This is a YouTube video titled "The Ultimate Test For A Healthy Relationship" created in April 2015. It features a monologue by Matthew AI (Matthew Hussey) discussing relationship dynamics, focusing on how partners handle stress and conflict during difficult times. The content provides advice on maintaining healthy communication and setting standards for behavior in relationships.
Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. So often in relationships, people look to how great their relationship is in the best moments. And although this can lead to some very beautiful memories and romantic notions of how great your relationship is, we actually really see what our relationship is and has the potential to be in the worst moments. It's easy for us both to be happy when we go on holiday together and we're in that carefree state. It's easy for us to both to be happy and bearable around each other when something has gone to be right in one of our days. But when things go wrong, that's when people show you an incredible amount, not just about who they are, but how they deal with life's problems. And how someone deals with life's problems tells you so much of what you need to know about them. And it tells you so much about how it's going to be to live with this person forever. You know, too often someone someone will be very difficult in a relationship and and maybe they'll attack us, they'll get defensive, they'll get cold, they'll get abusive in moments where they say, I'm sorry, I was just stressed. I'm sorry, I was just tired. You know, I've been having a bad day, I've been having a rough time. When people say this, it becomes a justification for their actions, which very often, if we love our partner, we accept that this person is going through some stuff, and if I'm the loving partner I want to be, then I'm going to understand that they're going through some stuff. and be a team player and be there for them and accept the treatment that they're giving me right now. The danger, of course, with this is that it can become an extended justification for all bad behavior. Whenever someone is down, whenever someone is going through their own tiredness, their own fatigue, whenever they're into their own depression or they're upset or they're agitated, it becomes an excuse to get them off the hook for any bad behavior. Now, I look at relationships like this. The person you want to be in a relationship with, is the person that can still somehow be a positive influence in your life when things are going wrong. You know, when money is an issue in a relationship, is that, does that person have a calming effect or do they have a frantic, panicked way about them that actually makes life so much more stressful? When they have too much on at work, do they come to you for those moments of relief and those moments of just wanting to be loving and escape? or do they bring all of that baggage with them and start taking it out on you because they're stressed at work? We have to pay attention to these things because any time, if someone, for example, in a relationship is feeling insecure and somewhat jealous, and when they feel insecure and jealous, they begin attacking you and abusing you and bringing you down, they try to cut you, that's someone that you know that is a pattern. for. So when they next feel insecure, you know, you're the one who's going to get attacked for it, and you're going to be bruised in the process, that's going to affect your energy. That's something you now have to live with for the rest of your life. Anytime they get insecure, they're going to start attacking you. We should first seek out partners who are able to deal with life struggles in a way that actually adds to our life, not takes away from it. Now, I'm not talking about a superhero here. I'm not talking about someone who, when everything's bad or whenever having a terrible day can come home and say, Hey, honey, you know, I can't, it's so excited to see you and nothing's too bad. I'm not talking about this Pollyanna approach where they're fine with everything in life. What I'm talking about is someone who comes home to you and says, I've had a hard day. And when you ask, they're honest, I've had a hard day, but I really need you right now. You know, I'm. I'm. I've been so excited to see you and to get some relief from it. I'm just so excited to be spending the night with you to get away from it all. That's someone you know. Ah, when they get stressed, they can come to me for support. or they ask for help, even that can be a positive thing. Someone just coming to you and asking for help instead of taking it out on you. Now, if you have a partner or if you have someone in your life, this isn't just true of a romantic relationship. It's true of all relationships. But if you have someone in your life who comes to you with their baggage in a very negative way, or they attack you when they're having problems, that's the person that you need to say, you need to step up to now and again and say, look, and by the way, you don't have to do it in the moment. You might wait a little bit, maybe come back to them when they're calmed down or in a stronger state a few hours later or a day later and say, listen, I love you, and I'm the best teammate you'll ever have. I'm in this with you. But when you're in that state, I need you to be whatever it is you need them to be. I need you to be more loving and to. To respect the fact that I'm here to help you. and I don't want to bring you more stress or more insecurity. I don't want to agitate you further. I don't want to put more on your plate. I want to be there for you. I love you. I want to be there. I just need you to be conscious of that when you're stressed or when you're having problems that I'm here to help. And I don't want you to take it out on me like you did yesterday because that's not fair to me. I'll be a teammate with you and I'll be there and support you because I love you and I want to be there for you in every way possible. I need you to be that way when you're like that. I need you to think about the effect that you're having on me as well, because it's my energy too. And I know you love me enough to want to protect my energy. Can you see how this approach allows you to have a much more effective relationship where you can communicate and you can still be real about problems. You're not ignoring problems, but you're showing that you're in it together with them and you're setting a standard for them, albeit in a loving way. You're setting a standard for them in how you want them to deal with problems. So don't let someone else's problem in life, don't let someone else's stresses or insecurities become an excuse for bad behavior or behavior that affects you and your state and your life that someone can ruin your life that way. If someone is like that in your life, have a standard with them in a calmer moment, let them know that standard, but do it from a loving place as a teammate. That's it for today. Go to facebook.com Follow me. It's facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussy. I will see you there. Let's keep continuing the conversation. I hope you're enjoying these episodes and I look forward to speaking to you soon.
