This Emotion Will Destroy Your Love Life... (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

There is a good chance that your love life isn't where you want it to be because of one word that I'm going to discuss in today's video. Pressure. When you go into a room and you see someone attractive, why don't you talk to them? When you're nervous before a date, why do you get nervous? When you're about to get intimate with someone and all of a sudden you seize up and you. You worry about the result of it or what they might think. Pressure. Pressure stops us from, A, enjoying life a lot of the time, but B, doing the thing that's necessary to get the result in the first place. And I have felt this throughout my entire career. Whenever I go on tv, when I go on radio, I feel pressure. This week I did a webinar specifically for my Fast Track members where I promised I would answer the questions they had live. And in that one hour, I. I felt pressure. Pressure to deliver. And by the way, what are we afraid of with pressure that will embarrass ourselves. We'll make a fool of ourselves. We'll fail. And I've done this, too. I've done seminars before where people have walked out because they didn't like something I said. I have been on the Today show on live TV where I completely forgot everything I was going to say. How does she do it? Matthew, this is someone who's got to enjoy their love life again. And I have three ways of doing that, especially on Valentine's. One, stop idealizing other people's crappy relationships. That's so true. Just because someone's in a relationship, it doesn't make them happier than you are.

That's good. I like that one Check.

Secondly, make sure that when you. When you. God, what was number two?

You lost your know what's funny? I knew you lost it when you started there.

You got too much laughter on number one. I got too much laughter. I was being. Soaking up the validations. No. All right, here's the second thing. Make sure that when you go out with your guy. No, I lost it.

Let's move on. Lisa has been married for almost 26 years.

That's how powerful pressure is. By the way, I knew everything I was gonna say. I had it all planned out in my head. Three minutes after the show, it all came back to my head. But in the moment when the cameras went on, it all disappeared. So why is it we feel all of this pressure? Expectations. Think about this for a moment. When a baby starts walking for the first time, she doesn't second guess herself and say, I don't know if I'm going to look cool doing this walk. I don't know if I've really got this down yet. I'm not going to do this publicly. No, she just tries walking. She has no pressure because there are no expectations. She hasn't built up this image of herself in her mind. As adults, we have built up an image of ourselves, or we worry that other people have an image or an expectation of us that we have to live up to. We get more concerned about maintaining our image than in achieving growth than learning. Now, expectations can come from many places, but there's one particular source of expectations that I want to talk about right now that we think of as positive but can actually have a dark side Validation in recent weeks, me and Jameson have been doing videos that we've been putting a lot of effort into in the comments section. Some of the top comments on our recent videos are your videos keep getting better and better each week. I can't wait for the next one. The problem is that when you get attached to comments like those, all of a sudden the next week's video has 10 times more pressure. And when it has that much more pressure, you're in danger of getting paralyzed all of a sudden. I don't want to make a video because I'm afraid it won't be as good as the last one. Or I overthink it, I over analyze it, or I end up with something that isn't authentic or pure. It's just me trying to impress everybody else. Validation kills when you get attached to it. It becomes this trophy in a cabinet that you spend all your time polishing and not wanting to tarnish. And in not wanting to tarnish it, you stop taking new risks. How many people watching this video are more concerned tonight with protecting their image instead of being the baby who's going out there and trying to walk and I don't care who you are, you may have gotten good at some things in life. There are still areas in life where you are a baby trying to walk. We all are. And once we admit that, and once we can tear everything down and begin at zero, then that's when our power begins. When we go from seeing ourselves as a professional to being a student again. Students can make mistakes. Students can screw up. They can get it wrong. They can fail. They can put their hand up and have the wrong answer because they accept they're a student. The moment you think you're a master, the moment you think you're a professional, it's done. Because now you don't want to lose that image. I will stay a student my entire life. Every video I do with you, I'm never coming and preaching. I promise you that. I'm always coming to listen, to learn. Don't be the person who's the local in a city. Be the tourist. The local thinks they know it all, that you can't tell them where to go. You should go to this restaurant. You should go to that exhibition. I'm a local. I don't do that shit. Yeah, that's why tourists have all the fun in your city while you're sitting there at home watching the Voice. Because the tourist comes into your city and they actually experience it. They're not afraid to not know what they're doing. They're not afraid to take a different way that gets them lost. They play the tourist. And when you play the tourist, you learn a city. Be a tourist in your own life. Look, many people want to live with an immense amount of pride, and they can do that. I'm not one of them. I know that you can go to the grave with pride and it will deprive you of so many of life's best experiences and stop us from ever seeing what we're really capable of. I want to start from humility. Like the wise Kendrick Lamar says, sit down, be humble. And if you feel the same way, I want you to use this video as a trigger for getting away from protecting your image and and instead coming to a place where you build yourself. Now, this video can be that realization for you, but if you actually want to know, okay, great. I'm going to go into learner mode here. How do I actually go from here and build my life and myself? I have a ready made process that's done for you in my retreat program where you can do exactly that starting today. So come through, join me. I'll tell you all about it. It's at matthewhussey retreat.com I'll see you on the inside. And as always, regardless, I will see you in next Sunday's video.