This is a YouTube video titled "Tired of 😢Dating BS and Ready for ❤️Something Real? This Is for You… (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)" created in May 2019. The content features Matthew AI discussing issues in modern dating culture, such as toxic behaviors and the importance of setting higher standards in relationships. The video includes a conversation between Matthew AI, Laura, and another speaker, focusing on Laura's two-and-a-half-year relationship and the challenges she faces. Matthew AI offers advice on emotional intelligence, relationship dynamics, and how to communicate standards effectively, ending with a call to action to watch a free video training on moving from casual dating to exclusive relationships.
Questions this video answers
About two and a half years.
25.
howtogetexclusive.com
Chapters
We've been talking about many things over the last couple of weeks. We've been talking about current dating culture and the toxicity of it. We've been talking about how the fear of being alone and no one good coming along making us overvalue the connection we have. And when we overvalue the connection that we have instead of real investment, We start to lower our standard to keep it. We don't get real relationships anymore. We get pseudo relationships. We get flaking, breadcrumbing, ghosting. We get poor treatment. When we lower our standards, we don't get people's respect. We don't get real relationships. We get the scraps. And if we wanna change that, we have to start changing our standard. Now, people have been loving what we've been saying. Tons of you love the Castle. The amount of Castle emojis I have seen in the last week, Jameson, I'll be honest, that's the most I've ever seen. In case you're not aware of the castle metaphor from the last video, I talked about how a real relationship is two people building a castle together, two builders. But if you're just there building a castle and the person that you have a connection with is nowhere to be found, then you're trying to build a castle on your own. That's not a relationship. That's why it's dangerous to overvalue the connection and undervalue the castle. What you're about to see is a prime example of someone who created her own kind of hell because she overvalued the connection and undervalued the castle. And by the way, for those of you who have been saying in the comments, Matt, I 1000 agree with you. I want to raise my standard. I want to ask for something different, but I want to be able to do it in a way that doesn't just drive everyone away. How do I communicate these standards? At the end of this clip, I'm gonna show you exactly how.
So we're with the guy that I've been dating and we've been together for about two and a half years. But he's still not ready.
You've been dating him for two and a half years?
Yes.
And he's still not ready for what?
To be in a relationship? Much better than that.
I know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's okay. Save the moans, 'cause you're all doing stupid shit, too. Me too, by the way. Trust me, me too. Right now you're in a situation that's not working for you.
Yeah. Right?
And you wanna logically you wanna be done with it.
I think so.
Emotionally you don't, which is why you said I think so. Correct.
Right.
Because I'm sure you've had conversations with him about this where you've talked about how much it sucks for you.
Yeah.
And in those moments, do you think, is he an emotionally intelligent enough man to recognize the pain he's causing and for him to feel that pain as well?
Yeah, so a lot of our conversations when it comes to that, I'm not the only one that's in tears.
Yes, okay.
And then it makes it worse.
Yes, okay.
And it's like, what are you... Well.
Now you go, who's... I don't, now I don't even know who the victim is.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's absolutely right. Let's look at the reality of this from what I can see at a distance, right? And forgive me what I don't know. This doesn't work for you. It doesn't really work for him either. And I would bet money on the fact that he wishes he had the guts to walk away.
Okay.
Yeah.
But he doesn't either.
Yeah.
Whatever it is about this situation isn't working for him. Now, we don't know why. You might have some insight into why, but we don't know why. But we could take two or three easy guesses. One, he has negative associations with relationships. and feels like a relationship would trap him. And he doesn't want to be trapped. Two, he is still in his mind living out some fantasy of the single man he wants to be. And he still thinks somewhere in here he's gonna be James Bond or live out a bunch of sexual adventures or things that are gonna happen for him, and he can't quite settle down just because he hasn't done that yet and he's worried if he does settle down with you right now, he'll always regret that and he won't be able to be faithful in the relationship. So it's easier for him to be in this limbo with you than to hate himself even more by making a promise he can't keep. He already doesn't like himself, by the way. Because when you're doing this to someone, especially someone you care about, and if you've been doing this for two and a half years, I'm pretty sure he cares about you. He doesn't like doing this to someone he cares about. But he still can't figure out what he wants. Or three, you're not the right person for him. And he's gonna leave you when he finally has the guts to, and four weeks later he meets someone else who's more right for him, and he'll be in a relationship, and you'll be like, what the Yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
Right?
So, I don't know, it could be any of those, it could be all of those, we don't know. What we know is that this isn't working for you, it's not working for him, and neither of you has had the strength to leave.
So.
One of you has to get stronger. And you would be crazy to hope that one day he's gonna be strong enough to do what you can't do. Because he may never get that strong. And he might do this to you forever. And when you get strong enough to walk away, he'll find someone else he can do it to. and he'll feel just as bad with her.
Right?
So you can't wait around for him to get strong. I need you to start valuing this whole thing differently when you look at your life. How old are you right now?
25.
You're 25. Okay, so you're young, right?
Yeah.
But that won't last long.
Definitely not.
Like it will go. It will go. When you're 40, you'll be looking at a picture of yourself when you were 25 saying, oh my God, what was I thinking? When you're 60, you'll look at a picture of yourself at 40 and you'll go, oh my God, what was I thinking? When you're 80, you'll look at a picture of yourself at 60 and you'll say, what was I thinking?
Right?
These are not years now to be wasted. Have, by the way, go make mistakes. Do that. Go make a ton of mistakes, but make some new fucking mistakes. Ladies, my friends, We don't have time. We sit there wasting time addicted to comfort, addicted to the connection we have, even though it's not nourishing us, it's not giving us what we want, even though deep down it's making us unhappy. We're addicted to the comfort of it. But I promise you, a different kind of pain is coming. The pain of regret, the pain of lost time, the pain of the dreams you had for your relationship, for having a family, for doing the things you wanted to do in your love life, not coming true. And that pain is so much worse. than the pain of just having a standard right now. And I know that so many people are afraid to have a standard because they say, Matt, I don't know how to employ my standard. Even if I decide right now, I'm gonna set a new standard with this person or with the men I date in my life, I don't know how to do it. I had a comment just like this that was sent to me after my last video. Hey Matt, great video, completely identified with it, but I have some questions on the last bit of it. If he's not treating you right, how do you send the message of, Hey, I don't accept this without literally saying that and then getting him to value you more. Thanks, Laura. Well, I'm going to show you because the first step is deciding to have a new standard. The second step is coming with me right now and learning how to communicate your new standard confidently and competently. I have a video training for you that I am going to give you for free that shows you how to navigate one of the most Popular questions I get asked, how to go from casual to exclusive, how to go from seeing someone you have a great connection with to actually being in a relationship with them. I walk one of my clients through this step by step and as you watch me coach her, you're gonna see a completely new way of communicating your standards. So come with me now to watch that free video training. It's at howtogetexclusive.com All I ask in return is to leave me a comment under that video letting me know how it impacted you. So go to howtogetexclusive.com, let's graduate from theory and start actually putting this into practice in your life. I'll see you there.
