The SECRET to Meeting HIGH-VALUE People

You may not want these beta guys who are caretakers and take the backseat, but you may be comfortable with those guys. You know, you said, I have noticed I tend to attract gentlemen who ask me out who are beta. So that already implies a little bit of a hang back and wait kind of thing. Like I'm not going to be proactive in going and asking someone out or trying to make something happen with someone that I'm attracted to. I'm going to hang back and see who's attracted to me. And then you're not happy with who's coming over to you. So that to me almost, you know, sometimes I hear over the years, I've been doing this for 15 years now. Over the years, I've dealt with a lot of people who, who feel like they're always attracting the wrong people. But what I later find is that those are the people they feel comfortable with. So they in. They don't want to stick their neck out to talk to someone or try to attract someone who's more challenging or maybe doesn't need them as much or, you know, is more independent because that feels vulnerable. That, you know, it's like that person could reject me. You know, this person who's driven, motivated, ambitious and kind. That person has options. And that person can reject you. Sorry to interrupt the video, but if you're watching this and your love life is a priority for you this year, you want to meet your person. I have a free training called Dating with Results that is going to help you do that. And you can watch it right now. All you need to do to sign up is go to Dating with Results dot com. I'll see you over there. And now let's get back to the video. And it's scary being around people that we feel like it's not in the bag. It's not. They don't need us for. To be their caretaker. They don't need us to be in the driver's seat. They don't need us for our financial status. When we're around someone who doesn't need all of the things that we have kind of come to use as our significance. That's scary. You know, I. You start by saying you're independent, graduated from a great university, started a career, and became a homeowner at a young age. You saying those things early on in your email suggests to me that that's where you see a decent amount of your value. And when we see something as our value, we often like to find people who will. Who that value can create some Kind of power with. Where does that give us power may be a, may sound like too evil a word, but where does it give me leverage? And those things, your great university, your career, your being a homeowner, it gives you a decent amount of leverage with people who need those things. Someone who is, wants you to be a caretaker, someone who wants to take advantage of your financial position, someone who's looking for someone to look after them. Those things are going to be leveraged to them because that's what they feel they need. But somebody else who comes along and sees those things in you, if you're wearing those up front and as your badges of honor, that's not going to attract them because that's not, that's not what they need. They don't need to have those. There's no benefit to them other than being with someone that they see as, oh, this is a person who's also doing interesting things. We have some shared values, but achievement isn't shared values. The shared values are the drive, the motivation, the, the, the ambition. Which is, goes back to my first point is be careful about asking for things that you have to make a distinction between the material and the values that you're looking for. You may be getting stuck with people that you don't want, but you're comfortable with. You may not want these beta guys who are caretakers and take the back seat, but you may be comfortable with those guys. Those guys might make you feel safe. You don't have to be vulnerable with those guys because those guys are not going to reject you. But someone who has these things you say you're looking for, they could reject you. And I want you to be honest with yourself and say, how much am I going over to making conversation with the kinds of people in the room who could reject me, who could decide that I'm not offering enough? How much am I doing that in my life? Am I even in the rooms where people like that are? Because I can say from experience, you can feel like a big shot in life until you're in certain rooms. And that doesn't. I'm not just talking about achievement here. I'm talking about intelligence. I'm talking about people with real wisdom or experience. We can feel like we're. If we feel we're so smart and we're like really enamored with how smart we are, were probably not in rooms with people who are that smart because there's, there's definitely rooms you can go into where you just realize, oh my God, I'm a Neanderthal. Like, this is extraordinary. What these people know or how sharp these people are. Like, this is not. I'm. I no longer feel like my level of intelligence is impressive. There are rooms you can go into like that. So anytime someone says to me, I'm just always around people I'm not impressed by, I almost want to politely and warmly and compassionately suspect them and say, why is that? Because there are definitely rooms where you will not feel impressive. There are definitely rooms where people are doing more than you have achieved, a thousand times more than you are, are much brighter than you have much more experience than you need you, a lot less than you need them. You know, like that there are rooms like that. I'm not suggesting that you should spend your life