In this conversational video, Matthew AI, Steve, Audrey, and another speaker discuss how confidence and a positive, specific focus on what works in a sexual relationship can improve intimacy. They cite sex therapist Tammy Nelson’s advice to highlight what you love rather than what you dislike, emphasizing that people’s sexual egos are fragile and that approaching the topic positively builds confidence and playfulness. Steve stresses the importance of being specific about what you appreciate in a partner’s actions, while Audrey notes that acknowledging both physical and non‑physical qualities reinforces value and provides a barometer for mutual enjoyment. Matthew AI adds that taking oneself too seriously hampers flirting and confidence, and promotes a website feature for personalized love‑life challenges. Overall, the dialogue promotes confidence, positive reinforcement, specificity, and early‑dating confidence‑building as keys to great sex.
Chapters
Taking yourself seriously is not a great place to come from in having great sex. People's best sexual selves come out when they're confident.
Okay, question three. What is one thing we like about our sex life?
I think that's a nice question.
And what's the intention behind this question, Steve?
Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist, believes it's more effective to focus on what's working if you're in a sexual rut. She says, you, don't change your sex life by saying, I hate it when you go to the left. You say, I love it when you go to the right. She encourages people in relationships to name one thing they appreciate about their sex life. Could be something they did 20 years ago. Could be a subtle gesture. How one partner touches the other's base. Not sure why they use that example. Focusing on those moments can help you reignite erotic energy, Dr. Nelson says.
So this is, this question is happening under the assumption that you are not having a good sex life, presumably.
No, it doesn't, it doesn't have to be. Because if, even if you were just talking with your partner about things you enjoyed about each other sexually, that would be Erotic and fun and you'd kind of go, oh, we really appreciate that. We're having like, oh, we are, we had, we do have a really good sex life.
What I will say with this is in general, whether you're in a relationship or seeing someone, I think to point out the things that you enjoy in the relationship, whether they be physical or acts of kindness or just things you really like about them. Why are you looking at me like that? I think that's a really good thing to do. I think it's actually reinforces the other person feeling valued and it also kind of gives you a nice barometer, especially when you're getting to know each other as to what the other person is enjoying about the connection. I think it's lovely.
This is one of my strongest beliefs is that people are not specific enough about what they like about their partners or their friends and people really, really appreciate Specificity about what you liked the other day in the bedroom, what you found really sexy, something they did, something you like about them, something that turned you on. It's just like massively beneficial to every part of the relationship. Why are you all giggling like school children? I'm talking about something here.
I don't know.
She's laughing because I'm smiling, but I was only smiling before just because it was funny to me that this is now the first point at which Audrey has decided not to get personal.
Whoa.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
What are you saying? I, it's just, she got all shy on this one. She was really ready to, she's really ready to run her mouth when it came to the wash in. All of a sudden, now she's gone quiet on the personal front.
No, I said it was nice.
Very specific.
I think, look, that people's sex lives is one of the most, It's one of the areas where the ego is most sensitive. And so approaching it from a positive point of view as a way to build on success rather than start from a place of failure is important because we are fragile in that area. If we start in with, here's what I don't like about what you're doing, or I like this, but you've never done it to me. Those are not phrases anyone wants to hear in that context. So, yes, I agree with this one. And I think that saying what you really like about your sex life is a great thing to do before talking about something that you would like to try or something you might like to adjust. or do differently. So yes, I'm in favor of this one.
And this is something that you can probably even in early dating, right? It's something, it's an easy win to get where it's like you're starting to learn each other and if something goes well, you should sort of celebrate that a little bit and just try to like double down on what's going well.
I agree. That people's best sexual selves come out when they're confident. If you're feeling confident, then you start to, you know, if you think about it, Hey guys, before we go any further, is there a challenge in your love life right now that you don't know how to solve? Well, on the website, we have a brand new feature where you can put in your name and then tell it your love life challenge that you're experiencing, and it will recommend you the solution of mine that best fits your needs. go to howtogetttheguide.com and you'll see it there when you get to the homepage. Just put in your name and get started. Taking yourself seriously is not a great place to come from in having great sex. Then you're treading on eggshells. You're trying to, you're like, it's like the ultimate act of ego is I take myself really seriously and I don't want to be criticized and I don't want to be seen as bad at this and now I'm trying to get everything right and you're very fragile in that state. If you're feeling confident you play. It's one of the reasons that when people take themselves too seriously, they're really bad at flirting is it's not a free place to operate from. So when you're giving someone a compliment in the bedroom, especially in early dating, if you're just starting to be intimate with someone, Saying things that build the other person's confidence is actually a way to make them come out of their shell more, make them more playful, which is all going to add to the experience that the two of you have. It should be in our interests to make the other person feel confident when they are in our presence.
