stay active, and bring that energy into the relationship.
Matthew Hussey here with Love Life.
I wanted to ask you. I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now, and I often struggle with how do I keep, you know, remain a chase or keep the attraction alive.
Obviously, it's nice in the beginning of a relationship when we have that little phase of feeling like we don't have someone, and then, yes, the chasing part, it's very exciting, isn't it?
Yeah.
So. So the. The key question is this. If the chase, the part where we were trying to get each other was really exciting and now we have each other, how do we continue that excitement now that we have each other? The reality of any relationship is that we should always be looking to invest in our partners and to show them how great we are, because nothing is ever certain. If you start from that mindset, you realize, you know what? Actually, the idea that we're fixed in this relationship and nothing can change is an illusion. It's something that lazy people buy into in order to create a relationship that someone would want to stay in every day. I need to keep investing and I need to make this relationship great. A lot of relationships go stale because one of the partners decides, I'm done. Like, I've got everything I need now. I'm done. I don't need to do anything anymore. When people are single, what do they do? Many times they think, I want a partner. So I'm gonna go to the gym and I'm gonna work out, and I'm gonna get some definition in my abs. I want to make sure that someone is attracted to me, and they'll be more attracted to me if I'm in nice clothes. So let me go and buy a nice outfit. They do all of these things to make themselves attractive, and then when they get the relationship, they get lazy. They basically take themselves off the market in every way. He says that he'll love me no matter what, how much I go to the gym. I was going to go to the gym today, but he said to me that I didn't need to because he wanted to spend time with me and go to a movie and could I just. No, don't go to the gym today, babe. Stay with me. Let's just stay in bed all day. Isn't it true that when you come back from bed doing something you're passionate about, or when you come back from working out or any of those things, you feel more confident and in control and sexier when you come back to your man? Isn't that true?
100%? Yeah.
So when you feel more like that. You come back and you're. You're feeling great. You're feeling. You either are excited about life. You can't wait to tell him about something. You can't wait to have sex with him because you feel sexy. Whatever it is, you feel good about those things. And he goes, wow, I'm really with a great woman here. So just keep doing all of the great things you do. I can hear it in your voice that you're someone who loves life, that you're someone who's ready to do all of this right. So don't give up on all of those things. Keep doing all of the things that make you sexy. Keep doing all of the things that make you feel like you're passionate about life and you're learning new things on the average. Don't lose all of those things that make you great. And always take it with a grain of salt when someone says, you don't need to do any of those things. You don't need to go. Stop going to the gym. I don't care. Always take it with a grain of salt, because very often we say those things to someone because we genuinely, in that moment, we love them and we care about them and, you know, we don't want them to feel like they have to do that to please us. Does that make sense?
Makes a lot of sense.
All right, well, Tori, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for calling in.
Thank you so much for taking my call.
You're very welcome. And it's a great, great question. I know you will have benefited so many other women and men by bringing it up. Sa.