in rooms like that, but if we're always finding that we're around people or being asked out by people who we're not that impressed by, then something might be going on with us that we're continuing to put ourselves around these safe people while complaining that we're not around the kinds of people that would light us up. But deep down, we're terrified of being rejected by. And the last thing that I'll say on all of this is I believe you when you say that you're very feminine, kind, fun to be around, but I think that it's important that you lead with those things. Semantics, we think, you know, when you. When you look at semantics in sentences, it's about the order of the words, and the order of the words can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Well, semantics can be applied to attraction, to what are the semantics of what you're leading with versus what someone gets to know about you as they get to know you more. Because those semantics will have a major effect on what you attract or whether you attract people or whether you attract the right people. This. There's semantics at play. When a guy who's made a ton of money. I. I rocked up to a doctor's office recently, and this was in la. And for those of you that aren't aware of what LA can be like, there's a lot of doctors and dentists with pictures on the wall of famous people that have come to their surgeries or have come to their, you know, get their teeth done. Because that's like a status play in la. And I remember going to this doctor and this doctor had a video playing in the lobby of them driving fancy cars and being, you know, just in these expensive suits. And the whole thing was like a. A beauty campaign and a look how much money I make campaign for this doctor. And what's funny about it is I immediately thought, I'm, I don't know that I'm going to resonate with this doctor. I immediately thought, this is so materialist. I'm in this place about something health wise and yet this is so materialistic that I just don't know that I'm going to vibe with this person. And I had this immediate feeling upon showing up that I wanted to leave now. This doctor, by the way, was immensely qualified. So it's not like this doctor couldn't do the job that I was there for. But something about what this doctor was leading with made me want to run for the hills. Not the actual hills in la, because that would be the wrong place to run to if I was trying to get away from all of that. But it, it immediately, it turned me off. The irony is when I met this doctor, he was lovely. I got on well with him, he was like a nice guy, very clued up, very informative. But I almost left because this is what this person led with. And I thought, you know what? This isn't, these aren't my values. So that to me is a semantic problem. They're not leading with how astute they are or how much they care about the customer. They're leading with, look how much money I've made as a doctor in attraction. There are many different examples of that. One of the examples is when we lead with how many different impressive things there are about us. Let me lead with how much I've achieved. Let me lead with how high status I am. Let me lead with the fact that I'm a homeowner or that I graduated from a great university, that I have a high flying career. Let me lead with these things. And then we create a semantic problem because you're saying I'm also very feminine, kind and fun to be around. But, and I'm not, I don't know you, so I don't know to what extent this is happening, but I could imagine a world where people are seeing up front these things that aren't those. What they're seeing is all of these ways that you're sort of outwardly impressive, but not the femininity, the kindness that you're generally fun. You said people that know you describe you as alpha. That tells me something about what you're putting forward. So if we reverse the semantics and said, okay, I'm going to be feminine and kind and fun to be around. That's my first priority when I meet someone and I'm going to let my success sneak up on them. I even There are people in my life who are way smarter than me and, and I feel really smart when I talk to them because they're not leading with their smarts. They're leading with their curiosity and their interest in me. And they're smarter than me, but they make me feel smart because they don't lead with how smart they are. They wear their own intelligence lightly, but they're excited about hearing what I have to say. That's. That is. To me, that's a different level of mastery than just being intelligent. It's semantics. Have you weaponized these things that you think make you impressive and that's what you lead with? And does that need to be moved to later so that that stuff sneaks up on people and your deeper values, your personality, the things that make you really pleasant to be around that. Those are the things that announce themselves loudly when someone meets you? And by the way, this isn't something that I would be saying to a woman and not a man. This to me is a non gendered point. I'd be saying this to anybody who came to me. I think it's part of what makes us likable in life. Thanks so much for watching. If you haven't already, go check out my free training. Dating with Results if finding your person is a priority for you this year, if your love life is something that you are sick and tired of waiting on, you want it to happen now so that you can enjoy it, go to datingwithresults.com it is a free training that gives you a roadmap. Go check it out@datingwithresults.com.