THIS (Innocent) Phrase Scares Away Great Guys (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Oh, I'm sorry. You caught me in the middle of dating. Online dating is a mess. There is so much we cannot control. But there is one thing we can control. Our own profiles. And there is a mistake I see made over and over again in people's profiles. The unloading of one's baggage. I'll give you an example. Let's say there's a guy swiping along and well he finds a lovely lady and he thinks to himself, you know what? Instead of rushing through this one, I'll actually dive in and read her description. And it reads, not looking for something casual and not interested in anyone fresh out of a relationship. Now, what's the problem with that? She's just talking about what she doesn't want, right? She's talking about her standard. But here's the problem. He's not seeing a standard. He's seeing baggage. In other words, she's telegraphing way more than she's intending to telegraph. He's now seeing a woman who has been burned in the past. He's thinking, well, okay, so I guess this woman has been in a bunch of casual situations with guys where she wanted more and they didn't. Why didn't they want more with her? And what's this very specific criteria about not a guy who's fresh out of a relationship. I guess she dated someone who was in a relationship and then was with her but he wasn't ready or maybe he was busy with work or maybe she just didn't have what he needed. Why am I even thinking about this guy? This is weird. The point is she sounds kind of angry and bitter and just bleh. Look, anytime you're telling someone what you don't want, you're really telling them what you've had. And someone might say, yeah, but it's really important for me to say that I don't want this. Fine, but that's kind of disingenuous because you don't want a lot of things. You don't want a serial killer, but you don't list that in your profile. You chose to list something very specific. So what you're really saying is, this is my open wound that I'm now putting in front of you. It is much more impactful and puts you in a much more attractive light. to talk about what you do want, what you're excited about. So instead she could say, looking for someone else who's excited about the idea of building a real connection. That shows I have standards and I'm just a bloody delight to be around. Framing something in the positive like that is so much better than listing the things you don't want, which only shows your baggage. It's no different than someone who writes in their profile, if you're a f*** boy swipe left. No hookups. Look, I get what you're doing. You're trying to eliminate the douchebags, but that doesn't work. The douchebag you're trying to eliminate has already swiped right on you when he saw a hot picture. He wasn't reading your profile and going, oh, she says no hookups. Better take her word for it. Don't want to get in any trouble here. No, he's already messaging you right now, so it doesn't eliminate the douchebags. But what framing all of those negative things you don't want does, is it has the potential to scare away the guys you do want. Because the guy you want is looking at your profile and asking himself, does this seem like a positive person that I would want to spend time with? You can spend your whole life trying to filter out the douchebags. The reality is they're gonna get through. When you're an attractive person, you attract lots of different types of people. When you have a great net, you catch all sorts of fish. that's never going away. Stop focusing on eliminating the person you don't want and start focusing on what will attract the person you do want. And by the way, if you liked this video and you realize just how important language is in attraction, you're gonna want what I have to tell you about now. My free nine texts guide where I give you the nine copy and paste text messages that when you send any one of them to a guy, He'll say, oh my God, that is the single greatest text message any woman has ever sent me. I must have her. And she's like, Wow. I guess downloading Matthew Hussey's free texting guide at 9texts.com was the greatest decision of my life. Go download it. I'll see you next week, friends. —.